My son is 16 Months Old..With a really bad temper..

Jillene - posted on 08/26/2010

I just bought the book "Happiest Toddler On The Block" by Harvey Karp, MD...which offers parents tools to diffuse tantrums and other toddler issues. It's wonderful so far...I would recommend it! My little one has a fiery temper too, and I'm already seeing results from the techniques I'm learning in the book.

Danielle - posted on 08/26/2010

My son is 16 Months too, and he has the WORST fits, and he doest get into things and touch things that can be harmful. I count to three in a very serious tone, and if by 3 he hasn't stopped I pop his leg. Some people may completely disagree with this method, but out of the MANY times I count throughout the day, I usually only get to 2 and he stops. They arn't old enough for time outs because they don't understand, counting seems to work very well. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying beat your child or anything. I'm saying choose the battles. Count for the things that are harmful to him, and then tell him in simple language, "no no, thats hot, ouchies!" babies need short simple commands. They can't understand if you talk to them like they are older.

DaNelle - posted on 08/25/2010

My daughter is 16 1/2 months...she throws tantrums like no other when she is told no or taken away from something. She is a perfect angel in public though, thank goodness. It's usually the dog's water bowl that we have a problem with her trying to play in. Everything else is gated or locked with safety snaps, etc... She too will bang her head on the floor, scream nooo...noooo...nooo...and roll around screaming as loud as she can. I usually just walk away or ignore her. She is only wanting the attention and to get her way. I have just started the time out thing within the past couple of days. She has her own little chair in the corner away from anything because my child would play with a wall....but it seems to be working. She never wakes up before 9 and takes a nap right after lunch at 1230. Shell usually get back up before 4. Some days she is still fussy so shell take a small nap around 5 til about 6. Then she gets a bath between 730 and 8. Then gets put to bed between 8 and 815. She knows her schedule and knows when i direct her to, for example, go nite nite, shell go climb in her bed and go to sleep. She usually minds very well but like every child she has her moments

Stephanie - posted on 08/24/2010

MY DAUGHTER ISTHE SAME WHY, BUT I DO BUT HER IN TIME OUT BUT YOU HAVE TO LET THEM KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. SHE REALLY THINK SHE UNDERSTANDS ME BECAUSE NOW BEFORE SHE DOES IT CAN TELL SHE THINKS ABOUT IT. BUT ALSO I ONLY BUT HER THERE FOR ONE MIN.

Jessie - posted on 08/24/2010

I really think it is the age I have a 16 month old daughter who throws the worst tantrums now. She will get into things and when I tell her no she freaks out and screams. She gets her mind set on something and that is it. She is also intrigued with wall sockets now which has been the hardest to keep her away even with the covers on them. I just try to ignore her unless she is doing something dangerous other then that I dont know how to disapline a child this young I dont think they really get it

Kate - posted on 08/23/2010

My son is 16 months old tomorrow the 25th n he throws tantrums b4.. only after toys.. he cracks it if ppl leave.. he is very attached to certain ppl in his life.i dont put him in timeout i just let him have it out on the floor ignore it n go on. My 3 1.2 yr old has tantrums but its more attitude now.

Alison - posted on 08/23/2010

Look at the incredible years website for ideas about deaing with certain behaviors, they say time out for under three's does not work because they don't understand. Ignoring and distracting are the tools. Hard work but it does pay off because they learn tantrums and temper will get them no where, my daughter is 16 months and very hard to distract but she is starting to work out that her tanties are getting her no where.

Megan - posted on 08/23/2010

Well, I have the EXACT same problem. When he doesn't get what he wants, he throws himself on the floor or tries to hit me. So far, it's getting better by completely ignoring him. I walk away from him like I never saw what happened. Though it's definitely not gone all together, but no more hitting and only a few tantrums a day. I hope you're able to get through it :) Good luck!

Joanna - posted on 08/23/2010

Hi, there are so many posts so I'm sure I'm repeating things, but here's my 2 cents anyway! My son is 16 months and he's had a temper for a while now. From what I understand the temper is out of frustration and the fact that they don't know how to handle their feelings and emotions yet. What I do is tell him to stop touching that/get out of there/stop what ever you're doing. I do it firmly so he knows I'm serious. Usually I tell him why (usually it's "owey"). Sometimes he will run away and sometimes he will continue on what he's doing. If that's the case, I tell him one more time and I remove him from the situation. My son is stubborn so many times he will go back to what ever it is. At that point I sit him on hte couch or a chair for one minute. Half the time he thinks it's a game and wants to get off, but I just restart the time. From what I understand with time out thing should be time = age of the child. so i would think that by 16 months, one minute would be fine for punishment. Oh, and after that minute, my son usually doesn't go back to what ever it was. Could be that he's understanding the consequence thing, but I think it's more of that fact that he's moved on to something else more interesting!! It is very frustrating and sometimes you just want to scream. But the best thing to do is not say anything when he's actually throwing the tantrum. Completely ignore him until he starts to calm down and then you can address whatever it is. that could be your version of a time out. Let him scream, don't look at him, don't talk to him. no reaction. that's what we do. it takes A LOT of patience. (count to 10 or 60 or walk away to the next room ). that's what we do. Good luck!!!

Danielle Setzer - posted on 08/23/2010

I feel the same way too!! It's just started happening, I usually walk away, I've tried a 60 sec. time out - it's usally while she's in the high chair and continually tossing food, so I just turn her around to face the blank wall and turn the timer on for 1 min. but it really doesn't seem to do any good. I have also started reading this book called The Happiest Toddler on the Block - it's insightful but maybe it's working a little, maybe it could be worse. Mine child starts to wine when she wants anything, and I do make her ask - esp. if it's milk, cookie, cracker, up, or down. I specifically tell her to "say Milk" or say More. Hope this helps, but I am in the same boat as you!

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2010

hi i know how u feel my wee man just turn 16 months the other day and im raisin him alone he is mad too his temper seems to b gettin worse

Mel - posted on 08/22/2010

I would agree with Jaime. I saw a Dr Phil show that said when you react to them youa re giving them what you want so if you remove them from the situation and just ignore them. I would try putting him on a chair or a mat or something and walking away from him and then explaining to him why he is there. I don't think they really understand but its establishing consequences for them. I find my son forgets what he was doing after time out. I only put him in his chair for a minute. It doesn't always work but its worth a try i think.

Ruth - posted on 08/21/2010

My son does the same thing. Right now until hes about 18 months I am ignoring the tantrum. Once he gets to 18 Months, i will start putting him in time out. What i have found is when i ignore it, and walk away he stops. He's looking at you to see if you are paying attn. Stop, and he will stop too.

Alexa - posted on 08/21/2010

Girl....
Youre telling me my own story. My son, Carter has been pushing buttons on the tv and dvd player and when I take him away, he screams and throws himself down or hits himself in the head with his hands. Its VERY frustrating.

So this is what Ive been doing and it seems to work. He wouldnt be able to sit still in a corner or a time-out chair, so we use the crib. First I get down to his eye level and tell him "Carter, you dont play with blah blah blah, so youre going in your crib." Then I sit him in his crib until he is done fussing. When hes done, I pick him up and say "Carter, I love you. Mama doesnt like when you play with blah blah blah. Lets play with blah blah." Then put him somewhere away from the whatever with something thatll occupy his attention like stacking rings :)

Missy - posted on 08/20/2010

Time out may not work for him, cuz he doesn't understand what time out necessarily is all about, but I understand your frustration with the temper because my son's the same way, time out has worked out for me as a chance to cool off (I'm raising my sons on my own too). Time out doesn't necessarily have to be beneficial for him to learn. It's like calming a crying baby and you've tried everything and you can't seem to get the baby to calm down, what is usually one of the best things to do? Set them somewhere that's safe for them and take a time out or instead of the time out calling someone who can help. It's about the same way. My son throws temper tantrums all the time at 16 months old tightens his entire body and screams and just won't move till he's blue in the face. It gets to the point where I have to take a break from him and I put him in a time out spot and calm down myself. Keep letting him know that you understand he's upset that you said no or that he can't do something but the temper is unacceptable and ignore the temper the rest of the time. Trust me it helps. My son has slowed down on how often he throws a temper tantrum since I've started doing that.

Amber - posted on 08/20/2010

Man, oh man. I have a sixteen month old who is really good natured, but when he sets his mind to something, he is SUPER stubborn. I try to guide him to something different if he is to stay out of something. I try to keep most things out of reach that he cannot have. It's really hard at this age, because the climb on everything! I just try to redirect him to a toy. I tell him 'not that, but this', 'these are your toys, this is not'. Frankly it's just frustrating, but it definitely is just the stage they are in. I have six, I have watched them all be very different, and it's not easy. I am raising my family on my own as well, and it is really difficult. Give yourself time alone. Appreciate the fun parts. Laugh, even if it's at yourself. Sometimes things are just not easy. I can't say it will get easier, but it will turn into different challenges. RIght now my two year old won't listen at all and screams all day. What do you do? Just live through it! ;) Good luck to you, and give yourself a break, it's not easy for anyone, nobody is perfect, and it's okay to feel a little frustration.

Kimberly - posted on 08/20/2010

My little guy is in the same boat right now so its nice to hear we aren't the only ones :)

I've found when we say "stop" (as I'm trying not to use the word no all the time) he throws himself on the ground and has a fit. I calmly say "okay buddy, just let me know when you are done" and I walk away. The other night my husband did the same thing and walked out of the room. He stopped immediately went to find dad and threw himself on the floor again. Dad walked away again and the look on his face was SO funny! It was like "schucks..... that didn't work" and it was all over. I plan on using time outs as well later on, but don't think he would understand right now. If he keeps going for the item he shouldn't be, I tell him no or stop and I move him away. When he stops on his own I give lots of praise. Try to use positive encouragement ( as kids hear lots of negative things as a rule). Good luck!

Penny - posted on 08/20/2010

My 3rd child is now 16 mths, and is our 2nd child with a shocking temper. We remove him from the situation and try to distract him with something else but basically if they are focused and independent (both excellent traits as adults), then you just need to persevere and make sure they are in a safe environment when they're rolling around on the floor screaming. Think how frustrating it must be to not be understood and have someone else make all the decisions for you. Our daughter was like this from 15 mths until 4 yrs old!! She is now a very sweet 6 yr old. So we are just hoping that this stage will be a little shorter with nbr 3 :-)

Kimberly - posted on 08/19/2010

I have an 8 year old son and a 16 month old daughter. People constantly compliment me on how well behaved my son is. My best advice to you is never give in to a tantrum, always be consistent on what your punishment is ( I never spank) but use the same chair and the same amount of time. You can't punish them one time and then let them get away with it the next it confuses them, so just be consistent and I am sure you are doing a great job. I too am a single mom, you will be just fine!!!!

Linda - posted on 08/18/2010

I agree with taking him away from the situation when he has been told "No" and if he throws a tantrum - ignore him - don't say "anything" to him. This is what I do with my little one. Alexander was so bad he would throw his head back and he has broken my nose and chipped a tooth - so I know about the tantrums. As hard as it is to ignore them - I have found that the tantrums are so much less and when they do rear their head, it last for maz of a minute...that worked for me. The sleeping, my little guys still has 2 sleeps. He wakes around 6am, goes down for a sleep around 8.30am for 1 hr, then again around 1.30pm for around an hour and then he goes to bed around 7pm - he sleeps right through. I don't rock him to sleep, just put him into bed, say good night and close the door. I have done that since day 1 and that has worked for me, Goodluck - it is seriously testing and I hope you find a solution to suit you soon! x

Marnie - posted on 08/18/2010

Well this is great to see...not becuase I enjoy hearing you guys struggle, but to know I am not alone. My daughter is a little angel sometimes and sometimes I feel like I might be raising a monster. It seems it is a pretty normal stage for them to go through, testing boundries. My biggest concern is the disciplining part. When do you start? At the moment I feel my daughter is to little for alot of them but at the same stage I don't want a 2 year old that is out of control. We try distraction and I feel that the only words I say are 'Please stop..." but it doesn't seem to work. Any tips would be appreciated!!

Melissa - posted on 08/17/2010

Something to maybe think about from about 18 to 20 months, is a star chart. Someone I know used it to get her son to eat properly as he was refusing to eat anything but his formula and digestive biscuits. The star chart is for positive reinforcement and shows them rewards for good behaviour. You need to put something on that's easy for the child to achieve so that they dont get disheartened, and then a no temper tantrums task. He should start to understand that good behaviour gets rewarded and bad behaviour doesn't. This worked wonders for the other little boy. Just be careful that you don't use unhealthy food as a reward. Maybe rather use a toy as a reward or doing something fun together.

Sunshine - posted on 08/17/2010

Children need redirection more than anything else at this age. My daughter is the same age & I have already started the counting to 1-2-3, then take the toy or item away. I then explain to her specifically that mom said no. You getting upset is fueling the behavior. You can't take it personal...children are going to test the limits. He is just trying to figure out where the limits are....again redirection, get his attention on something else...change the mood & focus & I'm sure you will see a change :-)

Chastene - posted on 08/17/2010

Thats the exact same thing I do. I don't believe in hitting my child but if it will hurt him I will smack fingers. For the most part he KNOWS i will NOT put up with his tantrums. He will throw his for a few minutes and then look to see what i am doing and when he realizes im not paying any attention he will come to me for some love.

Renee - posted on 08/16/2010

hi amanda. i also have a 16month old... who has a TERRIBLE temper!! if i tell him off for doing something he is not ment to and i remove him away from it, he will just return to it and keep doing it! i have a 3mth old boy aswell and my 16mth old will hit him i tell him off move him away from him and with in a minute or two he is straight back at it!! i have tried time out, ignoring temper but nothing seems to work.. he will smash his head against the floor, bite me and kick and scream..

Melissa - posted on 08/16/2010

I've been in your situation, and I still am with a toddler and a baby, so I can understand and remember how frustrating it is. Unfortunatly the only thing you can do it set limits and apply them. Putting them in thier crib works wonders, no matter what age - just with the small ones only a few minutes is enough. And enough for you get rid of your own frustration! LOL I raised my first son alone, so I know what its like to have no one to help. Be firm with the rules you set, and what punishment you think is enough to discourage it. Just remember that in 20 years, these will make good stories, and you can remind him when he has his own! LOL

Alba - posted on 08/16/2010

I understand that many different methods "work", but it does not mean it is the most beneficial. I know that yelling at my kids to listen works, but I also know that yelling at my kids is not a good thing or the most beneficial. I truly feel that ignoring your child and giving time outs "work", but are not the most beneficial for the parent/child relationship. If I ask my husband to please take out the trash and he doesn't, I am not going to put him in time out, I will maybe talk to him and see what is going on and what kept him from taking the trash out. I think that talking to your child and teaching them to problem solve and to empathize with other people's feelings will teach them how to handle conflict when they get around peers or when they are adults. I say this because I have done it both ways and I saw how my kids treated other kids when I did negative/punishing behaviors (which creates bullies) and then had a friend introduce me to positive connecting parenting and seen how it is changing my kids to be more positive and better behaved. By no means do I think that I have it all down perfect, but I was grateful to have had someone share with me a positive alternative that takes out punishment and brings in working things out and connecting with others when there is conflict. And yes, it even works with toddlers and infants. I hope that at least some of you will at least be willing to look into it because I truly believe in it and want so bad to share it with others. Here's a link again that talks more about what I am talking about. http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-to... I have found that mainstream society, including doctors, only know punishment types of parenting, even at mental health centers, which I worked in one as a social worker. From that experience alone and seeing that kids did not improve much tells me something is wrong with these methods. Anyway, positive discipline is practiced by the minority of society but is slowing catching on and increasing. I hope not to be offensive to anyone, for that is not my intention, but just passionately want to offer an alternative for anyone looking for one.

Meghan - posted on 08/16/2010

My son, also 16 months, will throw crazy fits! I didn't know these tantrums started this early. And I know he knows what "No" means. If he is doing something he is not supposed to, he will look at me to make sure I'm watching and do it again. I've tried the smacking on the hand and saying no, removing him from the situation etc, but nothing seems to work. I thought I was the only one having these issues so I'm glad to see I'm not!
As for the sleeping thing, my son goes to bed at 7:30 every night and usually wakes up between 6:30-7:30 and will take 2-3 naps a day. Today for example, he took a 2 hour nap and an hour a half nap. Other days, he will take a few naps at an hour a piece. It's never the same for him.

Christina - posted on 08/16/2010

My son is the same way. I don't sya no i make a noise lik uhuh so he doesn't say "NO". he knows what he is doing because he laughs at me and stuff to but when he throws his temper tnatrum I walk away from him. he trys to follow me and i ignore him it works. and then if he does go back to it I put hi in time out and he foregets about it and goes and does something else. It is a rough period it does get exhausting and frustrated. But talk to him about it like use feeling words like sonI know your frustrated and mad. but it will be ok it is hard being a little guy. and get down to his level i just started doing this with my son and it has worked so far. They have so many emotions building up inside of them and they don't know how to express them so they scream and things so if you use the feeling words for how they are acting hen they get older they will notice it and be able to deal with them better. Thats what my dr tells me which she also has a degree in child development also so I have tried it. It does work good luck!!!!!!

Tina - posted on 08/16/2010

I have noticed with my little guys that if they don't get enough exercise they act up, even my 16mo. I take them out to play twice a day before lunch and before supper to get all they're wiggles out. As long as I do that, there really is no need for more then minor correction and redirection.

Alba - posted on 08/16/2010

Before settling for timeout, check out this link... http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-to...

Janice - posted on 08/16/2010

I have the same problem with the tantrums, and I'm teaching myself to "walk away". I, too, am a single mother, so I understand frustration. Reading all the other advice, I'm definitely going to attempt the "time out" approach...

Alba - posted on 08/15/2010

I highly do not recommend time out at any age. Time out just disconnects you and the child. When a child misbehaves, they usually need a "time in". They are probably seeking your attention in a negative way. Google attachment parenting.

Brooke - posted on 08/15/2010

My son turned 16 months yesterday and we are facing the same thing. My husband and I have found that if we let him have his tantrum it is over quicker. It has escalated to the point where he pants and the tears are rolling and he has boogies all over his face, he rolls on the floor, makes himself stiff and throws himself around. In the beginning we tried distraction of soothing and it made it worse! It is hard, but just let him go and just be close enough to make sure he does not hurt himself.

Kristine - posted on 08/15/2010

my son does the same thing, i honestly let him throw himself to the floor and throw the fits, when he relieves he isn't getting my attention he stops. they have started to stop, he throws on every once in awhile if he doesn't get his way, but i do not punish him on time outs, i think he's a little young to understand.

Barbara - posted on 08/15/2010

my daughter started to that when she was 15mo old and now she is 16mo old and all i do is tell her no and yes she starts her fits but i dont look at her when she does it, she stops a couple of min latter then she is fine until she wants more attition then we start it all over again it is all normal for this age.

Debbie - posted on 08/14/2010

my daughter is about to be 16 months old and i already work with counselors for my 3yr old son and they said for my baby girl that we do need to work on her now before she gets worse by the time she's 2 and older. what we do is put her in her crib and let her have her fit there. otherwise she screams as loud as possible and bangs her forehead and we are tired of the screaming and the bruises she causes herself, but yeah they do it for attention and learn what they can manipulate us on so i hope this helps

Jewel - posted on 08/13/2010

My son is also 16 months old and he has a really bad temper. When I tell him no and stop him from doing something wrong he throws himself on the floor and cries. I just let him cry it out. Then after he see's i'm not giving in he gives up.

Jaime - posted on 08/13/2010

I put him down at around 7:30 at night. He was waking up before 6 and my husband and I agreed not to go in until 6 at the earliest. Once we started doing that he wakes up anywhere between 6 and 6:30. Regardless of the time he wakes up, I still aim for that 10:00 nap first time and around 3 to 3:30 second nap. Even if he wakes up later in the afternoon, I still put him down at 7:30. I made sure from the beginning to stick to the nap routine. Now that doesn't mean he doesn't cry when I put him down for his second nap or even a little at night. But he knows when I put him in the crib, it is sleepy time because I don't go in there until he wakes up. It's a difficult thing to go through, but being on the other end, it was well worth the effort. I hope this helps...I know how hard it is to hear your child cry and not be able to soothe him; knowing it is for his best interest doesn't make it easier.

Nicole - posted on 08/13/2010

my son is also 16 months old. and he does the same things. he also started banging his head on the floor when he throws temper tantrums. and i don't know what to do. but its nice to know that its normal..and my son isn't crazy..

Dawn - posted on 08/13/2010

I was just wondering what time does your son get up every morning? Here is my story on naps and bedtimes I put our little guy down every night at the same time but he always wakes up at different times in morning some times real early and other times real late like 10 am or later. so if he sleeps in I usually don't give him a nap but if he gets up early like anywhere from 7-9 am then I will lay him down for nap at 1 pm I can never give him a nap that will last past 3 because then he will not go to bed that night with out a huge fight. So Iwas just wondering how you give your son 2 naps a day because I would love to try this since one nap a day makes him cranky at night around 630 700 so any suggestions would be great thanks. Also about the fits and biting and such posted yes our lil guy is almost 16 months and he too is in that stage if told no he screams throws himself on floor bites scratches and even himself at times it is very frustrating and I too have asked doc and he states same thing time out which doesn't work for our son he gets up and down throws even a bigger fit so I too don't know what to do? Any suggestion on this topic would also be greatful thank you

Jaime - posted on 08/13/2010

I think the nap thing is really important. My son is still taking two naps and I make sure they are around the same time every day. And I make sure he goes to bed the same time every night. I'm sure some people don't agree, but at this age, I actually plan my day around his naps. When he sleeps, it is easier to distract him and tell him "that's not okay" without a major problem. Other than that, good luck. This stage is frustrating and for me, I can't wait until he starts talking!

Patricia - posted on 08/13/2010

I have 3 boys and anytime that they have fits from me taking something or anything..................I just ignore them. It works but you have to be patient.

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2010

Distracting my son doesn't work cause when he wants something he wants it I've tried to give him a toy but he hardly plays with his toys I usually put my son to bed at a certain time every day but he hates going to bed & taking naps..If he takes 2 naps he's usually pretty good but his schedule has been all messed up since Summer came here cause we will go for walks & stuff

Mercy - posted on 08/13/2010

Just make him understand that he cannot always have his way otherwise it gets worse with age and might get to uncontrollable levels.

COURTNEY - posted on 08/12/2010

my daughter is 16 monthes and the same exact way, our pediatrician has told me that timeouts for 2 to 3 minutes are ok but she doesnt care she will si in her playpen in time out and scream for 3 minutes straight. I usually dont resort to time outs because of this but found that distracting her works very well if she is in to something tht she is not supposed to be i grab a toy that she will be interested in or tell her to come give her brother loves and distract her works almost every time. of course there are those times where she is absolutely insistent on being into whatever it is she is not supposed to be and after 5 or 6 tries i will put her in time out. she only takes one nap a day usually about three hours however she is on a very srict schedue she knows when its naptime bathtime and bedtime and we dont have any problems with her going to bed. goodluck and remember distraction works well usually!

Stephanie - posted on 08/12/2010

try distracting him with something else when he is doing something you dont want him to do. This is something I have been trying with my child and it seems to work for the most part and it is better than saying no all the time over and over.

Amanda - posted on 08/12/2010

He use to take a Morning & after noon nap but since it became summer we go walking and stuff so his routine is off & if he doesn't have both naps then hes cranky and has a heck of a temper..I don't think he would understand if I tell him why he can't do something I do tell him he can get hurt but he doesn't understand that..This stage is driving me nuts I ain't got no help at all..I'm raising him on my own right now have been since he was 3 months old

Leanne - posted on 08/12/2010

My Daughter is shocking! She can be the sweetest little girl but if I tell her No don't do that she will throw things, scream, grunt, pinch and bite. She even bites the floor. It's so frustrating but like you I don't know what to do either. reading through the replies I have tried alot of those things but the idea about sitting them near the couch is sounding promising. I do explain to her why she can't do what she is doing but she just bites and pinches me or herself. It's driving me nuts but hopefully the couch idea works :)

Amanda - posted on 08/12/2010

Katie mine knows when hes doing something wrong also cause he'll look at me & laugh or I go to him he will run & laugh it does get frustrated..I will try to stand my ground