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A mother just knows....when things are different

Cori - posted on 08/31/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi very new to this site.. I have many concerns about my son, whom is now 11 years old. It's been a struggle ever since my boy was born. As a new born he would cry none stop, would sleep only when held. Which made doing things with my other children quite difficult to say the least..As he grew, he always needed my attention and mine alone..I could not visit with anyone and actually enjoy a visit with out him hanging on me, or crying. I would take him to parks and he would never be interested in playing with other children. He would not share his toys, however would take other kids toys and assume they belonged to him. He would have sever tantrums when things didn't go his way, or he heard the word "NO"...He hated bath time no matter how many toys or bubbles i added to the water. He learned to climb out of crib very young age..and since then he runs, not walks......however, he is VERY smart, can carry on an adult conversation like no tomorrow! This is the confusing part of my son. He has such a big heart and yet is like Jekle and hyde...one minute happy the next destroying our home, and or talking/screaming how he wishes he were dead! and everyone else in the house. He has gone as far as grabbing a knife and chasing me and his siblings threating to stab us...we hide the knives now! I have been to see doctors and have also had him removed and living in a place that works just with difficult children...and has also been hospitolized. And now I am posting her today wondering what's going on. They (doctors) say its my parenting style, and yet I have raised 2 other children to whom are 20 and 17 and their great communicators, have tons of friends, respectful and I see I have done a great job in raising those two. Just my youngest has and still is tiring me right out...I do disagree some what that its all about my parenting...I do agree however that i need to be taught a different way in parenting this child as I do believe he is special!

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Terry - posted on 09/01/2012

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I was fortunate, in that my daughter wasn't angry and didn't have tantrums. I was careful to "pick my battles". She had a cupboard of her own foods she could choose from for snacks and a shelf on the fridge. I usually let her chose from three or four possibilities to eat or outfits to wear. I had boundaries with consistent consequences. This all worked out for the most part until her teens when it became more of a challenge. The hard part is, as a mother, there is always a tendency to doubt your own parenting ability, so having someone say the problems are a result of you (mis)handling things is not helpful or even true. It is exhausting! It wasn't until I remarried someone with a daughter of the same age that I saw how easy some kids are. Both girls are in their mid twenties. My stepdaughter always tells me what a great mom I am and tells me I'm not doing anything wrong with the other one. Fortunately they are loyal to each other and don't compete. I have to say this is largely because my stepdaughter gives her a lot of space and avoids conflict. My husband loves my daughter (which hasn't always been easy) and he reminds me that she's just "wired different". Holding a job and managing her finances has thus far been quite rocky. The opposite is true for my stepdaughter. There are ways you can parent to manage the day to day climate in the home, but the bottom line is that Aspergers/Autism has a life of it's own and nothing you can do can change that. Realizing this has been a milestone for me. But sleepless nights worrying are still a part of it all, knowing she's out on her own making problems for herself.

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