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In-laws Interfereing!

Sindus - posted on 04/09/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

My in-laws are interfering so much about how to raise my 20 month old. They're teaching her bad words and how to be violent and selfish while playing with other children...they think it's funny!

My husband thinks it's wrong but he doesn't tell his parents anything about it and just humors them and plays along.

My daughter isn't really respecting me or even respecting the fact that I'm her mother. She hits me when i tell her no about anything and she runs off to her grandparents (my in-laws)...even when i change her diaper or try to put her on the potty and even when i change her clothes. She screams and screams until her grandparents hear her and say what's wrong and they pick her up and treat her the same way and she doesn't go through that temper tantrum that she just did with me!

It's pissing me off because this is my first child and I've been dreaming of raising my child a certain way my entire life and when I finally have a child she's being raised (wrongly) by my in-laws and I have no word in it! Please help!

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Emily - posted on 04/26/2010

I would say that you need to find the money to get your child out of that situation. You and your DH need to sit and talk about what you envision for your child. This does not sound like behavior that is healthy for her. This will effect her in school and any other activities. After you and your DH are on the same page (which hopefully is in the area of what you want), I would suggest that you both talk to his parents. He needs to learn to stand up to them for the interest of his child.

I just thought of one more thing, did they raise your DH in the manner?

Brianne - posted on 04/26/2010

Oh my goodness, I understand exactly what you are saying!! We leave our child with my in-laws and it drives me crazy when she underminds me. My husband has gotten better about telling his mom to stop doing things we have asked her not to do and stop talking like I don't know what I'm doing with MY child. She is manipulative and underminding and we have really struggled with it. It's just one of those things that if your husband doesn't stand up to her, you will have to and that's the hardest thing in the world to have to do as a daughter-in-law. When I first had my son, they would get so mad at me because my husband's dad and aunt smoke and they would just hold it behind their back and come right up to michael without thinking anything about it, so I stopped letting Michael go over there and it really put a strain on our family, but I got my point across and until now, she's been good about doing what I ask because she knows I have enough pull to keep him from going over there if they are doing things I have asked that she not do. It's been almost 2 years since that incident and she's acting up again, so we are going to have to stand up to her once again.. IT'S NEVER ENDING.. just remember that.

Sindus - posted on 04/26/2010

Thank you for the response I will consider speaking with my husband. Thanx for your time and caring patience.

Sara - posted on 04/24/2010

310

How frustrating! First of all, I think you and your hubby need to get on the same page. This is YOUR kid, and the two of you need to do what is right for her. Then he needs to man up and stand up for himself and his family. He's not a kid, and he is responsible for his daughter. He needs to sit down with his parents and tell them that what they're doing is NOT okay. That they are undermining your authority as parents, and not respecting your wishes in regards to boundaries and manners, and that you both feel this is actually causing harm to your daughter. Remind them that you both know they love your daughter, and that you all want the best for her.

They may or may not appreciate it, or agree with him. But keep at it. Don't let them interfere when you are dealing with her: Say no, I'm her mother, I will handle this.

If it continues to be a problem and they refuse to show you both respect as parents, then I'm sorry to say, you really may need to find another alternative for daycare. It's not love if they won't work with you. It's control, manipulation and disrespect... and you wouldn't tolerate it from strangers.

Sindus - posted on 04/19/2010

Thanx for responding, I really need some support. I leave her with my in-laws. This is what my husband and I agreed to since I go to work and don't have the money to put her in a day care and don't trust just about any baby sitter either with the house or my baby.