Virginia - posted on 03/12/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
I had over nine years of service with the military when I gave birth to my son. I paid all of the bills and financed everything in my name. Basically I was like the male but, I just gave birth.
While I was pregnant I had heard of his affairs and behavior but I chose to ignore the rumors because I had no proof and honestly I did not want to deal with if they could possibly be true. Unfortunately when the women began to approach me with details and confirmations I could no longer turn the blind eye. After the pregnancy I was 70 pounds overweight, depressed and hurt. It only got worse after I had my son and because I was in the Army I had to go back to work less than 42 days from giving birth.
When I filed for the divorce less than one year from giving birth I was uncertain of what was before me. Although I had worried about my weight during the 3-4 months of filing the divorce the weight left me immediately. Every one was concerned and I have no close family and friends for while I was married I never went out or had friends unless they were mutual friend of his.
I became promotable the same Spring and got called upon to attend career advance schooling and out of the embarrassment and want to leave I took the option. Although when I petitioned the court to take our one year old son I was denied and given only one week of visitation per month. I also took a deal that I would take all martial debt in agreement that he could not go after my military retirement. Little did I know that he was not entitled to it.
Upon the final court hearing I lost primary custody of Jackson. Although since the ruling I have called 3xs a week as allowed in the court order, sent monthly care packages CERTIFIED MAIL, paid $1048 a month in child support to include providing medical benefits and diligently attempt to co-parent. I have been denied visitation, equal access and communication with Jackson. Although I did not deploy in 2011 I only saw Jackson 45 days and I paid for 75% of travel from Texas/Virginia.
Emotionally and mentally exhausted does not even touch how I feel. I think the best want to say it is I am numb. I do not want or care for understanding but to carry a child for 10 months and have it take from you is ....
I am now out of the Army and seeking unemployment. I need to find myself and some sanity. I know that I have to let go, stop calling 3 times a week only to be denied, given tons of excuses or ignored and try to move on with my life because I doubt Jackson knows how much I have fought, tried or attempted to be apart of his life; nor does he care. I just pray that he knows that I will always love him.