Anyone a mother of teenage autistic (Asperger) children?

Joan - posted on 07/03/2009 ( 97 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of 2 teenage children with Asperger syndrome as well as other issues. Anyone else dealing with kids with these challenges and school/social issues?

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[deleted account]

I do, my son is 15 yrs old and I did not find out about this until 6th grade when they did an assessment on him.

Annmarie - posted on 07/15/2009

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hi, my name is annmarie, i have a 16 year old daughter who has asperges, i need some suggestions and help as my daughter has had a letter from the GP, to go for a series of 3 injections, against cervical cancer. she is terrified of needles and this will be impossible to do unless there is a less stressfull way, or any help, any suggestions?

Gina - posted on 07/15/2009

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Hi Joan. I don't know if you've heard of or are familiar with handle.org, but if not, may want to check it out. My child is extraordinary in different ways than yours, and I honor and appreciate you mothering your extraordinaires as best you can. I have had some amazing results using some of the exercises from the site above with some Asperger boys I've worked with in my Imagery Therapies practice. God Speed. - Gina

Anne - posted on 07/14/2009

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I have an 18 yr old son who was diagnosed with Autism Sprectrum Disorder when he was 3. He will be a senior this year in public school. They work with him on how to fill out applications, practice job interviews, job shadows, etc. Opportunities Inc (a place that works solely with disabled people in the work environment) comes into the school to work with them, they hired him for a janitorial job at their place this year so they could work with him outside of the school atmosphere as well. I know there is also a program where they will send a trainer in with them to a job to work one on one with the person. The social aspect is a hard one-mine is very quiet and doesn't understand a lot of different forms of humor, so he gets upset over things he shouldn't or just doesn't understand. He mostly stays in his room and plays X-box 360, or watches a movie over and over again. He has come out of his shell a bit in the last year or so and has started to do a little bit of socializing and-there goes the phone bill-texting!! I know the lack of friends bothers him sometimes, but I think it bothers my husband and I more, it's a constant worry where his future is concerned.

Lawana - posted on 07/14/2009

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I am a single mother of a 17 year old son with Autism...what has gotten me through is God and church. My church is very supportive. He plays the organ and drums and he loves to go and has a FIT when church isn't going on. He also loves Pokemon Advanced Battle Frontier and YOUTUBE!!!!LOL!!

Nancy - posted on 07/14/2009

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Brenda - posted on 07/13/2009

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I have one with autism and is 18yrs now. HANG IN THERE! School and social issues are the worst.

Christine - posted on 07/13/2009

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Yes, I have a 16 year old boy. We've homeschooled since 7th grade. Best decision ever.

Leanne - posted on 07/13/2009

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My son has Aspergers Syndrome he is 18 soon 19 he keeps to himself mostly has a few friends but isnt really interested, he is obsessed with a girl we dont want him to have anything to do with because her grandmother is my husbands cousin so there is a relative connection but they are drawn to each other, only she being 16 and her parents went to police took out a AVO to keep my son away...my son grew out of his obsession for green he would only wear green, he is fitness/sports mad he goes to the gym everyday walks rather than drive his car he or rides his bike, he eats only healthy, gets agressive when stressed or doesnt know how to handle a situation, local cops pick on him if they see him walking along they stop & search him... he went to mainstream school till age 10 then he went to a special school for kids with very severe behavioural problems only he was the schools role model sports leader etc...and loved the very strict regimental routine, they helped greatly with social skills my son didnt like people in wheel chairs he would laugh at them so they took him to a school where kids in wheel chairs were and made him read to those kids he made friends with some and never made fun of them again they taught him to cook, and so many other things he is very independant always has been from a small child, he stayed at the special school till gaining his leaving certificate and going on to study fitness to be a personal trainer only he finds it hard dealing with people so is looking into doing something different, i think i have Aspergers mildly and i think my son gets it from my father they are so alike...my other son has ADHD and my boys are best mates but my other son does prefer to see his mates where as AS son prefers to stay home when invited out or he likes to have one mate come over... he doesnt care what he says or where we are and often shouts & swears when not coping...i knew at age 3 he was different but didnt get the diagnoses till he was 12 but i always knew it was AS the Paediatrician was in denial until the adolescent shrink gave the diagnoses within 30 seconds of my sons performance because he missed school to see doctor...Leanne

Wendi - posted on 07/13/2009

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hi joan and yes! I am the mum of a 16yr old with aspergers, really thought the worst was over with but doesn't it just get harder! My son is witty, bright and full of optomism for his future,but I worry so much about his lack of social skills and a multitude of other issues, he has just left school and is looking forward to doing a prep for entrance to the armed forces...an obbsession he has had for some 6yrs!

Kathy - posted on 07/13/2009

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I have a 17 yo with aspergers. He has made great progress. I am concerned that he is trying too hard socially and not enough on his work though. He has been struggling in school but seems to be holding his own socially. He has to try alot harder to do the same work that the other students, and he seems to think that he would never get time to spend with his friends if he tries to do his work. But he is finally seeming to get why we are pushing so hard for him to do his work now. I am really concerned about whether or not college would be a good choice for him.

[deleted account]

I have a 13 year old son that has been recently diagnosed with asperger's.He has a difficult time in the public school he is in but seems to be getting better.A lot of challenges ahead of me. Between his paternal grandma and myself we are raising him with very little help and understanding of the syndrome.He doesn't seem to make or keep friends easily unless they can relate to similar interests.It can be very difficult but holding on and will continue.Good Luck with you and yours

Lisa - posted on 07/12/2009

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I'm new here, and my 16-year-old daughter was only diagnosed in 2007 with this. I just had a big party for her but I didn't plan it. The kids in the youth group that she's a part of did. They love her so much and add so much to the group. They are going to help her with the social cues. They want to help her. I couldn't be more lucky. Though my heart broke for her, the kids in the younger grades didn't understand her and try to befriend her. They made her feel very left out. The funny thing is now that she's gotten diagnosed and we've really started working on something of the things that she wants to, she's more functioning now then I've ever seen her. She still has the outburst and can't control her mouth. There are times I scratch my head and wonder: "is this hormones? is this being a teenager? is the part of the asperger's?" For the first time in her life, she's happy, has friends, and looks forward to going to school as a sophomore.

User - posted on 07/12/2009

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sorry about the brevity, and negativity of my initial post. hi, my name is robin. my first born is a 12 year old girl with aspergers. and i am also finding that even harder than the meltdowns which are exacerbated by the hormones, is the social angst. this mean girls age is so hard on her. she's not wired to play the headgames. she is who she is, and she doesn't understand why people are so cruel (ok, i'm neurotypical, and i don't undestand why people are so cruel). but the other day she saw a little league softball team playing across the field from her brother's little league team, and she wanted to join the softball team. some of her classmates were already in the league and i warned my less than graceful girl that her classmates might bring reports of her performance on the team to her class. she simply said to me "mommy they' make fun of me anyway, i might as well play" . i was so proud of her. what an incredible personal victory for my baby, but i couldn't help feel so sad at the same time. so my question is, does anyone out there have an aspie daughter who is formerly a teenager - someone who came out the other end of the hormones and survived? good report out there, anyone?

User - posted on 07/12/2009

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my 12 year old daughter is on the cusp of teen. can i run screaming, now,or should i wait until - i don't know what...

Beth - posted on 07/11/2009

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I have a 12 year old son who has Asperger's. He was diagnosed in the middle of his 5th grade year thanks to a caring teacher and my worry about his anger issues. The anger issues resulted in us going to a psychologist and he diagnosed him as well.



I always thought that he acted differently than most kids his age starting at around 2nd grade. His grades and all were fine, but he didn't play with anyone during recess. My husband and I always asked him about it and he was fine about it.



Thank goodness for the diagnosis. He is a changed child. He has a really good friend now and several other boys that he is friends with. His grades have improved tremendously and his anger issues still crop up, but we handle them okay.



The social changes I feel has to do with the "speech" class he took once we got him an IEP. It was more of a "socializing" class. I also feel that him talking to his psychologist once or twice a month has helped him and us as well.



Have you read any books about Asperger's? If you like I can suggest some to you. Just let me know.

Sara - posted on 07/10/2009

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I have a 12 year old son with asperger's. I'm told that during this time as he moves into adolescence things could get very crazy. How are you guys dealing with it?

Jessi - posted on 07/10/2009

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my son is omly 6 but has aspurgers,ocd,odd,adhd,and is a sensory craver its is hard for us because his teachers request him to be medicated to attend school yet they look down their noses at us for medicateing him.also we have an issue that when he is uncomfortable with his surroundings he draws in causing him to have toileting accidents that results in the schools principal calling dhs on our family everyother week because she says we are neglecting him by not having him toilet trained though his coordinators say its normal with aspy kiddos do you have any tips for us we are at our wits end and starting a new school this year to get a fresh start.

Aurelia - posted on 07/10/2009

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Oh yes my daughter is going to be 14. It seems like the older she gets the worse it is. She has alot of phobias like thunder and I mean it makes her to where she makes herself sick. Summers are hard on me and her because she just stays home in the house. She has no friends. It is really sad and breaks my heart. One day I was out of town and she was in school and was suppose to go to lunch with her girlfriend and she ditched her and she called me and the only thing she was worried about was that her friend was going to have chocalate and she wasn't. Not the fact that her friend ditched her but the chocalate and she couldn't wait for me to get home to have one and was crying. It is frustrating because sometimes I cannot get her out of those moods.

LOUISE - posted on 07/10/2009

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Hi i have a 14yr old daughter with Aspergers, and understand where you coming from with the heartbreak bit. She is in mainstream school with helpers and enjoys school and life very much, but i have the problem of getting upset when people stare, or comment. Also she is very immature in everything she does, from music and films to dancing and singing in the street. I am used to this and love her more for her differances, and just wish people could accept her for who she is. She would never harm anyone verbally or physically and yet other children and even some grown ups seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to ridicule and stare. She has even been hit before, and when asked why he replied " because shes weird "!!!! I could of knocked his tiny minded head off his shoulders i was so furious!!!! Katie however doesnt seem to be deterred or upset too much by comments and other peoples ignorance. I sometimes feel like shouting from the rooftops what is wrong with her and why she behaves in certain ways, but why should we have to do this? Why cant society just understand that there are differances between us all? Aaaaahhhh, i feel much better for getting that off my chest.

Latitia - posted on 07/10/2009

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My son will be 19 this year and was diagnosed @ age 2. Because of the early diagnosis we recieved I was able to get him some help early. He was in mainstream school for many years but it just didn't work well for him. About 4 years ago I was put in touch with this man Dan Tayches and he helped me get him into a school that is only for children with disabilities. He was finally able to be himself and not worry so much about how people percieved him and he is thriving. What is frustrating to me now is the guardianship process. If anyone can help me steer through this legal battle, I would appreciate it. Remember moms- PRAYER can bring peace during chaos.

Julie - posted on 07/09/2009

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Hello,

My name is Julie and I have a 13 year old son with aspergers not to mention ADHD, OCD, and other things. I have had many challanges with school issues and social issues.

I would love to chat with others about things.

[deleted account]

Yes, I have a son who is now 25.. he has What I think is asperger syndrome he is pretty out going thank God for that but it's lonely for him he really does'nt have any friends.He lives in florida with my mother he works and he does things on his own alot he is very high functioning. I feel your pain it's very hard to deal with as they get older. My son wants to have a girlfriend so bad it's a shame he is so very handsome. Just know you are not alone.

Sara - posted on 07/09/2009

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my son is 14yrs old with asperger's but in his head he is 10 ,which makes the smallest thing more difficult because people see a big strong lad not knowing him and think he's naughty.

Robin - posted on 07/09/2009

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HI my name is Robin and I have a 17 year old with Autism I have started a site on facebook called Autism in teens it is for mothers with TEENAGERS with Autism...We are a small group and the ladies are so great!!! we talk,vent(yes honest and direct) and discuss the problems we face as they are in thier teens. right now we are talking alot about the rage and hitting my son is almost 6' and 247 pounds i'm 5'1 so you can imagine.....my motto is we hear alot about Autism in younger children but they grow up! please feel free to look us up like I said it is a small group but you wont get more forward true emotion these ladies are wonderful and real

Susan - posted on 07/09/2009

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Hi, I am a mother of 3 boys, ages 19, 16 and 10. My eldest son happens to be autistic. It was devastating news for both me and my husband when he was diagnosed at age 21/2 years, but as he grows up, things started to get better. My autistic son graduated high school from a regular school 2 years ago here in Manila, Philippines. Right after graduation, I enrolled him for a short computer course, which he enjoys the most. On the side he also has his math and english enrichment on a daily basis for 2 hours each morning. In the afternoon, he goes to our family owned business and works part time doing simple paper works and encoding. On Saturdays, he has his piano lessons. He already has his hands full, I should say. We both like the set up now, but I feel a little guilt creeping in once in a while for not enrolling him to a college where some of his autistic friends are in. In my opinion, I don't think my son is quite ready for college, not at this time. He still has some difficulties with comprehension which is the most important tool for learning. But eventually, I hope he'll be able to cope. I totally agree with you, there are only but a few resources for autistic young adults especially here in Manila. My son used to join a peer group in a learning center which caters for autistic teenagers that teaches social skills, but all the better teachers went abroad one by one to search for greener pastures and so I pulled him out. Like everyone else, I am also worried of his future and I am so glad to have Circle of Moms as my support group. Warmest regards!

Kathy - posted on 07/08/2009

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I have two sons with Asperger Syndrome, 24 and 19. Fortunately, we have finished with school and both graduated. The oldest did three years of college at Purdue. I am also a teacher and have been the classroom teacher of several children with Aspergers. I have another one coming in my next class (looping, so will have him for next two years).

Joan - posted on 07/08/2009

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I haven't given up on them, it is me that I sometimes give up on. Sometimes I get so tired of being the "Mom" and always being there. That's all. They will get where they are going to be in their own time. I just have to be patient.

Barb - posted on 07/08/2009

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Hi there Joan, my youngest Kieran (13 years) was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder last year. It's taken years and a lot of tearful moments for him and myself but we seem to be seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Kieran still has his moments believe me. But our family works together to get him through it. We are at present preparing him for high school and cross our fingers so far things are looking good.
We live in a small city and most of the doctors although great doctors had no idea what I was going through, with most saying he was just being a bad child or lazy. We finally took him to Melbourne and the woman we saw was great. To top things off we also think our eldest boy A.J may have a form of Asperger's not bad but after Kieran's appointment we noticed A.J showing signs. They are very loving boys and every day is a better day.

[deleted account]

I have a sixteen year old son with Austism/Asperger ."Carrie" my son is the same way with Transformers and Pokemon. Sometimes it is so frustrating to hear him talk about them the way that other boys his age are talking about driving and girls. I am working with him, trying to get him out of that. I don't know about the rest of the community, but I do feel blessed, because my son can take care of himself and always has. He has gotten so much better in the social aspect of his life. He would stand off by himself at parties, dances or family gatherings, but now he jumps right in with the other kids and it makes me happy to see that. As far as school goes, my husband and I wanted him partially mainstreamed so that he could be around kids his age. He has an IEP every year and this gives us as parents a chance to let his teachers know what we want him to achieve and what we expect from them and what services we think that he will benefit from. He seems to do well with the other kids, they like him and except him for who he is.

"Joan" I am so sorry that you can't or don't have the support that you need and want from our school. You have to tell his teachers what you expect, demand it. We did and we got help all around.

I would like to say to the families of our exceptional children, fight for what you need for your children, if you don't who will. Never give up on them, give them what all children need and that is love and patience.

Michelle - posted on 07/07/2009

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Yes I have a 15 year old son with Asperger . My son just mostly stay home in his room. This year he did joy our local Speical Olym. team so he does go to that once a week . He will be in high school this aug. and I am very nervous about that.

Natha - posted on 07/07/2009

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Although my son is now 24, we began wondering what was different about him when he was a teenager. Because of some physical issues (surgery for intestinal mal-rotation he was born with) that started rising, it clouded focusing on the emotional/mental/learning disability. It's funny how with Asperger Syndrome (and an extremely gifted child) a diagnosis is hard to come by. Ben (our son) didn't even make it through junior high! The school chose to ignore his needs (when he was in 5th grade they wanted to jump him to eighth!). I put my foot down. Yes, Ben is very smart, but not very social (he was an amazing youngster able to charm your socks off until then).

We pulled him out of school and let him home school (or more likely, self-school). With the Asperger's, he tends to stay focused and doesn't like distraction. However, he also expects things to be done his way and doesn't understand why you don't or can't oblige. If you want him to do something for you or go somewhere, you need to present it many hours in advance. My concern at this point is, he is 24 now and is unable to keep a job (socializing) or live on his own. If something happens to my husband & I, we have prepared our other two children on having a housemate (yeah).

He really is a great kid, though...maybe a little extra special handling needed, that's all. We are waiting and hoping he will decide to go on to college. At this point, we can't even get him to consider help from Vocational Rehabilitation since he has been unable to get the 'official' diagnosis.

Peggy - posted on 07/07/2009

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I too have a 16 soon to be 17 year old son with aspergers. My husband and I adopted him when he was five years old. For a while we thought it was just the excess baggage he had collected through a difficult time in his young life. We had him in counseling several times, but he is a sharp kid and knew the answers that they wanted to hear. FInaly one special counselor who had been to a seminar was able to see what was going on with him. He has had a very hard time in school making friends, they bully and make fun of him. He doesn' realize that he is different. We have found a church where the young people are so accepting of him and include him in all their activities, it has been great for his self confidence. I worry about the future holds for him too.

Colleen - posted on 07/07/2009

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I had that problem with my son all through primary school. he is thirteen now, going to a high school that has the facilities to cater for my special boy. Only diagnosed three years ago, it so much better now I am out of the dark. He is doing so much better now, with people who understand. Though we still have problems emotionally connecting. Now I know that I have Asperger's, it helps us both. I can never have too much info or support.

Debbie - posted on 07/05/2009

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My daughter is 16 years old with Autism/Asperger syndrome. Parents are definitely the hardest hit by the social differences our children exhibit. I have taught special education/ special needs children for 20 years. Sometimes the most useful thing I can do, is let the parents of my students know that I understand.

Thomasine - posted on 07/05/2009

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I'm a mother of a 18 year old who has asperger syndrome. he is about to start college, I'm so proud of him ,he has tried so hard to meet his goals and never gave up. I hope he can continue to do all that he wants to do..

Joan - posted on 07/04/2009

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My kids have the benefit of participating in a social skills group for several years. I think it has really helped them. They not only roll play but socialize between each other. It has been a bit help. Also, my son has friends for the first time. He goes over to their houses and they visit over here. He goes to birthday parties and has friends to invite to his.
It is just the future that crowds in sometimes.

Connie - posted on 07/04/2009

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I have a 15yr old with Asperger's. They are different, but I know the more I educate my son about Apserger's and how to cope with social skills the better he feels about himself. He is in Band, plays Tuba and is doing excellent. He said he is more shy than autistic, but we read and role play a lot. Video games are the best invention ever, he is rewarded if he does what he is asked. He almost always comes thru, but for Asperger kids, it's not always about doing what makes the parents happy, but more about play time, at least for boys it is. He needs to visually see what I ask of him. If we are around a lot of people, he has to pick one to talk to and not only say hi, but find out something new about that person, then he can have video game time. It's very difficult at this age, because you don't know if they are shy, if it's asperger's, or typical teenager stages. You can read and read and still not ever be sure. But they are the most special kids because they are so true to themselves, we just need to educate them and help them with basic social skills, it's a cruel world out there.

Victoria - posted on 07/04/2009

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hi my eldest child is 13yrs and it autistic as is 10 year old brother.things have been hard .what makes it hard is while out and about and he kicks off and people stare ,this dose not help! I will always remember when this did happen and a young boy said to his mother look at that boy ,her reply was yes is naughty has should have a smack. I could not believe what i was hearing!any way he seems to be settling down a little now, he goes to a fantastic secondary school now and has made real friends.which he did not have at primary school.It's good to know i can come on here and talk to other people who have children the same as me.as some family members don't understand.

Joan - posted on 07/03/2009

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Thanks for answering, Margot. I have made myself available to all of the resources available here in the states. My oldest, Maggie, receives assistance from Office of Vocational Rehabiltation while she goes to college. Then when she graduates, they will be around to help her find work. She receives assistance from the Learning Differences department at her college. She would not have been able to have finished her first year and be able to return for her second had it not been for them.
I guess I just needed to vent. It seems all of the resources are being applied to the young kids, which is good, but I just wanted to remind people that there are older autistic kids around.
Thanks for listening. All the way from Australia, too. WOW!

Valerie - posted on 07/03/2009

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I am a mother of a 17 year old. I have home-schooled him for 5 years and cyber schooled him for 3 years. This year he is a senior. I had absolutely no support from the school. He is excelling much better than I ever hoped and is turning into a fine young man.

Samantha - posted on 07/03/2009

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My son is going to a doctor on the 29th to be checked for Asperger Syndrome.

Carrie - posted on 07/03/2009

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I'm the mother of a 12 year old with Asperger syndrome who is mainstreamed into regular curriculum. All she thinks about is Pokemon and Bakugan (so unlike her peers!!) I feel, like you, that my discomfort with her differences is more me than her.

Margot - posted on 07/03/2009

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Hi, I'm a Mum with an 18 year old son diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I too have watched my son go through some awful hurts and let downs. It breaks my heart. I have found Friends of Autism in Perth are very good for support and information, If you can get a hold of a book by Wendy Dawson she has Asperger Syndrome and wrote a book from her point of view, she has raised four children and done a University degree, R.U.C.S.N has an office here in Perth, I think it is in Leederville? They are a great resource for teachers, parents and Education officers alike for aal sorts of resource information on children with special needs, If you haven't already done so get in contact with your local area co-ordinator for Disability Services and see what they can come up with in regard to helping your children get some much needed support in either scholling or perhaps looking at work environment to have a support worker onsite. I hope you find this info helpful? I have and I'd be lost without the support. Margot Perth Western Australia

Joan - posted on 07/03/2009

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One of my children is in college with assistance and the other is in high school (mainstreamed) but they are so different from the other kids, it breaks my heart to see them. They do not seem to be aware of any differences or if they are they don't seem to care. It apparently is my problem.

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