My son wants to be a girl...what do I do?

Mindy - posted on 06/16/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

3

17

0

My son is going through a stage right now where he wants to be a girl and where girl things. His father and I are divorced and when he came home last weekend he was wearing bright pink crocs. I don't want to encourage wanting to be a girl and have explained that he is a boy and cant change that, and he just gets upset. What do I do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Mell - posted on 07/10/2011

46

0

0

I wouldnt worry about it, My son likes to try and put on my make up, wear my hairbands and he even tried on my high heels.
Went to the shops the other day and he wanted a little fluffy dog toy in a bright pink carry he even wanted to buy himself a handbag like mine.
Hes too young to distinguish between "girl things and boy things" so i just let him get on with it because sooner or later he will be back to crashing his cars into his dinosaurs

Autumn - posted on 06/16/2011

33

11

4

My son does the same thing. I talked to my family, my friends, mental health professionals, and my eventual conclusion was: So what.

This could be a phase because of what is going on in his life, or it could be a real need that he will have forever.. but either way, making a big deal out of it is going to be a mistake. If it is a phase, treating him as if he is ill is only going to grind it into his psyche, and he might well stay that way where he wouldn't normally. If it is a permanent part of him, treating him as if he is ill is going to tell him that he is 1. bad, and 2. always going to be that way, and that he should pretend to be someone else instead of being himself.. because the person that he is, is wrong.

This isn't easy, I'm not pretending that it is... but I think that trying to force him to be someone he is not... even if this is only the person he's going to be for a little while, is a powerful message of rejection that you would be sending him.

Apryllnorris - posted on 09/11/2012

8

0

0

Don't worry about it! My son is 5 and he loves the color pink and likes to try on my hair bows. He likes to walk around in my shoes or heels. He is really funny about it. He notices every time I put a dress on or just a simple skirt and tells me that I look like a princess. He is all boy though. He likes being outside and playing hard and getting dirty. But he is sweet as sweet can be when it comes to loving anyone. I never made it a big issue for the small things like that or bullied him about it and he is naturally growing away from all the girly stuff.

Aniesha - posted on 12/12/2011

361

15

35

Let him be what makes him happy. My son loves nail polish, high heels, and draping my silky scarves around his neck. I don't mind, & he looks cute. My brother did the same kind of thing, and is 22 now and none the worse for it:). As another lady said, he could just like the colour pink.........I used to have a friend who was in his mid 20s who was straight as an arrow, but his fave colour was pink! Sadly society has deemed what colours are acceptable for which sex.

My son doesn't even know what a boy and a girl are at this point. I asked him the other day "are you a little boy or a little girl?", and he goes, "Mummy, I'm a little baby" hehe. I think he wonders what we're going on about when we talk about boys & girls.

Lia - posted on 06/28/2011

22

7

3

your child is too young to be distinguishing on his own what is girl items and what are boy items...It just sounds like he likes the color pink...environmental experience determines what will happen now...don't discourage his like of the color pink. Children enjoy crocs...maybe u should buy him a different color crocs and see if he wants the new instead of the old. I think at his age, when you explain "can't change that" all he hears is "can't" which makes him upset. I think he's too young to understand gender

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

17 Comments

View replies by

Lquaresimo - posted on 10/21/2014

8

0

0

I see a few of you saying that he may turn out gay or it doesn't mean he is gay. Wearing girl's clothes has nothing to do with being gay. Being gay is your sexual orientation. Being transgender is your gender identity. One has nothing to do with the other. Also transgenderism contains a large spectrum. At one end of the spectrum there are crossdressers that only dress as a female occasionally and are attracted to females. And at the other end of the spectrum of being transgender is one who is transsexual. Even within the transsexual spectrum there are what they call translesbians. Those are people that were born with male genitalia that live as a woman and are attracted to females. So sexuality is between the legs and gender is between the ears.

Cathy - posted on 04/19/2014

1

0

0

Hi I'm not a mom but a am a boy how likes girls stuff...yes its weird but I love it!for me it makes me feel happy and I've tryde before to stop but its really hard I don't normaly go out and buy girl clothing so its a part time thing basicaly but don't judge your son if you don't know why he is doing it like go and sit down and ask him why he likes it and what ever you do don't involve his dad because a bond between a father and son is his pride and involving him will brake that beleef me

Deedee - posted on 03/30/2013

1

0

0

My son likes to "dress" up and has been since around 4 or 5. His sister, who is 3 years older loved to "dress" him in her things, my things, heels, hats, lipstick, really cute at that age. It continued to where he wanted to dress in her things and she was kind of drifting out of that stage when he was around 8 or 9. She loves him dearly and always accomidated him though, and I never interferred in their "games". She is now 15 and he is 12 and now she is the one encouraging him again. She loves to dress him completely, (right down to her panties and bra), full make-up, styles his hair for him, everything! Several of her g-friends know and have been over while he is dressed as a girl. Eric is pretty much the same size as his sister and when he is dressed he is as pretty as any of them and undetectable. They now call him Erica when he is dressed and they all get along famously! Oft times he will stay dressed until he goes to bed, or he will even wear one of Angies nighties to sleep in. I have talked to Angie about it and she and her friends think it is okay for him. I have talked to Eric about it casually, trying to be non-judgemental, and several times he has told me that he sometimes wishes he were a girl like Angie and her friends. He doesn't have many boy friends and prefers girls. I'm not sure where this going or what to do about it. I want to support him no matter what. Should I send him to a Psychologist?

Chaya - posted on 07/27/2012

737

0

229

I'm really not a part of this group, but I think I can help.
It is what it is, he may be gay, he may not. He may be transgenderd, he may not be, he may grow up to be a scientist, lawyer, saxophone player, or anything else.
If you tell him that his emotions are wrong, you're heading for a world of hurt.
I recommend a book for your child, it's: "My princess boy."By Cheryl Kilodavis. If you don't embrace him for being the wonderful kid he is, he'll never recover

Jessica - posted on 05/04/2012

12

0

1

Let him be., it sounds like a stage. My son went through a stage for a couple weeks of walking around in my high heels around the house, playing with my make up sponges, asking me to paint his toe nails. All because he sees me do it. He is most likely mimicking you. My son will still ask me to paint his toe nails a certain color if I'm painting mine or he will ask for lotion for his hands if I put some on. But he is very much a boys boy .

Katherine - posted on 02/01/2012

440

0

33

Let him, he cant help it if he is curious. I dont feel it is harmful if he is exploring. and if he turns out gay well at least you allowed him to be him. and didnt control him from exploring .

Beth - posted on 02/01/2012

1

0

0

My son likes the color pink. There is nothing intrinsically female about the color. He likes to wear necklaces. There is nothing intrinsically female about necklaces. Small children are not yet aware of cultural norms for what is "girly". Admit it - girl stuff is colorful and fun! Why would a boy want to be constantly stuck with our perception of what "boy" things are. My son has said that he'd like to be a girl. He's just exploring the differences of gender. It does not mean that he is going to be a homosexual, especially because he doesn't like girl things to the exclusion of boy things. And again, remember that we (adults) are the ones that assign genders to items.

Denikka - posted on 12/14/2011

2,160

5

748

When going through some clothes I had gotten second hand for my daughter (including clothes WAY too big for her), my son found a dress and wanted to wear it. I told him that that was his sister's dress, but he didn't care :P so I put it on him and let him run around all day in it XD He LOVED it :P If I brought it out again (it's packed away with the other clothes that are too big or too small), he'd probably want to wear it again.
It's no biggy.
My boy and girl are pretty close in age (22 months apart) and I'm sure there's going to be a period where dress up clothes are awesome. So I'll get girls clothes and boys clothes and if my son son wants to be a fairy firefighter with sparkly wings, he can fly at it :P

Lisa37601 - posted on 12/13/2011

26

0

0

my son goes over to female friends of his
he love wearing her things.her parents and let him wear them.if he out grow it fine . if not we support him . with way

Lisa37601 - posted on 12/12/2011

26

0

0

it been proven. kids know at early age they are in the wrong body. it better not to make them go thru life and not be happy

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms