Blog 11 of Top 25 Southern Mama Blogs

Screwed Up Texan

by Allie Van Wagoner

Favorite Blog Posts

What topics do you cover in your blog?

It'd be a lot easier to answer this question is I wrote what I don't talk about in my blog. Basically, I keep it real, very real. Whether it's that time my youngest wiped his butt by sliding down our carpeted stairs or that one time my husband painted a Christmas tree on our living room wall to save a few bucks, I cover it. You can always rest assured that almost every post is chock full of humor and relatable parent and human experiences. I call my mother-in-law the Mother Trucker because not only is she weird, but she also drives a big rig. Her husband is called The Prophet because let's put it this way--he's very religious. Some people really like my photography. I also create and publish my favorite recipes on Screwed Up Texan! My recipes are one-of-a-kind delicious and will remind you of your home growing up in Texas and the South. Except for that occasional Chinese or Yankee dish. Unless you're a Chinese or Yankee transplant. I do product reviews with giveaways also! My favorite product to ever review was a Chevy Traverse and my favorite product to give away was a Texas beef cooking package complete with a cookbook and other accessories. Basically, you need to be reading Screwed Up Texan.

What's unique about raising children in the South?

Manners. My children are required to answer with a "Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir," or "No Ma'am, No Sir," and not call adults solely by their first name. Also mosquito and chigger bites. Poison ivy sucks. We're not afraid of cockroaches (waterbugs, whatever you want to call them). Once my husband and I went to Inks Lake in the Hill Country and we woke up to this scratching noise. We thought is was an armadillo, but when we turned our flashlight on we discovered it was really hundred of roaches crawling up a tree next to our campsite. Basically, what I'm saying is that roaches are a natural thing in the South. Don't say you've never seen one in your house. Religion can be an interesting topic too. We are Latter-day Saints and so one time my middle son had two bumps on his forehead from running into something. My neighbor wanted to know what happened. I answered with a big ole, "Oh, those are just his horn bumps coming up since we're Mormon." Thank goodness my Baptist friend had a sense of humor. My proudest moment as a parent came the day I noticed my middle son's drawl. A kid that says "ain't" is just way too cute.

What's a great place for a family to vacation in the South?

For some good family entertainment look no further than your own family! Some of the best memories are of watching your family do the most amazing of feats like towing cars with riding lawnmowers and seeing who can eat the most fried chicken. Especially when you add beer to the mix. I don't drink alcohol so it's even more entertaining for me watching others get drunk. Except I'm always the designated driver. Free food, free accommodations, free entertainment, and sometimes free car rentals--what beats that? The Gulf Coast, Hill Country of Texas, and northern part of Arkansas are my most favorite places in the South to visit though. Just keep the alligators away. Unless it comes fried. Everything's fried in the South. Don't forget the best coke of all time--Dr Pepper. And the best dessert--pecan pie. PS: Pecan is pronounces puh-con, not pee-can. A pee-can is something your grandpa used back when there wasn't indoor plumbing or when he went on long road trips. I know because I lived in Pecan Capitol of the World: San Saba, Texas.

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