bad day......

Melanie - posted on 04/11/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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just a vent. Had a bad day yesterday. Nearly everything went wrong. I had my friends bring their kids round for a get together. In the end my 2 sons (aspies) were complaining that they were here to long. It had gone into xbox time, so my 7yr old son goes round and askes each mum when r u going home? u have been here ages... Ive not told my friends that my sons could have aspergers as im waiting for the appointments etc to know for sure. So i get mean looks off some of the mums cause my son was being rude :( sometimes i want to tape his mouth shut, sounds mean but he just says anything. Well it totaly threw my sons off. My 8yr old got punched in his ear by his brother, because he was throwing a tiny peice of paper in the bin. i put him in timeout for it, he cant hit people i dont stand for that behaviour. Im in limbo. cant say he has aspergers as they arent diagnosed. His teacher cant cope with him some days and askes me for advice. I have no clue how to help him or evan if what in doin makes it worse. Im fed up of the blank look on his face, like he dont understand what hes done, when he punched lis brother in the ear. he was screaming at me about that paper. Has anyone got any tips, to help my son?

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Sarah - posted on 04/15/2012

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I find sometimes the xbox has a calming effect on my aspergers son, it won't seem like it to other people because he will jump while playing (honestly I have no idea how he does it), with my son this works, not all games but most do, its about finding something they can focus on exclusively, to stop the mind racing. it dosn't have to be the xbox, it can be a quiet reading corner or painting war hammer (if they have the fine motor skills or to help develop them) his teacher can use this approach in class too. It just needs to be something they enjoy that is relatively quiet solitary, and that requires concentration.

Also one of the best coping mechanisms I ever found is a litany I say in my head like counting to ten but moe useful (for myself not my son), aspies are honest, not rude, they have problems dealing with emotions, both theirs and mine, they don't understand what they have said is wrong, or that it hurt, etc.

they are very rules oriented, and I found it helps if you think of it like a computer program, if you have said 7pm is xbox time then it is, unless you have injected an exception like but not if you didn't finish dinner. just remember they have a tendancy to OCD so if you set up xbox time, it will forever be xbox time.

Katrina - posted on 04/14/2012

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This sounds very much like my 3 year old - who has aspergers. They love things to be routine and things on their terms. My son also appears to be rude, like I've never disciplined him at all - then other times he's sweet as ever - but only if he wants to. "what to do" stories can help. They're photos and/ brief description of what he's to do in different situations.

EG: If he was having trouble getting into the car and sitting still, his what to do storie could be this - Get into your own carseat
- Mummy will put your seatbely on
- Hands to yourself
- When mummy says "......." then seatbelt comes off.

Basically this can be on one sheet of paper, like a poam, or one instruction per page (then they don't get distracted by the other words) and can be accompanied by a picture, showing what you want him to do. Some children respond to this, as they need reminders of your expectations.

Also, maybe it's time you sat down and had a chat with yourfriends, so they understand why your son appears to be incensitive. They're not incensitive, they just have difficulty having things changed - and maybe he could play xbox anyway, even if you do have visitors.

Hope you get in to see someone soon, so you can get some assistance in managing some of these difficult behaviours. Also, check that you're on the cancellation list with the doctor you're going to see. We got in quicker this way.

Good luck xxx

Melanie - posted on 04/12/2012

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Thanx thats a really good idea. Ive thought about this b4. Not done it yet though. :D

Katherine - posted on 04/11/2012

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Start a rewards chart. I am a big fan of these. Instead of focusing on the negative it will focus on the positive. Every time he does X right he get's a sticker, if he collects X amount of stickers in a week, take him to do something he really loves. It doesn't have to cost money either. If you ARE going to spend money then take him to the dollar store.



Another thing you can do is give him a quarter and he can save up his money to buy something he likes.....hope this helps.

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