Debbie - posted on 10/07/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )
My son is 3, and has ASD and ADHD. One of his little "things" is that he doesn't always want to give out cuddles or kisses. I've asked both my parents to respect his wishes, and that if he says "No" to a kiss or cuddle to not do it. They have had trouble accepting his diagnosis (they don't believe in ADHD at all, and I think they doubt the Autism diagnosis as well). Anyway, after being asked repeatedly to not force him to do it, my Dad still does it, and my Mum defends him. The other day, my Dad physically held my son while he kissed his face, after my son had said no and turned away. I was really cranky, and complained about it a few days later, after I had calmed down a bit. The thing that upsets me about it the most is that my son will talk about it later, telling me that it made him sad. I know that as grandparents they expect their grandchildren to be affectionate towards them, but I'm worried that they are going to push him away from them. Hell, my husband and I don't always get kisses or cuddles off him - yes it's upsetting, but you deal with it! I don't want to hurt my parents, but I feel that, in this case, the feelings of a 3 year old have to come first. They know that there is a reason for him being this way (whether they want to accept it or not), but he doesn't know why he feels the way he does - he just knows he doesn't want to be touched.
So my question is this ... Am I being mean to my parents by not letting them force themselves on him? Or am I just protecting my already sensitive son?