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16 year old meltdowns

Michelle - posted on 05/12/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

my 16 year old stepson is verry low functioning, he does not speak, not potty trained ect well he is at our house about 3 nights a week and he has always been prone to meltdown but for the last couple of months they have been out of control, they happen almost every time he is here, they last about 2 hours, he scream, stomps up and down so hard the house shakes, he hits himself and sweats through all of his clothes. according to his mom he does not do this at home (not sure if i believe her, she is kind of in denial about how bad his meltdowns are) nothing has changed here he does have stomach issues and has hard stools I think some of it may have to do with that but his mom wont take him to a gastro dr, im not sure if that is the prob or something medical, well i sugested that on nights that his mom is not working and we were supposed to take him maybe he should just stay home if he gets so upset being here and is fine at home? I mean why put him through that? what put us all through that? at least until we find out what the problem is, well they all think i am a monster for suggesting that? any ideas how to deal with this??

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Janet - posted on 05/15/2011

177

I have LOTS of ideas for dealing with meltdowns but firstly, let me give my two cents on the questions you have posed at the end of your post -
- Should he just stay home? No probably not. Firstly because he needs time with his dad, and secondly because its not helping him to completely isolate him in that way. The best way to help him, is to figure out why he's having the tantrums - and to do that, its likely you need to record a few of them (either on paper or video even..) and analyze why they may be occurring. I've seen this question A LOT recently and my ramblings may not make sense at the moment because It's a bit late where I'm at - however, have a look at my post here (its too big to post it all in this little window) and hopefully it will give you some ideas as to what the issue might be, and then how to handle it once you figure that out.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Meltdowns-Tantru...

All that being said, I do think that open communication with his mother is key, but if she's 'in denial' as you say, then perhaps its good to keep your own data on the situation so that you can be prepared when you speak with her.

Good luck!

Leslie - posted on 05/12/2011

I like your idea of trying to find out the problem instead of making things worse for your stepson. I'd ask the mom why he's okay at home but not at your house? Is there something at your place that bothers him? Maybe a particular noise or some kind of texture? I know mine son, my oldest was very sensitive to various textures when he was little. I'd have a heart to heart with her and try to get her out of her denial mode b/c that will not help him nor her