AFRAID TO SEND TO PRESCHOOL

Cindy - posted on 01/30/2010

The only advice I can give you, as a mom of a son with autism, and ex-preschool teacher is to not hang around to long if he does have a tantrum, or meltdown. It might sound cruel, but the sooner you leave the sooner the teacher can take over and calm him. Of course you shouldn't, and wouldn't leave him on the playground. Make sure the teacher is present.

My son is seven and after a year of homeschooling went to Grade 1 this year. He had this huge meltdown the first day, and exactly a week after that. It's now three weeks and he has adjusted just fine. I'm so proud of him. Just as you will be of you're little boy.

Good luck, and remember the tissues, for you! :)

Carolynne - posted on 01/30/2010

This is great to hear.. It looks like my email response may be too late! With my middle son. Kindergarten started rough! He was screaming and would not let go of me and I had my youngest son who was 3 at the time with me, there were other parents that came and tried to calm him, and the principal came out and brought him in (SUGGESTED THAT I LEAVE, while he was having a meltdown!..) and immediately calmed him down, I called 15 minutes later, they transferred me to the room, to the teacher, after already speaking to the principal and he was FINE. Of course there were a couple other days after that, that were difficult, and after school breaks.. it was hard.. We started letting him go first, something about seeing Ms. Swartz''s face distracted him from his anxiety about all the kids in the morning, she would open the door, and Keith would go to her and then go to his desk, while all the kids were loading in..lol but this year he's in 1st grade- theres no problems. He was transitioned before school was out with the 1st grade teacher, he went and spent time in her room, for a couple days so that he would know her when school started back up. I hope your meet and greet went well!

Christina - posted on 01/26/2010

You will be so surprised as his excitement to go w/in the first couple of days/week :) Try not to let him see your anxiety...

We just sent our 2 year old to daycare (all day) after being at home. He did not like *anyone* coming near him, talking to him or even looking at him. He would just scream at the top of his lungs to get away from them. We walked in the door & he took off to go play! He didn't even bother saying goodbye & we had to peel him away when it was time to pick him up.

He will be *very* scared the 1st time...i am sure. Just keep a smile on your face, tell him it will be okay & that you will see him in just a little bit!

Do they not have a behavioral/social preschool that he could go to??? My 4 yr old attends preschool through our county mental health department & these people are trained to deal w/ these children specifically!!! If not, I am sure that he will do fine w/ regular preschool...just a suggestion :D

Shannon - posted on 01/26/2010

Ha! I just sent my 3yr old to his first day on a bus no less I was a nervous wreck! He is very attatched to me but he went on that bus like he was the big man on campus! I called a little while ago and the school told me he is great and transitioned well! So I realized it was me not him that i was worried about But it the best thing for them the more help you get and the earlier you get it oh the payoff is wonderfull!! Goodluck

Sharon - posted on 01/24/2010

Hi Rachel I understand that this is one of the biggest decisions for you and sometimes wonder whether private of public is best. Well i can only comment on what has happened with my little girl who is 4 1/2, I can honestly say that her going to nursery is the best thing that I could have done for her. I don't know where you are from but here in the UK it is well planned and supported. My Daughter has Autism, learning difficulties, Complex communication disorder and speech disorder and has only just secured the diagnosis of Autism after a long battle of over 3 yrs. She started nursery at 2 1/2 and had the early years team visiting the home prior to that which then continued through to nursery, we had meetings every 7 weeks with all core group professionals and she had her own 1;1 support worker for all the time she was there. She loved it and it filled such a big part of her day, they were wonderful and developmentally she really progressed. I decided public was best as there are not enough schools in that area that would meet her needs as most of the children were older and had more problems than her, I was scared to send her to a public school at first but then a very experienced Social Worker asked me if I would want her in a room with children who she could not interact with or speak with and had severe behaviour problems, her speech had started to come through and she had started to communicate. The children in the nursery were so lovely with her it was as if they knew she was different and mothered her even when they didn't get much back from her they all rallied around her, the staff loved her and she soon became settled and it became another sanctuary for her. You need to have time for yourself to hit the refresh button which will benefit you both. Could you not take him in the car rather than put him on the bus as it would be more familiar for him because if he has high sensory problems change in environment impact so much and sometimes the noise and chatter, colour and sensation around cause more anxiety. My daughter has now progressed to full time school and for the first 3 weeks I stayed with her, she attended half days and then moved on the fulltime as it was hard due to the large amount of children and noise, she also has problems with processing things around her as she cannot filter out what is not necessary so therefore processes everything and we then have meltdowns. She now gets upset when she cannot go during term breaks and misses her wonderful keyworker. Make sure he gets a support worker and that everyone involved with him is kept up to date and has input in his learning programme. My daughters speech, development and understanding has increased so much and now she even greets me when I go to pick her up and shows emotion by clapping or flapping. You must be exhausted I know I was as she didn't sleep either until we gave in and agreed to sedation meds at night also nursery tired her out a little. Your baby will be here soon and you need time to adjust and enjoy both of your children if you don't give yourself a break you will become ill yourself which benefits no one, it won't be easy but he will cope and like one of the other posts states you have to bite the bullet. I have just had quite a traumatic morning with her, I have had to force her into the bath, she always loved the bath but the last time she touch the plug with her foot and it freaked her out and now she won't go in she was screaming, shaking and hyperventaliating but after a week I had to do it, I am still upset and she is still stressed a bit but hopefully we have cracked it again. Take care, don't beat yourself up about it and hope things work out for you love. sorry for the long reply a bit war and peace lol best of luck Sharon xx

Aracely - posted on 01/20/2010

to ease anxiety give him a family picture so you will always be together,he can keep it in his back pack

Rachel - posted on 01/20/2010

Thanks ladies... I KNOW it will be the best thing for him it's just the thought of peeling him off of me for him to get on the bus.. He will only be going from 8:15-11 so a short day where he will have an OT and Speech therapy.. He then will come home to his ABA therapy. Tomorrow is our day to go to the class room and I KNOW he'll be excited as long as i'm there beside him.. I've never had to leave him so when I leave a room I often hear him tell himself over and over, "Mommys coming" Mommys coming.. I even brought him along to a meeting tonight and put him in with the other kids just to see how he would do.. The whole time I heard him scream, Mommy help me, then he tried to run outside to leave the place!

I know the SPED class will be prepared and have probably seen it all just with my lil man it makes me sad to picture him crying for me and I'm not there to rescue him. I KNOW better now then next year when more anxietys may build.. I've been showing him youtube videos of kids getting on and off the bus and kids at school.. Everytime I see a bus I get all excited for him and tell him Ooo that's the bus you're going to go to school on! He even says, Look it's Tinos bus..

So I just hope and pray all goes well I know Eventually he will get it... Thanks for the quick response you ladies are wonderful

ps.. I wrote a week ago about Needing sleep.. Well tonight he did it!! I sat in the middle of his room and he fell asleep on his own without needing to touch me!! So the slowly moving away is working.. Also I cut out his favorite bedtime drink.. He has been Obsessed with having chocolate milk before bed.. (bad mistake to wean him and introduce that) Well since one night we didn't have it and he totally freaked out I did Not like seeing him Needing something so bad.. So now strictly water (he says tonight while taking a sip. "I sure like choco" lol) and he's not waking up to pee and he's not thirsty as much so potty training is going awesome too! So Yes thank you ladies for your suport!!!

Aracely - posted on 01/20/2010

make sure the school is aware of his diagnosis because he may need a smaller class, and a teacher who understands why he has different reactions to normal situations.you need to check for early intervention services for children 3yrs and under where they offer classes to help with delays and social situations.a public school may not have the teachers with the knowledge and experience to deal with this disability. do what feels right and do surprise visits often with out letting staff know. i had a bad experience the first year of preschool feel free to email me anytime always happy to help greatskincare@live.com

Sheila - posted on 01/20/2010

Hi Rachel,

I sent my son to nursery school, where he had the support of a resource teacher. It was wonderful for him.

Your little guy will have anxiety, but you can't hide from it...in fact, at this point it is better to bite the bullet because if you wait another year, it will be another year of entrenched behaviours that you will have to address. If it becomes part of his expected routine, he will learn to adapt.

It really is harder on the moms, I think, then the kids. I have taught the special ed classes and now teach kindergarten. I also have a child with ASD in senior Kindergarten (nursery school at 3, junior Kindergarten at 4 and now senior K)...so, I have been on both sides of that door. I literally drove behind the school bus the first day of K in case the driver had to stop to let him off the bus (knowing the driver, and trusting her was so wonderful...but I still followed!)

The kids calm down usually by 9:15....we moms have a full day of knots waiting to hear how the day went.

Visit first, let him see...find out if they have a welcome package...but get started.

I hope you will have the experience that I had once my son started school....suddenly he began to take off in areas that I never expected and had only hoped for!

He can do it, and you will be his biggest cheerleader!!

Good luck,

Sheila

Renee - posted on 01/20/2010

Yes i really believed I was going to hyperventilate when I dropped my son off on his first day of developmental preschool, my son went off with the teachers and had the best experience possible. Now I'm not going to lie there were hard days when he just didn't want to go BUT it is important that your child go unless you can afford a private school for kids with autism. I have to say that the public school here does a GREAT job of providing the proper environment for kids on the specrrum. I would send him. They should have a "meet the teacher night" or open house. I would encourage you to go if possible or even just take tour before hand. It will be harder on you, than him, trust me. I just had to put my big girl panties on and forge ahead. And with a baby due soon, you will need that time with the baby while your child is at school.