Why am i being made to feel like a bad mum because i dont breastfeed?

Stephanie - posted on 05/18/2009

I am with you. I tried breastfeeding my 1st daughter, I hated it but I kept trying for her cause you always hear it is best. we made it 5 wks , and she started throwing up everywhere. She was allergic to the protiens in the breast milk so we had to put her on soy formula. My 2nd daughter I went straight to the bottle, I did not enjoy breastfeeding and didn't know how I would do it with a 2 yr old and a newborn. The nurses recommend it but I stuck to my guns and bottle fed. As it turned out she ended up on alimentium formula cause she was allergic to milk also. My son is now almost 9 months old. the nurses again wanted me to breastfeed, I said no. He is bottle fed. We were having trouble with him getting really cranky. We took a trip to the ED where the dr there tried to make me think it was my fault he was like this because I didn't breastfeed him. I paid him no mind. I talked to my pediatrician the next day, and advised what the dr had said. He told me to pay no attention to the ed dr. That bottle feeding is perfectly fine and that either way he would still be having trouble. He was diagnosed with GERD, and a slow emptying stomach and is on nutramigen formula. So there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding it is your choice.

Margo - posted on 05/16/2009

I have 4 kids...I was not interested in breastfeeding ANY of them but with the first I tried for a week because I was so pressured from the hospital. baby #2, I breasfed only in the hospital..again because of the pressure. baby #3, I tried it ONLY once just to see if it would work for "us", and #4 - not even once. I used to worry about the fact that I seemd to be the minority using a bottle. All the things you read...it's healthier for baby, builds up their immunities...blah blah blah. My kids are, and have always been, healthier than friends' kids (who were breastfed from day 1 until year 2). My four kids together have had fewer colds and ear infections than even one of my friends' kids. I don't know that I buy into all the hype behind the breastfeeding crusade - either its in the genes or its not. Be true to how you feel and what works for you and forget what everyone else says.

Connie - posted on 05/11/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Ya know, it doesn't matter if it's breastfeeding or any other "parenting" topic, there's always two (sometimes three!) sides to the story. 

As a very dedicated breastfeeding mother, I will do anything to keep formula away from my children.  This is a CHOICE I have made, just like any other parenting choice.  Certainly we all like to think we do what's best for our children.

As someone who is a breastfeeding mentor, it's VERY upsetting to see uninformed parents spouting off about how they didnt have enough milk and using 99% of the "excuses" that are out there.  I get very angry with moms that use those excuses when it all could have been prevented in the beginning.  Only 4% of women have a medical condition that makes it impossible to breastfeed.  Don't spout off about "how it just didn't work" when it does work if you're determined to make it work.  HOWEVER, on the flip side, if you're a mom that chooses to formula feed, so be it and just say, "I don't want to breastfeed" or "It just didn't work out and I CHOSE to do xyz" - that goes for ANYTHING.  Own your decisions just like these moms have done in this thread.... there's NOTHING wrong with that.

I don't disagree with your post at all and I'm probably one of the mothers who have used an 'excuse' as to why breastfeeding did not work for my daughter and I. However, I feel that there is real lack of support out there, and I don't mean helplines, I mean somewhere you can go without an (three week wait) appointment. I'm in Australia so not sure if support systems are different OS.

Sorry, I realise this is a bit off the topic.

Katt - posted on 05/11/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Ya know, it doesn't matter if it's breastfeeding or any other "parenting" topic, there's always two (sometimes three!) sides to the story. 

As a very dedicated breastfeeding mother, I will do anything to keep formula away from my children.  This is a CHOICE I have made, just like any other parenting choice.  Certainly we all like to think we do what's best for our children.

As someone who is a breastfeeding mentor, it's VERY upsetting to see uninformed parents spouting off about how they didnt have enough milk and using 99% of the "excuses" that are out there.  I get very angry with moms that use those excuses when it all could have been prevented in the beginning.  Only 4% of women have a medical condition that makes it impossible to breastfeed.  Don't spout off about "how it just didn't work" when it does work if you're determined to make it work.  HOWEVER, on the flip side, if you're a mom that chooses to formula feed, so be it and just say, "I don't want to breastfeed" or "It just didn't work out and I CHOSE to do xyz" - that goes for ANYTHING.  Own your decisions just like these moms have done in this thread.... there's NOTHING wrong with that.

I was going to say almost the exact same thing, it's great to see someone out there has the same thought's as I do!

Crystal - posted on 05/10/2009

i got looked down on because i put my health before breastfeeding.. but i pretty much told people to mind their own business.

Phamie - posted on 05/02/2009

hi i know how u feel a have bottle fed all my children but some ppl in my life have mase me feel im not givin them the "best start" but now i dont feel guilty at all i bonded with all 3 ov my kids an by bottle feeding their dad was also involved witch meant he could share the bonding experience them first preicios months , i wouldnt worry what other people say only u no ure child an what they need

JaCinda - posted on 04/29/2009

The Mother's formula M is for millions of kisses she gives and gets. O is for a one of a kind Mother with each kid that is one of a kind T is for the tenderness she gives each day H is for happiness she brings E is for every scrape, and boo boo she kisses R is for raising the best child and or childeren F is for the funniest mom ever O is for the overflowing love she has R is for risking it all to make her child happy even when she tired M is for My MOM KNOWS BEST! U is for unlike no other L is for Love, Laughter, Listening, Look after A is for an awsome mom with an awsome kid or kids Only you know your child or childerens needs. You are a loving Mother and you give your child the Mothers formula which is the best you can give. Not all baby can handle breastmilk. Also choosing not to breastfeed DOES NOT make you a bad Mother. You are a loving, and caring Mother. What you choose on how you take care of your child is the best for your child. So pay no mind to people who tell you that you are not a good mom for bottle feeding. That is not at all true, they don't know you and your child. I don't know you and I think you are a loving Mom who is doing what you know is best for your child. Every Mother has to choose what is best for them and the child. Breastfeed? or Bottle? Both are great, nothing wrong with either one. We do what we need to do to care for our chileren, and that is the best.

Robin - posted on 04/29/2009

I won't let anyone look down upon me for how I feed my baby. I have bottle fed all 3 of my children. Primarily because of the medication that I take. Have you and your baby bonded? Is your baby healthy? Then, it's none of anyone's business how you feed your child. I'm sure you are wonderful mother.

Melissa - posted on 04/08/2009

Ya know, it doesn't matter if it's breastfeeding or any other "parenting" topic, there's always two (sometimes three!) sides to the story. 

As a very dedicated breastfeeding mother, I will do anything to keep formula away from my children.  This is a CHOICE I have made, just like any other parenting choice.  Certainly we all like to think we do what's best for our children.

As someone who is a breastfeeding mentor, it's VERY upsetting to see uninformed parents spouting off about how they didnt have enough milk and using 99% of the "excuses" that are out there.  I get very angry with moms that use those excuses when it all could have been prevented in the beginning.  Only 4% of women have a medical condition that makes it impossible to breastfeed.  Don't spout off about "how it just didn't work" when it does work if you're determined to make it work.  HOWEVER, on the flip side, if you're a mom that chooses to formula feed, so be it and just say, "I don't want to breastfeed" or "It just didn't work out and I CHOSE to do xyz" - that goes for ANYTHING.  Own your decisions just like these moms have done in this thread.... there's NOTHING wrong with that.

Nicole - posted on 04/08/2009

I also have had people judge me on what i do, I bottle feed my baby however i don't feed formulae, i express every feed and feed my daughter through a bottle my own breast milk and i have been doing this for 7 and a half months, People tell me that i am silly and should stop as its a waste of time but i am a strong believer in Breast milk, i don't judge others on what they feed their babies, if you choose formulae so be it, but i have also the trouble of people judging me for my beliefs, I get it from both sides... Breast feeding mothers judge me for not working at it and not having the "bond" with my baby that they do and formulae feeders judge me for going to the hassle of expressing my milk and its a waste of time.

To the breast feeding mothers who judge me : I feel i still have a strong bond with my baby we have eye contact and body contact as she bottle feeds, so what if my nipple isn't in her mouth she is getting the same thing as she would be if she had latched. Plus i have the luxury of being able to leave her with someone and not worry whether she will take a bottle for them or be fed formulae  by someone which i don't want to happen.

To bottle feeders that judge me :A nurse in hospital force fed her formula and as a result My daughter was nil by mouth for 3 days due to vomiting green bile, My daughter was in NICU for 10 days! I don't want that to happen again and it is my choice to use breast milk!!!

And finally For all those people that stick their nose into other peoples buisness and make us feel bad for our choice.... BITE YOUR BUM!

Whatever you do, as long as your baby is happy, healthy and you are happy and healthy YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB!!!!!!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

Besha - posted on 04/08/2009

i love

i bottlefeed my baby and that just way its goes really espically when ur a young mother it mre of a prsure thing to breastfeeding ur bbayb but dnt watch a thing if ur happy the way u are doing it carry on ur baby and u no best rite

people follow the TXT BOOKS TO MUCH!

Kyla - posted on 04/07/2009

hey there!!!!



i breastfed for the first month with my little man but after the first week i had to start giving him formula milk because i wasnt producing enough for him!!!! its never done him any harm!!!!! i think that you should be able to do what you feel comfortable with!!! and i hate the fact that some mums think they have the right to make other people feel bad about thier decisions!!!! its not thier child so they should keep thier noses out!!!! its all healthy for the baby so do what you want and dont let the negative people get you down hun xx Kyla

Megan - posted on 04/07/2009

I think everyone needs to keep their opinions to themselves.  It doesn't matter how you feed you baby as long as they are happy and healthy!  I am still breastfeeding but have to pump and supplement as well.  It gets old!  Also my husband is not as willing to feed him now b/c that was always "my job".  I guess the statement earlier is really true.  The grass is alwasy greener on the other side.

Tami - posted on 04/07/2009

I tried to breastfeed for the first 2 weeks, my son had such a strong grip he literally ate the skin right off (not because he wasnt latched on properly) and I ended up getting a severe infection. I refused to breastfeed my son puss (tmi i know) and the lactation cunsultant made me feel like I was going to kill my baby. She told me that it was fine I just had to work through the pain.......I was sooo mad, it had nothing to do with the pain! I had to wear breast pads for almost a month after I stopped to catch all the infection!

Patricia - posted on 04/07/2009

I was able to do it for a month. Then I switched to the bottle for the same reason, my little girl was not getting enough and it was always painful for me. I love the bottle. She loves it and is growing wonderfully. --as to whether it makes any difference--I was breastfed and my husband was not and we both ended up in a top university for undergrad and we both get sick about the same amount of times. So I certainly don't see what difference it makes later in life. It certainly is a big help and I agree with the other moms who say it gives dad a way to bond that would not happen if I was breastfeeding. My little girl is very attached to dad :)

Leah - posted on 04/07/2009

Definitely a pain to boil bottles and make formula but with the bottle feeding, my husband and I switched off with night time duty. I got a lot of sleep during the first few months that he was waking up. I can also take a day trip with my husband and my mom watches the baby, or I can go out with girlfriends for a few hours and I know he'll be fed and cared for. I tried to breastfeed but it didn't work and now I'm kind of glad, though I wouldn't admit that to some people in real life. You can't argue that breast is best because it's food tailor made for the baby. But formula is a great second option. If anybody looks down on you because you're FEEDING your child, then he or she is an ass. In the end, what matters is the child is getting food. When I couldn't breastfeed after a week, EVERYBODY was supportive, my mom, husband, friends, even doctor. Every woman should have such a positive experience.

Kelly - posted on 04/05/2009

I breastfed my son for the first week after he was born. I ended up putting him on the bottle as i wasn't producing enough milk for him. My health visitor said to keep at it but i knew he wasn't getting enough so i changed him. Other mothers that live near breastfeed and i feel as if i'm doing something wrong because i bottle feed and not breast. I think it's up to the mother what she want's to do. We mother's know what's best for are own babies not others.

Nicole - posted on 03/27/2009

I used to get that feeling too!  I would see people go on and on about breast feeding and about the type of solid food they gave their babies.  I tried breast feeding and after I left the hospital, he just wouldnt latch on.  I saw the pediatrician the next day and he said it didn't matter.  I guess I try not to care what others think (even though it's not easy).  But you aren't alone.

Kirsten - posted on 03/27/2009

I have breast fed both my babies, the first for 6 months, and im stil breastfeeding my son he is 7 months, i hate it when other breast feeding mothers go on and on and on about breastfeeding, i beleive that it doesnt matter wether the baby is on breast or bottle, so long as it is getting fed, who cares how!!! There much more important things in life to worry about! So dont worry about the mothers that make you feel inadequate, you know that your baby is healthy and happy so thats all that really matters!

Kirsten - posted on 03/27/2009

I have breast fed both my babies, the first for 6 months, and im stil breastfeeding my son he is 7 months, i hate it when other breast feeding mothers go on and on and on about breastfeeding, i beleive that it doesnt matter wether the baby is on breast or bottle, so long as it is getting fed, who cares how!!! There much more important things in life to worry about! So dont worry about the mothers that make you feel inadequate, you know that your baby is healthy and happy so thats all that really matters!

Casey - posted on 03/27/2009

I tried to breastfeed for ages but my baby started to get sick because he wasn't getting anything and in the end I made the decision to put him on the bottle some of the nurses in the hospital weren't happy with my decision but they didn't care about my baby they only cared about their own snotty opinions, afer putting my son onto formula he became so much happier and healthier and he has never looked back, I would make the same choice again in a heart beat, I feel no guilt at all in putting him on the bottle I feel more guilt for trying to breastfeed for so long and starving him because I was worried what other people would think of me.

Victoria - posted on 03/27/2009

In the end, as long as you and your baby are happy and healthy that's all that matters. Although I breastfeed my daughter for over 2 years, the first 9 months I had to use a supply line as she was small-for-dates and my milk supply wasn't great. I suprised myself by feeding her for so long, but it made her happy and many of my friends who bottle fed did so for longer than 2 years. I remember a midwife saying to me that in 15 years time no-one would remember, or care, who was breastfed and who was bottle fed. What ever works!

Tracy - posted on 03/25/2009

i used to feel that way but i dont really belive theres any difference. my little mans great ive never had any problems.  he loves his bottle to. if you dont wanna brestfeed dont feel pressured into doing so. i stod my ground and belive i made the right choice for me. even tho i do feel bad sometime when people keep going on about it.

Desiree - posted on 03/24/2009

I had absolutly no desire to breastfeed my son, and I started to feel guilty for not doing so be it what others had said or just my own research that I had done whatever, so when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was determined that I was going to breastfeed her. Well it lasted all of two and a half months.There were a lot of factors that played a role in no longer breastfeeding, but she'd now 8 months old and just fine I'm glad I gave it a try but ultimately it's just not for me. I think in some cases it's just not going to work out.

Kali - posted on 03/24/2009

grass is always greener on the other side. I say making a bottle is more of a pain. but if it works for you and your baby. thats all that matters. Screw what any body has to say. If your baby is happy, your happy.  If someone has somthing to say about how you feed your baby, its probably because they are unhappy about a choice they made!

Christine - posted on 03/24/2009

Well, as a "hybrid" mom - I breastfeed but also supplement with formula, I say hurrah for you. Do what works! My guy wasn't growing properly with just breastmilk - I wasn't producing much, he had a tongue-tie, etc, so I had to give him formula. He's happy to switch back and forth now, but in fact, leans more towards the bottles now. I did have some people try to make me feel bad about daring to supplement... after all, "my body will make all the milk he needs"... poppycock... I went through a couple of weeks of trying to stimulate my milk supply etc, but it didn't work, and I wasn't about to starve my child. And yup, it sure is nice to be able to hand my little guy over to daddy or a friend and see him enjoy some closeness with them as well! You are definitely not a bad mum!

Holly - posted on 03/24/2009

I never had any intentions of breastfeeding but after my son was born 7weeks early it wasn't an option, due to the medication I was put on. The NICU nurses completely ignored me. Once they found out that I din't needd help with that they just left me alone. I had to go and ask them to help me unhook my son so that I could pick him up. It was almost sad watching the other women try and breastfeed. Because the babies are small they are fed through the nose and a tube and the amount is carfully monititored. So the women were allowed to hold the baby to the breast as they were fed through the nose the milk and formula (as most of the women were barely producing milk) combination. The women cried and so did the babies. No breastfeeding is not all its cracked to be. All of the women I know who breastfeed complain constantly about sore nipples, lack of sleep, bleeding nipples, and constantly being attached to the child. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but it was great to be able to let soeone else take them so I could sleep or just go to the store for a few minutes. A bottle fed baby eats every 4hours not every two and someone else can do it. my husband and family love being able to share that with them. I would have felt guilty bottlefeeding my 6month old because i would have been taking away a bonding experience that my husband had with our son and that would have been selfish of me, not that I ever entertained the idea. Those commercials 'I may be young but I know what's best for my baby' breastfeeding commercials drive me bonkers. I never had any problems with my children and babies with jaudize are given formula because of the extra nutrients and breastfed babies require nutrient supplements, whcich can be a pain to give to a baby.

Nichole - posted on 03/24/2009

Well I have never wanted to breast feed. I have a friend that did and no one could watch her baby because he cried the whole time she was gone it was awful. he refused to take a bottle for us. I didn't want my kids to be like that. Plus with breastfeeding how would you get anything done. I just couldn't do it. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for making the choice not to. Everyone different and you have your own opinion on it.

Your baby is just fine without your boob in his mouth not be harsh just trying to be funny LOL

Good luck with the baby

Nichole

Loni - posted on 03/24/2009

The nurses at the hospital forced me to try over and over every 20 minutes to hour.. he wouldn't take! He had absolutely no food in him the first 24 hours and when we wanted to be discharged the next day, the nurses were hesitating cuz he had nothing. It's not for lack of trying!! They FINALLY gave him some formula when we were leaving because he was getting lathargic and sleepy... I have never felt bad about it and I kinda knew going in that I would probably not be able to (most of the women in my family on both sides couldn't breastfeed). He's perfectly healthy as I am sure your kid is too. It ended up being great that we bottle fed because my husband could feed him while I took a much needed nap inbetween feeds!