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Pushy Grandparents?

Jessi - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

Hi, I'm new to this site. I am an Atheist, my husband is Agnostic. We have a three month old son. My in-laws are the pushiest Christians I have ever met. Our son is their first and only grandchild. Currently they live in California and we are in Minnesota. They are planning on moving back to be close to us and be a part of our son's life. They are very sweet, but VERY religious. They know what are beliefs are, and are upset about it. I'm nervous what will happen when our son visits with them and stays for a weekend. I'm pretty sure that he'll end up returning home thinking that his parents are going to be set on fire in hell. Has anyone had to deal with this? Am I worrying too much already? I absolutely do not want to keep him from spending time with them, just not sure how to deal with the explaining part...

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Jen - posted on 02/18/2010

2,551

Sometimes it's better to let the beliefs speak for themselves. My son was never heavily exposed to religion till he was about 9. He went to church with his father on occasion (we are divorced since he was a year old) and found it deadly dull. He then attended more often with my second husband who is a church organist in a very ethnic RCC. He still found it dull but asked a lot more questions. For example, "What's the big deal about the crackers?" When explained both by his stepfather and then my own spin, he found both answers highly amusing. I also have encouraged him to now read the bible. One read of Noah's Ark and he no longer thought it a cute story. He was appalled at the genocide.

They will probably think what they will think. If they begin to frighten him or pressure him, then both you and your husband will have to take a stand. You haven't mentioned what kind of Christian they are so their approach may vary. If they hammer the concept of Hell, try showing him that all religions have different concepts of eternal life/death and ask if any of them really make sense. Critical thinking skills can be taught very early and it is a learned skill.

Good luck.

Marshella - posted on 02/15/2010

Oh, you have sooo much time. He's only 3 months. I simply explain to my kids what I believe and why, and also why other's believe what they do (mainly, due to threats and fears), etc. I explain that some people believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny (which is funny because bunnies don't even lay eggs), etc. That some people lie to kids. Some do it for "fun" and others for getting kids to cooperate. I have two bio and two adopted kids. My bio family is quasi-religious to very religious and my adopted kids' family is pretty devout Catholic. (It is an open adoption). They believe that the childen's uncle is buring in hell for eternity due to his act of suicide. They told my adopted kids this at about ages 5 and 8. (!) I didn't care for that, but when I asked the older one why they told him that and he said - "it's a threat". I said right. Now why did they threaten you? Because they don't want to lose you - they don't want you to do the same thing, they love you. And he was completely fine with that. He doesn't believe his uncle is burning in hell b/c he doesn't believe in hell.

My mom once half-seriously joked about taking our first born to get baptized. I laughed and said a little water wouldn't hurt him, but no, I would not like you doing that. Still, it wouldn't hurt him. (As if he'd knew what was going on at such a young age anyway).

So I say relax! You have plenty of time to think/plan about this. :-)

Marshella