Am i an odd one out?

Rachael - posted on 08/16/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone, You dont know how relieved i am to find this page. I am 19 (20 in november) and am breastfeeding my 6month old son. I have felt like the odd one out by the things im doing with Ryder and alot of people are telling me i shouldnt be doing certain things because it will make him into a clingly spoilt baby?! He has not slept through the night at all yet and wakes usually between2-5times a night usually for a little bit of a feed and a cuddle he doesnt completely wake so goes back to sleep easily. I keep getting told i shouldnt be feeding him during the night now since he is 6months old?! his cot is next to my bed and spends half the night in there and the other half co/sleeping with me. Everyone seems to thinks i should stop breastfeeding him now he is old enough and should put him on formula, he should be in his own room, not in my bed or room. and i should let him cry himself back to sleep if he wakes during the night and do controlled crying during the day... I often feel like im doing something wrong? it wasnt untill i read a few posts on here i realised im not actually doing anything wrong! all the mums on here are a true inspiration. im sorry for those who want me to change but i always said to my self i would be the best mother i could possibly be. I will continue to breastfeed until we are ready hopefully if all goes to plan my first goal is 2year without problems, i see it the longer the better for him. i dont want to let him cry it out and get so stressed he passes out. Iv always wanted him to know im here for him he cant talk so if he cries i will tend to him and look after him. Can anyone offer any advice on my parenting style or tips and ideas? Thanks for listening!



Sorry guys just realise i rambled on a bit!

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Aleks - posted on 08/17/2010

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When ever you feel like you are bullied into doing things regarding your child that just smacks of "expert" parenting, just come on here, may be ask and/or post your thoughts or problems, and I am sure your thoughts and feelings will be confirmed of why you are doing a good job and that following your instincts which are spot on is the way to go.

On a number of occassions I came here to post a problem I was having with my child and managed to get a confirmation regarding what I should be doing/following from the posts that have been made earlier, ie, I didn't even make it with posting my concern as it was already covered. :-)
This community is also a great boost in self confidence on this kind of parenting. Coming here makes one feel more normal about how we deal with our children and parent in general. That is, its a great "moral" support group. At least that is how I tend to see this group.

Btw, good on you for being so strong and in tune with your instincts. I was 30 when I had my 1st child and was sooooooo out of touch with my natrural parental instinct that I was easily talked into (or most things) going along at what everybody else was telling me I should be doing!!! Especially the maternal child health nurses (yes, I'm in Vic too :-) ). At times they are the "drug pushers" ( for lack of a better analogy, but that is kind of how I see them lol - of the parenting kind - the amount of times I was recommended sleep school with my 1st born, its not funny!!!! Never went - thank god for that! Anyway, I was forced to start to listen to my intstincts, not to mention I started to do my own research on the net regarding parenting, especially regarding baby sleep and breastfeeding. Which lead onto dicovering a whole lot of other stuff, including parenting older children and general parenting other than night time and bf.

Anyway, I'm rambling on....
Good luck...

Ally - posted on 08/17/2010

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Good to see the other late night owls up all night! The thing I love about parenting this way is that it really is about doing what comes instinctually. Your baby cries, you tend to him or her! The Dr. Sears book is an excellent resource. I read it cover to cover in between constant feedings in the first year...

Geralyn, you are lying between your 28 month old and 1 week old. Awesome family bed! I was wondering about how you're managing one piece of it. I have a 2 year old and we're thinking about trying to add to the family. I don't want to kick my 2 year old out when the baby comes. How are you handling them both sleeping in the same space? I'm thinking about how restless my 2 year old is... sorta nervous about putting them to sleep in the same bed unless I am lying in between them at all times! How are you handling?

Sorry, Rachael, didn't mean to hijack your post! For what it's worth, I read about sleep training A LOT. It went against my grain, but I tried letting my darling baby cry. To "train" her, you know, cause the books and everyone I knew told me I was making a mistake by feeding her all night and sleeping with her. It was awful! It took her weeks to get over the trauma! And I think it was the worst parenting thing I've done. Now that I've been mommying for a few years, I realize my own instincts are a better guide than other people or books! Hang in there, do what feels right, and connect with people who feel the way you do!

Also, it can be helpful not to share how you are parenting differently when other people are giving advice that goes against your grain. Say thanks for the advice, I'll think about that, as you go your own way. As you get more experience with your son, you'll realize that you know better than anyone what works for your child. Then you won't mind sharing your practices and your positive approach!

Good luck!

Geralyn - posted on 08/16/2010

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Rachael, you are doing great! Honestly. And much of it is following your own instincts and throwing out what society has apparently determined to be the appropriate approach. I am typing this as I lie in between my 28 month old and my 1 week old. I couldn't be more surrounded by love. Its wonderful to have the family bed...

Much of what you feel is appropriate instinctually is consistent with AP. There are a number of books by Dr. Sears, including the Baby Book, Attachment Parenting, and several others, that'd really benefit you.

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15 Comments

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Liesl - posted on 08/28/2010

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Don't listen to other people! Go with your heart! I breast fed each of my four children until they were 3 years old, and I don't regret it! I also slept with them when they were babies, and then layed down with them as they went to sleep at night until they were around five, then started sitting by them, then out in the hall, until they were ok on their own. I have had many people tell me how my kids are so good, they are easy to teach, their teachers have always loved them, and I have people tell me that they have never seen children so dedicated to their mother. Breast milk was made by God to be JUST RIGHT for babies. What right do people have to tell you to put them on formula? It only costs more, they will get sick more often, spit up more often, etc. I am on a diet free of toxins, and if you look in baby formula it isn't healthy. " The Family Bed" IS a great book.
ENJOY every minute of nursing to the fullest! Your baby will have so much fun with you the older he gets.

Rachael - posted on 08/23/2010

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yeah it does i had my spirit crushed the other day someone said to me they feel sorry for my boy and poor kid because since i believe in AP im raising my son like a text book not a human being.. i stood my ground but inside it absolutely crushed me : ( mind you once her kid turned 2months she would leave her on the floor all day barely pick her up only to feed tomeke her independant!! i was horrified how horrible for the baby and she used to let her scream her head off so she would go to sleep...

Lucy - posted on 08/23/2010

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nor me thats why i joined this site to get a bit of support people think me and my hubby are mad and it can get you down cant it?

Rachael - posted on 08/23/2010

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Thanks alot Lucy is so great having support on here! i dont have anyone who understands why i have chosen the AP way. and yes im very proud!

Lucy - posted on 08/22/2010

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sometimes i feel just how youre feeling like im the only person alive who parents this way!i do what feels natural and so should you dont let anyone bully you into doing things their way!it can be hard whe you get constant grief these sites are great for moral support il breastfeed josh for as long as he wants me to and i dont think our babies will grow up to be spoilt or clingy they will be balanced and secure im proud of being a attachment mummy and so should you be!

Rachael - posted on 08/20/2010

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Thanks April, i like gettitng up during the night with Ryder as well he is so cuddly and relaxed, sometimes all he wants is a cuddle. I get so tired the next day but i usually manage to have a nap in the mornings with him : ) I have only just started solids so far he likes everything, hopefully will stay that way im very careful what food i make for him i have alot of food allergies and a family history of them.

Thanks Brenda your right i just need to be and able to confindently say im doing whats best for my son a I. We really are a happy little loving family : )

Brenda - posted on 08/19/2010

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Keep it up and if people don't like it, they aren't the parent. You are. And say you appreciate their concern but you are handling things just fine. You are both happy and that's all that matters to you and all it should matter to them. Good for you. :)

April - posted on 08/19/2010

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i like getting up at night to feed my son...he nurses quite a bit at night...it really gives me relief to know that he's getting nutrition. sometimes he can be sooo picky with food! one day he loves chicken and then next day he can't stand it. lol. some days he eats solids all day and other days he eats one little thing and seems content.

by the way, my son is 20 months old now and still going!!! im tired at night but feel in my heart that it's the right thing to do!!

Rachael - posted on 08/18/2010

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Thanks Kayla, i wish people would see not every baby is the same and there is not just one way to raise a child. Aww Serenity is a big girl now : ) i dont mind getting up to nurse all through the night i do get so tired but i want him to know i here for him if he needs me.

Kayla - posted on 08/17/2010

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Thats awesome! keep doing what youre doing.... :) I got the same cr*p about co sleeping and breastfeeding... Serenity was the SAME way and still doesnt sleep through the night every night... I still slept with her and fed her at night that whole first year that i breastfed her. She JUST got a big girl bed a few months ago and still sometimes wakes up once a night and dustin or i will go in and lay with her - but its getting better! :)

Rachael - posted on 08/17/2010

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Thanks alot Aleksandra!
Its hard sometimes standing for what i believe in when people tell me its wrong but every child is its own what im doin works for us without controlled crying and strict routine. ... no one else sees it like that! I just got online and bought the Dr. Sears book!

Everyone says its wrong for me to feed Ryder when he wakes alot at night its not teaching him.... teaching him what if he is thirsy or hungry his mum is going to starve him?

could anyone recommend a carrier ? he is 6months now and over 19lb..

Rachael - posted on 08/17/2010

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Thanks so much Geralyn and Ally i will have to invest in that book i think.! We love sharing our bed with our son and he sleeps better being close to us.

If someone tell you your not doing something right or shouldnt be doing certain things how do you react but still standing by what you believe?



It just seemed everyway i looked i was the only one here under 30 and breastfeeding and i wasnt doing anything that even seemed close to what the ideal textbook way of bringing up a child was spose to be. and for everyone else opinions just made me feel even more of an odd ball saying my child is going to be too needy/clingy...

I never knew there was a name for the parenting style i go by.!! this page is a god send!



I hope my instints on what is best for Ryder will get better each day! and im using that advice just taking in peoples advice and comments and not really going into what im practicing, too many arguments/disagreements come about.



And i am always being told i shouldnt nurse for longer than 9months, my views were to reach hopefully at least 18months...



Its good to know there is support out there thanks!



Oh and im in victoria (australia) so its nearly 6pm.! : )

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