Any ideas? My 10 year old son has aspbergers and he continues to struggle even with all of the help

Mary Lou - posted on 05/12/2013

could you tell me how things are going for your son now, 3 yrs later. i am having the same issues with my 14 yr old and i told him he is going to have to start paying for breakage. it's getting to be a daily thing.

Anna - posted on 02/24/2012

i have a 23 year old son who was just diagnosed.. said he was bipolar, obsessive compulsive, depressed, but his primary problem was social.. it was like he was terrified of people.. he would not talk in school at all and avoided all the other kids.. of course they made fun of him, and he eventually droppped out in 10th grade....burns me up... all that wasted time.. he's extremely intelligent, but very antisocial.... trying to get him on ssi... the thing i will tell you is that it does get better.. he is much better at interacting with people in video stores, strangers in restaurants etc, and definitely has developed empathy toward others.. so hand in there, most of the kids do get better..

Sherrie - posted on 04/05/2010

My son is 16 and has aspergers after breaking alot a stuff in my house one night he broke my flat surface cook stove so we had to cook in the microwave or on the georgeforman grill we borowed from a neighbor for a week and then when I got a new stove I made him pay for half haven't really had any major melt downs since it made him responsible for his actions. I know this sounds harsh but sometimes enough is enough and sometimes they need to see what the consequenses are. Sometimes tough love is best, I felt terrible about this but like I said haven't had that much trouble since. knock on wood. good luck and just love him thats what they need most. My mom always tells me if god didn't think I could handle it then he wouldn't have given me him.

Tina - posted on 04/04/2010

Hi Gin,
I have a 12 yr old son with Asperger's. He takes meds, but they are spaced out throughout the day, rather than just once in the morning. This helps in that they don't have time to completely wear off. They are low doses, so if you met him, you wouldn't know he takes anything. Also, maybe trying group therapy might be worth a try. He would then have to share his time with others and learn how his actions affect others around him. This has helped my son. It does take time, though. Good luck. I am sending a big hug you way!
Tina

Rachael - posted on 04/03/2010

hi aspie mums, both my boys aged 8 & 6 have autism, adhd, & my 8yr old is high on the aspergers scale, i have found that keeping to the same routine helps alot, any changes need to be explained as simply & as soon as possible, i find this helps my boys adjust & prepare it helps avoid the meltdowns, because they know what's going on & why & don't become overwhelmed, i also find that my 8yr old (aspie) will repeat the same question over & over regardless of how many times i answered him, i now understand the reason he was doing this is because he didn't understand the answer even though i thought i'd kept it as simple as possible, so now when he does this i find a simpler answer or i ask him if he understood my answer, if not i ask him what part he didn't understand & could he ask me again often he will rephrase or break the question into smaller parts so i can answer in more detail for him, i know this sounds like alot of hard work, but believe me with a little patience & practice you will find that you can communicate with your child better than you ever imagined, i personally am amazed at the closeness i feel to my boys, & at just how bright, intelligent, sensitive & loving little people they are.... also i try to use humour as a distraction when they're start getting frustrated, nothing beats a hug, tickle or wrestle match or failing that get out of the house, kick a ball around the yard, cricket etc, or visit the beach, park etc, i've even on rainy days, put music on & danced around the lounge room with them, pretty soon we're all laughing. i'm sure you'd all agree having a sense of humour helps, after all laughter is the best medicine.

Andrea - posted on 04/02/2010

A lot of mental illnesses overlap and ADHD and asbergers go hand and hand, obsessing also is an asbergers trait. I had a psychologist tell me once to pick my battles. If it isn't going to hurt her then let it go. Making her change her sheets is a battle to be won. Make the consequences the same every time so she knows there are no surprises, because surprises will set them off. Read about autism because asbergers is on the autistic spectrum. I think remembering to pick your battles and remembering that they don't like change is key. We even try to have dinner at the same time because he more than the other kids needs the structure.

Maurin - posted on 04/01/2010

We just started my 10 year old daughter, who has Asperger's, on Abilify and it seems to be making a world of difference. She went from throwing a fit/temper tantrum daily to about one a week. She's only been on it for a week so I can't say for certain that it's the Abilify and not just a fluke, but I will take what I can get! Like everyone else who replied, we have no idea what sets her off! I take that back, telling her NO seems to be what sets her off the most, but it can be about ANYTHING! Just last night we had her change her bed sheets since she had an accident (which is an entirely unrelated issue) and she threw a fit because she didn't want to do it. A week ago it was because we told her no to taking a toy to her psychiatry appointment. She also obsesses. When she's told no to something she will keep asking and asking. I don't know why she does this since we have NEVER caved after telling her no. We would threaten to take away things if she didn't stop asking, but she wouldn't stop. We would then take away what we threatened and the fit would start all over again. She of course would blame us for her fit. Last night while trying to get her to go to bed....mid fit....she swung her bedroom door open and yelled, "YOU TREAT ME LIKE I'M NOTHING!!" It is extremely frustrating and disheartening to hear stuff like that, but it comes with having an "Aspie" Anyways, I'm praying this Abilify helps. She's also on Vyvanse for her ADHD. I'm told that Asperger's and ADHD usually go hand in hand. Good luck and God bless!

Andrea - posted on 04/01/2010

I have read the reply's to your question and the one from Katrin seems to be dead on. Our son would bang his head and pull out his hair when frustrated. Anything could set him off. We didn't understand that he had Asbergers so we treated him like he was just a normal child throwing a temper tantrum and gave him consequences. One was a time out place for him to calm down and the other was running to work off the frustration. This worked so well we were amazed. He is now 17 on the outside and about 11-12 on the inside. He takes Concerta for his concentration and Zoloft for the frustration and that helps amazingly. We have not had the stealing problem but I think treating him like you would any other child that steals, with consequences just like you would a child without asbergers. Don't let the fact that he has a diagnosis stop you from treating him just like any other child without the diagnosis. We also did some occupational, sensitivity therapy with him and that helped him become aware of his own body. Mainstreaming was one of the best ideas, even though some kids can be cruel he learned to just not listen to them, and he modeled the kids that didn't tease him. I think daily life is a constant learning process for him even more than most.

Katrin - posted on 04/01/2010

My son has aspergers and he is going on 12. The biggest thing I see with my own son is the immaturity he has on the inside. To look at his physical being, he could be a linebacker and as the girls around the neighborhood say, really cute. But on the inside, he is younger than his little sister of whom is turning 10. My wager would be that my own son is about 8 years old on the inside, and is dealing with the frustrations that come with that age of 8, but even more, dealing with the frustrations of being 8 in a 12 year old body. To me that seems like he is dealing with 3 times the stress, at least, of that of a normal child.
To deal with the anger issues and frustration levels that I bare witness to daily, we have plans in place. The "quiet place" to break, the "gym" to run or fight off the anger energy, and the occupational kinds of therapies such as small hobbies to make him concentrate.
Sadly, with Asperger's, even with meds, we have found that you will still see the anger/frustration/resentment from them, no matter what you do. You are doing the right thing by getting support for both your child and yourself and your family. As the psychologist always tells me, "how can you plan to take care of this child if first you do not take care of yourself?"
As to the stealing thing, we have seen in the groups my son participates in that stealing is a normal behavior, but one that can be corrected with time, help, consequences and support. It will be ok. What you do not mention is the severity of the aspergers. For lack of a better way to ask, on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst, where is he? I found that on that crappy scale (lol), my son would be about an 8. And even with that 8, he did better being mainstreamed slowly back into what I joke "general population." It worked for him because he was relapsing into old behavior patterns when around children worse than him. He seemed to follow there lead, so to speak. So when we slowly put him back with "the norms," he followed their leads, instead. Granted, there were a lot of mean kids out there that make fun and make life hell for my boy, but in the long run he did better with the average rather than the special needs class. He still gets his special therapies, but he gets to take example from kids his age that are fully "normal" functional.

Heather - posted on 03/31/2010

Frustration and anger are very normal. I don't know how long he has had his helps in place, but give it time. Most kids with Aspergers are emotionally and maturity wise about 2/3 their chronological age. So if your son is 10 - he's 5 or 6 inside. Sometimes if we put the bahavior into the inner age bracket it doesn't seem so out of place and is easier to handle. My Aspie is going to be 17 in 3 weeks. He's about 13 or 14 internally. I have to really keep things in perspective and remember not to expect too much of him.

Angela - posted on 03/31/2010

Hi Gin,

Anger and frustration issues are common and I sure understand your sense of helplessness. We have a variety of therapies in addition to medication for our now 12 year old. We also received "parent training/coaching" as a part of some therapies and went to some classes on our own. Joining a local support group might tell you quickly first hand what resources are available in your area as well as give you some of the best advice I've found anywhere - parent to parent.



You don't mention what meds he's on, but we've noticed a marked decrease in outbursts and destruction since we started on Abilify. I don't want to make a recommendation, it's a newer medication for us, but none of our other meds have ever affected his moods the same way. You could talk to your doctor/psych and see if there's a therapy you could add to his program, or look if there's an adjustment needed in his meds.



I really see the lasting value in therapies and sometimes we've needed to repeat them many times in order to see progress. It's all a journey of progress and I wish you and your son the very best!