attachment parenting and working! aaagh!

Lucy - posted on 08/17/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My little girl is 4 months old now and we're pretty much practising attachment parenting. I have to return to work full time in January when she'll be 9 months old. On mondays and tuesdays she'l be with her dad from 8am to 4.30pm and on wednesdays thursdays and fridays she'l will go to a child minder 8am while 2pm and my mum will have her 2pm-4.30pm.



I'm really worried about how things will be, I've never been apart from her but i know i need to start soon so she gets used to it. Also i worry as i breastfeed her to sleep for her naps and i know that drinking EBM from a bottle or cup wont have the same comforting affect on her.



I can't bare to think of my little girl being upset wihout me there to comfort her but financially i have to return to work!

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Marcy - posted on 08/18/2009

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Hi Lucy-

We practice attachment parenting and I have a 3 year old boy who has been in daycare since he was 3 months old (he moved to nursery school in February). First off, you would be surprised how quickly they develop a "routine" that doesn't include you. Its actually harder on you then it is on them. I always nursed my son to sleep and I still do (yup, I know he's 3 but I just don't care). At daycare and at school his provider/teacher was able to rub his back and he would fall asleep.



I would suggest (if you can) that maybe you bring her to her new daycare provider for a few hours a day a few days a week starting now. it will be much easier on you as well as her to do the transition.



Also, make sure that you bring a blanket and maybe something else that she can sleep with during the day. Have you tried her on a bottle yet? Our son had the worst problem using a bottle and I would run over to his daycare at lunch and nurse him. it took forever for him to want to have EBM from a bottle...that was the worst.



Again, if I can make a suggestion it would be to try and get in a few hours of her in this persons care before you return to work. It really made things easier for me.



Good luck and know that she will be fine.

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Chelsea - posted on 09/01/2009

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Lucy I recently went through this. I am a full-time student and have been since the birth of my daughter and I recently went back to work, last week, my daughter is now 11 months old. What I did was introduce daycare VERY SLOWLY. I started when my daughter was 5 months old and left her a couple mornings a week. I picked up another morning a few months later and then transitioned to leaving her for a full day once a week as well as 2 mornings. I did that so that she would feel alright with the full-day at daycare schedule. I kept that up and then added another morning so before I went back to work she was doing 9-1 3 mornings a week and 830-430 one day a week. During the time that she was in daycare and I wasn't working I did my school work. Because I introduced daycare so slowly my daughters transition to full-time childcare has gone wonderfully. We are on week 2 of full-time and she is happy as can be.

I think what makes a slow transition work is that they learn to trust that you will come back. By remaining consistent your infant is able to feel safe in childcare. What I think is going to be hard is asking your infant to make not 1 but 2 transitions. First to daycare and then to your mother. I would highly suggest that you choose one or the other not both. What is going to end up happening is that your infant will need to nap both at daycare and at your mothers. I can tell you from experience that is going to be a challenge. Being consistent in napping places as well as general setting is going to make your infant much more comfortable, rested and secure.

I would also suggest getting your infant a transition object such as a small blanket or stuffed animal. Put it between you both when you nurse and sleep so that your infant becomes attached to it. When she enters daycare you can leave it with her as a security object.

Good luck and give some serious thought to your plan of 2 different childcare settings.

Geralyn - posted on 08/21/2009

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There are child minders who believe in AP, so that you know they would be responsive if she cried or needed picking up.... The only thought I had, after watching my son, is that by 9 months, they are so into exploring and being with other children that it should be fine. I know how hard it is to think about your little one in daycare, but you did a great job making sure that she is either with daddy or your mom as much as possible.

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