Help with Daddy

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My husband and i have had a discussion about him helping more and he did for about two weeks now it has slacked off again and i don't want to have the same discussion because i don't want to be a nagging wife but i need help. There has been many times when i ask him to do something and he says he can't cause he is busy but i really want him to help more. Can anyone give me some suggestions. I am really starting to get wore out and tired a lot. Thank you in advance.

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Venus - posted on 02/02/2010

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OMG! I think every mom goes thought this. What i did was made my fiance apart my small decisons on with our child. I know moms like to just take over because we feel that we know best. so the fathers feel like that dont have any space to help out. let him make the decison when it comes to the baby. Maybe that would help..idk

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Megeen - posted on 03/19/2010

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my husband does not help unless I ask him to. I now realize with 2 yound kids (4yr old and 7 mth old) I can not do it all. I am a full time working mom. Sometime I think he does not know what to do with the kids. but once he starts helping he better with our 4 yr old than I am. (maybe because we are both girls-the whole mom-daughter power struggle). Just keep asking and I hope it works. There too much to do by yourself.

Hollee - posted on 02/19/2010

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well, as long as the baby is taken care of and in no danger, just quit. Do the beds really need made? Do the dirty clothes in the floor really need picked up?? I figured out the more that I do, the less he is required to do. Thankfully my husband has really picked up the slack and is sensitive to when its just too much for me. They may not notice that something is done, but they sure do notice when it isn't. And ANYTHING that they do that helps, PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE. Don't nitpik if the diaper is too lose etc. The more that they can see that they are helping and doing well the more that they will do it. Your right, complaining never works. But praise always works. As long as hubby knows that you NEED him and NEED his help rather than WANT it, I bet he will start helping more. Some guys are just afraid to do something wrong.
Good luck to you and God bless you.

Rebecca - posted on 02/18/2010

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Daeman is doing the clingy and won't take the breast as much. I wonder what's up with that. Sorry for taking over there. Oh girls u shouldn't have to cry to get what your want from your husbands or what ever they are. They don't respect you enough if u have to cry.My Dh will help out as much as he can. But bub loves Mummy and everytime Daddy has him he wants me back

Ashleigh - posted on 02/17/2010

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I have a wonderful husband, he helps as much as he can, but he does shift work, so some weeks especially when he is working nights, we don't see him much because he needs to sleep, i dread when his night shift comes up because i get worn out and lonely. His shifts allow him to be home at all different times of the day, so he helps in different ways each day, but we have this unspoken agreement that if he doesnt work till the afternoon, he lets me have a sleep in. But sometimes when he is really tired from work, he is just like a zombie, and i have to remind him, that looking after our child isnt easy, as she is on the go all day. Especially over the past week, our 7month old daughter is sort of changing her behaviour, and refusing to eat what she normally eats and is very clingy, and whinges if shes not with you, so im mentally exhausted and get frustrated, and I dont like feeling this way. The other day I just said, i need a break, dont disturb me I'm going to our bedroom, it was nice to catch up on sleep and relax a little. I've been feeling like this for a few days, and one morning I burst into tears because it just overloaded me, I think this really help him see that I need more time to relax, he gets to go to work and gets a chance to miss her, whereas i love being with our daughter but i hear every cry 24/7, and it takes a toll. I am especially looking forward to going back to work part time, and my husband will be looking after her during these times, so hopefully it will be more of a balance. Sorry I just rambled on there, lol, my advice is to talk to your husband, if he doesnt help out more, let him see your weaknesses, that your tired, frustrated etc., trying to be in control all the time and bottling up our feelings isnt helpful to anyone, and i would also suggest him taking care of your child and the house for a day.

Jessica - posted on 02/05/2010

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My advise is just keep asking him, just come right out and say honey can you... also let him know that its bothering you and that he has to help out more. The more blunt you are the better they seem to get it.

Rebecca - posted on 02/04/2010

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When it comes to Daeman I would just put him on his lap. Or say he needs a nappy change your turn. I can't give anymore suggestions then that as my hubby only cooks and sometimes helps with the washing. Only reasons he cooks is he knows I can't.

Michelle - posted on 02/04/2010

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Thanks guys. This has all been very helpful. i have been just leaving for grocery store and going on errands. It has really helped. I also just put her on the couch by him. he plays with her more now and is starting to cook for us every night. He has also been feeding her more to. I am not sure what help but something has finally sunk in. thank you girls.

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2010

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I totally understand what you mean! I'm also a full time student and it's incredibly frustrating when the father of my child isn't being as helpful or supportive as I need him to be. I have tried talking calmly to him about it, I've had break-downs and yelled at him, and then there's been times where I say nothing and just cry. Unfortunately, the later has been the most effective for me. It's pretty sad that it takes seeing me cry for him to understand that I need help, but it works. The waterworks come a little sooner now if they need to lol. Although, I hope this isn't always the case because we're obviously lacking some communication skills....

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My husband is a huge help with our son. I would say we pretty much split everything 50/50. We take turns getting up in the night with him, baths, etc. On weekends, we take turns on who gets to sleep in, while the other gets up early. Since we both work full-time, I never really made it an option for him not to help as much as he does. It is our baby equally, and therefore the responsibilities should be equal. But we talked about this way ahead of time, before I was even pregnant!



My husband really enjoys playing a big role in the day-to-day caretaking of our baby. Simple things like diaper changing, baths, feedings, making decisions with me, etc, has helped him create as big as a bond with our son as I have, and he really cherishes that. My husband loves the fact that he is so close to Ben, and has an equal say in all decisions. I agree with maybe asking his opinion more in the decision making process?



Has your husband ever been alone with the baby for a full day? As helpful as he was/is, my husband didn't quite realize how hard it was taking care of a baby alone all day, until he actually had to do it. (The first 8 weeks I was home from work, but once I went back, he re-worked his schedule and is now home every Tuesday with our son.) While I was on maternity leave, he didn't really understand why I needed a little break when he came home, since I was home all day. (And he was at work, so he thought if anyone needed a break, it was him!) But after the first full day alone w/our son taking care of him while I was at work, he definitely understood, lol. This made him A LOT more sympathetic to how important it was for him to help, because he saw that he really needed a break when I came home. Can you give him more alone time with your baby, so he will understand and see first hand how much work it is?



When you ask him for his help, also try to do it when you are not very upset. My husband always responds much better when I am calm, rather than upset or over-emotional due to stress, tiredness, etc. And maybe come up with a clear list of specific things you want him to help with, and maybe you could basically 'assign' him a certain responsibility every night. (For example, maybe he does the last feeding and diaper change of the night, every night. Or, maybe he is responsible for bathtime once a week.) Don't let it be an option that he can just not help. Maybe you could make up a list of things you want help with, and tell him to pick a responsiblity or two from the list.



Good luck!

Megan - posted on 02/03/2010

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I've experienced much of the same. I found that by letting him SEE me fall apart, he's been more responsive. I'm usually a very strong woman, emotionally and physically, but when I need help, I've let him see me break down.
I also have taken the stand to just hand off our baby to him when I need a break. I literally put the baby in his arms and tell him I need some time alone.
Hope you can get things worked out with you and your husband. I suspect that it's not that he can't help, he just doesn't know what to do and he doesn't want to show you that he's clueless...lol!

Andrea - posted on 02/02/2010

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My fiance and I both work full time. I have to get up at 6 am to get me ready for work and Daniel ready to go to the child minder. When I get in I am exhausted but then I have the night shift of house chores and caring for Daniel, because of this I have MADE my fiance agree to let me have a lye in and bit of time to myself at the weekend, whilst he has main responsibility over Daniel, maybe you could try this? Just ask your partner to have a set day or time that he has the main care of your child, this way he KNOWS when it is his turn and KNOWS to expect to have responsibility that day or time. Sometimes I think men are like children lol, they need routine and to know what is expected of them, and when lol xx Good luck

Joana - posted on 02/02/2010

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I think you´re not the only one having this problem, but my personal suggestion is for both of you talk about it, and maybe arrange a day of for both of you...you and the girls, and your husband with his mates, it allows a bit of relaxing time, which i assume you both need.

Clareissa - posted on 02/01/2010

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i have the same problem but i have given up on trying to get him to do anything because we just end up in huge arguements ,,,,, i wish the best for you and hope you get things sorted out

Mandy - posted on 02/01/2010

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i am in the same situation but i nag and nag at him because he never does anything i could be so tired im falling asleep or losing my temper he just doesnt see it. have a huge talk make sure you have the kids at another house and just let your emotions run out if he sees how upset you are then maybe he will understand one woman cannot do everything alone and that is why you need him

Emily - posted on 01/29/2010

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Are we married to the same man???? lol
I have no suggestions, unfortunately. Going through the same thing. I think some men are just clueless.

Tiffany - posted on 01/29/2010

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I had the same problem with the father of my child. I didn't want to sound naggy either, but when he kept doing it, I didn't care anymore. Now he is getting better. I still have to remind him sometimes, but not as much as I use to. If your husband says you sound like you're nagging, remind him BOTH of you had this child, and it's not just your responsibility to take care of it. Hope this helps.

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