Mary Renee - posted on 03/30/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )
Here's the deal,
I fell in to Attachment Parenting naturally before I even knew there was a name for it. I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and as a result of waking up to breastfeed so frequently at night, we ended up co-sleeping. And when my daughter was younger (she's almost 11 months and becoming more independent with play time) and wanted to be held all the time, I held her or "wore" her, I nurse on demand, and I always attend to her cries.
The problem is that her father does not believe in this style of parenting. He thinks I'm spoiling her by responding to her cries, and he no longer sleeps with.
It doesn't help that we've been pretty much heading towards a separation since I was pregnant due to the fact that we're totally different people.
But he works 12 hours a day, three times a week, and 9 hour days three times a weeks - so mainly he's only home Sundays, so I've pretty much had free reign to raise my daughter in an Attachment style.
However, if we separate (and we've both seen lawyers already and are in counseling - but separation seems imminent) how utterly confusing is that going to be for our daughter?
She's learning to walk and today she bumped her mouth on the coffee table. It was the corner of the coffee table, but still, both me and my SO saw her hit her mouth. She started crying a REAL cry, a BAD cry, and "Ow, that hurt and it still hurts" red-faced-mouth-opened-eyes-closed-cry. I can tell the difference between real cry and a whine. I went to go to her and my SO kept stopping me! He kept saying
"No, Mommy won't always be there to come to your rescue, better get used to it now." And I'm like
"She's a baby! She's 10 months old!" But then he picked her up and wouldn't let me have her and just kept telling her
"Stop crying, the sooner you stop crying the sooner we can get on with things."
I was slightly comforted by the fact that he had AT LEAST picked her up, but watching her cry and not being "allowed" to comfort her was heartbreaking for me and I hated it.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? I feel like when other people or in-laws or strangers comment unfavorably on one of my parenting choices (co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding) it's easy for me to ignore them or attempt to educate them on my choice. But this is her father. How do I handle this?