All Communities > Autism/Asperger's/PDD Awareness > 15 year old son needs help

15 year old son needs help

Jen - posted on 01/12/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I will apologize now, I know this may be long, but thanks for reading it :-) My son just turned 15 years old and was diagnosed with PDD years ago. He is a Freshman in High School, attending public school. The first grading period he was on the Honor Roll and had perfect attendance. He was even working in the school cafeteria washing dishes, getting paid, and enjoying it... as part one of his "special" classes. However, he doesn’t have any "real" friends, just a few bullies, whom pick on him almost daily. He has started to see the differences in what a friend is and the other boys he just "hangs out" with or says HI to and this is making him a sad young man. He has told me recently that he doesn’t know if he can take it anymore, he is going to beat up these bullies. The school seems to try but has never got anywhere. He is mostly quiet and laid back, in his bedroom reading most of the time, but when he gets upset everyone knows it. He doesn’t like loud noises, he will run from them, hands over ears. He runs to his closet and hides in the corner on the floor when he can't cope with something. He has never had a friend over to our house, but last summer he went to a family friends house to spend the day with a boy who was years younger than him, this was the only time. He does extremely well with small children and can carry on with a grown-up if it is something he is interested in, but anyone near his own age makes him retreat into a shell. This week the school has been calling saying his behavior is unacceptable. Within the last few months I noticed he seems less interested in things and upset at other kids and teachers. His grades this period are all over (A,B, C, D and F) and he has been very sick this 9 weeks, missing over 15 days of school. I don't know where to go from here. I have been taking him to doctors and counselors over the last 8 years and I feel like we are at block one in the beginning. He is misunderstood on so many levels and I need to protect him, but I don't know where to start. I don't know any other families with children with this and though I don't have a particular question... anyone wanting to share anything, something with me that you think could help my son... please do... I will be grateful for it.

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Sheila - posted on 01/14/2010

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I would say that something changed...what I mean is, during the first grading period, he might have been under the radar from the bullies. Somewhere along the line, they spotted him, and have now targetted him as a source of entertainment. Your school principal must take action. In Ontario there is a very strong anti-bullying/bully awareness campaign. In our schools, if a principal is made aware of a situation and does not take action, there can be some pretty strong consequences (also the teachers, educational assistance, custodial staff...etc We are all responsible for making the school a safe place)



So, not knowing about the situation where you are...if you have reported the incident to the principal, and you are not getting appropriate response, contact your superintendent or your school trustee...whoever the principal answers too. Document what is happening the best you can to support your son.



It is possible that your son is facing depression. I do not want to scare or alarm you, but if he is saying he can't take it anymore, I think you need to ask him if he ever thinks of harming himself. If so, does he have a plan as to what he would do....they key is finding out if there is a plan. If he has a plan than you must seek help immediately. If the statement was he can't take the bullying anymore, and this is leading him to consider fighting then you have even more reason to contact the principal because he might get grouped right along with the bullies.



Is there a mentoring program at the high school. are there senior students who buddy up with Freshmen...there might be some really great older kids who are looking to get into college to become youth workers, teachers, nurses, etc...these kids are often the quiet ones who would be great "buddies". Ask the guidance counsellor at the school what is available to him.



He gets along with younger children and adults...wonderful. Can he volunteer at a children's program as a teen helper? Can he volunteer at a local hospital. He needs to see that he has value OUTSIDE of high school (which can be the worst place in the world for a lot of kids!)



See if there is something he wants outside of school so that he has another social venue. Is there a Scouting program near you? In this area, we have cadets...it is run by the military, and kids do drills, go sailing, go camping...it can be a lot of fun. Discipline is involved (they are expected to stand at attention, salute, be respectful of the officers, etc) but kids I have known who have participated have loved it.



Can he get permission when he is at school to have an MP3 player while in the halls so he can be listening to music, so not to be startled by noises?



If the school says his behaviour is unacceptable, what strategies are the implementing to help him? Does he have an IEP? If so, are they following it? If no IEP, what steps do you need to take to get one? Is the school day too long? Can he go for half days or 3/4 days until his health has improved? Is there a particular class that is really stressing him out (like does he have to change in front of everyone for gym? this is a real sticky point for lots of adolescents)



If you can, help him to develop a life outside of high school so that he can see where his true value lies. This might spark an interest in something that he can pursue in regards to long term education/life goals.



Good luck.



Sheila

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