What are your thoughts on spanking?

Triwan - posted on 10/24/2012

Lol.

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/24/2012

Krystal,



Here is some research that you can look at. Spanking can alter the brain in damaging ways, because it activates the stress response system. And these problems become medical later on. So in the short run, you stopped the behavior, but in the long term you have a problem. And for preschoolers, spanking is no more effective than saying "no, no," because children often know what is wrong, but don't have the brain development to control the impulse. Even as adults, we have difficulty doing what we know we should do sometimes.



I think you do see people in the hospital with "spanking related" problems, but you just don't realize it, because they are grown.



For example, adolescent depression, mental illness, higher risk of domestic violence when child becomes an adult, increased aggressiveness, substance abuse and drug abuse (I bet you see a lot of problems related to that!), and adolescent suicide. Also, in physical child abuse cases, 85% begin with the parent using corporal punishment. And the long-term health problems related to child abuse are staggering.



What the research says is, spanking increases the risk for these things considerably, and the more you spank, the more you increase the risk.



Here is some research, but if you want to know more you can go to http://stopspanking.org







http://www.phoenixchildrens.com/PDFs/pri...



One other thing, I don't think your argument that your child is different than mine and may require a "swat." Why? Because entire nations of people are raising children without violence. Try to remember how you felt when you were a small child and your were spanked. Do you really want your child to have to go through what you went through, when there are alternatives?

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

CHildren have rights and should as other human beings.. We as parents are supposed to raise our children to be productive members of society.. If it takes a little swat on the butt as enforcment of a rule or if they are in immediate danger so be it..If you can do it without more power to u

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

CHildren have rights and should as other human beings.. We as parents are supposed to raise our children to be productive members of society.. If it takes a little swat on the butt as enforcment of a rule or if they are in immediate danger so be it..If you can do it without more power to u

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

So your telling me that if I give my child a little swat on the butt that im violating thier human rights???? HA HA.. So have you looked up the definatin of a hit and a spank?? They are diffrent..as far as smoking goes. I work at a hospital and i see the people dying of cancer everyday and other disease due to smoking.. I see no adults coming in to us that are dying of getting spanked.. I see people and children come in everyday from carwrecks.. but again I see no adults coming in dying becaue they were spanked as a child... My cousin right now is a grown man and mad at his partents who never spanked or hit him because they made him run laps twice a week on their doctor order mind u because he was overweight.. Im sorry but if people are going to blame getting a little spank on their adult problems they are reaching for straws and finding excuses. My brother was beat as a child and he is a wonderful person who never has never hit his wife or had any violent tendencies.. We are adults and everyone needs to take responsbilty for their own actions..If you give ur child a spanking or any form of discpline it needs to be backed up with an explanation of why and then education.. If you put ur child in time out and then dont explain urself then u are punshing ur child for no reason.. The same goes for spanking.

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/23/2012

Krystal,

Children have the same human rights as any other human being. They have a right, a human right, to be free from all forms of violence. Spanking is violence - it is hitting. It is also unnecessary. Further, it does not work. When I state research, I am saying the the correlative research is similar to smoking. Yes, 2/3rds of all smokers will not get lung cancer. But does that make smoking OK? Of course not. The research on spanking is very similar to the research on smoking in terms of what they call "validity and agreement." This means, the research is incredibly compelling. The other key point to keep in mind is, the effects show up later, much later. You can't see readily what spanking is doing to the brain.



I hate to argue the research is some sense, because I wouldn't want there to be a research project showing why husbands shouldn't "lightly slap" their wives around. It is insulting.



But the research can sometimes help us see things that we are blind to, because of the culture we are born into.



Just think about this, would you put your child in a car without a car seat, because you aren't driving that far, and you are a good driver, and there probably won't be an accident? No. It is the same with spanking. The risk is too great.



But back to the human rights issue, why do you need to hit your child? You don't hit anybody else? If I hit you, because I don't agree with what you are doing, you would be so upset. Why are you willing to risk the attachment your child has to you by hitting? It is fundamentally disrespectful. I respect my children and grand children too much to hit them. You don't have a right to hit my children, so why do you have a right to hit yours? I don't think you do. I think when you hit your child, you are violating their human rights. Furthermore, it is more damaging to hit your own child than to hit a child who isn't in relationship to you. Why? Because when you hit a child that is dependent upon you, you injure his feelings of security - because you are the fundamental source of your child's security.



The good news is, there are alternatives. You don't have to spank your child.

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

I think you RObbyn have a very unreal idea of spanking.. if u even think that spanking to be in the same catagory as domestic violence then you have been in contact with people who are abusing their children. not using spanking as a discplinary tool..Thats great that the academy of pedatric nursing practioners said that.. All those studys dont account for every family or every child..Im a small person and my children are small. when they were little they were all put into the failure to thrive catagory because they were little and not on the charts.. My doctor said dont worry about that its because they are small and all the charts and guides for weight dont account for small people..so that little example was to show u that not every thing that u find with doctors and in statics is correct.. people should do what works for them and leave others alone.. Ur way is not the only way and neither is any one elses..

and mariam that is not even something u would do to an alzhemiers patient they have no idea, they are very elderly usually and confused.. A child knows what they are doing and most of the time pushes ur buttons purposley.. and if someone said to spank ur autistic child then they are very wrong..

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/23/2012

You are speaking to the choir when it comes to joking with your kids. They laugh, because they know you love them and that you are really talking about how frustrated you are. Humor helps me keep it cool, because there is no doubt, my grand daughter can push me to the limit, over the limit, and beyond! I tell her, "I'm taking a time out, because this is stressing me out. We're gonna have to deal with this in a minute." And I take a time out. :)

Miriam - posted on 10/23/2012

Robbyn, I love that you said "meta-analysis". I'm just sitting here knowing how few people will know what it means but I do and I know you're right! I am a firm believer in statistics (statics? statstictics? stasticsics?) LOL! Thanks for the link. I didn't know about the National Association of Pediatric Nurse Practitioners policy statement.



I do sometimes tell my kids, "If you lived with someone mean they would probably be hitting you right now." We joke a lot like that and they know. One day when I was having a tough time with my daughter I said in a silly way, "I'm just gonna have to poke you in the eye with a sharp stick!" It was a joke and she knew immediately because she laughed and said, "You go riiiight ahead" and it was a running joke from that point on. It wouldn't have been funny if she thought I might do it. Humor is our biggest deterrent to negativity.



I once photographed a family. They were beautiful and VERY VERY funny and the mom kept saying, "Smile now, or I'm gonna have ta child abuse ya!" Which the kids thought was utterly hilarious. I know, it's not really great to joke about such awful things but parents do get stressed and overwhelmed and I think making a joke can really help. When in doubt I put myself in time-out. LOL.

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/23/2012

For the nurses here, you may find it interesting that your own governing body association, the National Association of Pediatric Nurse Practitioner’s modified their policy statement against spanking. Why? Because the research is so compelling. Not one study here and one study there, but 100s of studies that have undergone thorough meta-analysis.



The risks for negative outcomes are there for infrequent spanking or threat of spanking, and much higher the more you do it.



http://www.pr.com/press-release/345298



As a woman who appreciates that I have a right to be protected from domestic violence, i.e. my husband cannot just hit me if he wants, I also afford my children and grandchildren that same right. Nobody should hit. It is a form of domestic violence and there are entire nations of people that are raising healthy children without it.



Just think about it. Spanking is a tad barbaric.

Miriam - posted on 10/23/2012

What about when adults get alzheimers or dementia. Most things don't work with them and I guarantee hitting them even with an open hand would be considered abuse in a nursing home but I can also guarantee that there will be many who do not understand and with him many methods do not work.



I haven't called anyone lazy, btw. I don't agree with spanking and I don't think it is necessary but I don't get in people's faces about it. I just really have a hard time believing that anyone could criticize me for NOT hitting. People DO! I've had special ed staff actually tell me that if my son was theirs they'd hit him. That was when he was 3 years old AND he's autistic. Guess what, he doesn't do those things any more and it did NOT require any hitting to teach him. NONE. ZERO! My daughter doesn't have autism and she tends to be strong willed but she has learned and she respects me and I have never ONCE hit her. So at MY house spanking has never been necessary. Not sure why it's necessary for other families, I can't really know that since I don't live in their shoes so I try not to judge or criticize. But spanking hasn't been necessary for us so that means even if it might actually be necessary in other families (I doubt it unless it's necessary due to some lack of skill on the part of parents involved but I honestly don't know) it is NOT necessary in my family.

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

Sorry about the grammer typing in a hurry:))

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

and no miraim spanking is not a necessity. It was a discipline technigue one of many, and used properly it can be effective.. Like any discliple. if u lock ur kid in a room for "time out" for 5 -6 hours that is abusie and not an effective way of using the time out technigue. If u have ur kid stand on a street corner with a sign of what they did wrong. That can be just if not more demeaning to the child as a little swat on the butt..And anyone that says kids are bad because their not spanked is no correct either in my mind,.. Its that parents that dont do anything or arent consistent and use any form of discliple that have defient children. SOme kids are like that no matter what u do.. Its the childs personality that helps steer the parent and the discipline form.

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

Tammy i agree with u that spanking with an object is not right. if i spank my kids it only with my hand over their clothes.. I still dont agree with the easy way out statment.. And yes I can spell. Actually, im a nurse an RN.. I deal with people all day from diffrent backgrounds, age,races etc... No i dont belive in spanking adults because when they get to be older there are other ways to deal with issues.. I dont really care about statics or anything in that nature and dont think parneting should be like that. THeir are tons of statiscs out their that tell u not to immunize ur child which is medically a bunch of bull..If u need saticstics to raise ur child then maybe u should rethink ur partenting.. Doing what is right for ur child. Let it be time out,taking away privileges, spanking etc... than do it.. Being consitant and giving alot of love is the key:0) Also if u want to change someones mind on their parenting skills, calling them stupid, lazy etc...is not going to work..

Kristal - posted on 10/23/2012

Tammy i agree with u that spanking with an object is not right. if i spank my kids it only with my hand over their clothes.. I still dont agree with the easy way out statment.. And yes I can spell. Actually, im a nurse an RN.. I deal with people all day from diffrent backgrounds, age,races etc... No i dont belive in spanking adults because when they get to be older there are other ways to deal with issues.. I dont really care about statics or anything in that nature and dont think parneting should be like that. THeir are tons of statiscs out their that tell u not to immunize ur child which is medically a bunch of bull..If u need saticstics to raise ur child then maybe u should rethink ur partenting.. Doing what is right for ur child. Let it be time out,taking away privileges, spanking etc... than do it.. Being consitant and giving alot of love is the key:0) Also if u want to change someones mind on their parenting skills, calling them stupid, lazy etc...is not going to work..

Miriam - posted on 10/23/2012

Spanking is not a necessity.

Robbyn Peters - posted on 10/23/2012

I believe spanking is destructive.



I wanted to share with you an incredibly important project for children and mothers.



Would you please “like” our Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/protectchildrenf...



We are trying to produce a documentary to help raise awareness on the negative effects of spanking. Our website is http://stopspanking.org



I understand this is a very controversial subject, and we are interested in what mommies think, whether for or against it.



Thank you!



Robbyn Peters Bennett

Mary - posted on 10/23/2012

I believe spanking is a necessity but only used in drastic circumstances, such as almost running in the middle of the street. I believe it should only be used if the child can become seriously hurt. Another thing is, spankings can shock the child at first but if used too often it begins to stop effecting them.

Miriam - posted on 10/23/2012

I'll say this again. Not spanking is not the cause of bad behavior. Lack of discipline is. Discipline does NOT have to come in the form of hitting. Parents do need to do SOMETHING but it doesn't have to be hitting. I don't know WHY people who spank feel the need to say that people doing something else is this huge social ill when it isn't. I can only think it's to make themselves feel superior. Here's an example of discipline without spanking and permissive parenting. I don't spank but my 15 year old who has autism does not get to behave badly because of his disability. I have to teach him differently but we get there eventually. I can't just do nothing because my job as a parent is to help him become the type of person other people want to be around.



In contrast, someone I know has a child who has a learning disability. This kiddo, when he used to come to our house, did a lot of screeching and whining. My kids didn't want to play with him and neither did anyone else. Nobody responsible for this kid did anything until I started sending him home at the first screech. I just couldn't stand the sound and neither could my kids. They already experience sensory overload without someone screeching around them. So whenever I'd hear the sound we all hated so much I'd say, "You don't sound like you're having any fun, I'm going to call your mom." Then I did. He hated it! But guess what, he stopped whining at my house. This is someone else's kid so even though someone might have wanted to hit him, it wasn't an option. Firmness and follow-through are what is needed.



One day I was at the home of the family I mentioned in the last paragraph. The mom was rude to me by scolding ME like a child when I was talking to her DOG that I was dog sitting on a regular basis. I was trying to get him to sit and she was frazzled because there were a ton of kids there. That bothered me but I understood that she was stressed so I would have let it go even though I really felt she'd been taking advantage of me quite a bit. Then her kid came in the room and said rudely, "Is SHE staying the whole time." and pointing to me. I said, "No, I'm not" and left immediately. She didn't tell her kid how rude that was, she didn't do ANYTHING. Then later called to ask if I was upset. She's wanted to be better friends again but I've kept her at a distance. This is not okay. She doesn't NEED to spank the kid, it's clear he responds to things like me sending him home as soon as I hear him whining. She just needs to DO something. And yet she can be SOOO negative about her kid's challenges. I have a kid with autism and love to talk about all the things he CAN do then when needed I'm swift and firm but without physical punishment. My kid does NOT get to speak rudely to adults who visit us and he has a lot more going on. I would not just allow that. So there is a big difference between non-spanking and permissive. I'm not permissive but I also don't spank. Stop trying to blame everything on parents who DON'T spank. I haven't said a thing about spanking causing the rest of the world deteriorate. I don't think spanking is right but I don't KNOW that spanking is causing problems. Abuse definitely is and spanking can turn into abuse for some people. One reason I don't spank is because I was abused and I think it is possible that in anger I could take it too far. So I just don't GO there. My kids have not suffered from lack of discipline, they are disciplined, just not spanked. I am SO sick of hearing, "maybe the reason the world is so messed up is because nobody spanks any more." Clearly, there are plenty of people still spanking and the world is still messed up. It may not actually be MORE messed up than in "the old days". Read up on Roman History. Wow, scary stuff! It's interesting and a lot of amazing stuff has come from that history but some things at that time were much worse.

Tammy - posted on 10/23/2012

No, ignorant and/or lazy. It's the easy way out. It's a LOT harder to not lose your temper, study what works best, really research & look into it, and follow through what you say. Hitting is easy & a quick solution, but not a long-term solution. If you want a GOOD long term solution, you need to actually teach your kids, follow through with what you say, model good behavior yourself (hitting is NOT doing this), be involved, be strict, but talk it out, etc. It's so easy to just whack a kid. It doesn't really teach, well, it does, but not anything you WANT to teach a kid. I have no respect for people who hit kids, especially with objects like belts. If you do that on a bare bum, or underwear, that's just sick. If you don't see that, I'm sorry. There are a LOT of GREAT parents raising great kids without hitting them. Your kids can turn out fine & you can be a good parent if you do hit your kids, but you could be better. That is a pretty strong statement, but that's how I feel. People should try & step it up in the parenting department. It's sad how little some people put into it, or make excuses, just say "this is how it's always been done" etc. It did sound broad & does, but this is a subject I've studied for years, collected articles about, books about etc. I've also debated it before & there is never any compelling evidence why one should spank from the other side. It's most frustrating when the other side of this debate gets upset, but has NOTHING to back it up statistically, and usually can't even spell. It's an observation, you don't believe me, look with an open mind and for yourself. Problem is, people don't have open minds. They usually just try to justify their own shortcomings. When it comes to kids, we can always change for the better, just my opinion, sure I'll get slammed for it, but whatever. I have GREAT kids, exceptional. Never hit them once. It's working. People will do as they will, I just feel bad for kids being hit with belts & parents justifying that it's okay. It's NOT. Spanking, well, it's not helpful, but if it's not with an object, do as you will. With an object, SICK! I'm disgusted by that. Anyone who belts a kid is ignorant. Broad statement, yes.

K. - posted on 10/23/2012

Wow Tammy, that's a pretty broad statement. So you're saying that any parent who chooses to spank is a lazy, bad parent? That's quite an assumption.

Val - posted on 10/21/2012

i never had a spanking. i rebelled as a teen, but it all ended well. it may not of though. i raised my dtr without spanking ever. she rebelled as a teen. And she ended up fine. my youngest is just starting the rebelling thing. she was never spanked. i dont believe in it at all for all reasons, usually the person who spanks is ANGRY and how can this be good to be hit. what does it teach the child then. A tap on the hands when approaching danger is different and removal of the child to a safe site and then distracted by something else is usually sufficient. or just stern words. we have seen kids rule the house, and always are spanked, and they just get used to this form of punishment. Discipline isnt the same as punishment.

Crystal - posted on 10/21/2012

I think there is a limit, like not using belts, wooden spoons, or anything else besides your hand. Also, only spanking on the behind and not doing it when you're enraged yourself.. Alot of kids these days are naughty and out of hand; maybe they didn't get spankings..

Kristal - posted on 10/20/2012

@ tammy, I dont believe that if someone uses spanking as a punishment that they also are not aware or alert or dont follow through or that they dont know whats going on.I have spanked all my kids at one point or another. I am also a very involoved parent. I volunteer at their school all the time Keep up with their school work, I know all their friends and am very perticular with whom they spend time with. Our home has rountines and my kids know the rules. They also know the consques for their behavior.. I no longer spank my older son becasue hes 13 and now has other things that he is intrested in. I do spank my now 5 year old if he needs one pop on the butt. He knows how far he can push me and usally just a look and he stops. I believe raising a family in this day in age is hard and takes work. Especailly when both parents have full time jobs along with the kids many activites.. Like ive said a hundred times it depends on the child the parent and the home..

Miriam - posted on 10/20/2012

Lack of spanking is not the cause of the ills of the world. Some kids are spanked and do just fine and some kids aren't spanked and they do fine. I think the vast majority of kids do just fine. The experiences you have with individual kids and parents have a variety of factors influencing them. I work at an elementary school and only a handful of kids have behavior issues and the ones who do have behavior issues have extenuating circumstances. So maybe 5 kids out of about 1000 and when i work with these kids they improve from the same stuff i use with my kids.

Tammy - posted on 10/20/2012

I also disagree the kids today are disrespectful. Not my kids or their friends. I'm sorry you see so many dis-respectful kids where you are. I know in areas where spanking is more prevalent, example in the school system, the juvenile crime rate is higher. That could be why.

Tammy - posted on 10/20/2012

I agree, going around & around with time-outs is ridiculous. I let my kids know I'm in charge, they listen awesome & I've NEVER hit them once. I can't even imagine on underwear, that sounds just wrong!!!! I literally get praises for my kids constantly, they are teenagers too! Like I said, NOT disciplining is just as bad as hitting. Neither is good parenting. They may turn out okay, but if you don't need to hit to raise them right, why would you? Seems like people just don't know another way. You have to follow through with what you say, teach your kids, model good behavior, be involved, be alert & know what's going on, etc. It's a lot of work. I don't see how hitting them would get anything through to them that you'd want to get through. It may get through the wrong things though, like if you don't get what you want (ex. kids listening) hitting is the answer. How would that translate to their lives? I agree 100% with consistency, and discipline, but disagree 100% with spanking in any form.

Donna - posted on 10/20/2012

Well my son is now 34 and my daughter is 28, When they needed it they got spanked. Not beaten. I was spanked as a child and so were all the kids in my neighborhood. we all grew up fine, and I have the most respect for my parents. and the same with my son and daughter, in fact, when our parents where not around the neighbors parents would spank us. we didn't have gangs shooting up our neighborhood, we played outside and were in the house before the street lights came on. and the same with my children, My son now has 2 daughters of his own, he carried out the same discipline, My granddaughters are very well behaved and very smart. My daughter is in the navy now, with no kids, I here her complaining about her friends kids, she said she watches there kids getting time outs.. and laughs because they just go round and round with it. When my people come over to my house, I tell the parents if you don't discipline your kids for acting out in my house, then I will take over. they will get a swat on the butt.. all it takes is letting them know who is in charge. when they come to my house now, they are perfect angles.. it takes consistent discipline, and follow up with what you say the first time.

Tammy - posted on 10/19/2012

My kids arent disrespectful and i dont spank them. My neices are horrors and they are. Its lazy parenting n easy way out. Just as bad to spank as to not have consequences fir bad behavior. Just bad parenting.

Donna - posted on 10/19/2012

I believe time out first, if that don't work... time for a spanking... NOT a beating but a good old fashioned spanking. I see so many parents now days that do time outs, or No mommy don't like that, it drive me nutty.. spanks these kids butts so we don't have so many juvenile delinquents. the kids now days are so disrespectful.

Tammy - posted on 10/19/2012

Ew, in his underwear? I find that gross. I have 5 kids & had a foster kid also. Never once spanked ANY of them. Hmmmm.....

Miriam - posted on 10/19/2012

I have worked hard to give my opinion without judging anyone.

Georgia - posted on 10/19/2012

Some people are very well intentioned and I will put Miriam in that category. She and some other moms may not need to spank their children. I had two daughters like that. My only complaint is when these mothers choose to judge those of us who have had different experiences.



I have read a few studies and articles that purport to show that spanking is harmful to children. I am not a scientist, but I did observe that one or two researchers (Murray Strauss) comes to mind obviously concluded before he did any studies that spanking was wrong. Other research focused on parents who clearly were going overboard. One study dealt with parents who spanked their kids every week for something! I've never come remotely close to anything like that and I can't imagine basing honest research on it either. Most of all, anyone who is a decent parent learns over time that parenting is not a science and something you can base on studies. Its largely "art" because not only are children individuals, but adults relate to them differently based on the personality of the adult too.



No parent wants to cause a child physical pain, but some situations call for an immediate response. Others may not require an immediate response, but require a very strong response to make it clear to a child in a no uncertain way that some behavior is intolerable.



I'll give an example. When my own son was 10, he was told he could not play with fireworks and firecrackers. I didn't want him injuring himself or someone else. We didn't give them to him, but he got them from neighbor children. I warned him twice not to do it. The first two times, after I warned him I took away privileges. Guess what? There was a third time. Well, third time, I had had it. I gave him a spanking in his undies. That finally ended the problem. I'm sorry it took some tears and a little embarrassment on his part. But, I do it again.



Each situation is different. I wish the non-spankers would be a little slower to judge than they are.

Miriam - posted on 10/18/2012

Kristal Coghill, I agree with you there. The same things don't work with all kids. I try not to criticize other parents. I don't agree with spanking but if someone uses it I don't really feel it's my business to do anything about it unless I see signs of abuse. In my state everyone is a mandatory reporter of abuse.

Paula - posted on 10/18/2012

i don't know how i feel about spanking. i got spanked and i was a well behaved child but i don't think it's for every parent or every time they misbehave. my little one is sensitive so a little pop hurts his feelings. every child is different also so not the sames things work with all of them.

Miriam - posted on 10/15/2012

I don't think spanking introduced violence to kids. I think human beings do whatever works to get what they want or need. If they see hitting working for someone else they COULD use that themselves. Babies scream and cry, toddlers have control of their bodies and hit and some kids are more prone to this than others due to temperament or sensory issues or anxiety or just having a bad day. If someone wants to convince themselves that spanking is always the answer there's not a thing in the world I can do about it. For me, spanking is not the answer. I've found other ways to teach my children and it's working for me. I don't just read studies and do what they say because some studies are badly conducted and I'm very good at telling which ones are good and which ones are crap. I go with what works for me, what I've seen work for other people and I get ideas from many sources. Most schools do not spank the children and what I see is that there are a huge number of kids who are well behaved and the ones who aren't often have other issues.

Kristal - posted on 10/15/2012

@ Miriam that is great that u have been able to.. But like weve all said that it depends on the children. U have a child with aspergers disorder.. that child should never be spanked because he wouldnt understand.. SO what works for u may not work for me or anyone else..

Triwan - posted on 10/15/2012

Also, I would like to add that it's great what you are doing and i'm glad that the techniques that you've used has been successful for you, your family and the ones that you work with.

Triwan - posted on 10/15/2012

@ Miriam, lol I guess you misunderstood. It was sarcasm when I asked "Are they retarded, mentally ill or perhaps in some past life they were spanked???". The answer to that was no. Some kids that are perfectly normal still show violence towards others. I've witnessed a 4 year old beat on his mom all the time when he doesn't get his way and mind you, she doesn't believe in spankings either.He speaks just as well as any adult and is on target in all aspects that I can see. I've been a paraprofessional for grades special ed pre-k up to 5th grade so I also have a little experience with a variety of kids myself and I have a teenage son that is totally awesome (yes, he was spanked when he was younger). So the belief that spankings introduce children to violence is not that accurate if some children that are not mentally ill or retarded still act the same as what "studies have shown" and some that was spanked do not.

Miriam - posted on 10/15/2012

You asked if they were "retarded or mentally ill". My answer to that is "maybe they are autistic!" Some kids also just talk later and are well within the normal range. Some parents teacher their toddlers sign language to help them communicate if talking is a little later for them. I taught my daughter some sign even though she was very verbal and it actually did come in handy sometimes when we were in a noisy situation and she couldn't make herself understood. Some kids hit and kick out of frustration, some hit and kick because they've seen other kids do it. My son never bit anyone until someone bit him and then he did a lot of biting for a while. Physically lashing out to get needs or wants fulfilled is common in young children and some children still struggle with that when they get into school even if most of their classmates have mastered it. Teaching children better ways to get the help they need is the most successful thing I've seen for eliminating the behavior. I don't base the discipline of my children only on studies. I base it on what I've seen work and what I've seen that doesn't work. I do not want to hit my children, my husband and I both agreed we did not want to spank. So we haven't. My son is 15 and my daughter is 12. My daughter has never been a hitter, kicker, biter. She was able to communicate both verbally and with facial expression and body language so really didn't feel compelled to hit, kick or bite. My son is 15 and still has trouble getting the words out so has to really work to stay calm sometimes. My son has asperger syndrome so this explains why he struggles. He's not allowed to hit anyone and we overcame that a long time ago despite his difficulties and I did NOT hit him to make it happen. I removed him from situations. I put toys or even MYSELF in time-out, I worked on encouraging him when he was doing the right things and I gave him tools like picture cards and specific phrases he could use. I used things from his favorite activities, books, games etc, to reinforce these things. This isn't just useful to kids with autism. It can be used with any children.



I work with elementary school children as a lunch/recess monitor. Nobody is allowed to spank children at school AT ALL. Not here in NH anyway. I've never been tempted because I have a lot of ideas for how to change the behavior that don't require physical contact at all. I use a lot of what I learned in helping my son with the kids I work with at school because it works with typical kids as well as it works with autistic kids.

Triwan - posted on 10/15/2012

@ Miriam, I'm not referring to kids with disabilities or those with language barriers, as frustration would be the obvious reason. So back to my original questions to those they say that they don't spank because "studies have shown" that spanking your child teaches them violence. What does the studies show in regards to kids that don't receive spankings but yet at a young age hit and kick there parents (usually the mom)? Are they retarded, mentally ill or perhaps in some past life they were spanked???

What about the kids that received spankings at a young age and did not grow up to be violent, but respectful, educated and successful?

To each it's own but psychology just like science, is not always reliable.

Miriam - posted on 10/15/2012

You are absolutely right that kids need boundaries. I've been able to teach boundaries without spanking.

Kristal - posted on 10/15/2012

OH and almost forgot lots of love always helps too!!!!!

Kristal - posted on 10/15/2012

I bellieve in spanking your child... Every discipline needs to be done with love and understanding.. Just becaue someone is a spanker does not mean they are not guiding or teaching their children.I have a13 year old, 10 year old and 4 year old. Two of my children where spanked and they are all great kids. None of them have any authority issues or are violent. They all are doing great in school. I believe that it is becuase they know their boundaries. I no longer spank the older ones because now we can use other things as punishments and when I tell them no they listen..and if they dont they loose things and cant go do things they want to do. It is true kids need to grow and learn but they do that with clear cut boundaries and discpline.. If your child can do that without spanking great. I never spanked my daughter it would have just hurt her and not taught her anything.. It is parent discretion.. WE ARE HERE TO BE PARENTS NOT THEIR FRIENDS.. i always tell my kids my job is to help u grow into productive adults and part of socitey and to teach them how to one day take care of themselves and be responsible adults.. that is why we are parents...

Miriam - posted on 10/15/2012

Triwan, the worst that has been shown about punishment, especially anything physically painful is that it introduces irratic behavior. I can stop bad behavior but might cause avoidance of the parent who is supposed to be trusted or it might cause a child to start hurting other people. A child who is hitting or kicking or biting at a young age may be frustrated due to their inability to communicate verbally. Kids with autism can do a lot of hitting, kicking and biting and it's because they need things they can't communicate. Hitting them isn't going to make that better. Helping kids with communication is a much better choice. Kids who seem like they can communicate might not actually be able to. My son talked at 1 year but he didn't say a single thing that helped him get needs met. He talked about letters and numbers. He has asperger syndrome and is hyperlexic (he read AT age 2). I worked hard to figure out what he needed because he really couldn't tell me. He is much more able to tell me now but his ability to deal with conflict with other people is very limited.

Triwan - posted on 10/15/2012

Just curious on those that say that they don't believe in spankings because "studies have shown" that spanking your child teaches them violence. What does the studies show in regards to kids that don't receive spankings but yet at a young age hit and kick there parents (usually the mom)? Are they retarded, mentally ill or perhaps in some past life they were spanked???

What about the kids that received spankings at a young age and did not grow up to be violent, but respectful, educated and successful? Case in point, studies only show what they want it to show!!! It's generalized and doesn't speak for everyone across the board. Btw, I've taken a few psychology classes and a sociology class.

Maranda - posted on 10/15/2012

I don't spank, however I respect that is every parents individual choice. Food for thought: If you do spank, make sure that you educate yourself on the development of babies and toddlers. For example, spanking a baby for lying, when the child has no concept of how to tell a lie or what a lie even is.... that is crazy!!! Even if god says so!!

Miriam - posted on 10/09/2012

I won't judge the mom based on that behavior alone because I'm not in her shoes. I'm not in yours either. I try not to make blanket statements about what other people do but I do get offended when people make generalizations and judgments about what I do when they have no idea how life is for me. Of course it helps that I've been told by a lot of teachers, school administrators, doctors and other professionals what a great job I'm doing. Of course I already knew that but when I get criticism it helps to hear something nice from someone whose opinion means something. Some people who don't spank also don't do anything else. Some people who spank aren't consistent so their results might not be great either. Consistency is important no matter what form of discipline is used and a huge dose of natural consequences can do a world of good. If a safe, natural consequence exists I let that happen.

Leonor - posted on 10/09/2012

Well Miriam, good for you to be so creative! i am not that creative as you are, but still my kids are healthy! i have a friend that does not spank their kids, and both are calling her "stupid" , so maybe you should let her know more about your wisdom; since i cannot help her. I have my humble opinion of how i handle my kids with "physical pain"... By the way, i think the physical pain is more on my hand than in their butts... really!

Miriam - posted on 10/09/2012

Leonor, it doesn't sound familiar to me. I've never spanked my kids and I can't even see how anyone would use that as an excuse for bad behavior. Just because I don't spank doesn't mean I don't do ANYTHING. I discipline my children. I work very hard at it and they are great kids. My son is 15 and has asperger syndrome. My daughter is 12. If lack of spanking was going to cause them to behave horribly I think we'd have seen it now. Funny how I've had one person tell me my daughter is "of good character" and a grandparent who spanks asked me how I get my daughter to be so well-behaved. I didn't use spanking. Maybe I'm just creative, skilled and talented at using discipline that doesn't cause physical pain.