Katie - posted on 06/09/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )
let me start by saying me and the bio mother of my step son have been best friends forever, we went to high school together. she tells me everything and i tell her everything. this is our story
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. he cheated one night and the girl got pregnant. i decided to stay with him. the baby was born about two weeks early, weighing in at 3lbs 15 oz .
The baby's bio mother lived with her boyfriend at the time. They didn't have the best relationship, he was verbally abusive to her. The only way me and my boyfriend could see the baby was at her house until he was six months old. Then he was able to come stay with us. But his mother was very strict about following the court orders. We had to have everything down the second when he was supposed to be home.
When the baby was around 7-8 months, my boyfriend was arrested for selling marijuana. But the bio mother knew that me and my boyfriend smoked, she even did it a few times with us. But she took away all our rights to the baby through the court system.
My boyfriend was gone for about 3 months. During this time, the bio mother and her boyfriend started fighting a lot, mostly over the baby. It began to get to physical abuse, so i offered the bio mother and the baby to come live with me until they got back on their feet. She said her boyfriend wouldn't let her and her boyfriend also said our home was not good enough for the baby. She finally got the courage to leave and went to live with her mom.
When my boyfriend got out of jail, he went straight to rehab for a month and got his life back together. Now he takes drug test weekly to prove to everyone he is still clean. But he still have 4 felonies pending.
I got the bio mother a job at holiday inn since i know the manager up there. The manager is mine and my boyfriends best friend. Once she got the job up there, her time with her son decreased. The bio mother made new friends and wanted to go out with them all the time. After a week or so of working up there, she made a relationship with the manager. They started dating very quickly. The bio mother's mom started complaining to her daughter, saying that she wasn't taking care of her son so the bio mother decided to move out so she could do what she wanted when she wanted. Her new boyfriend, her manager, got her an apartment directly across the street from him.
The apartment was not made for babies in mind. There is only one bedroom and bathroom. the bathroom doesn't have a bath tub, just a tiny stand up shower. They use window units for the AC and there is no heat. And her apartment is on the second floor with no balcony so it makes it difficult for her to go outside to smoke.
We had court on May 19th for the baby's custody. the bio mother dropped everything and changed visitation back to the way it once was. After this happened, we began to get the baby every weekend and most of the week. Mostly because the bio mom wanted to go out and she couldn't ask her mom to watch him since her mom already looked down on her behavior.
May 23 was the babys one year doctor appointment. the bio mother had asked me to go with her for support. me and my boyfriend had the baby the night before so she planned on me taking the baby and she would meet me up there. The morning of his appointment i am sitting in the doctors office waiting on her to get there and i receive a text from her. she said she is not going to make it because she is to tired. Her and her new boyfriend had sex for the first time that night and she couldn't find the energy to get up. i thought that was a pitiful reason to miss such an important doctors visit. not to mention, my boyfriend, the babys dad, would have loved to gone had he known she wasn't going.
At the doctors office they told us to get him off the bottle on table food. they also said it was very important for no more co sleeping. the baby has started having night terrors and separation anxiety. i told all this to bio mother but she didn't respond.
The baby stayed with me and boyfriend for a week after his doctors appointment, we have him completely off the bottle and onto table food with no problem. he has always slept in his our room at our house, we just have to battle the crying at night.
His first time to go see his mother at her new apartment and his first night to stay the night there, she asked me to bring food over because she didn't have time to go get any for him. When i get to her house, she opens the door smoking a cig and tells me to be quiet.( there was two ash trashs full of cig butts in hers and the babys room ) i was unsure why i need to be quiet until i realized her boyfriend was asleep in her bed. well he gets up and leaves and the bio mother wants to put the baby down for a nap. i tell her he needs a snack first, so she asks me what he needs. i tell her and explain to her how to prepare the food. she doesn't have a microwave or any cookware so she cant prepare anything for him. i tell her just to chop up some banana and give it to him, she cant even find a butter knife!! i was so unsure about leaving him there. She had proved to me that she didn't know what he needed to eat, or how much he needed, or when he needed it. plus she couldn't prepare anything for him!!
The next morning i call her to see how everything went. she said her, her new boyfriend, and the baby went to wal mart around 7 last night to get the baby some food. they didn't get home till 10 so she gave the baby a bottle and put him to bed with her!!! everything me and my boyfriend worked on all week was ruined!! not to mention that he needs actual food!!
That day I went to pick the baby up. When I got to our meeting place, she told me that her and the baby had moved into her new boyfriends apartment, which is EVEN worse than hers. It is still one bedroom with all the same problems as her apartment. They smoke inside, but at least he has a microwave and cookware. She is still giving the baby a bottle to sleep. She claims that he will not sleep at night, but when he is at our house, he sleeps from 9pm till 9am. I think it is because they sleep in the room with him. (they don’t have much choice since it is a one bedroom apartment.) and I don’t really like the babys mom moving her and the baby in with her boyfriend, they have known each other for 2 months. Should I say something to the baby’s mom, or to the babys mom mother? Or just go to court and try to fight it? (I don’t know how well court would work since my boyfriend has felonies pending.) But I don’t feel like the baby is being cared for at his best at her house. I don’t think he is fed right and I know he cant sleep good. Plus he has so many different guys running in and out of his life.