Intimacy and Co-sleeping ♥

Kayleigh - posted on 11/24/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hello,
I'm Kayleigh, I have been a member of this group for a while now but have mostly just been reading... I have a question for all of you wonderful co-sleeping mom's...
I am pregnant with my first child.. she's due any day now. I've already got everything set up so she can Co-sleep with us and I intend to do this until she wants her own space. However as many new moms in my position might, I am concerned about losing Intimacy in my relationship... My husband is AMAZINGLY loving and attentive... clingy even. ever since we got together we have been attached to each other most of the time... we spend on average an hour or 2 in bed in the morning just cuddling and talking, and sex is amazing when it happens (less now obviously, haha, but it was around 4 to 5 times a week...) My mom says we are gross with all of our cuddling and kissy-face stuff, lol. I know that he will be understanding of the situation, and probably wont even complain when he is feeling needy... but I'm really sensitive to all that and don't want him to feel forgotten at all.
don't get my wrong, I understand that our sex life is going to be shot for a good long time, and I am completely willing to sacrifice that for the emotional well being of our daughter... but its still something I would like to be able to work around.

Mostly, how have other co-sleeping mom's managed to find ways around all this, so that you can still have time to spend being close... ♥

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April - posted on 12/05/2010

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i think it is even okay when a baby is not sleeping...he or she doesn't know what you're doing and they won't care. I think my husband and i were comfortable with having sex while the baby was awake up to about 6 or 7 months old. Once the baby could sit up (actually he was standing up too by that time) it started to get a little creepy for us. I remember one time looking up to check on our son when he was about 7 months old. He'd pulled himself to a stand and was looking right at me! Totally killed the mood...we always waited until he was asleep after that. It didn't matter where...but time was of essence!

Sylvia - posted on 11/27/2010

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Also, this is not about sex per se, but DH and I used to have a lot of great conversations lying in bed in the dark with DD sleeping between us. Very cozy :)

Sylvia - posted on 11/27/2010

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I'll be honest, I don't think DH and I ever had sex in the first six months after DD was born. That had nothing to do with co-sleeping, though -- we have a really comfy couch LOL -- it was because DD was one of those really high-need, high-touch babies, cried a lot, nursed constantly, couldn't sleep except in arms, etc., and I just frankly didn't have the energy. Also, I had a lot of stitches and they took some time to heal :P

Anyway, yes, you just have to get a bit creative. It can be fun :)

Minnie - posted on 11/25/2010

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Up to a certain age children won't care a hill of beans if you have sex in the bed with them or the same room (if you're comfortable with that).

There also is the rest of the house :).

Time, of course, is the main hurdle. You just take it when you can. Many babies have a longer stretch of sleep some time during the night and eventually your baby to toddler will fall into a predictable sleep routine where you know you'll likely get a stretch of uninterrupted time.

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April - posted on 03/02/2011

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We were living with my husband's parents too, about 2 years ago and that is where our son was conceived... :P

Kayleigh - posted on 03/01/2011

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We are doing pretty well so far ^_^ but we cant really use the rest of the house b/c we live with my husbands parents right now, and after we move we will have roommates. But she honestly sleeps right through it so far.. lol. we will have time to get a better system figured out once we move ♥ thank you all for the advice ^_^

Shannon - posted on 03/01/2011

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When there is a will there is a way!!! Having sex in bed is boring anyway! Be creative. My husband and I have a one year old and a three year old that both sleep with us and have since they were born. We have sex nearly every night of the week, sometimes twice! I am still breastfeeding our 18 mos old on que who still breastfeeds overnight and wakes often especially recently because he is getting his molars. All it takes is will power and the actual desire to want to have sex. I can't remember the last time we had sex in our bed but the rest of the house has been pretty useful for us!

Shannon - posted on 03/01/2011

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When there is a will there is a way!!! Having sex in bed is boring anyway! Be creative. My husband and I have a one year old and a three year old that both sleep with us and have since they were born. We have sex nearly every night of the week, sometimes twice! I am still breastfeeding our 18 mos old on que who still breastfeeds overnight and wakes often especially recently because he is getting his molars. All it takes is will power and the actual desire to want to have sex. I can't remember the last time we had sex in our bed but the rest of the house has been pretty useful for us!

Emily - posted on 12/01/2010

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Agree with Lisa that when the baby is a newborn it's totally fine to be intimate when they're sleeping right there. Not sure how you have things set up, but if you sleep in the middle with baby on the outside w/ bed rail or co-sleeper, you and your husband can still cuddle all you want.

Lately for us the living room has become a good place after the kids go to bed. lol Or sometimes the shower ;)

Aleks - posted on 11/28/2010

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That is me and my fiance currently: "What my husband tells me he misses the most is not so much the sex but the cuddling up to me every night because now i have two children in my bed and hes in the spare room but the kids are young and we have the rest of our lives for ourselves so we are both willing to make do lol."

I can't believe that it is so the same in other ppl's lives!!
What I do have to say though is that when I get to visit my fiance in the spare room... its kind of like dating again... I get to stay at "his house" he he he.
And there are plenty of places we discuss we could give it a go where normally we wouldn't!!! That makes it a bit more fun :-)

But I wouldn't stress so much. You sound like a great couple and I am sure that you both will be able to figure things out for yourselves once your baby is here and you have settled in with the new member of your family. Like someone said, your baby will have a huge say in how and when you can get intimate.

Oh and btw, babies have this huge instinct in ALWAYS knowing when you are getting it on! Its almost like a self preservation mechanism which says - don't you dare make another one, I need you more and need you now, so STOP IT! Whaaaa Wheh! LOL!!!!

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Yes its finding time and energy thats hard. When i only had one child we still managed to find time for each other but i have four now so its harder and you have to specifically make a big effort. What my husband tells me he misses the most is not so much the sex but the cuddling up to me every night because now i have two children in my bed and hes in the spare room but the kids are young and we have the rest of our lives for ourselves so we are both willing to make do lol.

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