I dunno if i can handle this anymore....

Kayla - posted on 08/02/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

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My son, will NOT sleep through the night, will NOT go to sleep on his own, and will RARELY stay asleep when i put him down. I've been trying to get him to sleep for 3 nights now and everynight i do nothing but cry. I've tried everything. Rocking him, letting him cry, plain out ignoring him, and even trying to shush him in his bed. Nothing works unless he's sleeping on my stomach. But if he's sleeping on me i dont sleep very well. When he was first born he slept fine but now, 3 months later, he will not. I think im going crazy, no lie. I honestly think about just stopping breastfeeding and just drink.. all the time. I wish my bf would take more responsibility and help me but that's not happening. I have noone to help. ughhhhhhhh.. Am I a bad mother for thinking these things?



Sorry ladies, i really just needed to vent. But if you have any suggestions or have ever felt this way you are welcome to comments..

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Marcia - posted on 08/23/2010

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i went to a sleep clinic for babies where i live... i couldn't handle the nights any more and my husband was getting up all the time.
a few of the things i learnt was NEVER put them to sleep lay him in his crib before he falls asleep and let him cry it out for a short time
the other thing they pushed was to feed him about 45 minutes before bed not to feed him right before bed as it starts your metabolism and then they aren't usually as tired as if they had a bit of time between eating
also they said to NOT have a monitor in the room cus then the crying seems to last forever with my son the first night last about 20 minutes 3 am for about 30 minutes and then the 2nd night was about 15 minutes and 3am 15 minutes the 3rd night it was about 5 minutes of crying when we put him down in bed and then nothing at 3am but he was up at 6am however it made it easy when he was in bed at 8pm the night before
the other thing they said was to let the stronger person do this because if you go into the room it starts the situation all over again.
we did this when he was 12lbs so about 2 months old or so and we are now 4 months and he's in bed at 8 and up at between 7 and 8 in the morning he wakes up at 5 am to play for 10 minutes but goes back to sleep and isn't fussy as much during the day he also has about 4 naps a day

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Kate - posted on 08/23/2010

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I would recommend first getting him checked out by a health professional before you try any kind of sleep training... maybe he is just too used to falling asleep on you, but maybe he has an ear infection or something which is messing with your attempts?

other than that... have you got a wind-down routine for bedtime? try do everything the exact same way in the same order... even newborns can predict a pattern if shown it enough times, so after a while he will associate the bedtime routine with going to sleep.
i agree with the idea of a heartbeat bear... we have a Sleep Sheep and it definitely helps, though I guess any kind of "white noise" would help.
my daughter got into the habit of falling asleep only in my left arm while I was rocking her in a rocking chair. I worked out a bedtime routine, stuck to it religiously, then did "Pick Up/Put Down" (a Baby Whisperer technique). Basically if you put them down in their cot and they cry, you pick them up straight away, but you only hold them as long as it takes for them to calm down, then put them down again. Basically you're letting them know that you are there for them if they need you, but they can do this...
It took three nights before I could mostly set her down (swaddled), put the sleep sheep on, give her dummy, then walk out of the room.
now she seems to be getting used to the bedtime routine - have been doing the same exact one for about a week now. when I start dressing her after her massage, she will start fussing because she knows a bottle is next! LOL - that's even if she only drank an hour before...

Anyway... I'm so sorry you are battling, and I really hope you find an answer. It's a million times worse when you are sleep deprived and have no-one to help... hang in there... this will pass SOMETIME... and you will eventually get more sleep.
Best of luck

LETICIA - posted on 08/23/2010

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NO YOUR NOT A BAD MOTHER, JUST FEELING LIKE A SINGLE ONE.
No I understand your frustration, re: the feeling of being on your own when it comes to caring for your son. I was having the same problem. I was told that since I was on leave I should do the night shifts, the day shifts & everything in between w/ the exception of my better actually worst 1/2 @ times willing to change a pee diaper or 2 every so often. Til this very day they still refuse to change a poop diaper. Here's my question for you... Do you & your son share a room or does he have a seperate room? If you share a room try putting him in his crib while he's awake, let him watch his mobile. Obviously this will be a new routine, therefore HE WILL CRY. Allow him to cry for 10 minutes, then go in and check on him (Dont pick him up) give him his pacifier, leave the room & repeat the routine, until he finally becomes exhausted. You can also rub his belly. Keep lights to a minimum & very little talking, whisper if you have to. Also I think its awesome that you breastfeed, however this will really limit you & your son both on sleep. Try just pumping & bottle feed. This will allow him to increase his intake & may help him sleep longer. Lastly try limiting the ampunt of time that he's in your arms. Believe it or not infants can become super dependent on being held & will develop what I call "ARM-ITIS" Break the cycle now otherwise you & your son both will suffer crazy seperation anxiety when it comes to you having to do things independantly. Good Luck

Erika - posted on 08/20/2010

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i dont know if u swaddle him or not but my little girl loves it! I also put her on her tummy and shes out like a light. i know that is not recommended but she can lift and turn her head very easily. also if he likes laying on your chest it may be the sound of your heartbeat he loves. get a heartbeat bear and put it in his crib with him. also a tshirt that smells like you. hope this helps

Jessica - posted on 08/20/2010

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i wish i had more for you but i think everyone onhere has covered everything i could think of but u are a good mom dont get yourself down if you have to get a babysitter your baby needs you to be able to take care of him and u need sleep to do that

Sharlene - posted on 08/20/2010

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Kayla if you were standing infront of me now i would hug you and cry because i am exactly going through the same thing i actually posted something on here a couple of weeks ago. My little boy will only sleep on my chest NO where else WONT go to anyone not even his dad. So i can officially say I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. But please hun dont say you are a bad mum.. cause you not... Sorry i dont have any tips if i had i wouldnt be complaining about the same thing. Goodluck if you get some good tips mail me ..lol PLEEEAAASSSEEE

Janice - posted on 08/19/2010

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If it's any consolation, I am up on an average of 4-5 times a night. My little man crashes out around 7, then he is up at 10, then 12:30, then 2:30, then 5:00, then he is up again around quarter to 7. He is a big baby and eat a lot. He goes straight back to sleep once he has had a feed. He has been really sick lately too, so I believe that is one of the contributing factors to him waking so often. He's in a size 0 and he's only just 4 months old. Big boy. I know I should start him on solids sooner rather than later, maybe that would help him sleep through the night a little better, but I'm just not prepared to do that yet.
Anyway, if you are in Australia there is a sleep specialist called Ngala who you can get to come to your house to help you with sleep routines and settling techniques. Also the Breastfeeding association can help too, as they really encourage long term breastfeeding of babies. I too have felt that a feed of formula for my boy would do him a world of good and let me have that extra hour's sleep at night if I could get the husband to do it. But if I hear my son, I am up and awake. So no rest for the wicked. One good thing though is that it does end eventually. I have a 2 1/2 year old that averaged getting up twice a night until she was 6 1/2 months old. She didn't sleep through until then. She refused to go to sleep unless I carried her around and patted her and sang her lullabies during the day. I'm not an advocate of letting my kids cry themselves to sleep.
Gotta run, the boy has just woken from his morning sleep.
Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 08/19/2010

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i was having a similar problem with my daughter at night so i tried waiting till she was showing signs if tiredness then had a hot shower with her...works every time the hot water just helps relax her

Charlene - posted on 08/08/2010

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Have you spoken to the pediatrician about these changes? Sometimes I have heard that babies can develop reflux at a later age and begin to show discomfort around now. I would check and this could give you some new options! Our LO struggles with reflux and we have her on Zantac (took us a while to get her on the right medication) and we also sleep her on the Nap Nanny which is the only place where she has ever gotten a full night of sleep. It is a great investment!

Michaela - posted on 08/07/2010

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have you ever tryed putting him down while he's awake ?

i started doing this when my girl was only a few weeks old, and now she's just used to it. i put her to bed at 8pm every night and eventualy she falls asleep on her own, sometimes she'll winge for a little while and have a little cry but most nights she's very good and knows that its bed time. she wakes for a feed at 6am and goes back down till 8am.

Everyones suggestions are great by the way!

dont know if this will help, lots of mums dont agree with letting their babies cry. but it's definatly a great time to start. my mum did this with us when we were babies.

ohhh she is always wrapped in a muslin cloth for sleep times, with her arms by her sides. this seems to settle her, and if she isn't wrapped then she refuses to sleep at all !!

Hellen - posted on 08/07/2010

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i understand your battle with your son.the ladies have pretty much suggested everything that came to my mind when i first read your post.my 3 month old son has no trouble sleeping at night.he is up most of the day(playing)...oh,have you tried lullabies/nursery rhymes at night?or maybe do not put him down too quickly after he falls asleep...good luck

Alanna - posted on 08/07/2010

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Do tummy time, let him stand up on your lap while you hold him. Just interact with him. The tummy time i noticed really helps my lil girl (shes 3mths). Shes fussy doing it sometimes, but it tires them out quick because their exerciseing :)

Kayla - posted on 08/05/2010

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I do, in fact have a bedtime ritual.. at 8pm I give him a bath and let him play until about 815 and i use the bedtime bath stuff. Then i put him in his pjs and then i play with him until about 845 then we just chill with him in my lap until about 9 then i nurse him and he falls asleep while im burping him! Then i just burp him for a little while and thats when i try to lay him down, and hes up faster then i laid him down. I saw above someone laid their shirt down in babys bed, i tried that at 3AM this morning and it worked great until 6, so i guess imma keep trying that. See, the past 2 nights he's slept perfectly fine.. I'm starting to think that maybe his gums are hurting worse at night.. (teething of course!) But that doesnt really make sence either cuz then wuldnt he not sleep with me either?!? How do you keep a baby up during the day? Riley just screams if he's tired.

Danielle - posted on 08/05/2010

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Try reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"...it is a great book with lots of ways to solve and prevent sleep issues. It has helped me a lot!

Rosalind - posted on 08/04/2010

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well I cant say I have had any sleep issues with my three and half month old daughter she started sleeping through the night on her own at about a month old. She doesn't like to go down on her back though so sometimes I have to let her fall asleep with me on her tummy until she is really out then flip her over when i put her in her bed. Her father also does some rock rock time and that usually calms her if she is getting a little fussy. I do notice that if I am agitated she gets a little agitated as well. Try just taking a few deep breaths and calm your self down and re group. Hope things get better for you.

Kaleigh - posted on 08/04/2010

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your not a bad mom at all...im still very new to everything too but even though my son doesnt cry all night he wakes up crying to eat like 3 times in the middle of the night still i thought he was supposed to start sleeping through the night by now?? I also don't have my childs father around he took off to oklahoma and i live in Indiana. He still gives me money but its sooo rough by yourself..But no matter what happens a mothers love for their child can acheive anything. :)

Bethany - posted on 08/04/2010

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Try doing a bedtime ritual with your little one. I always give my daughter a bath, and massage her with lotion. I use the J&J's bedtime wash and lotion. That seems to signal to her it's time for bed. She'll nurse and go to sleep. During the day, I'm lucky if I get an hour's nap out of her.

Amanda - posted on 08/04/2010

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Have you tried keeping him awake during the day as much as possible? Our almost 4 month old will nap for 30 minutes, every 2 hous or so, then she goes to sleep at 9pm and isn't awake til 7am. (I have tried to get her to sleep longer during the day, but it is a losing battle, we both end up tired and grouchy...)
She loves to play with me, we call it "face time"; she grabs the parts of my face and I tell her what they are (nose, mouth, etc.).
Good luck, this is just a phase, and it WILL pass!

Natasha - posted on 08/03/2010

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You are definitely not a bad mother!
Does he like the swing? A soother? Does he fall asleep while nursing? Will he sleep on his side? Is he swaddled? Maybe he doesn't want to be swaddled anymore...
My daughterl has to have white noise to sleep, I put a humidifier on in her room and start up her sleep sheep and that helps her.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, don't give up :) Call someone if you need to. Put him down and walk away, it does actually help

Alison - posted on 08/03/2010

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Oh, I forgot to add that he also has a mobile that plays music that seems to help. Sometimes if he cries in the night I put this on and its enough to get him back to sleep

Alison - posted on 08/03/2010

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I completely understand where your coming from. My boy did nothing but cry and one night (at 3am) I was so tired I kicked the wall out of frustration and broke my toe (I dont recoment this, 4 weeks later it still hurts and achieved nothing lol). From that night I decided enough was enough and started a night ritual, play, bath, cuddle, feed bed. I decided that I was going to put him to bed at 8.30 every night no matter what. 8.30 was bed time and I stuck to it. When I put him down he would cry and so every 10 minutes I would go in cuddle him (sometimes he had gas and needed burping again) I would calm him down then put him back in the cot. He would cry again of course but I just kept doing this ntil he fell asleep. The first night it took 2 and a half hours, but after a week he was falling asleep within half an our, and now he cant even hold out till 8.30 and is going to bed at 7.30. If he cries now I only go in ever 15 or 20 minutes depending on how bad its sounding but often he will just have a sook and go to sleep. I think sometimes he just need to expell some excess energy. This is what worked for me, maybe its worth a try? Good luck.

Kayla - posted on 08/03/2010

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Thanks so much for the encouragment. and no, Lisa, i have no family or anything, except my bfs mom..but i honestly dont want him there cuz she smokes in her house.. and may other reasons.. And all of my friends have babies his age and thats too many babies lol
And he's not a very big fan of tummy time, has no interest in toys, and its too hot right now to take him out.. (I live in alabama.) But i guess imma keep trying.I think i just need to relax. Ugh. motherhood is so hard.

Liz - posted on 08/03/2010

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Hi..Now i've had quite blissfull nights and i still get aggy that the fathers just dnt seem to bothered about anythin!..You especially feel like ya doin bloody Everything and in my case i am!..but hey..the best thing is is my lil man is sleepin longgg all nights. BUT it all started from feeding him up all day. i fed on demand as i too am breastfeeding. if he wants feedin i will feed him and to begin with..yes was nearly every hour!..but bear with it as it really is worth a full nights sleep!..then don't put them down untill your settling yourself. our bedtime is normally around 9-10..and keep to that time every night. RELAX..give him a bath..get him in his nightwear and put on a lamp or the tv in the dark (just so u can see wat ya doin) and feed. (i usually put the tv on as the noise soothes and it also makes time go quicker for you!) Try not to rush him and then once done, and i mean completely finished that ya nip falls out his mouth (lol) put him down gently and if ya ok with putting him on his front then do it! My lil man has gone on his front since he was 2weeks old and it was the only way he would settle. When ever i put him on his bc he was wide awake and crying for attention before you could stand straight again!..so yer thats all i can say..and honestly iv had bliss ever since! i mean he sleeps a solid 12 hours a day..9pm-9am!..so its well WELL worth it. And then you will enjoy them as your both feeling great and let the smiles return =) x x hope thats a help sweet.. x x

Susan - posted on 08/03/2010

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If you are trying one of the CIO (cry it out) methods, it does take sometimes take up to almost 6 nights for it to work (took 4 nights for my son). But once it does, he should sleep through the night there after for the most part. But the important thing to remember is to do the same pre bed ritual every night, and put him down sleepy but not wide awake in his own bed.

Good Luck, and keep trying, and no you are not a bad mommy, you are reaching out for help so that makes you a good mommy :)

Lisa - posted on 08/02/2010

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Hi Kayla, first of all, no, you're not a bad mother for being exhausted, every new mother gets to the end of their tether once in a while especially when they aren't getting enough sleep.

Do you have any family that could take him for a night with some expressed milk or even formula (one night won't hurt)? Its amazing what just one good nights sleep can do and you'll feel like a new person in the morning (if you're not awake all night worrying about him).

Are there any support groups for mothers in your area? Just talking about it and getting some tips while having a coffee and getting out of the house might help a bit too.

Babies are like all of us, if you give him a full day of activities he'll be tired that night, think about taking him for a walk or to the swimming pool, giving him tummy time, playing with toys with him, if he's old enough a jolly jumper will tire him out a bit too.

Also, where is he sleeping? At that age he may be ready for his own room, sometimes your sleep sounds can keep a baby awake, I know when i moved my baby to his own room he slept really well (but i didn't for worrying). Sometimes a night ritual works too, turn down the lighting and the tv etc and give him a bath and a massage then feed him in a chair until he is falling asleep then put him in his bed with a musical toy with a timer on it (ten minutes works for my boy) and then leave him to it for fifteen minutes, check on him then, hopefully its worked. Try this every night until he knows whats coming and isn't shocked when he wakes up in his bed.

I've heard of using a tee shirt you have worn under his head so he can smell you if he's clingy. Havent' tried it but it worked for someone I know.

Hope something there helps, good luck, don't give up. Think of what a treasure you have and know that its worth it in the long run. He just loves you so much that he hates to be away from you. Wish I was nearby so I could look after him for you but I doubt you're even in NZ :)

Lisa.

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