change in behaviour

Tania - posted on 06/16/2010

I feel for you, this is a really difficult one, and I don't pretend to have a good answer. I can share my own experience though. My son goes through stages where he will be the most loving, well-behaved, sweetest little thing, and then suddenly he is the devil himself. He also often refuses to do what I ask him to, and even things that he normally does without a problem. I think it might have to do with their own changing perceptions of the world and their place in it. They are becoming more aware of their influence over people and of cause and effect. As to the wanting to stay with Granddad, I think it is simply because the grandparents normally let them get away with much more, as we are the main educators and disciplinarians in their lives. My son enjoys staying with them a lot, and often tells me he wants to go to them, because grandma gives sweeties and they do all sorts of things that you, as a rule cannot allow because you have a different role. And believe me, at this stage, the little ones have become master manipulators. MASTER Manipulators. They know exactly how to play at your "weaknesses", even though that may not be how they actually see it. But underneath it all, they stilll love you unconditionally, and no matter what they might say or do, this is still the case. And ultimately, we should be the mature ones to realise that they are going through a difficult phase, but we are still their anchor, and should stay strong and whole through this phase, in order to show them that they are whole and can develop into a strong person, even though they don't always do the "right" thing. And he is probably a little jealous of the little sister. Mine certainly is, because for a very long time, he had all the attention, and for the past few months he keeps getting told to shhhh because Sissy is asleep, and he has to wait for his needs to be fulfilled because the baby's needs are more urgent and you only have two hands.... The silly bedtime noises, the tantrums, the "not listening", all are behaviour I see with my own son. It gets better. It always does. Just be strong and show him all the love you have, even when he misbehaves. It works for me. I also make special dates with him where the baby can't come, so he still feels special. And I have rambled on way too long......