The Negative Effects of "Crying It Out"

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2009 ( 78 moms have responded )

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I am someone who is very against CIO for many reasons and refuse to practice it with my own daughter (and yes she is a high needs baby at night-- meanings she wakes up multiple times demanding to nurse at night)--- and personally get very upset when people try to say that "crying it out is good for babies". I understand that some people will practice CIO.. that is their decision-- but to say that it is "good for babies" is a totally false statement and I just wanted to share some facts out there that show otherwise.
Experts will go back on worth on the effects of CIO, but none can say 100% it is good for babies-- period.

Also this is really what CIO is:
Cry-it-out stance: "Going 'cold turkey'—putting your child in the crib at bedtime, letting him cry, and not returning until morning. It is NOT holding your baby in your arms while they cry or them crying for a few minutes while you are busy or them crying a whiny cry for a few minutes while they wake then fall back asleep-- it is allowing a baby to cry for a long period of time-- which is usually intensive crying-- often to the point the infant shakes, throws up and/or gasps for breaths in between cries-- and without a parent comforting the baby in any way---
THAT is CIO.

HERE IS WHAT SOME RESEARCH TELLS US.....

"Leaving a baby to cry evokes physiological responses that increase stress hormones. Crying infants experience an increase in heart rate, body temperature and blood pressure. These reactions are likely to result in overheating and, along with vomiting due to extreme distress, could pose a potential risk of SIDS in vulnerable infants. There may also be longer-term emotional effects. There is compelling evidence that increased levels of stress hormones may cause permanent changes in the stress responses of the infant's developing brain. These changes then affect memory, attention, and emotion, and can trigger an elevated response to stress throughout life, including a predisposition to later anxiety and depressive disorders. English psychotherapist, Sue Gerhardt, author of Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain, explains that when a baby is upset, the hypothalamus produces cortisol. In normal amounts cortisol is fine, but if a baby is exposed for too long or too often to stressful situations (such as being left to cry) its brain becomes flooded with cortisol and it will then either over- or under-produce cortisol whenever the child is exposed to stress. Too much cortisol is linked to depression and fearfulness; too little to emotional detachment and aggression."

From... and this is an EXCELLENT ARTICLE AND I RECOMMEND READING THE ENTIRE ARTICLE...
.http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/pinky_...

AND MORE RESEARCH...

"You're so right to be alarmed about the negative side effects of letting a baby cry himself to sleep! There is a popular but unrealistic and, ultimately, harmful notion that infants should not bother their parents at night and that responding positively to babies who are having trouble sleeping teaches them to take advantage of their parents' caring and deprives parents of sleep on a regular basis.

Anyone who advises you to let your baby cry until he gives up and falls asleep is focusing on the baby's behavior (going to sleep all alone) and not on how the baby feels in the process. The problem is that when infants are left to cry themselves to sleep, they are forced to conclude that they are not lovable enough to engage their parents' desires to comfort them. If they actually stop crying, it is because they have abandoned all hope that help will come. The meaningful question, then, is not, "What will make my baby go to sleep with the least attention?" but "What will enable my baby to put himself to sleep with the self-confidence that comes from feeling happy and cared about?"

The answer is that if you offer your baby relationship pleasure rather than relationship deprivation, you will help him go to sleep secure in the conviction that you love him and want him to be happy. You can put him down when you think he's sleepy, sing to him, rub his back, or find other ways to comfort him, and then leave the room. If he cries, you can return and calm him and then leave again.

Although in the first year you may have to return many times to your baby's crib to rock him, give him the breast or bottle, or stroke him, your baby will learn both that you can be relied on to respond to his needs and also that he can put himself to sleep in a contented manner (and not out of despair). Over time, as your baby learns that his cries will be responded to, he will need less input from you to feel comforted and sleep.

A baby who is responded to in this way will become a child who is a sound and reliable sleeper; and you will be rewarded with many peaceful nights as the result of your efforts in your baby's first year. Sleep-deprived parents of crying babies often feel very tempted to let their infants cry themselves to sleep so that they, themselves, will be able to get some rest. We ourselves know from experience how exhausted parents of infants can become. But we also know that you will be repaid later for the extra effort you make for your baby now. Your baby cannot perceive that you are tired and need peace and quiet, so when he is left to cry himself to sleep he has to think that you are choosing to leave him feeling helpless and miserable.

Once you see that you were right to worry about leaving your baby to cry and that the interruptions to your sleep caused by tending to him are both beneficial to him and time-limited, then, even though you are tired, you will have more reason to make the effort to go to your baby and try to help him to sleep comfortably.

While our approach to helping babies learn to put themselves to sleep is more time-consuming than the popular prescription to let infants cry, it will make your baby happier now and will also lay the foundation for his future well-being. Just as parents rarely balk when they are told they have to get up in the middle of the night to give children medicine or take their temperatures, we have found that when parents understand the healing they cause by responding to their infants' cries, they usually will accept the interruptions to their sleep as reasonable and necessary. We applaud your wish to help your baby put himself to sleep in a happier way and wish you well."

From: www.babycenter.com

Here is more......

"Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies

Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:

Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain
Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16

Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17

One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6

Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8

Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development
Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”

Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19

Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)

Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15

Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.

Harmful physiologic changes
Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13

Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)

1. P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.
2. M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.
3. J pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University
4. Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
5. Butler, S R, et al. Maternal Behavior as a Regulator of Polyamine Biosynthesis in Brain and Heart of Developing Rat Pups. Science 1978, 199:445-447.
6. Perry, B. (1997), “Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence,” Children in a Violent Society, Guilford Press, New York.
7. Schore, A.N. (1996), “The Experience-Dependent Maturation of a Regulatory System in the Orbital Prefrontal Cortex and the Origen of Developmental Psychopathology,” Development and Psychopathology 8: 59 – 87.
8. Karr-Morse, R, Wiley, M. Interview With Dr. Allan Schore, Ghosts From the Nursery, 1997, pg 200.
9. Kuhn, C M, et al. Selective Depression of Serum Growth Hormone During Maternal Deprivation in Rat Pups. Science 1978, 201:1035-1036.
10. Hollenbeck, A R, et al. Children with Serious Illness: Behavioral Correlates of Separation and Solution. Child Psychiatry and Human Development 1980, 11:3-11.
11. Coe, C L, et al. Endocrine and Immune Responses to Separation and Maternal Loss in Non-Human Primates. The Psychology of Attachment and Separation, ed. M Reite and T Fields, 1985. Pg. 163-199. New York: Academic Press.
12. Rosenblum and Moltz, The Mother-Infant Interaction as a Regulator of Infant Physiology and Behavior. In Symbiosis in Parent-Offspring Interactions, New York: Plenum, 1983.
13. Hofer, M and H. Shair, Control of Sleep-Wake States in the Infant Rat by Features of the Mother-Infant Relationship. Developmental Psychobiology, 1982, 15:229-243.
14. Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
15. Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152.
16. Ahnert L, et al, Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-mother Attachment, Infant Negative Emotion, and Cortisol Elevations, Child Development, 2004, May-June; 75(3):649-650.
17. Kaufman J, Charney D. Effects of Early Stress on Brain Structure and Function: Implications for Understanding the Relationship Between Child Maltreatment and Depression, Developmental Psychopathology, 2001 Summer; 13(3):451-471.
18. Teicher MH et al, The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment, Neuroscience Biobehavior Review 2003, Jan-Mar; 27(1-2):33-44.
19. Leiberman, A. F., & Zeanah, H., Disorders of Attachment in Infancy, Infant Psychiatry 1995, 4:571-587.

www.AskDrSears.com

THE FOLLOWING IS FROM AN ARTICLE ABOUT NIGHT TIME PARENTING:

Get baby used to a variety of sleep associations. The way an infant goes to sleep at night is the way she expects to go back to sleep when she awakens. So, if your infant is always rocked or nursed to sleep, she will expect to be rocked or nursed back to sleep. Sometimes nurse her off to sleep, sometimes rock her off to sleep, sometimes sing her off to sleep, and sometimes use tape recordings; and switch off with your spouse on putting her to bed. There are two schools of thought on the best way to put babies to sleep: the parent-soothing method and the self-soothing method. Both have advantages and possible disadvantages.

1. Parent-soothing method. When baby is ready to sleep, a parent or other caregiver helps baby make a comfortable transition from being awake to falling asleep, usually by nursing, rocking, singing, or whatever comforting techniques work.

Advantages:
* Baby learns a healthy sleep attitude – that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a secure state to remain in.
* Creates fond memories about being parented to sleep.
* Builds parent-infant trust

So-called "Disadvantages": Because of the concept of sleep associations, baby learns to rely on an outside prop to get to sleep, so—as the theory goes—when baby awakens he will expect help to get back to sleep. This may exhaust the parents.

2. Self-soothing method: Baby is put down awake and goes to sleep by himself. Parents offer intermittent comforting, but are not there when baby drifts off to sleep.

So-called "Advantages": If baby learns to go to sleep by himself, he may be better able to put himself back to sleep without parental help, because he doesn't associate going to sleep with parents comforting. May be tough on baby, but eventually less exhausting for parents.

Disadvantages:
* Involves a few nights of let-baby-cry-it-out
* Risks baby losing trust
* Seldom works for high-need babies with persistent personalities
* Overlooks medical reasons for nightwaking
* Risks parents becoming less sensitive to baby's cries

Remember, in working out your own parenting-to-sleep techniques and rituals, be sensitive to the nighttime needs of your individual baby and remember your ultimate goal: to create a healthy sleep attitude in your baby and to get all family members a restful night's sleep.

FOR MORE ABOUT THIS NIGHT TIME PARENTING ARTICLE GO TO:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Rachel - posted on 01/26/2009

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I sit here reading the previous post at almost 2 in the morning because my son has woken up and I have gotten up to rub his back and comfort him - sure I could take the easy(lazy) way out and just bring him in bed with me, but that will just teach him that if he fussies enough he will get to go to bed with mommy. And I have done that in the past with my 4 yr old and he still gives me trouble at bedtime.



I do not feel in any way I am a lazy or neglectful or selfish parent. I love both my children very much. I think children learn at an early age that if they get a response from the parent no matter what the action they will continue to go over and over again - learned behavior. Most of the time when doing this method I would have to give the monitor to my husband because I would always end up giving in - which only delays the end result. Meaning my child learned if they screamed (not cry - as in no tears) enough they got what they wanted. I feel children need to learn to self soothe because then you'd end up with a 4yr still trying to come to bed with you and the older they get the more manipulative they can get. I know cuz that's where I'm at. My little one most nights will go up about 8:30 fuss a little (no more crying or screaming) and then falls asleep for the night.





Again as in my way earlier post every child has different cries and if my children were in pain or sick or hurt of course any parent would not let that child continue to cry. If you ever had to use a CIO method you would know it is not by any means the "lazy" way. This is suppose to be support for moms and everyone has different methods of raising their children. If CIO isn't for you that's fine, but have respect for the parents that have used it, there is no need to criticized others for using a method you would not use. I also do not feel the need to "justify" myself to anyone, but there are people on this post basically attacking other moms for their choices. That doesnt' sound too supportive to me.



If you wouldn't want anyone criticized something you may have done. Again this is suppose to be support for moms.

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Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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sorry i did not see this before i will now lock this post it is not acceptable to post your research as fact as someone else mentioned. If you would like to post A link i am fine with that but dont post information as fact. anyone who does in the future will lose posting rights. thankyou

Susan - posted on 01/27/2009

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Quoting Raeny:



Here here Susan enough of this judging each other! I don't know about the rest of you but I get enough judgement from those without children I thought that these mommy blogs would be a place of support.






Thank you Raeny, its nice to hear some encouragement!! Your bub is gorgeous by the way!!



I thought we were all supposed to chat and learn from each other and give advice? Forcing your ideas on people doesn't help anyone, especially when we are all good mothers who love our children. People only force their ideas and techniques on you because they want recognision that they have done the right thing with their child.



Whoever is name calling and trying to bring down other Mothers who don't necessarily follow their way of child rearing,.. Get confident and don't fuss about other people, you are all doing the best you can and your kids WILL love you for it!!! This is not meant to offend anyone in anyway, I hope reading this makes all of u smile : )



I joined this to get away from people constantly telling me what to do, I want advice, not orders!!

[deleted account]




If anyone is interested in a good book I reccommed Healthy sleep habits happy baby. It's written by Marc Weissbluth, he is a  professor of pediatrics at Northwestern University in Chicago, and the founder of The Sleep Disorder Center at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago.  I thought that I was against CIO and read several books before this one.  THis is the one that helped our whole family.  Good luck to everyone and I hope that every mom and baby find the right method for them and everyone gets the good nights sleep they deserve.   






This is a very good book!!!

Renae - posted on 01/26/2009

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Amanda, again, I think the point that all who have posted in response to you are trying to make is that not all babies are the same.  I am sincere when I say I'm glad you were able to get your children to sleep without CIO.  Lord knows I would have loved not to use a CIO method.  As I stated, I tried every other method (for 9 months) before I resorted to a CIO method.  I have read the books, articles, and reasearch mentioned in this discussion many months ago, and for 9 months have been trying every other method possible.  The method you have obviously works for you and your children, but every parent/child situation is different.  Please don't misinterpret me, I am not trying to attach you.  I don't mind that you have a different opinion that me or than other mothers, and I don't mind that you express it passionately.  I just don't feel it is appropriate to attache other mother, which is how you have expressed yourself on this posting.  To compare me to a mother/father who doesn't feed, bath, etc. (neglect) their children, is very insulting.  You disagree with one thing I've done as a parent, my sleep training method, and that is fine and I respect that.  But don't presume to know me as a parent and judge me as neglectful based on that one choice that I've made, just as I don't judge you as a parent for choices you've made.  I don't think you are a monster, and never implied that.  I simply asked that you be more respectful of others.  This is a very controversial topic.  I aplaude Sarah for starting the post and opening the discussion.  All I was trying to ask for in my previous is that we respect each other.

Ashley - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Amanda:






 i am sorry if my extreme amoount of empathy has caused me to be the monster you make me out to be..









You may want to actually look up what the definition of empathy is Amanda - doesn't sound like it's one of your strengths.



I would like to point out to all that as someone who works in social services everyone may want to refrain from using terms like abuse and neglect.  It's just fine if this method is not for you but it is not abusive or neglectful. 



I won't go on and on about this because I think that some people are posting not to give advice or support but enjoying getting strong reactions and offending.



If anyone is interested in a good book I reccommed Healthy sleep habits happy baby. It's written by Marc Weissbluth, he is a  professor of pediatrics at Northwestern University in Chicago, and the founder of The Sleep Disorder Center at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago.  I thought that I was against CIO and read several books before this one.  THis is the one that helped our whole family.  Good luck to everyone and I hope that every mom and baby find the right method for them and everyone gets the good nights sleep they deserve.   

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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do you think that my children magically slept through the night? that i just automatically give birth to babies that love to sleep?.......well the answer is no, my children sleep through the night because i have a set of things that i do at an early age that teach babies to sleep and how to soothe themselves to sleep.....






i did not need to resort to CIO because i have a proven way of getting babies to sleep through... and you know even if none of them slept, i would just have gone with it  i like seeing 5am it is beautiful in the summer..... i do not force my babies to do anything everything they do is done willingly... it is the forcing your infant to cry themselfs to sleep that Offends me, i am offended by your ability to listen to an infant cry for you and not respond (and i dont mean patting thier backs) to them... i am sorry if my extreme amoount of empathy has caused me to be the monster you make me out to be..



Lindsay - posted on 01/26/2009

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I would like to also point out that there are many, many gentle ways to encourage a baby to sleep that do not involve crying.  Nobody in my (real-life) mother's group has done CIO, and we all have babies & toddlers who go to sleep willingly and happily between 7-8pm respectively, without bedtime issues. 






For ideas on how to get your baby to sleep GENTLY, in a way that fosters healthy attachment, bonding, and security, please take a look at these various resources:






The Baby Sleep Book is one of the best books I've got about nighttime parenting, with a multitude of tips and techniques. 






No-Cry Sleep Solution has helped thousands upon thousands of parents establish healthy bedtime habits.  When my son started wanting to stay up to play instead of going to bed (around 15 months), it was this book that helped us to establish a predictable routine to lead him into sleep.  Excellent resource!!






www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/index.html - Dr. James McKenna has been researching baby sleep at the University of Notre Dame's Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory.  There are countless articles, links, and book recommendations on his website.






www.mothering.com - Mother Magazine has been a leader in promoting parenting styles that encourage healthy attachment and bonding.  There are hundreds of articles available on the website and infinite resources in the Mothering forums.






 






And further, some excellent articles I recommend:






Controlled Crying by Pinky McKay






When Will My Baby Soothe Himself to Sleep? by Jan Hunt






Helping Your Child Get a Good Night's Sleep by Paul M. Fleiss



User - posted on 01/26/2009

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I agree I thought it was quite offensive that someone would say letting your baby cry is neglect but then say they are not calling those mothers bad parents. I also agree as stated in my last posting, we all know what it is like to be mothers and be surprised by the things you have to do that you never thought you would because your baby is not doing what you thought (before you had them) they should or would be doing. So I thank you for those last postings Susan and Renae and may I say your children look very happy!

Renae - posted on 01/26/2009

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I have posted once to this discussion, but have been following it since.  I have tried to just sit and read the posts with an open mind, but can't just sit and read anymore without commenting.  I am a mom who did not want to let my baby cry it out, who tried every other suggested way to get my daughter to go to sleep at night.  All that ended up happening is that bedtime became a longer and longer process, and her sleep became more broken and shorter.  I ended up with an over tired little girl every day.  I ended up using a modified CIO method.  It took us three days and now Gracie goes to sleep every night without crying...I actually get one last smile from her as I leave the room every night.  I think it's fairly clear that those who have posted here are split pretty equally betewwn those who have used CIO and those who refuse. 



The reason for my post now is not to debate the "right" or "wrong" way, as every baby and every situation is unique and different.  Instead, I felt the need to post because I have become very offended with some of the posts.  Some are posting comments that not only imply, but out right call parents lazy, selfish and neglectful.  Then turn around and tell others not to take offense because it's only their opinion.  I would argue that they are not posting as an opinion, but as a direct judgement about parents who have used CIO.  



Some of these posts are also from moms who have specifically stated that they have multiple children who have always gone to sleep without crying.  That is absolutely wonerful for those mothers, but do not judge or critize other parents who have not been so lucky with bedtime.  And DO NOT, and I stress do not, presume to think it is easy for a mother to let her child cry.  The first night I decided to do it, Gracie cried for 40 minutes (I went in the room and patted her back every 5 minutes).  It was 40 minutes of complete agony.  I cried myself for an hour because of it.  I don't think any mom on here who has used any form of CIO would claim that it was easy for them to listen to their baby cry. 



Please do not judge and name call (lazy, selfish, etc.) and then claim that you didn't mean to come across that way.  I love my daughter more than anything in this world.  I am not selfish, I give her everything she could every want or need.  My daughter is not a victim of neglect, and I take serious offense to the implication that she is. 



I don't think CIO works for every mother or every baby.  I respect that you do not want to use a CIO method with your children.  Respect my, and other mothers', decision. 



As an ending comment.  I appreciate the postings (from mom's on both sides of this debate) that have been constructive and respectful.

User - posted on 01/26/2009

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Here here Susan enough of this judging each other! I don't know about the rest of you but I get enough judgement from those without children I thought that these mommy blogs would be a place of support.

Susan - posted on 01/26/2009

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Hi everyone! I am new to this, but I too have an April bub! Everyone used to tell me that CIO was the best way to go etc, but everytime I tried, I found myself running back into the room to give her a cuddle. BUT - I have to return to work shortly and she needs to learn to sleep so she can be dropped off to her carer early in the morning. She was not going to sleep until 11pm and with me starting work at 7.30am, she would not be receiving a proper amount of sleep.. I tried CIO and actually stuck to it and within 3 nights, she was going off to sleep without so much as a whimper. I now read to her every night and she falls asleep in her cot, which also gives my husband and I sometime to talk about our days and have a cuddle. This was not my first choice, and I did get upset doing it, but she needs her sleep to be healthy happy baby. If I wasn't returning to work, I would not have tried CIO. Its about whats right for you and what works for YOU. All of you are doing the best for your children and should all be proud at the fact that you're all good mothers!!!

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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i want to say thank you to you Lindsay...........i 100% agree with every single thing you have said.i was saying the same thing but everyone felt it nessary to freak out at me.........i strongly believe that practising CIO is a form of neglect, and there is no good reason to force a baby to cry...especially for up to 40 minutes, and then justify yourself!............thanks

Lindsay - posted on 01/26/2009

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The science of baby crying is, basically, this:  Baby cries.  Baby's brain is flooded with stress hormones.  Stress hormones stop neurological connections from being made.  Now, if an adult responds to baby's crying, even so much as laying a hand on baby's back, the level of stress hormones begins to go down.  If nobody responds to baby's crying (walking into the room so they "know you are there" is not a response), the brain continues to be flooded by stress hormones until the baby can no longer handle is, becomes utterly exhausted, and falls asleep. 



It stuns me that mothers can listen to their babies crying for so long, and make such statements as "only 40 mins!" - forty minutes, to a baby with no grasp of time, might as well be eternity.  How does it not pull at your heart strings to hear your child crying like that?  Hear my daughter cry even for a minute makes my instincts take over and I fly into action.

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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i would like to see these studies which have shown it is ok to let a baby cry for up to 20-40 minutes... and if you mean the Ferber method that does not count as there are links to that in above posts

User - posted on 01/26/2009

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I am taking offense to this posting. I think it is irresponsible to post research findings as if they are facts. There are parents out there who are not that confident in what they are doing or maybe don't do research or unaware of how it works. There are no facts in research just statistics and I don't see anything to show that these studies are even valid. How many participants were there? Was there an even distibution of participants? The questions go on and on. You don't have to agree with crying it out (as I don't by the way) however I have done my research and I have never seen a valid study that would show that crying it out can actually harm your child. It would also seem to me that there would be way too many variables to test such a theory. As I mentioned I don't let my child cry it out and I don't particularly agree with the practice but by saying that parents who let their children cry it out are harming their children you are in fact saying that they are bad parents (what else would you mean by saying that CIO can have potentially long term side effects?) I just wanted to bring that to your attention since I don't think that your intentions are bad you just need to be aware of research practices and that research findings are not undeniable facts! I would guarantee that if you continue to research this topic you can find studies with the exact opposite results (as I have).

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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i personally cannot listen to my baby cry for 5 minutes let alone 40 minutes OMG

Ashley - posted on 01/26/2009

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Absolutely! Learning to sleep and to self soothe is a skill that babies need to learn. There is a major difference between letting your baby cry to the point of hysterics and letting them cry until they learn to soothe themselves. My baby at 5 months was crying every hour at night. My husband and I were in her room soothing her back to sleep all night long not getting any sleep ourselves. My baby was therefore overtired all of the time and not very happy. We tried the CIO method and it took 3 nights. We couldn't beleive the difference it made. It also was not nearly as difficult as we thought. I had visions of her crying for hours and hours. She cried for less than 40 minutes the first night and it got less and less each night. She still will wake up at night and cry for less than a minute before putting herself back to sleep. I feel that I have helped her to develop a very important skill. I am not a selfish mother in the least and don't beleive that mothers who do this are selfish.



Her and I have a wonderful secure attachment that is very evident and plus our days are much more enjoyable because I am a well-rested mom.



I reccommend the book - Healthy sleep habits- happy baby. Very good.

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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i keep posting because it bothers me when people try to justify neglecting their babies that's why.... i feel bad for the babies, so therefore i cannot stop explaining to these people that they do have other options then CIO.....that's why i keep posting, and if they are offended too bad!!

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2009

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I just wanted to comment on this quote:

""i dont envy your child when it is 3 yrs old and screaming at you because it the only way it knows how to communicate with you. Mummy said no i know i will cry and then i will get it because my mummy is a good mummy who gets me everything because i cried""

BABIES CANNOT MANIPULATE ADULTS--- they are totally dependent on us!! Someone also mentioned that you should not attend to your baby every time they cry because they learn to manipulate adults that way and won't become independent. BABIES ONLY WAY OF COMMUNICATING IS BY CRYING. They are not developmentally able to "manipulate adults"--- they cannot process that idea yet-- they are babies and are dependent on us doing things for them. Now, take a 2 or 3 year old-- that cries for what they want-- that is TOTALLY different.

Also, please try to picture yourself as a baby, and you want something-- it may just be a cuddle-- and you can't talk yet-- or move much,.. how are you going to tell your caregivers what you want? Crying, probably. And all babies are different too-- some will cry more than others. Some will cry for basic needs like to be fed or changed.. some cry for emotional needs too ,like to be held or picked up.

You CANNOT spoil babies!!

Chantel - posted on 01/26/2009

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Amanda I wasn't telling you to stop posting. You said that you give up so I was just saying that if you give up then why are you still posting. This is an argument that is going nowhere.



Like Britta said, Let's just help each other! Instead of arguing whos right or wrong. Sometimes it's hard to get people to understand what you are trying to say without taking offence when they have to read your words and not be able to hear the tone.

Kathryn - posted on 01/26/2009

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Sarah, the only thing I wonder about is if this is your first child? Because, once you have older kids, you can't get up 12 times at night and be too exhausted to parent your other kids the next day. Naps don't exist in my world, as my 5 and 3 year olds don't nap. So if my 9month old has to cry it out a bit, well, he'll survive. He knows I love him, I meet all his needs, give him quality play time and song time, but I am NOT going to get up at all hours of the night when he's not hungry. My husband will go pat his head so he knows we're there for him, but he has to go back to sleep on his own. (exceptions are when he's sick or teething). It's important not to guilt moms who put enough stress on themselves already. You do what you need to do for yourself and your baby. Just my opinion (but all 3 of my boys are healthy and well-attached to their mom and can get to sleep on their own just fine!)

Lindsay - posted on 01/26/2009

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Tammy, I did read your other posts.  I am not trying to bash you or place judgement on you as an individual mother.  HOWEVER, I stand firmly by my belief that a baby's cries need to be responded to, regardless of the time of day (or night).  Babies are not capable of "self-soothing" - a baby who no longer cries after a few nights of CIO is not soothing himself to sleep.  He is a baby who has given up trying to communicate and given up on anyone responding to his cries. 



A baby's needs extend far beyond food, warmth and diaper changes.  At this age, they NEED to be comforted, they NEED to be held.  For a baby, it is a matter of survival.  Obviously doing CIO is not going to put your baby's life in jeopardy, but many studies have shown that it can and does affect attachment and bonding, which can have consequences for relationships later in life.



When a baby's cries are reliably and consistently responded to, that baby learns to trust his caregivers.  When an unreliable responses is given to crying (such as: cries are met during the day but not at night), trust is compromised.  For me, instilling trust in my children and helping them develop a strong sense of self and confidence, is more important than "teaching" them to go to sleep by themselves.  I know *I* wouldn't want to be ignored when crying, and I'm an adult who can think logically and rationally.  A baby has no powers of reasoning - they don't know WHY you are not coming for them, all they know is that they are crying and nobody is responding.  They lose faith in their ability to effectively communicate.  I'd rather my baby not feel left to deal with the scary darkness all alone without the hope of Momma coming to help when she's scared/tired/lonely/wants to be cuddled.  I see my job as a mother being 24 hours a day, each and every day.  My job doesn't end at 8pm, and my child's needs don't go away at bedtime. 



I don't doubt that you love your son, Tammy.  I know you and all the mothers on this board love their children.  I know you were following the advice of your pediatrician, and that you felt what you were doing was in the best interest of your son.  I'm not judging you, merely offering my point of view.  I know my first response to you was a little heated, and I apologise.  It does break my heart to think of a baby crying without getting a response, no matter how long he cried.

[deleted account]

Quoting Lindsay:



Quoting Tammy:

I let my baby cry it out and it only took 2-3 days in the very begining. The first night he cried about 25 minutes, while each 5-10 minutes in between I would check on him and let him know I was there and make sure he was ok. It wasn't a horrible scream for 25 minutes either, it was a scream for about 10 minutes and after that he would whine himself to sleep. The second night took only 10 minutes and the 3rd night took only 2-5 minutes.
I am not a bad parent fo doing this and I won't have any one tell me I was.





 






Reading this absolutely breaks my heart.  How anyone could let their baby scream for TEN MINUTES and then continue to cry for another fifteen - in my humble opinion, that is neglect.  Babies need more than food and a warm place to sleep.  COMFORT is something they NEED.  Your baby stopped crying after three nights because he gave up on the hope that you would ever come for him, not because he learned how to soothe himself to sleep.






 






Both my 2-yr-old and my 9-mo-old have co-slept since birth, and both of them have slept through the night, happily, without crying, since the days of their birth.  They are confident and secure because they know their parents are right there, arm's length away, ready to comfort them and care for them whenever needed.  We've never had bedtime issues - our children will happily go to bed at night.  They trust us to meet their need, both physical and emotional.





You should probably read my other posts in this thread before you place judgement on me. He didnt scream, it was a figure of speach. I later explained how I did the method. Think what you want but WHATEVER....



 

Lindsay - posted on 01/25/2009

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Quoting Alexandra:


"i dont envy your child when it is 3 yrs old and screaming at you because it the only way it knows how to communicate with you. Mummy said no i know i will cry and then i will get it because my mummy is a good mummy who gets me everything because i cried"





We've never done CIO and our 2-yr-old does not scream at us to get anything.  In fact, he has better manners than most adults I know, he's respectful, he listens well, he cleans up his toys when he's asked, and he's quite independent.  He knows that we respect him and will meet his needs.  He feels confident and secure in our household because his NEEDS have always been met - his WANTS are often denied but it's not normally a cause for tantrums or bratty behaviour. 



 



Responding to your baby's cries creates a foundation of trust and effective communication - crying is one of the only ways babies have to communicate their distress, and ignoring them sends the message that you don't care.  Even worse, when you walk in the room to let them know you're still there, but unwilling to comfort them and walk away again, leaving them alone. 



 



As adults, do we enjoy being ignored when we are crying?  No - we want comfort from our partners.  Imagine you were having a hard day, PMS and emotional, having trouble falling asleep, lots of stress at work, having trouble unwinding and falling asleep, and just wanted to cry on your husband's shoulder.  I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if he told you that you needed to get over it and left you to cry on your own because he didn't want to spoil you or make you dependent on him.

Lindsay - posted on 01/25/2009

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Quoting Tammy:

I let my baby cry it out and it only took 2-3 days in the very begining. The first night he cried about 25 minutes, while each 5-10 minutes in between I would check on him and let him know I was there and make sure he was ok. It wasn't a horrible scream for 25 minutes either, it was a scream for about 10 minutes and after that he would whine himself to sleep. The second night took only 10 minutes and the 3rd night took only 2-5 minutes.
I am not a bad parent fo doing this and I won't have any one tell me I was.


 



Reading this absolutely breaks my heart.  How anyone could let their baby scream for TEN MINUTES and then continue to cry for another fifteen - in my humble opinion, that is neglect.  Babies need more than food and a warm place to sleep.  COMFORT is something they NEED.  Your baby stopped crying after three nights because he gave up on the hope that you would ever come for him, not because he learned how to soothe himself to sleep.



 



Both my 2-yr-old and my 9-mo-old have co-slept since birth, and both of them have slept through the night, happily, without crying, since the days of their birth.  They are confident and secure because they know their parents are right there, arm's length away, ready to comfort them and care for them whenever needed.  We've never had bedtime issues - our children will happily go to bed at night.  They trust us to meet their need, both physical and emotional.

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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why are you telling me to stop posting i am actually just saying the exact same thing as you... i do not force my baby to sleep by making her cry.... which is what you are saying

Chantel - posted on 01/25/2009

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If you give up then stop posting...



It IS to each their own and if you can listen to you baby cry and that works for you then way to go. I myself can't which is why I still get up with her. I don't think anyone is wrong (as long as they don't just let the baby scream for hours on end) Sometimes mothers need to let babies cry it out and sometimes they don't and what works for one may not work for another. It's been said on almost every post that babies and mothers are different. We need to stop attacking each other and support each other. No more arguing about what's right and who's wrong. What works for you, works for you.



Also doesn't it get tiring to TYPE out an argument. I could see getting heated in a person to person discussion but there's just too much time to think and get over it when you have to type it:) lol



Hopefully no one takes offence at anything, I didn't mean it to be in any way offensive, ok? Ok. Everyone has BEAUTIFUL babies!! :)

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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Ayla had colic too i mentioned that earlier actually, i lost 60lbs from walking back and forth all day holding her cause walking was the only thing that calmed her.....






 






i have also said twice now that i give up and to each thier own...... so whatever



Ashleigh - posted on 01/25/2009

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Amanda, I understand your views but you did have 3 children that did go to sleep for you with no problems at all.  Some mothers are not as lucky.  I don't think we should be judging parents on what they do.    I think it was good of Sarah to open this thread, but I feel like you did it in a way to say that those parents who do CIO are bad and arent as good as a parent which is completely wrong.  We have no idea what anyone else goes through so it is not right for us to say that this method is horrible and is harming our children.  It does not make me a lazy parent, a horrible parent or a parent who just wants more sleep.  My son had colic and screamed for 6 months straight and CIO (my method I used was a bit different mind you) worked miracles for my son.   My son was very difficult from day 1 and this was the only thing that worked for us.  Maybe if I had a child who slept for more than 45 minutes I probably would have not used this method.     I think we just need to support each other and forget about judging each other, it's rude, immature and frankly pathetic.    I think that as parents or I hope as parents if we try something for our children, that we research it, I know that I do.  No one needs to start a thread and tell us what we are doing is wrong. 

[deleted account]

I think this thread should be closed....it had absolutely gone no where.

Thank you sarah wall for your informative information about CIO. I have learned alot from it.

I know I am a great mommy. I know that all the mommies on this board are loving and caring deeply for their child and only want to do the best. Some people out there feel very strongly about this subject. I have researched it on other boards on other sites. There are many many many mothers who argue who is right or wrong. The fact is, we really do not know who or what is right because our babies are not grown up. We all just know we do things that work for us and our little babies and as a young mother I come on these boards to look for facts and advice that may help me in the future.



As far as I am concerned I am done with this thread completely......



GOOD LUCK MOMS!!!!

[deleted account]

i dont think i own moral superiority but having read through the whole thing before i replied to any of it found urs to be the most scathing of opinions!



Yeah u have 3 kids well done



i have 1 and am a first time mum so how do you think your comments make first time mums feel??? i can only speak for myself on this subject but all i will say because i cant bothered with arguing about this n e more



Before posting reply read what u write and think about the words! Becuase this is not a for or against CIO thread i came on here to see factual articles not be slated as a parent



 

April - posted on 01/25/2009

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Quoting Alexandra:



Quoting Amanda:




CIO only works because the baby realises that you are not going to respond so therefore gives up....








just look at the babies in orphanages in China and other countries those babies try crying, and no one ever responds so therefore they just give up, they become babies with no emotions, and they just sit and stare all day.








babies cry because they cannot talk it is a survival instinct, mothers who let their babies cry do not do it for the greater good of the baby they do it cause THEY want to sleep, it is just plain and simple selfishness, if you wanted to sleep so bad why did you have a baby?








i do not force my baby to do anything she does not want to do and that includes sleeping because there is no pressure or expectations my babies sleep willingly, i always respond when my baby cries cause that is what a GOOD mother does..... also i would never do anything with my baby the way my mother did as we have more knowledge then they did then.. my mom used to smoke while she was holding me,cause no one ever told her it was harmful.. and i am not ok now... i have severe lung problems and i was an extremely sick baby all because it was OK to smoke around babies then... what was good for our parents is not good for us










Maybe i am being over sensitive here because i am one of these 'SELFISH'mothers who wants to sleep but i find what u said really quite nasty (BTW my child is in bed at 7.30 to 8pm and i do not go to bed then at all)






You do know that babies have a level of intelligence and can also use crying as a way to get exactly what they want when they want!  i cannot belieeve you write such bull as to say that because i let my child cry to get her into a sleep routine that i am not a good morther!!!!






your opinion is your opinion but let me have mine






"i dont envy your child when it is 3 yrs old and screaming at you because it the only way it knows how to communicate with you. Mummy said no i know i will cry and then i will get it because my mummy is a good mummy who gets me everything because i cried"






I absolutely agree with you!  I also thought this opinion was rather out of line and crude.  We are here to help eachother, not attack people for the decisions they make for their children.  I believe that a child who is left alone for long periods of time crying and you never ever console them makes an insecure child, but if you put a baby in the crib and let them cry for 5 or 10 min as they go to sleep is not going to cause psychological harm.  Come on, if you give in everytime your child cries you are teaching them that all they have to do is cry and you will give them whatever they want!  Now to me that is an insecure child.  Verses one who is easily seperated and well adjusted they know you are there to console them and they are secure.



 

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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i am sorry.. i guess you guys who practise CIO are just better parents then me, i guess that i am doing something wrong by responding to my babies cries, and not forcing her to cry for up to 20 minutes... i am sorry that expressed my opinion i guess after having three kids that i have no prior experience and i have freaking idea about what i am talking about....... i feel bad for my baby who doesn't need to cry because it must be necessary for a baby to cry.....



 



i am sorry if i annoyed you in your moral superiority



PS i was not the only person on this board with this opinion yet you feel the need to attack me and only me

[deleted account]

I think the point that has been made is people should be very careful about what they have posted as it can cause offense



Good for you Amanda with your perfect babies you are a very lucky soul!



and for everyone else if it gets them to sleep gives them a routine then go for it what ever method works for your baby



Amanda it should tell you a lot......... u have annoyed people!!



You should never imply people are bad mothers simply because they have let their child cry!

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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like i said to each their own, i gave up, i conceded to your argument ... yet you still feel you need to justify yourself..... hmmm that tells me a lot

[deleted account]

Oh and I almost forgot to say that when my son was a newborn up to 2 months old, he would go right to sleep for the night, after he reached about 2 months old, I could not get him to go to sleep at all. He wanted to stay up. I had to resort using this method to teach him to fall asleep on his own. When he would wake up in the middle of the night to cry, I would never ever ignore his wake up cries....I always got up for him no matter what. I just used CIO to get him to FALL asleep initially......

[deleted account]

This argument is pointless...

Good for you that your babies slept well through the night, as most parents do not have it that easily. Some parents must resort to the CIO method or other methods to help soothe the baby to sleep. I had problems in the very begining, I did what I had learned, and it worked in no time at all. My baby is a happy social baby and I am a very loving and caring mother.



As far as the CIO method goes, I am not the mother who just sat there and listened to his cries persistantly. He would cry, I would go in the room and let him know I was right there with him. I would do this at intervals until he peacefully slept. In other posts I had said his cry would turn into a whine or more like a baby babble. Each time I went into the room, his cries would get less and less and softer and softer until he felt comfortable enough to sleep. This whole process took me only 20 minutes the first day, 10 minutes the next day and probably 2-5 minutes the last day. From then on, he was a peaceful sleeper. My baby is not a special needs baby, nor does he have any medical problems. My pediatrician (who is also a mother of a baby) and I talked very much about this method. I knew what to do if his cries were persistant enough to know when to stop this method. I would have never ever done it if he was uncontrolably crying for a period of time. I never ever shut the door and just not go back in the room either. The method I used worked very well for me. This method may not work for every mother out there since every baby is so different.

Amanda Paynter: Your opinions in some of this board is not of support or advice, there are nicer ways to tell us your story or opinion without being so negative sounding.



again this is called Circle of moms riiiight?

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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once again i am not bashing you... you just do not like my opinions or you do not like the fact that my babies slept willingly though the night without being forced.... i am not sure which one... but at this point you are the one bashing me...... so to each thier own......

[deleted account]

Quoting Amanda:



CIO only works because the baby realises that you are not going to respond so therefore gives up....






just look at the babies in orphanages in China and other countries those babies try crying, and no one ever responds so therefore they just give up, they become babies with no emotions, and they just sit and stare all day.






babies cry because they cannot talk it is a survival instinct, mothers who let their babies cry do not do it for the greater good of the baby they do it cause THEY want to sleep, it is just plain and simple selfishness, if you wanted to sleep so bad why did you have a baby?







Sorry to me that WAS disrespectful to say mothers who let their children CIO are selfish.



Theres a HUGE difference between letting your baby cry for 20 minutes to sleep than to sit there and deliberately let your baby cry for hours and hours with out any attention. 



I am sure  the mothers on here are not like the mothers in china, so reference to that is not neccessary.



If you want to be treated with respect, then do not come on here bashing woman who care for thier child the best they can lovingly and seek or give advice based on an experience that worked for them or did not.



This is called CIRCLE OF MOMS in case you have not noticed, not BASH OTHER MOMS

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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i asm not disrespecting anyone i am giving my opinion...... because you do not like my opinion you call it disrespect.......

[deleted account]

Blah blah blah this post is goin no where....

For all you mothers out there who let thier children cry 20 minutes just to let them learn to soothe themselves and they learn to sleep on their own, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!



FOR all you mothers out there who have children that sleep and you dont have to resort to CIO methods....GOOD FOR YOU!!!



For all you mothers who run to thier childs cries every waking hour....guess what GOOD FOR YOU!!!!



You know this board is meant for advice and support, not mothers like Amanda Paynter, who will dis respect any mother who is trying what ever they can that is right for their child. She is on here to bash moms and not give support, then she shouldn't even be on here.

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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i have 3 very happy and healthy children that are fantastic sleepers, no crying was nessary, infact my 9 month old never cries at all (unless she is hurt) cause i know what she wants before she knows she wants it.... i respond to all her needs and she also goes to bed at 8pm and sleeps till 8am since she was 2weeks old...... my 5 year old also slept through the night since she was 2 weeks old, and my 12 yearold slept through at 1 month........ no crying was involved.i do not practise CIO...... your child willl be the one screaming at three cause you did not respond to thier needs as a baby and let them cry

[deleted account]

Quoting Amanda:



CIO only works because the baby realises that you are not going to respond so therefore gives up....






just look at the babies in orphanages in China and other countries those babies try crying, and no one ever responds so therefore they just give up, they become babies with no emotions, and they just sit and stare all day.






babies cry because they cannot talk it is a survival instinct, mothers who let their babies cry do not do it for the greater good of the baby they do it cause THEY want to sleep, it is just plain and simple selfishness, if you wanted to sleep so bad why did you have a baby?






i do not force my baby to do anything she does not want to do and that includes sleeping because there is no pressure or expectations my babies sleep willingly, i always respond when my baby cries cause that is what a GOOD mother does..... also i would never do anything with my baby the way my mother did as we have more knowledge then they did then.. my mom used to smoke while she was holding me,cause no one ever told her it was harmful.. and i am not ok now... i have severe lung problems and i was an extremely sick baby all because it was OK to smoke around babies then... what was good for our parents is not good for us






Maybe i am being over sensitive here because i am one of these 'SELFISH'mothers who wants to sleep but i find what u said really quite nasty (BTW my child is in bed at 7.30 to 8pm and i do not go to bed then at all)



You do know that babies have a level of intelligence and can also use crying as a way to get exactly what they want when they want!  i cannot belieeve you write such bull as to say that because i let my child cry to get her into a sleep routine that i am not a good morther!!!!



your opinion is your opinion but let me have mine



"i dont envy your child when it is 3 yrs old and screaming at you because it the only way it knows how to communicate with you. Mummy said no i know i will cry and then i will get it because my mummy is a good mummy who gets me everything because i cried"

[deleted account]

Quoting Melanie:



Hmmm, well, the article refers to persistent crying, over many days or weeks. Sleep training takes about 2-3 nights and for us involved one night of crying intermittently for 45 minutes, one night of crying for 15 minutes, and the next night of zero crying. Naps and nighttime now involve zero crying. So I'm 100% sure I didn't do any harm to my child, who is now happy, developing normally, and well-rested.






Same here we had one bad night and made sure we went in every 20 mins so she knew we were still there



Is it not more about teaching your child that it is ok to be alone at times (i dont mean left all the time) but learning to sleep alone etc.



Ems is a happy very confident baby who sleeps well without any bother



She is sociable, smiley and now knows that when she goes in her cot it is sleep/nap time which happens throughout the day with her naps as well. She displays no signs of being 'damaged psycologically'.



At the end of the day it is whatever you feel comfortable with your own child and as long as you are happy with the path you choose then i am fine with it.



 

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2009

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RIGHT ON! I agree. I don't know why so many parents think they can still be selfish after they have babies. It is a time to be sacrificial and selfless. It's easy to love a baby that's perfect. But when you have a baby that whines/cries for whatever reason, that's the test. True love is to love the 'unlovable' or when it's difficult to "give".



 

Rachel - posted on 01/24/2009

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Quoting Melanie:



Hmmm, well, the article refers to persistent crying, over many days or weeks. Sleep training takes about 2-3 nights and for us involved one night of crying intermittently for 45 minutes, one night of crying for 15 minutes, and the next night of zero crying. Naps and nighttime now involve zero crying. So I'm 100% sure I didn't do any harm to my child, who is now happy, developing normally, and well-rested.






I did CIO with both of my kids and they are just fine. I know my kids - cries when my 9mo is crying at 9pm it is 99% because he is tried. He goes in his crib, fussy for 10-20min and is out for the night. He's been doing the same thing at naptime. When I try to comfort him he only cries longer  - he gets the rest he needs when I leave him alone.

Sarah - posted on 01/24/2009

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Oh I agree-- if your baby seems to be in distress, pain or discomfort and cries they see a doctor-- it may be medical. Babies are crying to us because they are trying to tell us something!!

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