AS kids and bullying

Mauri - posted on 02/01/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My 4yr old (yes bullies at 4!!!!) has a little girl in her class constantly telling her how she doesn't like my 4yr old and won't let her play. The first incident my dd didn't care but now with this littler girl not letting dd play with certain toys is really bothering to her. She has been melting down and screaming ever since i picked her up, Her teacher in the past has not cared one bit about dd's diagnosis of Aspergers. In fact today she challenged me about it and asked me to sign a paper allowing the school to test her. How do i handle this with my dd? I'm so frustrated about it and don't know how attack the problem so she doesn't start hating school. I'm going to talk to the assistant teacher who is a LOT more receptive and will look out for dd but at home she is just not doing well. :(

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Janis - posted on 02/08/2011

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I believe there is bullying at 4 yrs. old. I teach a special ed. preschool for 3, 4, and 5 year olds, and have seen many 3 and 4 year old bullies in my experience. You need to talk to the teacher, and if the teacher isn't responding by teaching social skills at teachable moments, and in direct lessons through stories and social stories, then she is not doing her job. I would then go to her supervisor. I also have 2 boys on the autism spectrum. My oldest was bullied in first, second, third and fourth grades (at different schools). It is a tough situation to deal with, and stressful for all involved (child and parents). But it cannot be ignored. Finally, we found a school where he is accepted even with his little quirks. He has very high functioning autism, with a tic disorder (motor tics and verbal tics). We always see the glass half full, and make sure to recognize all the gifts he was blessed with such as a loving heart, and excellent math/visual spatial skills. Do not leave your child in a place where she will continue to be bullied. There are other preschools/kindergartens.

Sheila - posted on 02/04/2011

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Hi Mauri,



As a kindergarten teacher, I would be looking to the child with the bullying problem. I mean, clearly that child is in need of some pro-active social skills training. Speak with the assistant teacher to let her know what the other child is doing, and how it is impacting your child (more than likely, she is bullying other children as well). Children who bully at this age have often had very, very negative behaviours either modelled at home...or the child's behaviour has been tolerated by permissive parenting. The child who bullies needs help to redirect her own behaviours and it is a teacher's job to recognize this and work with the child.



With this in mind, for a teacher to question a MEDICAL diagnosis is beyond the pale. Make sure you have your IEP in place, and if there is a special education department at your child's school make sure you are communicating with them. I have my own son living with ASD, but I have been in staff rooms where statements have been made about people not believing a diagnosis because doctors are so "willing to stick a label on any kid if their parents whine enough." In Ontario, the process for getting a diagnosis (and its legal ramifications) is so difficult that nobody is "slapping" that label around.



In the best of circumstances, parents and teachers work in partnership to provide the best they can for all children. When you are faced with a less than supportive teacher, you NEED to advocate for your child and make some noise.



As well, in Ontario, if a child is made to feel unsafe at school because of another child (even off school property or after hours) it is the administrator's (the principal) legal obligation to address the issue until it is resolved...a lot of parents don't realize how serious this is and what type of legislation is in place to protect children from bullying (again, talking about Ontario.)



It breaks my heart to think that your little one is not experiencing kindergarten with a happy heart because of another child.



Good luck!



Sheila

Carlene - posted on 02/02/2011

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The teacher has no right to under mind your authority like that. you can have her fired. and further more, the teacher needs to quit letting those girls get away with that. it's not right.

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Melody - posted on 02/14/2011

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When I had to point things out to my daughter's teachers when she was young, I would tell them, I know you must have to hear this all the time from Mother's, but I am fighting for my child's
quality of life.And fight for her, I would, against the teacher, against the dr. against anyone who was not giving her the respect and the chance she deserved.
Bullying is so rampant and many teacher's just turn a blind eye to it. The fact that your daughter's teacher questions her diagnosis makes me think that by example she is showing the class that your daughter isnt living up to what she believes her potential is. She has no right to question your diagnosis. Her job is to teach the children in her class in a safe , respectful manner. I would start looking for another school.I know so many parents that have had to pull their children from schools and then search for a better option. It is your duty to make sure your daughter is safe.

Lilia - posted on 02/13/2011

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Thank you very much, Melissa. I was thinking that it is happend because of me - I can not tolk to teacher that she can understand me, she see me a like always complaining mother... I am thinking to look for another school for my little girl, because teacher from another class will go with pension and you never know who will come in her place. Thank you, Melissa, for your understanding and support.

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I would file a formal complaint against the teacher and student, then ask for your child to be moved to another class, or school. They are getting a lot of money to teach your child and if they are not receptive to helping her, she doesn't need to be there.

Lilia - posted on 02/11/2011

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My little girl has this problem too and she hate school and many children are teasing her, thay can not understand her. She has no diagnose, but her teacher will let us know if it is nessesury. I let my girl stay at home if she didn't feel well. It is very difficult to find a good school for Asperger-children :( How open are teachers at school to ASS-children with diagnosis?

Margaret - posted on 02/09/2011

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Hi, Mauri,
I'm so sorry your little girl has to deal with that, and you as well! How soon will you get the school's results?
Definitely take it up with the teacher's supervisor if you haven't already; that is demeaning and the teacher is irresponsible to ignore what is going on. All the news you hear about the problem with bullies, perhaps it could be avoided if it were dealt with when the problem first surfaces, even at this young age.

I truly hope you can resolve this issue, and your little one can enjoy school. All the best to you!

Mauri - posted on 02/06/2011

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Sheila, Thank you SO much for your point of view. THat really helps me a lot and confirms what i thought might be the problem. I LOVE this place! THank you so much ladies for the support and advice!!

Katherine - posted on 02/03/2011

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Good for you Mauri. Now you have some serious ammo against this teacher.
What a jerk!
After the tests come back, I would take action.

Mauri - posted on 02/03/2011

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I signed the paper and will be more than happy to let them test dd. They can go up against the child psych and the child developmentalist, AND the neroulogist that diagnosed her. It took me a bit to accept the diagnosis but i did and i would honestly laugh and secretly hope (but glad it probably won't happen for dd's sake) that dd melts down big time just to throw her teacher off.

Katherine - posted on 02/02/2011

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I know the teachers behavior is insulting and belittling, but I would sign the release and prove her wrong OR I would have my doctor provide her with the diagnosis. That way there are no questions asked and she can't single your daughter out.

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