I have a question for all the mom's that's been in this situation?

Traci - posted on 05/11/2011

1. You have a boyfriend who was in prison for drugs. (Dealing, possession, both?)
2. He was in prison from the time your first child was 3 months old until he turned 21 months old. You feel he isn't able to handle being a father so you...
3. Want to run with the child AND the child you are pregnant with.
4. You are pregnant with the child of a man who has been in prison for drugs, you don't trust, has a bad temper, can't handle being alone with your oldest child, has been physically violent in front of the child, etc...
You need counseling because it appears as if you don't understand that having a child with someone like that means you don't have enough self-esteem to walk away in a safe and legal manner. I don't understand girls/women like yourself. If a man did what he did, he'd be gone in a heartbeat. There would be no second child because there would be no sex. He isn't worth it. Unless you are doing the drugs yourself then you should be able to see that there is an issue. If you can't see an issue than I, a stranger, am telling you there is one and you need to seek help. Whether you like it or not he is both of your children's father and unless the courts find him unfit he will always be able to have contact with them. You will have to stand strong and not give into him like you did (and found yourself pregnant). It's a cycle that you have to break. However, you need help to break it.

Amanda - posted on 05/11/2011

To Everyone...What do I need counseling for?

Traci - posted on 05/11/2011

I'm really trying to understand why you on, one hand, want to get rid of him and, on the other hand, are pregnant with his child. My first suggestion is that you get therapy. When a woman says "Get me away" but acts in ways that scream "I'm not leaving" (you had to have had sex to get pregnant and you didn't use good protection) have challenges. My family is going through this with my niece. The "man," and I use the term lightly, has verbally abused her, stolen from her, conned her, cheated on her, etc..., but for some reason she keeps going back to him. (They have a 2 year old together. Thank God she has a Mirena so getting pregnant is a little bit more challenging.) She has lied for him to her family. He's gotten her arrested because of his foolishness. She doesn't do drugs or anything like that. But, like an addict, she's addicted to him. You seem to be addicted to this man too. Before you even think about getting legal advice, you need counseling. Then, you need legal advice.

Shannon - posted on 05/10/2011

You really do need to get the courts involved. I am not at all trying to judge you but you are pregnant with another child from the same man, my question is this(and you don't have to answer it's more to give you some things to think about), is there a future between the two of you or did you just try to give him another chance and it didn't work out? I am not being nosy but you have to be either in the relationship or get completely out of the relationship. If you are done with him then be done with him. If you stay in the relationship and child services get involved because he has a temper and a history of drugs and violence if the police get called they can take both of your kids away from both of you. They can take them away based on the fact that you know he has an anger problem yet keep the children in that environment, they see that as a form of neglect. If you are not staying in the relationship then my suggestion would be to have your own place to live where he is not welcome and don't allow him to be there. When or if he comes around call the cops and have him removed from your residence. YOU are the mom and your most important job is to keep your kids safe. If he wants to see them let him take you to court, they will not give him every other weekend he will at most get supervised visitation and before they will even think about non supervised visitation he will have to complete a bunch of requirements including random drug testing, anger management and parenting classes. Do not run!!! That will just get you into trouble and the last thing you need is more problems, it sounds like you have enough. Good luck Mama!!

Amanda - posted on 05/09/2011

I'm also pregnant again with his baby also...I don't even want him to have visitations with out me around because of his temper & I don't trust his family neither with out me around he has pretty much told me that he doesn't know the first thing about raising a kid so there is no need to take me to court...I have told him before that I don't want to raise our son like I was raised where people was fighting over me so I don't want that for him & My ex doesn't even play with our son I would of figured that he would be happy to be out with him...He just got out in February he was in prison since our son was 3 months old...So he doesn't even know who his dad is he calls him by his name...One night we got into it he punches a wall right there with our son standing right there you don't do that in front of a child

Louise - posted on 05/09/2011

Calm down. You need to speak to a lawyer because there are different rules in different states. At best your ex could get supervised visits through the court but no court is going to give him direct access to your child because of the drugs and if you mention to a lawyer he has a temper as well then he will not get access without a supervisor. Don't run. You will be looking over your shoulder all your life sort this out through the courts and get the law on your side. Good luck!