Click Here for Tips on Cherishing Magical Moments in Motherhood.
Why I'm at Peace with Being a SAHM...for Now
Source: Eve Lynn Kessner's iPhoto
Just last night we returned from a family trip to Jamaica. It is rare we do things on our own as a family outside of our larger family (it's pretty big and there's always something to participate in). In the last few years we've found that it's really important for ourselves and our little family to do things on our own or with friends who are on our page, so to speak. This trip in particular helped me step aside from all the craziness of life and mommyhood here in Brooklyn, and put some major things into perspective for me.
Now that my second (and in our set of plans, final) daughter is three months old, I was starting to get antsy for my next big project. I've spent the last two years trying to get pregnant, staying pregnant, and nursing baby. It's been a long haul, both emotionally and energetically.
But the thing is...I don't sit still very well. I love love love mommying. I love it more than I ever imagined I could. And on top of that, it's taught me invaluable lessons about myself and the world around me. But with this deep love for these children comes a need to provide them with the best life possible with the most opportunities and the best mommy for them. I'm pretty sure that a huge part of parenting is being the best, most, fullest person you can be to show your children all that life has in store for them.
I can't help but think that I'm a work in progress and unless I push myself to keep growing and providing, I'll fall into the stereotypical slump of Peggy Bundy-ness.
Before we left for Jamiaca, I had a cafe in the works (business plan written and talks for financing started). Then my partner decided she couldn't commit the time and energy it needed. Then I had a health food-bakery-type business in the early early works, and came home to it falling through as well.
To say I was super excited about both opportunities and on working to make them happen full force is an understatement. But somehow, coming home to the fall through of the second was somewhat of a relief.
Coming home from this reboot vacation for the first time in a while left me realizing that it's okay to just be a good mom and wife for a while. There is nothing to prove right now outside of doing this 24-hour mommy gig well. I need to let go of my plans for the time being, focus on cooking good food for my family, letting my baby sleep on my chest for as long as she needs to, and giving myself a break more often.
My new plan is to enjoy this. Every second of every day of it. Because from what they tell me, these moments are fleeting...
NEXT UP
7 Great Ground Beef Recipes
Affordable, versatile, and easy to freeze, ground beef (aka hamburger meat) is a popular...ure what to make with ground beef, here are seven ground beef dinner recipes recommended Read more
AUTHOR
Eve Lynn Kessner
Hi, My name is Eve Lynn Kessner. I am a wife, mom, sister, daughter, vegan, artist, writer, procrastinator, cook, activist, traveler, volunteer, designer, dreamer, believer, New Yorker, entrepreneur, sometimes yogi, all-the-time chocolate lover.
FOLLOW Love Life and Lollipops
Got something to say? Join Circle of Moms or login to participate in the conversation.
Please login to comment
COMMENTS
DeserRai - commented on Mar 22, 2012
I totally know where you're coming from. I was in the processing of starting my own photography business when I found out I was pregnant. After my wonderful baby boy was born my husband and I decided I should focus on being a SAHM. I think after the first 6 months I was getting antsy and since I do sessions here and there. This past weekened I was BOOKED! I then realized I couldn't do that anymore because it meant not giving my son my full attetion, which means more to me. Eventually, I want to have my own cafe/gallery. But until then, I have a little baby (that won't stay a baby forever) and want to enjoy that small amount of time. My photography will always be there waiting :)
Farmer - commented on Mar 4, 2012
Just to offer a different perspective: Not that *anyone* would accuse me of having my stuff together, but I choose not to list my all my frustrations (and there are many....) on my blog. My blog is my happy place, and when I look back at past posts, I see only the positive in what I've written. Sure, I could have detailed the hell it was raising two toddlers in a strange new town on a farm while being pregnant and living apart from my husband. But I lived that every day, I didn't want to dwell on that even more. So instead, my blog focused on the fun parts of that time. And that's put such a meaningful spin on it. We all know being a mom is hard, even under ideal circumstances. If someone chooses to *not* share those difficulties with you on her blog, it's not that she wants you to feel inferior. Perhaps, just optimistic.
Melanie - commented on Feb 10, 2012
I totally feel this Mom! I too always think, what can I do for me? I often try things and then realize there isn't enough time in a day to focus on me and my daughter (almost 2 and starting to work on our second this summer). I had a great career before this and sometimes miss the excitement of adult life. I do feel incredibly lucky to be able to stay at home, it's the only way I ever wanted to raise children. However, I think it's totally normal at times to miss your old life. In the first year I really felt like I'd lost myself until I came to the realization that this was the best place for me to be. Kudos for admitting you have dreams and also for deciding it's just ok to be.
Rebecca - commented on Feb 10, 2012
I guess it is hard to take this article seriously when your first sentence talks about your trip to Jamaica. Um, my husband and I BOTH work and we can't afford a trip to Jamaica....so you are so so blessed that you have the CHOICE to either stay home or work. If my husband made more money, I would stay home in a heartbeat...and wouldn't fee the need to "justify" it to anyone. Staying home with your own children is one of the best blessings a mother can have! They are only young once, and rushing around after work is stressful and frustrating. I work 3 days a week so that I can be home more than I am gone, but doing that is even a sacrifice because every penny we make goes to regular bills like food, mortgage, utilities, etc.... so I am glad that you have decided to be ok with being a stay at home mom...for now....but I think you are looking at it the wrong way. You should be so so very thankful that you can do that!!!! And not just be "ok" with it....
Jill - commented on Feb 8, 2012
It is hard to come to peace with being a SAHM especially when you are young and you have lots of dreams and energy. Sometime I just want life to go the way I plan it. If it always went that way, I am positive I would not have gotten to experience the hidden joys that God has planted along the way. Even things that look terrible can sometimes be hiding great blessings. ~Jill www.cachevalleydoula.com