Looking for support...

Vanessa - posted on 05/20/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Since I've had my beautiful baby I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror without cringing, crying or vowing to never look again. I have not lost my baby weight and still don't fit into any of my clothes. Although I know it was worth it to have my bundle of joy, I can't help but feel depressed. I'm a stay at home mom who rarely gets to go anywhere, let alone have much "me" time. I feel so guilty about feeling this way but I can't help it. My husband says I look great, but that's easy to say when you're not wearing maternity jeans 9 months postpartum. I have no motivation to exercise or do anything to better my situation. I feel so alone...

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Rebekah - posted on 01/02/2013

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yeah depo is horrible! I lost all my baby weight and fit my size 8 jeans again then got it and went to size 12 in like a month! now that its almost 4 months through though my body has adjusted to it and I am back to size 10 - I was like woah what the heck I never put weight on before even when I had tried to then to go up 4 sizes in a month I felt so disgusting! A few sit ups and a few glasses of ice water a day helps get rid of the poochy bit - I hated that! I have accepted the fact I will not be a size 6 or 8 anymore but I am ok with 10 lol at least its only 2 sizes more not 4. It will go away haha till then pack all the old clothes into the cupboard never to be looked upon again for a few months ..and go and get some that fit properly and you won't feel like crap when your old jeans don't fit. and you will look good in your new ones :) xx

Rebekah - posted on 01/02/2013

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Oh my god I know! I felt repulsive and had no sex drive what-so-ever - and when I did eventually give in to shut him up I didn't want to take my shirt off or anything. I used to blame my partner for me not going anywhere but you have to make yourself go haha - I found that if I went shopping and brought some nice new clothes in my new size I actually didn't look so bad and I stopped trying to squeeze my fat arse back into my way-to-small-obviously not going to fit past my thighs now- size 8 favorite jeans that the button popped off due to extreme pressure.. and got some that were my size and made my bum look great - then went and got the hairy caterpillars on my face waxed into eyebrows again - and did my nails and brushed my hair that had just been washed and scooped into a bun for the last few weeks and was a rats nest.. then put some make-up on and went to town with my bub to get grocerys - woo hoo - I felt a bit better - then when the 16 year old goober honked at me from his peice of shit car.. which is a bit sad but hey it was a bit of a confidence boost.. haha. I just get dressed up sometimes and take baby with me and go out for lunch by myself somewhere and it's great! . :)

Atara - posted on 06/11/2009

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i suggest (both to cure depression and help weightloss) getting a bit more active, make sure to leave the house atleast every other day if not every day (depending on the weather..) it helps to be around people you may not even know.. take walks, if you have a playground nearby you might even get to know some other mothers and feel less lonely. remember, youre not alone in this!

go swimming with baby- it's great fun and who cares what you look like? ppl at the pool don't know you and shouldn't concern you!

I beleive that once you're feeling less depressed you're past the hard part, the exercising and motivation is easy once youre happy again..

Kelly - posted on 06/10/2009

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It is really important to get out for a walk for your mental health! I spent the first 6 weeks with undiagnosed post pardum depression. It was SUPER hard for me to get motivated to get out of the house! But even if it took me all day to prepare I got out. My husband started giving me silly tasks like go to the store and buy tomatos for dinner. It made me feel like I had to get out. I started to feel better (along with meds :) and it got me walking! Start with small steps... and one hour at a time!

Ashley - posted on 05/30/2009

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I feel the same way. I cant fit in any of my clothes, I gained over 17 pounds so I now weigh the same as when I delivered my daughter. I have a boyfriend who never tells me I am beautiful or makes me feel loved. People ask me when my baby is due, and I have to tell them I already had my baby and I am not pregnant. I get so jealous of other moms who are already back to their prebaby size. I blame it on the depo-provara shot, After I had my baby I lost 24 pounds the first week, then after than I just kept gaining weight, I dont eat differently and I am just as active as before so thats the only thing I can think of. It is really depressing, I hate the way my stomach hangs down from my c section, all the stretch marks, and all the extra weight. :(

Chauna - posted on 05/29/2009

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I know how you feel. I still hate looking at myself in the mirror but you need a change of venue. I am a stay at home mom too and my husband travels a lot so I am home with the baby all the time by myself. You have to go anywhere to get a little sanity. Go out to the mall and just walk around for a change of pace. Go to a park and get some fresh air and take a picnic lunch or something with you. It WILL get better. Even if you could have someone watch your baby for an hour or so so you have some time alone. It is ok to do that. You are not a bad person, you are normal. Once you feel ok about yourself then the motivation for exercise will come. Hang in there - I am praying for you.

Rachel - posted on 05/27/2009

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i have a 3yr old and a 9 month old. it is very hard to be motivated to do anything other than what your child or children need and want to do. i am about 25-30 pounds heavier than i was when i got pregnant with my first and am still yet to get rid of it. i have a few maternity pants that i still wear and, lol, sadly, i am ok with it.... i hate it, but am ok with it. i figure it took me 9 months with each kid to gain the weight, so i still have a little time to get rid of it too...... you kinda have to learn to go with the flow.. whatever happens, happens. if you get rid of the weight, good for you.. if you dont, (hubby says you look good), then i wouldnt worry that much about it

hope some of this helps and good luck.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah - posted on 05/27/2009

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I too have not lost my baby weight yet. (And hate it!) I've nursed all along but have only lost a couple of pounds. I tried the gym for a while but I do bedtimes and it made it a bit challenging. I do go for walks. I just started weight watchers online and have lost 7 pounds so far. I will get back to the gym soon! Hopefully!

[deleted account]

I feel the same way. I gained around 90 pounds and have not lost half of the weight yet. I hate mirrors and I hate going in public. Every time I get dressed I think I look cute because I imagine myself as the same skinny little thing that I used to be -- then I look in a mirror and cry. You are not alone. We just have to keep trying to do the things that work for us. Hang in there!

Tandi - posted on 05/24/2009

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Dont feel alone, cuz you're not! I know how you feel! I was a size 16 before my baby ( i know that is NOT petite) but now it seems like it! I ended up haveing to get some new clothes because I am now a size 22! ouch! I hate when I see me in the mirror, the less clothes on the worse! lol but really to be honest hiding away is only going to make it worse.

I really dont want to be mean, but people can see you... they know what you look like, and you know what? they dont care if you are a little bigger. when you hide away the only person you are really hiding from is yourself... but it isnt working, because you still know where you are! lol it is not like you can hide the weight or anything! i know i tried! so the best thing to do is to MAKE your self go out everyday! even if it is just a quick walk around the block

and you cant say, oh well I didnt shower, or I didnt do my hair/makeup or what ever so now i cant go out. TO BAD! make your self go out anyway, then i bet you'll want to start making sure you are presentable first after that! but if you find you really just cant then maybe ask your husbad to make you go out, just for a litle walk at first and just try to make it a bigger and bigger thing when you are comfortable at the lever you are at... anyway this is too long, good luck and remember you are not defined by your bodymass, you are defined by who you are and how bright you can shine



ps. STAY AWAY FROM THE WII FIT it is mean! lol

[deleted account]

I hear you Vanessa! I put on nearly 7kg's after having my baby girl and i go to the gym 3 days a week try to eat healthy and do a little bit of exercixe at home but haven't shifted a single KG! It turns out that since i am still expressing every 3 hours my body refuses to let go of the baby weight and is keeping it as a just incase nutritional supply. Its quite common for new mothers to gain extra weight if you are breast feeding as it is your bodies natural reaction to provide for your baby's nutritional needs so the body can store fat to use if you become malnourished at any point, You are lucky you still fit into your maternity wear unfortunately i out grew mine and could only wear them for the first week after bubs was born then i had to buy bigger size clothes. My doctor has assured me that i will lose the weight once i stop expressing feeds adn hopefully with losing wieght it will also help me to over come my PND and Post Traumatic stress syndrome (which doesn't help with the weight gain either). My huby is the same he thinks i still look good but in my mind i am horrible and refuse to have intimate relations with him... and it is causeing some problems between us.. If you ever want to chat send me a message!!!

Laura - posted on 05/22/2009

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Make a deal with your hubby to have him watch the baby while you get some "you" time. If you don't, you'll go crazy. Go window shopping, spend some time at the gym or have a drink with friends. If I spent all day with my sweet baby, I'd probably lose my mind. I try to go to the gym 3 times a week (even when I don't want to). Once I get there and take a yoga or spinning class, I'm nice and refreshed and ready to spend the evening with my daughter.

Megan - posted on 05/22/2009

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I am so happy to hear that others are having this same issue. I am still wearing some maternity stuff and it makes me mad! Its hard to find time and motivation to work out especially since when you get home from work all you want to do is hold your beautiful baby! Its great to have this community of women to lean on.

Jennifer - posted on 05/22/2009

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I am also still wearing my materinty cloths as i weigh the exact same as i did the day before I had my son. It's hard to go places with a baby in tow, but i found the easiest thing to do was sign up for mommy and me class's like swimming which starts at like 6 months. It gives you a chance to socialize with other moms who are probably in the same boat as we all are. I agree with a few of the women blow being depressed or having anxiety is going to make it even harder to lose the weight, don't feel bad about talking to your doc to get some temporary help. Also when you walk don't just walk jog, then back and forth, it will help you lose the extra pounds a little quicker! =) hope this helps.

Stefanie - posted on 05/22/2009

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It's hard to lose the weight isn't it? We're all in the same boat...except for those rare women who lose the weight immediatley or don't gain that much (who can go sit in their own boat...the one with the pinhole in the bottom) haha! Just kidding! It sounds like you're having a really hard time. You should talk to your doc about post partum depression. Being a mom is REALLY hard work...especially when you stay at home. ( I do too) It's lonely and sometimes overwhelming. Just the mere fact that you're having depression and anxiety about your weight will inhibit your weight loss! Talk to your doc.

Amy - posted on 05/21/2009

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I just pulled out maternity clothes for summer today. I gained ten pounds AFTER my daughter was born b/c I was suffering from ppd. I'm cutting back on snacks and walking to lose the weight. Also, for socialization, I joined a mom's group (try meetup.com for ones in your area). Get out of the house even if just to the store or a walk. It's hard to get motivated, but once I'm out I feel better. Hopefully you will too.

Kalla - posted on 05/20/2009

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For all thats its worth I am right there with you. I had my first in 2007 6 months later I got pregnant with my second. Now nine months after she was born I still weigh MORE than I want and hate the way I look.



As far as no motivation I am there too. I am also breastfeeding so I am ALWAYS hungry... (i don't know if you are BFing too but that can cause a lot of not loosing weight either.)



But just know that you aren't the only one. I know everyone says this but it did take a lot to get where you are so just give it time and don't get depressed (eaiser said than done I know!)



Hang in there! Ever need to talk I'm here!

Alizbeth - posted on 05/20/2009

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Are you breast feeding that should help. You can also put her in a stroller and go for a walk. Some of it might be in your mind. If your hubs still thinks you look good then you have nothing to worry about. Also if you had a natural birth there is a possibility that your hips have widened a bit and there is nothing wrong with that.

Kayla - posted on 05/20/2009

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I didn't gain enough weight to have to work on losing afterwards...I gained what he weighed and for what little water I had...I do have an issue with that wonderful pouch of skin that was slightly stretched. I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm pregnant again. I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of that! I walk daily with him, and that's not helping any! But know you're not alone! We're all right there with you in one way or another!

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