Am I really that bad at motherhood? Someone help me!

Emily - posted on 05/12/2011

How often would you say you tell him "no" or "discipline" him? Not saying you shouldn't do these things, but it sounds like he's trying to express his frustration about something, just don't know what that is.

Also, you say nothing works, but it doesn't sound like you've been consistent enough with any one thing in order to let it work. Kids don't learn things overnight. If you give him a timeout for hitting and the next day he hits, it doesn't mean that the discipline didn't work. Any discipline takes time. You have to do it over and over again consistently for it to work.

I would not recommend smacking. If he is being destructive, simply remove the items that he's destroying, or move him to an area, like a playpen, where he can't hurt anything or himself until he calms down. He is expressing frustration in the only way he knows how right now. He doesn't yet have the language to express this in words. If you can figure out what is causing the frustration, you can work to try to figure out a solution.

Try not to take it personally with the singing. It is likely a phase. Maybe give singing a break for now and try again in a week or two.

Taylor - posted on 05/12/2011

I don't know the way you react when he gets mads but I know that kids copy what they see. If you scream and get mad they will only do the same. He needs to be disciplined yes, but not screamed at. Make sure to use a firm tone but not an angry voice or words.

Alexis - posted on 05/06/2011

My little guy is starting with similar behavior. We are enforcing the timeouts and don't let any behavior outbursts slide. It usually takes about three timeouts in a row after he doesn't listen or throws a fit etc and he starts behaving. After a nap or the next day it seems like he has totally forgotten and we have to start all over.

Katrina - posted on 05/04/2011

My 2yr old started this kind of behaviour a while ago and at my wits end I picked up a book called "Have a new kid by friday" by Dr Kevin Lehman. In it he talks about How kids know you well and if they figure it'll annoy you they'll do it - to get the required response. It would take too long to tell you all the points he makes in the book but here's a couple points
# Say it once, turn your back, walk away
# Let reality be the teacher.

Here's an example he used in his book:
A mother picks her son up from kindy and sees he's had a bad day, but continues with the usual chatter on the drive home. After some time the mother said something followed by "I hate you!!" from the backseat. Well she'd had enough of his bad behaviour (first time she'd heard the words from his mouth but not the first time he'd behaved as if he hated her). She firmly said "I don't very much like the way you're speaking to me right now". After a quiet drive home, the mother, as usual, asked her 4yr old to put his bag in his room and bring out his lunchbox. When he hapily arrived back in the kitchen she thanked him fr doing what she'd asked and continued what she'd been doing. The boy asked for his usualo cookies and milk treat and his mother said "no we're not having that today" and walked away to fold washing. The boy followed and reminded her about their routine and she said "not today" After walking away a 3rd time she could see she had his attention, he was no longer annoyed, only wondering why. She explained that because of his words to her earlier, she didn't feel like giving him his treat. Apparently he never said it to her again. After just 2 days of 'say it once turn your back and walk away' my son was a new child. He listens now and is quick to see that I'm serious - and if I'm not LOL
Kids know what they can and can't do. Dr Lehman says don't give warnings. I stopped giving warnings for a while and I noticed he would think before acting, but if I give him even one warning now, he doesn't even bat an eyelid.

Not sure if any of this helps, but but the tiurnaround in my home has been too good not to share. I wish you all the best of luck. :)

Nikkita - posted on 05/04/2011

My son is starting down this road yet my husband and I are starting to think its the terrible twos coming. (He turns 2 in Aug). Most of the time though we can get him calm or we just let him have his fit. However, he get more like this when he is teething because right now he has two molars coming in and it causes him to be extremely cranky so I would check for teeth or see if he is sick in any kind of way like ear infection. I really hope this helps.

Jen - posted on 05/04/2011

You wouldn't be the only one. Sounds like some "the explosive child".



Someone I know knew of a good book that talks about this; and had some good suggestions in it. I'm sure if you look up "explosive child" you'll get books; websites etc. It may be a good start to find some tips or helpfull info.



Edit: Ugh sorry if I am unclear in this post. I'm tired. ;) Up and wide awake long past my 'bedtime'. :) Good luck to you!

Louise - posted on 05/04/2011

You are not a bad mother you just have a child that needs to understand his rages. Get a play pen and put a mattress in it making the area safe for him to be in. When he starts to wind himself up then warn him that he will have to go to the pen to calm down. If he continues then place him in the pen to calm down and walk away. Leave him until he is calm this could be 5 minutes or 20 minutes he is perfectly safe. When he is calm get down to his eye level and tell him what he did wrong and ask him if he understands and then give him a cuddle.

You have to realise that your son is at a very sensative age at the moment and his body will not do what his mind wants him to do which is causing the tantrums. In time his body will catch up and the tantrums will stop. As for the singing this is also a control thing for him. The next time he shouts at you for singing do not stop until the end of the song. This is showing him you are in control not him. If he makes a fuss put him in the pen and then talk to him when he has calmed down. he is learning that paddies gets him attention at the moment so take away his power and regain control. he will be far more settled if he knows that mummy is in control and that his paddies will get him no where but the pen!