Help! Potty training my 2 and a half year old daughter.

Jordan - posted on 01/04/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I bought underwear for my daughter for potty training and yes she still has some accidents. But as long as I keep putting her on the potty every 45 minutes to an hour no problem. MY husband doesnt seem to understand. He doesnt want to deal with it so he just keeps putting her in diapers, and then she doesnt use the potty anymore. What do I do? Two days in a row he has just put diapers on her he doesnt even try to put her on the potty and yells at her when she has an accident. He says its cuz she had a poopy accident in her underwear and i was like thats going to happen shes 2 you cant expect her to do everything right right away. He just doesnt seem to get it.

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Peggy - posted on 01/23/2010

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I have been trying to train my toddler since he was 2 but never put any pressure. Put the potty out in the living room, let him sit down on it occasionally just to get him familiar with this new item in the house. I didn't realise this would be such a long slow frustrating process, I was told by another mum it would take three full days as long as you stay home, not go anywhere. I have made sure now to take it slow and any accidents not to tell him off for it as he is learning something different and to just explain he needs to use the toilet. I have never used the term potty but toilet seeing that is what we call it. I made sure everytime I went to the toilet I would tell him what I was doing (wees or poos) so he would get used to the terms. Another thing I learnt was I child will not respond to toilet training until a message from their coccyx bone is sent to their brain to let them know what to do, this can be age 2, 3, 4 or even earlier. I found my son seemed to be uncomfortable weeing sitting on the potty, I then found this product called weeman, it is like a small urinal that attaches to the toilet which allows them to wee standing up, only natural I say! well as soon as I put it on straight away he did wee in it (I did have to make a small step so he could reach the toilet), and if dad goes in to do wee at the same time as your son this makes more sense to them. He is always calling out to dad now to do wees. My son now is 2 yrs, 5mths and we still have issues, he will go to the toilet if running around nude but not with jocks on or pull ups. This is my next stage, now every 15 mins or so I will take him stand him at the weeman and he goes, it is a matter now of me being consistent to get him to go with clothing on. One small step at a time, I think he will have it all sorted in the next couple of months or so. Husbands please do you best to be supportive with this new introduction to your childs life. Hope this message helps.

Charmaine - posted on 01/06/2010

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Heather, I had a similar experience with my daughter. We started and 2, but looking back, I should have waited. It ended up taking very long and it was frustrating for all of us. This notion that a child MUST potty train when they turn 2 is wrong. My son is now 2 years and 5 months. I am going to start the process this month. If I find it's not working, I will waiting a few weeks and try again.

Heather - posted on 01/06/2010

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My girls are 2 and 5. I started potty training with my first one at two and it took forever! She did and is potty trained right before she turned 3, looking back I wish I wouldn't have pushed it. When your daughter is ready she will go to the potty herself. Do what you want, but remember she is in control of it and she will do it when she is ready. Good luck!

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Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2010

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Until you have reached an agreement with your husband, it is pointless to try to potty train now; it will only confuse your daughter. There will be accidents (1 and 2) because 2 year-olds simply get distracted or forget; that doesn't mean that they are not ready. As for readiness, I think each child is individual. That said, my daughter was more than ready at the age of two but, wanting her to take the lead/initiative (which I have read in countless books / articles on this subject) I backed off. Had I simply remained consistent and left her in underpants (pull-ups are useless) I feel confident she would have had it. Instead, we are revisiting now at 2 and 1/2 and it has been successful, even though we still have accidents.

Natalie - posted on 02/09/2010

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Just some advice given to me by my Mum (used to work at Enuresis- bedwetting clinic at children's hospital). Night time dryness will happen when the child is ready. A part of the brain needs to be well developed before the 'message' will wake them up. This 'message' needs to come through loud and clear so DO NOT limit fluids before bedtime. My son has been daytime dry for a couple of months (with the occassional accident) and has started to dry out at sleep times. Night time wetting is not an issue until the child reaches school age.

It's hard to keep Dads in the loop. I know that my strategy changed as my son needed it to and I'd forget to update Dad which caused some confusion (and tension).

I couldn't handle the poopy accidents in the jocks either. I was getting really angry and I know that wasn't helping my son feel at ease about toilet training. I used pull ups for another month or so until all poos were happening on the toilet.

Oh God, I'm confusing myself. My strategy just kept changing so ...

- Use rewards (immediate transitioning to 20 stickers will earn you ...) Decide what the rewards will be together.

- Try and stay calm but make it clear that it's not ok to pee in your pants.

- Try and keep Dad in the loop. Reward and praise his efforts too :-)

Good luck. It will happen. Just remember to enjoy who your child is NOW, toilet trained or not. xx

[deleted account]

potty training is frustrating enough without you and your husband being on the same page! that is one reason i went with the pullups until my daughter gets consistant (the other being that we have to go to the laundry mat, no washer or dryer at the house) then we will move to cloth training undies then regular. also i am not pushing this time. we take her, praise when she goes and talk to her about the accidents. daycare is also working with her so we are doing ok so far. i agree that you and your hubby need to sit down and make a plan. mine doesnt actively help but does encourage and is on the same page with me which is really helpful.

good luck!

Carley - posted on 01/28/2010

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Karey, I say you should put the potty chair under the table... maybe he will sit on it and go and then realize he can go on it even when its in the bathroom :)

Karey - posted on 01/26/2010

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I have a son that is 30 months old. He never wants his diaper on and takes it off the first time he goes in it. So we got a potty chair and he wants nothing to do with it, so i let him run around without one and he goes under the table and then comes and gets me to tell me about it same goes for #2. We have even tried the big boy chair... we all know what that is right...lol his dad takes him in there and shows him different ways and still no luck. Once again he will go under the table and then come and get us. He also holds his privates and then runs and goes to the table. It's like he knows what he is doing and still I am at lost with him. Anyone have any ideas on how to help me out......

Lisa - posted on 01/26/2010

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why someone yells at a 2 year old is beyond me. Why scare a child? A bit of a bully me thinks. At the end of the day this is a child. Some children aren't lucky enough to have parents. I think parent training before potty training is definitely needed.

Maj-Britt - posted on 01/21/2010

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My daughter is 21/2 and I think we made all the mistakes you can make! But now she is pretty much potty trained because we followed the advice in Potty Training 1-2-3 by Gary Ezzo. It talks in there about how to tell if you child is physiologically ready as well as ready in terms of their willingness and then gives three possible approaches to potty training. 4 days, a couple of weeks or a couple of months depending on how your family wants to work it. We did the 4 day method when we knew our little girl was physiologically ready and it worked really well. They focus on staying dry and clean by using the potty and it is a reward system that rewards the child for staying dry and clean as well as for using the potty. Anyway, now my little girl lets me know when she needs to go either peepees or poopoos. I also used my ipod with a movie on it to help her stay a little longer on the potty to give her a chance to get the number 2's out and it seemed to help. Also, regarding your husband, maybe if he is looking after her you could try the pull ups which are like nappy knickers so it will catch an accident but can just be pulled down like knickers to reinforce the training? All the best!

Jaylyne - posted on 01/20/2010

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I have the same situation at home. Daddy doesn't have the patience to deal with messes so we compromise. On the days I'm home with her, she wears cloth underwear and we have a regular schedule to visit the training potty. On the days she is home with dad, she wears disposable pull ups and we put the training potty in a closed off corner near the living room so that if she wants to use it, it's there but if she has an accident, it isn't a big deal. We started introducing her to the training potty at about 18 months (in a cursory way - this is the potty, this is how you sit on it, etc but not really in "training" ) but it's important not to push the issue. Scolding isn't going to make their muscles stronger and more able to hold it in. I agree with other moms that say every child will learn in their own time but also both parents should agree to the plan - even if it's a different plan for both parents =) Our plan will evolve once she is consistently verbalizing her need to use the toilet but until then, she's doing great with using the toilet occasionally regardless of whether she's wearing disposable or cloth underpants. Hang in there!

Annie - posted on 01/19/2010

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Take a deep breath mum........ You are doing great job. You are doing the right thing with being consistant with her. The moment your husband puts her back into the diapers is very confusing for her because she is getting mixed signals and the easiest one for her to respond to is to is the diaper.... she has been doing it in her diaper all her life anyway right, so its so understandable. You first need to make sure that he is 100% on board with the potty training because it will either not work or it will take much longer then it should.

As for the yelling from your husband, i have to say i completley understand where he is coming from with the frustration, Believe you me i was there. When i was training my two year old i would get so angry everytime that she would have an accident especially because i would sit her on the potty for a long time and she would not go and as soon as i would take her off she would have an accident. I would scold her and make sure that she understnds that she should be doing that in the potty and not on the floor.

One thing that i must say is that i never used pull ups or diapers. Once i decieded that she was going to be trained that was it i made sure that they were no more diapers or pull ups in the house that would be tempting for me to use.They were so many times that i wanted to give up and try after some months. My fear was that the older she got the more in control she would be of the situatin. You should try either hiding them or throwing them away... it was hard to throw mine away cause they are so expensive and it was like throwing money away so i gave them to my sister to use with her one year old. Then if you and your hasband are in agreement with the whole thing you should keep taking at it. Everytime she has an accident take her to the pottty and explain that she should be going in the potty and not on the floor. Also make sure she see that you are having to clean up her accidents everytime. Do not treat the accident like it is ok, she should get the idea that it is a bad thing that she did not go in the potty. IIt can get really messy sometimes, but it is worth it in the end. Some may disagree, but i did not diapers or pull ups at bed/ nap time either. I just made sure that she did not drink anything two hours before bed, sometimes three. I tried to keep her busy and distracted. If she asked to drink anything i gave her VERY little. (that was really hard too).

I know its a lot to take in. You will do great, and i'm sure whatever you and your husband decided to do will be the right thing for you, him and your little.

I hope i was helpful.

Cheering you on!!!!!!!!!

[deleted account]

Now, it sounds like your parent-training not potty-training...which is a common mistake in potty-training.Maybe your husband doesn't think she's really and its sounds like me she isn't. A child should be able to indicate that she needs to make a bm or void and has to be about to hold out for around 2 hours.



No one is going to judge you if she's not trained my 3. My twin nieces weren't going with issues until 4. We've been exploring the bathroom with our dd since she was 15 months old and realized she wasn't ready. Then re-introduced it 19 months and still wasn't interested and now at almost 29 months old, she could do it but the child has to feel confediant.

Charmaine - posted on 01/05/2010

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You need to sit down and have a discussion with your husband regarding this issue. Agree on his involvement upfront. If he is not keen on getting involved with potty training, then you could handle it on your own. If you feel your daughter is ready and you want to go ahead, then go for it. Good luck!

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