dicipline

Pamela - posted on 06/19/2011

Here are my ideas
1. Commit to saying it only once....so do a good job the first time. (ie don't yip from across the room...he won't even realize you're talking to him)
2. Squat down, hold his hand, look at his face (boys have a much more difficult time making eye contAct...so don't force that)
3. Say his name.
4. Say as simply as possible what you need. (Timmy, stop hurting kitty. No.)
5. Redirect. (look at this soft toy. Or "do you need a snack")

I truly think that parents smack kids only because they just don't know what else to do (and the little ruffians can be so challenging, eh?) I think that it is just great that you are trying to figure out more positive strategies rather than smacking.

Silka - posted on 01/17/2009

http://www.babycenter.com/0_milestone-ch...



Check out this link. Perhaps it will reassure you that from 16-17 months using the word "no" and throwing temper tantrums are just as expected as normal development as starting to use a spoon and fork or dropping a nap during the day. This means your child is doing exactly what he or she is supposed to be doing.

Silka - posted on 01/17/2009

I am just wondering what your 17 month old could possibly be doing to deserve to be slapped. Remember, they LEARN about hitting from being hit. I don't believe in ever hitting my kids. A hand slap at the most for something really dangerous like running out in the street or trying to touch a hot stove, because those are things that could hurt them so I want them to think before they do something that could hurt them. Right now I have a baby gate at both ends of my living room. One at the stairs and the other at the entrance to the kitchen. It keeps her confined to the area of the house that is not off limits yet. My living room looks like a preshcool all the time right now, but essentially there is nothing "bad" that she can do in here. I can't imagine anything she could do to cause her to need punishment. Discipline and punishment are two entirely different things. Punishment is what we do to criminals, and when it comes to kids, it really doesn't apply until they are teenagers (just wait). Discipline is for kids and grownups alike. Being on time, cleaning your space, staying organized, getting dressed. That is discipline. I am just beginning to work on those things with my 17 month old. Having a bedtime routine, a meal routine, a bath routine, helping clean up toys, helping to get dressed, go get mommy a diaper...those things are discipline. I totally agree with using redirection with kids at this age. If they are insistant to do something that is off limits then that thing needs to be moved to a place where they can't get to it, or the child needs to be moved away from the area and into a safer place. If a toy is being misued or abused, then the toy gets a time out. Be careful what you are teaching your child. Be careful not to teach them that the easiest way to get your attention is when they are in trouble or you will have a child that is eager to be in trouble as often as possible just to get your attention. Just my opinion, and this is kid 3 for me so I have learned from my mistakes from the past.

Kim - posted on 01/17/2009

I agree with others. It's unrealistic for our children to understand the complete concept of discipline. We do redirection for simple things like throwing toys. For hitting or kicking I either put him down if I'm carrying him or move him away from me if he's kicking. I don't necessarily agree with the smacking thing. At this age they only know instinctively to test boundaries. No means yes and yes means no at times. You need to watch their body cues. For severe things we put him on his naughty rug where he stays for a minute (the rule for time out is 1 minute for each year old). Lastley if he tantrums we walk away to another room.

Amy - posted on 01/16/2009

If you put your baby in a crib for punishment you are NOT doing the right thing, babies understand more then most people know. why do you think the say that from the ages of 0 - 5 are their most informative years, this is because they are learning right from wrong, how to speak and write...and so on. If you put your child in their crib to disipline them, i'm sorry, but in my eyes that is abuse, and your child will resent bed time and feel that he/she is doing something wrong because you are putting him/her into bed. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!



And i am really sorry for being so blunt.

Christy - posted on 01/16/2009

I agree about not putting them in their cribs/beds for punishment, they will associate it with punishment and there could be sleep problems.

My son is very active and curious, he started walking at 9 months and has not stopped. What I have found is the more mad I get and the more energy I put into it the more he is amused. When he first started being bad or misbahaving I would try the naughty chair, I tried counting, it felt the more punishing I did the worse he got. It was like a game. Now when he is doing something he should not be doing (it is usually when he is over tired or bored-little boys get naughty when bored, this is our fault, keep him entertained) I will always CALMLY redirect him or ask him for his favorite thing, like "where is your ball? Can you find it and give it to mommy and we can play". He usually completely stops the bad behavior finds his ball and no one has to get upset. I do not think they have the mental capacity yet to get the whole dicipline thing, they get FEAR, which I do not agree with fear parenting. Its not supposed to be a power struggle, we need to keep our cool and don't let them get bored or over tired.

Hope that helps.

Ginny - posted on 01/15/2009

I wouldn't recommend putting in the crib- you don't want their bed to be a place of punishment.  They might get it into their head that when you lay them down for a nap or bedtime, they are being punished = another tantrum!  I sit on the couch with my little one in time out.  1 minute is usually enough. I know it's time out for the parent too, it's sets the tone for when you have to use time out later when they are older and can sit by themselves.

Sladana - posted on 01/14/2009

hand smacking doesn't work...they dont get that...and its cruel
i was always afraid of my moms look...so my kids know my mommy look...
i say their name and NO "hitting, touching, or whaterver the bad behaviour is" (very firm) and give the mommy look (lmao) it works most of the time. the time it doesn't work. i say it if it doesn't stop i remove, if it continues i bring her into her room repeat it place her in her bed for two minutes. wheni get her i repeat it and give her a kiss. more than likely she forgets what she was doing and we're good until the next situation.

good luck to you

Ann - posted on 01/14/2009

We've been having the same problem at our house.... It's a comfort to know that we aren't the only ones! I have three girls, our youngest being the 17 month old, and we NEVER had the same problem with the other two. I think it is just her way of testing our boundries. If I say no once and the next time let her get away with it she's not going to listen, for us it's all about consistancy. She will continue to test for a while, but eventually she'll get it... "No, means NO." I think you just have to be consistant. Not only will they get it, but they will trust you more because they will always know that you mean what you say. Children don't always like structure, but they need it for stability, and they will love you for it.

Karry - posted on 01/12/2009

I think we under estimate our kids. At 17 mts they have great understanding where they can grasp every thing you tell them. even the word "NO" they know extremely well.Kids generally just want to explore and do what ever they want especially at this age because they are more mobile and realise they can do much more than they did before and they find it exciting. So smile and bare with them they will surely grow out of it.

Karry - posted on 01/12/2009

After you tell him no and show him that you're upset with him. Put him in his crib and scold him some more about what he did wrong and leave him for 2-3 mins. When the time has passed take him out and gently explain to him again, if he does it again remind him and ask him if he wants to go back to the crib. Good luck

Joy - posted on 01/12/2009

I also have a 17 month old daughter and i don't think at that age they really get it yet. I just continue to take her away from what she is doing and eventually she gets tired of it and moves onto something else.

Amy - posted on 01/11/2009

Hey there Kristy lee,

my daughter is the same age and does the same things, but re directing i feel is the best solution. If there is something that he is doing that you dis approve of then take him from it get down to his level explain to him that "mommy does not want you to touch that" and then bring him to something that would turn his curiosity to what you want him to play with. it takes time and paitients but it does work.

Kristina - posted on 01/10/2009

my son was the same the 123 only worked for a while and the 3 times and smacked hand he just laughed and then he started to smack his own hand when he knew he was doing wrong. so now we have the naughty chair and we face it away from tv and other children playing he gets really upset but it is working so now we use the 3 times and then naughty chair

Anita - posted on 01/09/2009

This is just so funny reading all these posts. My husband and I were just having this conversation. We have a 4 year old boy, that when he was 16 months old, all we would have to do is say no and he would stop. Now our 2nd boy that is 16 months old, you say no to him, he does it more, and laughs. I do praise him a lot when he does something good, but when he is bad I have tried everything. I have tried putting him on the stairs, slapping his hand, putting him in the corner, ignoring him, yelling, scaring him. I am hoping this is his age, and soon he'll grow out of his mischievousness. Good Luck to everyone!!

Joanna - posted on 01/09/2009

It is mostly in the tone. If what you are saying is with complete conviction and authority. Think back did you ever have a teacher in school that you just never messed with but you liked at the same time. (All in the tone in which it is said). I now have a noise (kinda like a grunt if you will) hard to describe, that says I am not happy and my daughter seems to respond well to it. Then like Gloria big praise when she is good and specific to what she is doing.

Shantel - posted on 01/08/2009

I have the same problem with my 17 month old with not listening and when we tell him no he hits us (mainly  me)! I don't like to yell or hit him, I just take things away that i don't want him to have. i would like to know how to get him to listen. Any ideas???

Gloria - posted on 01/08/2009

I think we need to let go of the expectation that our 16-17 mo babies will listen and follow everything we say. My son is the same and I have to get up and go to him and redirect him. One thing that seems to be working is praising him when he actually DOES listen--he seems to want more of that and responds more and more when I do. Like, "No, get down from that chair" and "good getting down from that chair." It has to be specific to what they're doing.

AmyBith - posted on 01/07/2009

i understand. as much as they seem to get things sometimes. they are still babies in terms of discipline. i usually try to physically remove him from a situation instead of just talking. we have trouble with drumsticks. he loves to play "bum-bum", but if he hits me or things he shouldn't i give him a warning and tell him i'll take the sticks away. he inevitably does it again. i take the stick. he wails. i try and redirect him. sometimes i just let him cry it out. but i don't give the stick back. it's frustrating--i wish he'd get it--but he's still little. i think expecting them to understand "no" isn't realistic and is just going to make you stressed.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2009

We are having the same problem.  My son is 16 months and if I say no he usually just does whatever he was doing again.  Slapping his hand hasn't worked either and I don't want to use physcial punishment very often.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2009

We are having the same problem.  My son is 16 months and if I say no he usually just does whatever he was doing again.  Slapping his hand hasn't worked either and I don't want to use physcial punishment very often.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2009

We are having the same problem.  My son is 16 months and if I say no he usually just does whatever he was doing again.  Slapping his hand hasn't worked either and I don't want to use physcial punishment very often.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2009

We are having the same problem.  My son is 16 months and if I say no he usually just does whatever he was doing again.  Slapping his hand hasn't worked either and I don't want to use physcial punishment very often.