Grief

Suzanne - posted on 08/09/2009

Hi Tamsin,
I felt drawn to your post... I, too lost my son's father, Daniel, to a suicide when our little boy was 5 1/2 years old. (Joshua). He is 8 now and his life has taken a different road I guess you could say from the original one he was on when Dan was alive.
He crys quite a bit now, initially he never cried at all. He'd get alot of tummy aches and he'd get very angry and try to cry, but could not.
As he developed and asked age appropriate questions, his level of understanding helped him to finally cry.
It was heartbreaking to watch in the first 2 years, this last year has been a bit better. He still misses his daddy everyday. Its changed our lives, we miss him daily.
Josh writes his feelings now, used to be drawings and angry scribbles in a scrapbook. He sometimes writes letters to his dad in it too.
We let balloons fly up to heaven with cards attached to them on fathers days and birthdays. We have loads of photos of him everywhere.
Hugs to you and I hope that the last few months since you wrote this post you have been finding some success in what some of the other mums here suggested.
God Bless -Suzanne

Rita - posted on 03/20/2009

Its been a little over a year for my dauther and I. But the one thing you need to remember when talking to the kids try to remember the happy times. That way when other people talk about dady your child will remember the good times. At least now when some one talks about her dad she dosn't cry every time. We start to remember the good times. When the time comes he will tell you that he misses his dad. Remember its ok for you to cry to and remember be true to your self.

Anouska - posted on 02/23/2009

Quoting Tamsin:

Grief

This sux big time. Grief is a terrible terrible thing. It's so hard to cope with everyone's emotions including your own. We lost my son's father, Daniel just 7 weeks ago and I go from feeling devastated to feeling numb. Sometimes it seems like Jackson, my 6 yr old, is fine but I know it's there under the surface. Does any-one have any ideas on how to talk to your child about this without pushing it on them? I'd really appreciate some suggestions. I feel exhausted.

 

Hi Tamsin, It has been just over a year since my husband died and all three of my children have had councelling due to the grief , I have found that keeping a routine in their lives and being positive all the time has really helped them, Its really hard to do this at first because of your own grief, sometimes you just want to curl up and cry and other times your so angry you want to find a big field to stand in and scream your head off. I found that I was dealing with everyone else's grief aswell and this worn me down to the point of breaking. PUT you and Jackson first , thats what matters most. And remember, you are stronger than you think.

Take care of yourself hun, you are completely in my heart. much love.

Anouska. xxx

Michele - posted on 01/08/2009

tasmin... there is a book I got from barnes & noble (but I'm sure you can get it anywhere) called raising your grieving child. also i know that some hospice centers have free counseling for families, children & spouses. i don't know where you are located, i'm in NJ, but i went through Samaritan Hospice and my son Nate whose 3 1/2 now just started going. we lost Joe from pancreatic cancer 7/26/07 just 2 weeks before Nate's 2nd birthday.



fyi i am administrator for another group called widowed moms and there are lots of us on there in different stages and circumstances. you are welcome to join. i hope all is well and feel free to add me as a friend if you want to chat



michele

Tamsin - posted on 01/07/2009

Thanks Melissa. I don't actually have many photos of Dan. Just 2 that I have framed. I must organize with his family to get some more. They have most of them because we were seperated. I will look into organizations to take Jackson too. Thanks for that idea. I guess I've been feeling so down that I've had no energy or motivation to do anything, but counselling would be ideal. I appreciate your support.

Melissa - posted on 01/07/2009

Keep lots of pictures around, my daughter was five when we lost her dad. I took her took a group ran by a hospice for children that had lost a parent. The therapist taught us that kids will talk about their loss on their own time and it is absolutely true. Now she talks about him all the time, my son not so much... But they know we miss him!! The kids did really well with each other and it stopped her night terrors.