my 7 year old son with aspergers....

Trina - posted on 10/26/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hello All!

New to the group here... but wanting some opinions and help.....

my son sam has aspergers ocd adhd and high anxiety....hes in 3rd grade this year! Academics wise he is doing awesome!! i am very proud of him for that..... but when it comes to home time and meltdowns and anxiety issues I am lost as what to do! I have read a bunch of other peoples conversations on here for advice and read a WHOLE bunch of books on all the diagnosis' that he has ....

And still having issues with meltdowns at home after school.... anxiety issues to change in routine.... and just not wanting to apply himself to things or activities.....

I just went to conferences for him last week... i left almost in tears.... he is doing so well when it comes to the academics.... but all the rest of the time hes having many problems.....blurting out answers. not raising his hand.. hard time playing with other kids and making friends..... paying attention ... sitting still..... not being bugged by people around him......And i left there wondering if thats the way its gonna be every year with conferences ...... always the yes hes doing welll.....but.....



I thought i had dealt with all the grief and feelings of sadness over whats happening with my son... but i am wondering now what else i can do to help him and help myself.....



Thanks for listening to me ramble... or vent or whatever you wanna call it !



Trina

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Crystal - posted on 04/15/2010

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I too am in the same boat. I have a 7 year old with Aspergers. academicaly he is wonderful, but very lacking in hand writing. he is bullying all the other kids. he does not mean to but during his meltdowns he really had no control at that point. I went to conferences and also left in tears. it is very hard to deal with some day. family is great but sometimes they just dont understand. my prayers will be with you just hang in there.

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B - posted on 03/22/2011

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K Jimmerson-I am right there with you. I have no idea why the school can think that my child will do well in the school if there is STUFF all over the wall. That is all he does all day is try NOT to look at it. I feel for him. We works so well at home in the kitchen at the table facing a wall with nothing on it. Or in the office with nothing else on. I can't even have the computer on in there. Which is fine with me, but if he works well that way I know that it is torcher in school for him to focus at all. I am shocked at what they do get out of him. He got his first B's this report card and I don't think he was too worried, he still got $.50 for them, lol.
We have ANOTHER (3rd) meeting tomorrow. I have talked to so many people since our last meeting. The problem we are having is that the actually started to restrain my son and suspend him for getting violent while being kept in a room or physically restrained. We quickly put a stop to that. I hope it never happens again. My friend is a special needs teacher and she said I have complete grounds to sue. I am not that type of person, but it is getting hard to take. They never had to do that before the new behavior plan (started 4 weeks ago), but for some reason find it effective? He is such a loving boy at home, and we have NEVER had to do that before, and they never did either. They always walked him or went to the sensory room. We found out today that he hasn't been to the sensory room since before Christmas. Oh do I need prayers for tomorrow. Sorry I know this is a ramble but I am sure I will be crying tomorrow. I love my son sooo much and this is all so hard for me to see him so though, he doesn't deserve this. I feel like a horrible mom just sending him to school. BTW, this teacher is a sweetheart and SHE and about 2 others are really trying with him, but there are others that I think are just fed up with him.

User - posted on 01/19/2011

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I have a 10 year old with Aspergers, Tic disorder and ADHD. He was doing good in school but every year after the Holidays we have behavior problems and his tics start back, that last until school is over for the year. Do any of you have the same problem.

Carrie - posted on 01/16/2011

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Wow i feel at home here. I have a 9yr old with Aspergers, ADHD, Anxiey and Depression. Everything I have read sits close to home with me. I cant even tell you guys how this helps me as a parent. I thought I was doing this on my own. I didnt realize that there was some many people out there dealing with this. I wish i could advise on your topic, but we to are having the same issues. My son has these out burst, breakdowns, and loses control. Its so bad that it is taking away from his education. He gets ISS or Suspened for not being able to control himself in gym, recess, and transitions from class to class. He thrives on structure. I would also love to hear how I can help him keep himself from getting to that point. It breaks my heart when he has those melt downs. He should be happy hes just a kid. Any suggestions you guys have tried, and work I would kove to hear.

Leslie - posted on 10/13/2010

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I would ask would medication be a consideration for you and your son. Or is he on meds already? I can not believe how much just ritalin makes a difference for my daughter. It is amazing! Their are medications that can do wonders. I also have a tired grade child but it's a girl;) We are going through horrible behavior issues but have had horrific reactions to a medicine. So we pulled all meds to be very careful with her in what we choose to use. So we aren't sleeping ect it is just hard and exhausting. I would love to hear more about Sam...

User - posted on 09/04/2010

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I feel your pain. My six year old has frequent meltdowns over simple things. I have found that (this may sound mean...) if I tell him to go to his room until he is done, and he will go and sit in his swing... The meltdowns get shorter and shorter. He does have social issues with making friends, he seems to say the most off the wall things to other kids. I am also having a problem with him and eating to much. He seems to always want to snack. Does anyone have the eating issues?

K - posted on 07/18/2010

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The hard thing for Aspie kids is that they can do the academic stuff and handle the school work in many ways cause simply they are smart kids. The hard part of school is in the hidden curriculum and the hidden social nuances. 50% of school is social and 90% of Aspergers is he social deficit! We have experienced the same things as many of you above, but as they get further along in the grades the school work gets harder cause the level of expectation and multitasking skills gets higher and it is at the 4th grade level for us when my Aspie started to falter.

I asked our school teacher to edit the classroom....there is too much visual stimuli, classrooms in the 1950s were quite stale and boring and kids on the spectrum did okay cause they didn't have so many things vying for their attention.....today it is almost a nightmare for them. Did the teacher do it, no! They work so hard to focus and deal with all that gets thrown at them during the school day that their meltdowns are merely and indication that they need more "timeouts" during the day, they need help with tasking, and the ability to manage their alert level by being able to either chew on a peppermint candy or push off a wall or walk to get themselves back to a level of alertness that is akin to learning. My dd can be so focused on handling things and doing the right thing that NO learning takes place, then at homework time tells me she never learned what she is tasked with doing.....it isn't that the teacher didn't cover it, its that her learning channels get turned off because the effort to handle the day supercede any other channel. When I explained this all during the IEP meeting I felt like it was falling on deaf ears :-(

If your child is having meltdows and taking their anger out on other kids, it is because the school isn't helping to manage the causes of that and creating a learning environment that helps educate your child. It isn't that your child is mean or violent, without the ability to communicate or advocate effectively this becomes their means of it and often they deal with it as just a behavior problem like they do with typical kids, but they aren't typical and neither should the approach to dealing with them be.

Michele - posted on 04/21/2010

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Oh, I so know what you mean. My oldest (age 13) one has ADHD and love to annoy his brothers, which is completely normal but he doesn't understand when to leave Ethan alone or that he can't do everything he can. He doesn't understand what it means for Ethan to have ASD at all. Or vise versa.

Crystal - posted on 04/17/2010

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we are in the same boat there. I have 4 boys and it is my oldest that has aspergers. he does not realize that his brothers dont think like he does and that they just want to spend time with him. on the other hand DJ does not understand why there are times that his brothers dont want to be near him ( usally after one of his numerous meltdowns).

Michele - posted on 04/16/2010

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I know what you mean about the talking during video games. My youngest is 4 (AJ) and just thinks the world of my Aspie son (Ethan) but there are times no matter what AJ does Ethan can stand him to be around at all. I really feel bad for both of them. AJ gets his feelings hurt and doesn't understand. And Ethan doesn't understand that AJ just really wants to spend time with him.

Crystal - posted on 04/15/2010

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DJ has meltdowns if i make him put his shoes in the closet. he has meltdowns if his brother talks while he is playing a video game. they are very hard to deal with at times. i have found if i can distract him right befor he gets really inraged i can avoid the violence.

Michele - posted on 04/15/2010

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Wow! It is re leaving to know we are not alone. My son (8) has melt downs over the most random things and like you said there is not talking him down. It is very trying. My son is having a lot of challenges with school. In fact he will be repeating the 3rd grade next year. It sounds like that is not the norm. Does anyone else struggle with that?

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My son Tristan is 9 and had a major meltdown about cleaning his teeth yesterday. I think I went through all emotions with him trying to find one that worked to encourage him to clean his teeth from talking to him (pointless) to getting cross. In the end my husband and I left, went to our room and had a damn good cry whilst Tristan is nonplussed downstairs. Thats the part I can't reeconcile with. You try but achieve nothing. I don't even know what happened yesterday that he felt he couldn't clean his teeth.

Sandy - posted on 12/02/2009

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I am soo feeling you pain... i had the same kind of conference with my 6 yr old teacher and i was in tears as he is only in 1 grade and i felt how were we going to make it the rest of his school career... and now i am dealing with he saying everyone hates him and no one wants to be his friend and tonight he told me he was going to kill himself....

i am feeling a little overwelemed..

Vickie - posted on 11/10/2009

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We were in the same spot last year. My son has the exact same daignosis as your son. He takes Methylphenadate 60mg, Paxil, Risperidone every day. Getting the dosage just right seemed to take some adjusting. This year we have not had to go to the prinipals office once. We have a 1:1 aid (same one for the third year now) and his teacher is amazing this year. She brings in books that she knows will interest him. I hope you find the right fit too. It is still hard in the evening when the medications start to wear off and he gets tired -- but miracles during the day!!

Jenn - posted on 10/31/2009

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Trina, All I can say is, "Ditto!" My 7 year old son has also been diagnosed with ADHD/Aspergers. Academically, intellectually he's brilliant. Then there's REALITY. There is no statute of limitations on grief and sadness, by the way! This is a daily upward climb ~ good days, bad days, "normal" days, terrible days. Emotional responses are good - they remind us that we still have feelings!

After school is a common meltdown time here, too. And when he returns from his weekend visits with his father. He just needs to transition himself to the current surroundings.

Looking forward to more of your rambling and venting!

Jenn

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