Stay at home mom... Can I ask the hubs to help out more?

Karen - posted on 05/13/2010

You most certainly should ask for a little more help at home. I am a stay at home mom as well and my husband works full time. But when it comes to the time he is at home we are 50/50. We treat it as if we both worked we go to our "jobs" and when we are both at home with one another we both help one another out. The house and the child is not just your responsibility. I am sure like most people he gets a day off from his job us stay at home moms never get a day off our job never ends. Ask for help and explain to him that you need help too!

Christina - posted on 05/13/2010

ABSOLUTELY!! my thought is he helped make the kids to, it wasn't just you. not only that you definitely need some down time for yourself, it helps your health for one and two helps keep you sane for sure.

Daria - posted on 05/12/2010

OK. In sorta the same boat, but kind of different. My husband works 9-5 five days a week. I teach ballet three nights a week. I am a housewife (and proud of it! we're the last of a dying breed), and appreciate all the help I get from my hubby. What I DON'T appreciate is the myriad small comments about what I COULD have done while the baby was sleeping, and what I SHOULD be doing to raise this baby properly. It undermines my confidence as a mother. He doesn't think I'm feeding the baby the right foods, he thinks the baby should listen more, whine less and be more focused (he's a BABY, for heaven's sakes!), that I don't play with him enough during the day (but gets pissy if housework/food/laundry isn't done), thinks I should be constantly constantly busy, which I am, except for a half hour during naptime, when I go outside and read.....I haven't slept in in six weeks (usually we trade off on the weekends, but he's been sick), its recital period for all of my schools, and I'm just wiped out. I start my day at 7, and get home from teaching at 8.....I know he works hard too, from 9-5, and then on baby duty until I get home, so I know he's tired too, I could just do with alot less criticism. Thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate it. And HA, I'm going to go read outside for a bit. Its a beautiful day!

Lena - posted on 05/07/2010

OMG! i so totally agree i was jus having this conversation, jus because we dont bring the money home dosent mean we dont work our asses off i have a 20 mnth old and he is busy i also have a puppy whose busy as ever, my day starts at 630am i get up with him fix breakfast take the dog out then after breakfast we atch pbs and play around then hes down for a nap no no i dont take a nap i clean up the house from top to bottom dishes his play room jhis bedroom my bedroom the bathroom laundry then take food that neeeds to cook to unthaw for dinner then my son is up from his nap then we go for a walk if it nice out so i had to pack his lunch bag his backpack we are out for bout 2 hours so then husband home convo with him change diapers there make dinner clean up again then bath time my day does not end till 9pm and then iam pooped im not saying i dont enjoy it i choosed to do what I am doing but a lil help would kind of make my day easier, like that diaper changewould of helped or them dishes which he is getting better after we had a long talk because i simply jus had enough but he listen because it was braking into me and his time so I am starting to get help if you catch my drift lol

Laura - posted on 05/02/2010

i partner works from 7 till 4 5 days a week and most saturday morning, i dont expect him to clean the house top to bottom but he does help out if im washing dishes he will dry them stuff like. or he will play with the kids in 1 room so i can go and do other stuff, the "bread winners" need to help around the house because that is a stay at home mums full time job 24 hours a day, if you need more help just ask im more than sure he will be happy to help if he knows how you feel

Kirsten - posted on 05/02/2010

Haha, believe me, I know how you feel. There has to be a balance between being the bread-winner and the dad...they have to do both! You want your man to be happy, but the moms need a break too. Does he do anything around the house such as, take out the trash or mow the lawn. If he is contributing in some way or another, I consider you to be lucky. If he is literally staring at the TV constantly, then you all need to have a serious talk.

Eva - posted on 05/02/2010

YES! You have all the right in the world to have him help you! Your job NEVER ends, HIS does. He helped make the kids he can help take care of them. With my hubby I had to set down rules. I do 100% when he's not here and when he is here I do 50%. He cooks, I clean. I bathe the kids he gets them in diapers/jammies and brushes teeth. I pick up our bedroom and the kids' nursery, he get he bathrooms and the living room. It sounds childish to have these rules but it works. If we have guests come over and the living room is a sty, that's HIS problem to get it clean not mine. lol

Belinda - posted on 04/29/2010

To me you should tell them to get off there ass and help you out they are his kids too. My husband when he gets home cooks dinner for us after he has bathed our daughter. He also spends alot of the weekend playing with her, it really helps with there bonding...

Marjolein - posted on 04/28/2010

i feel the same...
i'm stay at home mum too when my partner comes home he's on the couch n only gets up when i sing: food glorious food (ice age)
i'm not asking him for cleaning the house but if he could entertain the kids so i can finish cooking would b a lot more helpfull. since i started working 1 day a week in the weekend he now knows how i feel every day... n i want him, when i'm working, to at least put the dishes in the dishwasher!!! so yes it is fair to ask him, there his kids too!!

Nicole - posted on 04/28/2010

I am in the same position you are. My man drives a truck and is only home on the weekends. Many Sunday nights he has said to me, "I don't know how you do this every day". At the same time, I see him sitting on the couch watching TV while I cook and clean and run after a toddler. I think you have every right to ask for help. Once you get it, can you please pass on how you did it to me?? I would love the insight!

Emily - posted on 04/26/2010

Just because you are a stay at home mom does not mean that you shouldn't have a break. I do pretty much everything as well. However, on the weekends (and the 2 hours my DH is home during the week with the girls up) I ask him to either entertain them or help me. I do not appreciate being screamed at while trying to cook or do the dishes. I go through that 5 days a week at least unless he works Sat and or Sun. Your job cannot be 24/7 365. If this is the case, you will start to dislike him. It took my DH being home sick for a month to understand that my life is not about sitting around playing on the computer. I deal with a lot while he is gone at work but I also make sure he gets to sleep in the morning while carting the kids to their activities. In the past he would have expected this and more with a smile to boot. I go to collage online and that take many of my nights after they go to bed.

My point is, asking for help does not make you a weak person. It makes you a smart person. You didn't create your little ones alone and you shouldn't be expected to raise them without a little help. I would start small though. Its the idea of sticking your toe in to see how warm the water is. We all need time, even those who don't get paid for our work.

Brianne - posted on 04/26/2010

I go to school 4 days a week from 9 to between 2 and 5.. but still I ask my husband to help A LOT!! He is the sole provider, but I still feel that he needs to have a part in the taking care of the household and taking care of our little boy and we have another on the way. I don't see how you being a stay at home mom is an excuse to not have any help. Jon helps put Michael to bed, plays with him every night when he gets home, gives him a bath if I am busy doing laundry or cleaning (or studying of course), makes dinner if he knows I'm tired or studying. I feel that it is important for things to be 50/50 in the household when it comes to taking care of the kiddos and helping out around the house. That's how I was raised and how we tend to do things. Every now and again, he won't want to help, but more often than not he helps with EVERYTHING!! I would ask and tell him how exhausted you are. I hope this helps.