How much spanking is too much?

Theresa - posted on 04/04/2012

hmm tough one.... i am not going to be mean or disrespect you everyone has a different parenting style...I try not to spank my kids ever (but sometimes they get me to my breaking point and i will give them a smack on the butt) but these are my older kids (9,8 and almost 7) who are old enough to know right from wrong and that is an extremely rare occurrence....but as far as my almost 3 year old goes, she is ONLY 3 and she never deserves to be spanked..she is just learning the difference between right and wrong. I personally don't believe a spanking is the right way to be your child's teacher. they should be taught out of wisdom and love...she learns by me telling her no and explaining why the answer is no...or me explaining why she can't touch something etc....there is always a way to get through to your kids with words rather then using your hands.

now that is my parenting style....My husband is more hands on..he will spank and he will even spank our 3 year old but ONLY after he has told her no repeatedly and she is not listening, i know that having different parenting styles and raising the same kids can be confusing to them, and i think that may be why they are more disobedient with me then him because they know he will spank their butts which makes my days harder but i still do not believe in hitting.

I believe in the future they will have a better relationship with me and respect me more for it.....thats just my view. Good Luck with your son and husband..

Maggie - posted on 03/25/2012

I possibly shouldn't have read this post at all but because I did, I must say this ... I think your parenting, as well as some of those who commented, needs a complete overhaul! I have not and will not ever spank my son; I have far too much respect for him. Young children do not misbehave simply to misbehave and to cause their parent's grief; they misbehave because they have a need that is not being met. When parents respond in the way yourself, your husband, and others on this post do, you are ignoring that need. You are the ones who need the parent version of time out (which i also disagree with strongly) which is TIME IN. Your child is screaming for attention and affection and love and you're so caught up in being the authoritative figure that you're missing all of the cues. Our children act up and have outbursts and threaten to hit when they have lost control of their emotions. It is your responsibility as the parent to recognize this and to help your child work through those emotions. It's amazing how different your child will behave when they feel understood and have your support. I hope that you and your family can turn it around. You owe it to your son.



And Melissa- "I will smack him but with love and faith" - are you serious?! If your husband smacked you around would you think it's okay so long as he said it was done in love and faith?

Ria - posted on 03/04/2012

We tell our children not to hit/slap/pinch etc....and then you go ahead and do it to them....and tell them not to do it!!! Monkey see monkey do! They are just following your example.Why is it ok for you to hit and not ok for them??

Aniesha - posted on 12/08/2011

I personally don't spank at all. But if I were to, it would have to be for something pretty serious. Sounds like his Dad is using it for every little thing. I would never spank my son for crying for his Daddy, or vice versa. I think it should only be for something that is actually dangerous, otherwise I believe that spanking just escalates the situation.

Andrea - posted on 12/07/2011

my opinion alter you punishment if your concerned my daughter gets a three count on most things corner for not getting there by three buti dont spank much mine is an attention getter one quick swap close to but as possible she still in diapers and its a solid one swat my hubby otherwise gives three swats and corner time but every kiddos diff weird thing the more things we use for punishment with my kid the better it works with us we have 4 adults in our home and four diff disc methods i am solid against really spanking bc what my parents did i have only spanked my daughter once and i cryed for and hour and was scared of aot of things and too me that was loosing control so i always have made that my rule with discipline dont looses control so it freaked me out when that happened also with tantrum just walk away from them and let them get out thier anger it wotks but you gotta ignore them and walk away i do that and dont get fits so much now we also take things away hmm you dont want to listn and your enjoying playing with that dump truck well it going away for a while thedre is so much you can do i say confuse the kid and mix it up bc hes getting too used to one punishment and it dont bother him much or he just is thinking its a good way to get attention good luck (look online to alternative ways to punish )no im not saying he dont get it just his way of wanting more if need more advice ive had to get books bc mine is wat is termed a strong willed child to me its just being stubborn but learning the root of it has gotten to me to get her on track you can write me nay time if need help with this subject

Joanna - posted on 11/27/2011

Thank you for your responses. Ria, when I heard my husband spank my son that many times I did say enough is enough. I realized that we were started to spank out of frustration, well I was. But I felt that my husband was spanking for less serious offenses and I didn't like it. Melissa, you are right, he is just a baby and doesn't understand authority as I assumed he did. Once I stepped back I started to see that. A big problem is that he will not stay in time out so I don't have too much for consequence except taking the toy away. Removing him from the situation doesn't work. It just makes him crazier. What do I do when he hits me though? Spanking him is not the right answer, he does not stay in his room or the corner or a chair for time out, and usually by that point I have already taken away the toy or attempted to remove him from the situation. I have a counselor coming in on Wed morning. I hope she will be able to give me some ideas.

Amber - posted on 11/27/2011

@Ria, I don't think you have the right to say those sorts of things. We are talking about a child, not an adult. Children need boundaries placed upon them where an adult can govern themselves. It becomes a problem if you are spanking a child because YOU are frustrated. If you choose not to spank, I respect your decision. I rarely spank, but I will if my child runs into the street or turns on the stove... I also think that kids are soft these days. Sorry. I just do.

Ria - posted on 11/23/2011

WOW!!! I hope whenever u do something wrong somebody spanks YOU!!! Spanking a young child 7 times within 10-15 mins.....I shake my head at you both!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

User - posted on 11/18/2011

Okay.. I want to be honest here but don't want to offend you. I'll tell you about how things work around here.. I would only smack my son (who is now five) when it came to something that would physically hurt him, like water, power points, ovens etc. I'd rather him have my sting than to be electrocuted or burnt. For things like back chat or not following a simple instruction would not be a good enough reason to smack.. You need to remember that your child is still learning, is still very much a baby.. At this age they are learning from you so you need to set a good example. There is NO WAY I would smack my daughter (2yo) when she is naughty I march her off to bed and close the door for 2 minutes. It works for us. When they are 3 - 3 and a half I get a camper chair (fold away chair) which I call our naughty chair. When little things like back chatting, not listening, cheekyness or even hyperactivity is going on I'll sit my child on it for as long as they're age (3yo=3mins) This still works with my son who as I mentioned is 5. I think another good tool is to count smacks.. I do this now (with my son only) my daughter is 2 and doesnt understand authority at this age as much as she thinks she is grown up.. As I said, I count smacks.. I do this because I used to be an angry and frustrated smacker which is not good for you or your child. When my son will not listen after three warnings I will say "you have earnt 1 smack.." before bed I will smack him but with love and faith. After his smacks, a glass of water and prayers.. always end the night with a kiss and I love you!! Good luck Joanna xx