Anybody else wanting to let their baby 'cry it out?"

Belinda - posted on 01/11/2010

My son has just turned 5 months. He too has not yet slept through the night. A two hour stretch of sleep for me right now sounds amazing!!! My poor sleep is not all because of him. He goes to sleep at 6.30pm and usually wakes around 11pm for a feed, then 3 hours after that, then 2 hours and then hourly till about 6am when we get up. I also have a two year old that wakes 1 or 2 times a night and tossed in with a bed time for me of about 8.30/9pm, you can see why I dream of 2 hours straight sleep. All of my wakes are typically a quick turn around, approx 5-10 minutes, although sometimes my son will throw in a 40 minute unsettled time or longer in the night. So you can see I am truly in a sense in a constant state of severe sleep deprivation.



That being said, I would never contemplate any CIO techniques.



First of all for something to make me as a mother feel so terrible, ie. As in letting my children cry it out (or cry at all for that matter), it has to be wrong. I trust my body and its natural reactions and instincts on that. I am always confused when I hear mothers say 'it's really hard to do', or 'it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do', so why do it???



Secondly, with all the reading I have done (and I've done loads!!!!) sure CIO may appear to work, and sure the kids who are left to cry appear to be fine and happy, but it is a fact that babies left to cry experience high levels of stress and trauma. We all know what high levels of stress and trauma can do to an adult so why would we let defenceless babies who rely solely on us for all of their needs, physical and emotional, cry. I think that babies left to cry it out shorten the amount of crying time not because they have learnt what to do when it is sleep time but because they have actually emotionally shut down a part of themselves.



Thirdly, crying is the human emotion as a sign of distress and need. Why would we want to teach our babies that when they need something, whether it is physical or emotional, that sorry we are unavailable because you are suppose to be sleeping???? I would HATE to cry myself to sleep. Our babies are people just like us. They have the same feelings and emotions but they don’t know what they are or how to handle them, so leaving them to work it our for themselves makes no sense to me.



Here’s my theory, it’s probably going to sound crazy but I am going to put it out there anyway. I really believe that in future years to come (IDK maybe 5-10 years) it is going to be scientifically and factually proven just how damaging CIO is, when used on babies, and children up to the ages of 2 or 3. You know that they were doing routine x-rays and in fact encouraging them to be undertaken in pregnant women until the late 1950’s until deeper research studies and case studies were undertaken and we all know the thoughts on this now. To me the 1950’s doesn’t sound too long ago when it comes to mothercraft and advice given. I really believe that in the future, the advice given to mothers in regards to helping their child learn to sleep will be hugely different to what we are told by our institutions today.



Ultimately it’s your choice, but please be informed before you make your decision. Good luck.

Kasey-Louise - posted on 01/11/2010

i heard that after 6 months is ok. i read that b4 then they need you for comfort more than anything else

Valentina - posted on 01/10/2010

My little one is nearly five months old and he also wanted to nbe rocked to sleep (and it was doing my back in). Not a fan of the crying it out method but one evening just after Christmas my husband gave it a go. We did make sure, as others have said that he was tired, fed and clean. He never let his cotside and always held Oliver's hand. he alternated singing to him, with loud lullaby music and white noise. He kept trying to disrupt Oliver's crying. He also put Oliver on his side and rubbed his back and on his belly as both these seemed to make him cry less. After 20 minutes, he settled and from that night on, I have had very little difficulty putting him down provided I am sure he is tired. I sing to him whilst white noise or the sound of waves is in the background and sometimes I tap the bars of the bed to make a beat.

Sometimes after an hour he will wake up a little and start to moan, without opening his eyes or opening them little. I always rush to him and put my hands around his head so he feels protected and probably smells my scent and he seems to fall back asleep instantly. Good Luck!

Mariah - posted on 01/09/2010

my daughter has always been a good sleeper. She has been in her crib in her own room since we came home. But now at 5 mo she is starting to cry and not want to go to bed. I agree with the cry-it-out method but also (like you) find it very hard to let her cry for long at all. If your little one is not actually crying with tears she is probably doing it knowing that you will pick her up. I will put my hand on my baby while she is in her crib without picking her up every time. I try to shush her and let her know that it is ok, and that I am there in the room with her. This can be hard on your back but she needs to know that it is ok, that this is where she needs to sleep, that she is not alone but also that she is not always going to be picked up.

Mandy - posted on 01/08/2010

I just recently started doing the "cry it out" method with our daughter. She is 4 months old and I know that the longer we wait to do it the more she will just start waking up at night out of habit. I want her to learn to soothe herself. The first time I did it I let her cry for 5 minutes, then went in to check on her. I put her Nuk in her mouth and rubbed her back for a few seconds. Then I went back to bed and decided to let her cry another 10 minutes. I did the same thing and after that she went to sleep. Do not feel guilty about letting your daughter cry. I do believe that you can't spoil your newborn, but once they get to be 4 months old and up, you can definitely spoil them. Believe me, I know people who have 1-year-olds and older that still don't sleep through the night. I also know people who have to lay with their toddlers for a half-hour or more to get them to go to sleep every night. I really think it's good to start teaching independent sleeping from a young age. It all starts with teaching them to self-soothe. It's difficult, but very worth it in the end. Hang in there.



We did the cry-it-out method with my son when he was 3 months old and he is a wonderful sleeper to this day. In 3 years time I can count maybe 10 times that he woke up during the night. Also, he is a very happy kid, so it never did him any damage!

Robin - posted on 01/08/2010

My son becomes very cranky when he is sleepy. I used to hold him and rock him until he went to sleep, but it became clear to me that that was what he depended on to fall asleep. That's when i started letting him cry it out..but only when i am absolutely sure he is sleepy. As long as he is fed and wearing a clean diaper then i let him cry. He usually falls asleep after about 10 minutes. Letting your baby cry it out is tough but in the long run it doesnt damage them.

Mariah - posted on 01/08/2010

For the most part dylan only cries when he really needs something. I havent ever just let him cry it out.

Jacqueline - posted on 01/07/2010

We do let our baby cry it out, but only for a max of 10 minutes. We then pick her up and hold her for 2 min then put her back down. I can tell the difference between an im tired cry or if something else is wrong. We started letting her cry it out about two weeks ago and now she goes down without a fuss and sleep usually 11 hours.

Justine - posted on 01/07/2010

I am also against the "let them cry" movement. babies cry and are unsettled for a reason. Her needs need to be met 24/7. She does not know the difference between day/night at her tender age, I have found after having 5 babies, that the more i comfort them and go to them immediately, the less time is needed to resettle and that leads to a happier more secure baby. Good Luck, they are only small for a very brief time - although, some days it feels like an eternity!!! but she will grow and learn to resettle on her own and she will do that with your patience, love and nuturing.
the reason why babies stop crying out eventually when they are left unattended, is they soon learn no one will come so what's the point....I find that very sad

Nilam - posted on 01/07/2010

I have let my baby cry it out for moments of time during the day. I use a video monitor to make sure he isn't stuck in the corner of the crib or something dangerous, and I let him cry for a few minutes, then pat his back and smooth his hair, then I let him cry again for a few minutes longer, etc. I know it is super hard to do, but I did it for a few weeks and now he can soothe himself and hardly ever cries at all. But of course every baby is different so do what is comfortable for you. You can never hold or soothe your baby too much :)

Erin - posted on 01/07/2010

Never let them cry it out. Babies don't understand this, just because its night time does not mean that you can just ignore their needs. They may just need a hug and a reassurance that mommy is here if you need her. You CANNOT spoil a baby by giving them affection. Think if it this way you carried her 24 hours a day while you were pregnant with her so this is what she know. Will she sleep in a swing? I usually start my daughter in her crib but before th enight is over she is sleeping soundly in her swing.