Nearly 4 and not listening...

Natalie - posted on 03/21/2012

I have a son who will be 4 in April who is getting much better at listening but my daughter that turned 2 last December is the one who doesn't listen... She does the exact things that are being brought up about not wanting to pick up toys or wastes food because it isn't what she wanted... Even trying to talk to her isn't working because she will just sit and cry.. Very frustrating.

Tabatha - posted on 03/16/2012

My daughter will also be 4 in April and she does the EXACT same things. Attitude, attitude, attitude and doesnt eat unless its on her time and everything she asked for is on her plate. Started little at a time and got worse with more time. I am the more laid back parent and my husband is the strict one but im a stay at home mom so I have had to "learn" how to be more "aggressive". I find that if I am consistent with the consequences she listens more because she knows I will do it. It is a BATTLE! I still have not mastered it lol. I will be checking to see if anyone has some good replies and if you find something that REALLY works PLEASEEE let me know :) good luck!!

Krista - posted on 03/06/2012

My daughter became the same way when she was on her way to 4' wouldn't eat a single thing cause suddenly she didn't like it anymore, smiled when I tried to tell her she was being naughty! Whomever said "terrible twos" forgot "horrible fours"!!!!! Mind you there is light at the end of the tunnel, she will be 5 this July and seems to be getting back to the good girl I used to know. So don't loose hope yet, her time will come:) In the meantime good luck!!

Abby - posted on 03/05/2012

My daughter is having the exact same issues! It's like if she is going and playing then anything I say goes in one ear and out the other. My parents agree with me that she is 3 going on 13 since everything I ask her to do is just either a battle or if it isn't what she wants to do she ignores it. I have been a SAHM for the last 5 months and I almost feel like she listened to me more when I did work 5 days a week and she went to daycare. I really think it is just a matter at this point of sticking to your guns and not backing down on something because you don't think it is working. Sometimes it is and it just takes them a little while to start fully responding. This may sound like bribing but I have never felt it was, for example when I want my daughter to pick up her toys before dinner, I will ask her what she would like for dinner then have her go pick up her toys. If she wants to argue with that then I tell her that I am going to pick out her dinner instead of having what she wants for dinner. Usually if she isn't over-exhausted, this will make her hurry to pick up her toys. Just a suggestion though. Good luck! If you come up with any new tips I would love to hear them!

MICHELLE - posted on 02/19/2012

LOL she sounds a lot like mine. I am surprised I have all my hair still! If you can figure out what's going on, maybe I can take a hint from you and see if it works with my little one :)

Deborah - posted on 02/19/2012

I work part-time, 3 days a week, so she gets a lot of time with me. One day is when she's at school, so we have the morning together but she doesn't see me until around 9 that night. I leave for work before she gets off the bus. She stays home with my fiance on the weekends, but I leave before she gets up for the day, and come home during naptime (usually).



We talk, we play. I've never 'coddled' her -- I talk to her in generally the same manner as I talk to any other person, regardless of age. I typically use different words with her but my tone is still the same. That has worked wonders on her vocabulary - if she doesn't understand a word she'll ask what it means, and her enunciation is amazing. (*she understands the word 'conversation' and uses it properly*)



Her teacher is not really becoming the dominant figure in her life; the last time we had a home visit (2 times a month, part of her preschool program) she told me my daughter was having listening issues there, too. She likes her teacher but she doesn't 'outrank' me.



One trait she seems to have picked up from who knows where is that she doesn't like people to know her capabilities... I knew she could crawl at least a month before she 'showed me'...I know she could. I was working on a paper for a college class, and I had a little mirror on my desk. I had it angled so I could glance in the mirror and check on her where she was laying on the floor behind me. I glanced over to watch her truck her way closer to a toy I had placed out of her reach...As soon as I turned, she plopped down on her belly with an ornery little grin.



She could walk well before she was 1, but as soon as she knew what it was, she wouldn't let anyone see her do it until she started spending time with older kids. She wanted to chase them around too.



The latest feat is zipping her jacket. I know she can do it, because they make her do it at school, but she insists she needs 'help' whenever she is at home.



As for the repetition aspect, it really depends on circumstance. She'll usually listen to me the first or second time around as well, but if she has a friend over, she gets very focused on her playmate and listening is on the back burner. If she doesn't do what she is told her reprimand is relevant (she left a toy on the floor, I told her to pick it up twice, she didn't, her brother 'ran over' it with a toy truck, so she lost it for the rest of the week). She also loves to help with chores, so I include her in a lot of things around the house, neglect isn't one of her problems.



So I think it's partly her learning curve... she wants us to expect more but she doesn't let us see her capabilities in order to keep being treated in a different manner.



A weekend away seems to have improved her attitude though. She went with her dad/grandparents for a few days and all seems back to normal....for now....

MICHELLE - posted on 02/19/2012

How much time do you spend with her on a daily basis? Is she feeling neglected? My niece does this behavior when her parents become too busy to have 1:1 time with her. Does she want/need more time at school? You mentioned the threat of removing school had a positive change in her behavior. Is her teacher becoming the dominant figure to her? Maybe seeing how she is in class and how the teacher reacts to her may give you some ideas. Are you not talking to her in the right way? What I mean is my daughter needs strict rules and straightforward directions/explanations. If you sugar coat things she doesn't understand. If you ask her without a reprimand for ignoring you, she'll never answer you. My niece on the other hand is treated much more differently. Her parents IMO give her too many chances to do something simple. They ask her to do something 10 times before showing her what they want, then get frustrated that she ignored them and huff off. At my house I ask maybe 2 times then she gets timeout for ignoring me. I know she's listening because she's looking right at me. After timeout she jumps up and does what I asked the first time. I hope you can figure out what's going on. This time in their lives is so frustrating for a parent to go through. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 02/18/2012

keep doing what you are doing,I know it is hard to take away something as important as school but for some kids that is the only thing that works. We did the same thing with my daughter last week as she was not listening she can now tell you that her teacher is the boss and and she is to listen to her if she wants to go to school. You find the one thing that works and you use it they learn quick so you shouldn't have to do it to often.