How do I get through to my teenage daughter without fighting?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Liz - posted on 03/17/2009

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As someone who wasn't the nicest early teenage (11-16 yo) daughter I know that the most helpful thing my mum did was let me get it ALL off my chest, she'd just sit there and listen no matter what I told her about me or my friends. She would always ask questions not only to keep me talking but to prove she was really listening. I also knew though that because she had really listened to me I had to listen to her when she started talking. Of course we still had our arguments but because we had such a great relationship it never made it to the petty name calling or running away from home or openly disobeying something my mother had said that I saw amongst my friends.



Maybe try and find something that you two both enjoy no matter how daggy it is, mum said whenever she thought I was really angry with her she used to put on one of the old movies we both loved like Strictly Ballroom, Grease or a Shirley Temple movie so we would spend time together even if we weren't talking. We used to fight over cleaning alot as well so she would put on music really loud while we cleaned because her theory always was you can't stay angry when your listening to your favourite songs.



I'm not sure how helpful this has been I suppose it depends on how old your daughter is

but hopefully I've said something that can be of use, good luck and just remember that she does love you and always will love you she's just trying to find her place in the world.

Katie - posted on 04/07/2009

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hi Kylie,



I remember those years!! My mum and I fought like there was no tomorrow! It was horrible and my brother and sisters hated it. I am the oldest of 3 girls and a boy, so mum really had no idea with me, but learnt a lot from me and knew how to handle the next ones. One thing she learnt and has told me is to learn which battle to fight and which to just drop. Sometimes it isnt worth the fight. If it is about cleaning her room- let it go! It is not worth it. But if it is about taking drugs (only an example) thats what you fight for. My mother and i had different opinions on everything and i made life extremely hard for everyone. I look back and i dont think anything would have made a difference, but I always knew my parents loved me and they were doing it for a reason (somewhere inside i am sure your daughter feels the same). Just remember it is only for a couple of years. I am best friends with my mum now, i love her and cant believe how horrible i was!! She will grow out of it and realise that you are there to love her. Tenneage years and very hard, but it does get better. I hope i have helped a little. Good luck!!

Kathy - posted on 03/17/2009

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i've been having the same problem with my 13 year old son. it's gotten pretty bad, mostly his disrespectful attitude and resistance to cooperate. so i cut all his perks out until he was ready to talk to me. took him about a day. so then i could tell him what i was needing - a good attitude towards me, and to contribute to running the house. when he can consistently behave in this way, then he gets to play his x-box or get a treat. i find i'm having to be tougher on him or he takes me for a mile. good luck.

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Fay - posted on 04/23/2009

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Sometimes you can't...my oldest is 21 and we had our fights. Mostly I let things go until they've cooled down, then will talk to them, make my point and leave it with them. When they think about things, usually you can have a conversation. They also have to know that they can tell you anything, and I do mean anything.

Chloe - posted on 04/19/2009

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I have only recently turned 20.
Your daughter is pushing your bounderies not because she doesnt care. But because she wants to see how much you care.

If you want to get through to her treat her like the adult she wants to be. Or have a girls day take her shopping that way talking to her isnt the only thing going on so she is less likly to snap or get angry (i was a angry teen)

None the less your daughter will return to normal

Denise - posted on 04/06/2009

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Yeh good luck with that 1... my daughter is 15 and i find it so hard to get thru to her. Who said being a parent was easy?

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