HELP- SOME SUPPORT NEEDED HERE!!!

Julia - posted on 02/28/2011

hehehe, you are hilarious Marcy! I just had a real good laugh :D

It's almost like I can't wait to get comments now B-) (almost, hehe)

Thanks, and if you have some more of these lemme know! :D

Marcy - posted on 02/28/2011

Julia glad things worked out. You can always use abrasive humor if that is in your cards. There are plenty of snappy comebacks for the "mean wells" (you know, those folks who insist on giving you a lecture/advise when you don't want it because they mean well). Here are my two favorites which I used on a routine basis when i was nursing:

1) "Exactly how long are you planning on keping THAT up?" Mostly spoken by the Queen of Mean Wells...my mother. My response 'I'm hoping we can stop before he goes off to college."
2) When I am approached by a family member or friend who has some kind of remark regarding my extended nursing. I look at them, dead in the eye, and say "I'd love to chat with you about all of the amazing benefits of nursing your child but I am truly not sure that you are open to discussing it. From where I sit, I see this as a dead end conversation and a waste of time, in which I simply don't have the energy to do right now." SMILE SMILE SMILE....

If all else fails, whip your boob out and have a nice giant glass of wine while you are nursing.....that will for sure put everyone over the edge. I think once you get to the other side of not caring it really is a fun ride. Enjoy.

Julia - posted on 02/28/2011

Thank you Katherine and Marcy.
I can give you a happy end :-)
After I had posted here my husband and I had a long discussion.
It was about the benefits of nursing (yet again) and about my feelings and about how I could not understand that he had chosen not to choose what is best for our son.
Anyway, it was a good and emotional discussion.
I don't think he ever considered looking into literature seriously, he just listened to me read him things and since our son always had the "appropriate nursing size" this was good enough for him. I never really cared whether the articles I read to him had good research backups or not (some had, some hadn't), they just approved everything I felt, they resonated with my heart and my reason.
Now some invisible line has been crossed. Our son is no more a big baby, not even a real toddler anymore.
My husband needs hard proof for everything so after our discussion he decided to do research himself. And he landed on the kellymom site!!! :D It offers such a nice summary with 1 million references! So here and there he told me what he was reading with little smirks of guilt on his face .... ;-) I asked him to send the link to my email and he sent it with the words: Please reconsider your decision to wean Lasse off your breast. There are just so many benefits if you keep nursing him. Here is a link that I want you to look at.... :-D
Well I think this one is sealed now.
And I am confidently nursing my son wherever we go. YAY!
Thanks for helping bringing me back to my senses...to myself!
I will translate the whole kellymom site for my family and have it at the ready for them when we are there and they wanna talk about it. Which is probably going to happen. I already had discussions with my MIL who was afraid Lasse would be psychologically effected and would have some sort of very sick (?) relationship with me....
wow, what a growth experience is motherhood!
Thanks again! XXXXXXXXXXX

Marcy - posted on 02/27/2011

Julia-
This is so tough isn't it? My hubby was/is a huge nursing advocate. He could care less where and when I nursed. I always covered myself though because I just wasn't comfortable with my boob hanging out. I don't have any issues with other moms doing it but for me I just wanted to have something over me. Anyways, my son nursed until he was 4 years old. I think perhaps what you need to examine is the big picture. If it was up to my son he would have just kept on nursing and my still be doing it today. At 3 we tried to stop but it just wasn't in the cards. We started to slow things down after that. I told him that we could still have "Boo" at home but not when we were out. When we were out and about he could have milk and a special snack. After a few months he got it and we only nursed at home. I think this made the overall transition to no nursing at all easier. It was a full year of reducing when and where to the point that when he turned 4 he was nursing about 10 minutes a day usually right before bedtime. In regards to your husband it would seem to me that he gets it, he understands the value of nursing but it would seem that perhaps he is a little embarrased by the fact that you are nursing a toddler. Sometimes when we aren't comfortable with something we tend to try and skirt around the real issue by finding fault with little things in hopes that the other person will pick up on our clues.

Good luck....also, I know this sounds so insane but I find that with my hubby if I really praise the good things about him he tends to be a little happier and easy going. I guess its called buttering up or whatever and we really shouldn't have to but you know how it goes with men...HAHA

Katherine - posted on 02/27/2011

The benefits should outweigh the arguments IMO. Have you actually given him and the family literature?
I would definitely say either be HERE or THERE because it's really stressful when you're on the fence.

It's not fair that you have to be embarrassed to nurse your own son in front of people. Stand up and whip it out girl!!! Lay it down, make a movement j/k. But really stick to your guns.
It's sad they are like this, you can't change them. but you CAN change what you do.
Here is some EXCELLENT info for you to pass on: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/eb...

Kellymom is the best. Maybe just show them this?

Breastfeeding your child past infancy is NORMAL

* The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child... Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother... There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer." (AAP 2005)

* The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that "As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer." They also note that "If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned." (AAFP 2008)
Good luck


xx