Child Support after 18 for disabled Aspergers Son?

Lisa - posted on 02/10/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone!
I am a single mother with a son that has Aspergers. He will be graduating in June and then going on to full time college in the fall. I have been raising him alone since he was in kindergarten. I only fought for child support 3 years after my separation for fear that his father would attempt to hurt me. It was a very scary time for me but it all worked out. His father has been planning a party when our son graduates because child support is coming to an end. He said that it has been hindering his life and it’s not fair for him to have to pay all that he does but he knows that it all goes to his son. He made me promise not to continue child support at all if I am legally allowed to. Since that conversation I lost my job after 8 years and I am living off of unemployment.

I had gotten a letter the other day from domestic relations saying that child support is coming to an end and I filled it out and included that my son was disabled. Today I got the letter, it was a copy of the order to sue my ex husband.

My question is, with my son being unable to work due to Aspergers Syndrome and with me registering him into college as a full time student, does child support legally continue? Also, is it right for me to pursue it after I said I would not? I don’t know what to do because he will demand that I drop it. Please tell me what you think.

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I'm confused. Your son is going to college full time but cannot hold down a job and needs continued parental support? That doesn't make sense to me at all. If your son can handle college life, he can likely handle a job. If he can't handle having a job, why are you paying for him to go to college? Punishing your exhusband with child support when he's so clearly disinterested in your son's life doesn't seem like the best solution. You'd be better off helping your son obtain the skills necessary to support himself.

Sherri - posted on 04/21/2012

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I was reading the post you proposed with questions, reading the replies. First, check with your state concerning the wordage in child support federal laws. If a child is deemed disabled, child support is to continue for "Life" of that child and spouse support or maintenance is then ordered for "Life" to that parent. I am not sure if you had an attorney represent yourself or not, but I would highly recommend that you read through the child support guidelines, especially the part concerning disabled child and read what the federal law states. Best wishes.

Reana - posted on 04/26/2012

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I have aspergers and i am completely capable of working, and your child was diagnosed as a child i presume? well he will have a better chance in the world then me, i was diagnosed as an adult, and i need few accomodations but i can work and i am also a single mother of three children one of which who also has aspergers. i can do every thing you can do... plus your child as an adult as well as a child will be protected by the ada... get your head out of the sand and do some research, bill gates and albert einstien were aspergers, very successful. so you should drop it... there is no reason to stop your child from living a full functioning and productive life... marraige, children and job...

Kat - posted on 03/02/2011

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We have had the good fortune of a great doctor and incredible support to help us, together as a family, help our daughter through her anxiety, stress, frustration and fear in the world as an Aspie, a world where most girls her age are more interesed in their social status and competing with their parents expectations of their worth...for parents like Melissa and Daniella who seem to not appreciate the delicate balance and guidance that an Aspie requires in the "real" world, PLEASE do not assume that we think our children should be hidden in a basement to weave baskets...we want our children to 1) not be taken advantage of, 2) not be treated like their are "weird", "odd" or "strange", 3) find their niche in life and live independent, successful, HAPPY lives. Sometimes that dream we parents of Aspies have includes extra time in organized, structural situations, such as college after high school, to help socialize our kids so that they are BETTER prepared for moving out on their own and leading independent lives. Our daughter has college and dorm pre-paid. We truly hope that by the time she is ready for college, we have prepared her to the best of our abilities as parents.

Lisa, my heart goes out to you. It makes me sad that a parent wouldn't want to be a part of his own child's life, for the parent- he's missing a lot of really great things. You have the right, to pursue every option you have for your son that you, as a mother, feel is necessary.

Becky - posted on 02/16/2011

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I don't know about the child support but you should be able to get your son on SSI. Mine went on SSI which makes a difference. Contact your local Autism Chapter to get better resources. There are people who will guide you through the process. It may even be more money than child support.

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23 Comments

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Alisha - posted on 08/05/2011

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I'm confused where the suing your ex husband comes in and why you are doing that... is that supposed to be like continuing child support? I think that your son's dad should have to pay something for his schooling and that could be counted as child support. I don't think that child support would continue, but I really have no idea in special cases like yours. I think you had better call child support right away and ask them. How can your son go to school and not work? Just wondering, do you think college will be great for him or difficult? I think if your son ever had to live in a home or something then his dad would have to split the costs with you whatever the state doesn't pay (I don't know how independent your son is) and I don't mean to offend you at all, he may never need that type of structure. I work for a company that has adult family homes all over and even young adults live in the homes sometimes even if they are extremely independent. They just have staff at all times to keep things in order and make sure everyone gets what they need.

Carlene - posted on 03/04/2011

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it should and i hope it does. that jerk needs to be slapped for calling him an issue... screw him for as much as you can. (sorry i don't like jerk men)

Jeana - posted on 02/20/2011

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My husband left in April of 2010. The same month I was told my son has Aspergers. My son is 9 and it seems the older he gets the worse the tamtrums get. He started receiving social security (ssi) in December. If you live in the U.S. they will help you.

Becky - posted on 02/18/2011

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We're in the state of Ohio. But, SSI is federal. It didn't take that long to get the SSI, however, SSD is different.

Kathygerst - posted on 02/17/2011

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THere are so many many resources for ASD children. I am in CA if any of you are in CA hit me up for any questions!!!

Kathygerst - posted on 02/17/2011

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What state are you in? The laws are different. The IDEA states that children can stay in school-life skills, living on their own, finding jobs, etc until they are 22 years of age. Child support stays in effect

Becky - posted on 02/17/2011

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The reason I mentioned your son getting SSI is because you may be able to get it sooner than child support. Also, if you apply for him to get SSI before the age of 21 or 22 (around there) you preserve his ability to qualify for SSD from his parents.

Linda - posted on 02/17/2011

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I am in a similar situation. My son is ASD but not able to work or attend college right now due to excessive anxiety. I go to court the end of this month for Child Support enforcement. His father must have "assumed" that because my son turned 18 last year and was scheduled to graduate, he could just stop paying. Whether your son is in college or not, he has a disability. If he is unable to work where he can make a SUSTAINABLE living.. IE: Make enough money to support himself, then he is entitled to continue child support. Just because he graduated HS doesnt mean Dad gets off the hook. CS can and often does continue through college with kids not on the spectrum. Why should you have to bear the burden alone? This money is for your son's upkeep, not for yours. His father helped make him, he needs to help support him no different than were he Down's syndrome. Just because you can't readily see it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist. I am going to pursue whatever support and funding my son is entitled to. I am not going to live forever and whatever I can set up for him will help to ensure his care. I dont want my child to EVER wind up in the streets. Please keep in mind that what you do, you do for him. And screw your ex. dont let him throw a promise that was coerced in your face. I am quite sure he made promises that he wasnt able to keep. And if he tries to threaten you in any way, shape or form... call the authorities. Do not put up with any of that junk.

Stephine - posted on 02/15/2011

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If your states allows for you to collect child support if your child is in college I would go for it. Your ex is just as responsible for him as you are.
As for a child with Asperger's going to college. My ex's nephew has asperger's and graduated from college as the validictorian. When you find the right profession for they can excel. So don't let anyone discourage you or your son from going though with his college plans

Daniella - posted on 02/15/2011

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presuming to know that every child with Asperger's is incapable of surviving in the real world is as backwards and defeatist as send all the disabled kids to the basement to learn basket weaving and then expecting them to contribute to society. If you DONT have high expectations for your kids, why not just go back to the 40's and hide them at home?

Tracy - posted on 02/15/2011

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It would help to know where you are located. I am in Ontario and I know that child support will continue here as long as the child is in school full time. I plan for my Aspergers daughter to attend university as well and hope that she will be able to hold down a job but it is not a certainty. She is only 7 so there is at this point I can only hope. Your son should definitely continue his education and your ex should continue to support him while he does. I hope that wherever it is that you live he will qualify for disability if he can not hold down a job after he graduates. I do not know how much disability amounts to but I do know that here in Ontario it is not a large amount.

Kat - posted on 02/15/2011

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I am so sorry you are going through this. My Aspie daughter is starting High School next year and I know she can make it through because of good teachers and counselors...but to say that just because an Aspie child can do well in school that they can survive and be successful in the "real world" is just plain dense.

I wish you and your son the best of luck.

Daniella - posted on 02/15/2011

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Parents CAN be compelled to support a child until they graduate from College and I can CERTAINLY imagine a child with aspergers at 18 being unable to support themselves with work but being able to continue towards a post secondary degree with the hope they WILL be able to enter employment. MANY college students live at home and need continued parent support! Not JUST students with disabilities! Why should she or her son have to give up on continued education because he needs continued parent support and cant work AND go to school or succeed in employment right now?? High School graduates earn a LOT less then college graduates. Why would you say her son shouldnt continue school?!

Kim - posted on 02/14/2011

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Situations change, and your son's father is just as responsible for taking care of your son's financial needs as you are, especially if he isn't involved in any other way. The laws are different in each state, and will depend on your divorce decree. Please do not let him strong arm you into doing something you believe is right for the benefit of your child.

Katherine - posted on 02/11/2011

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I would continue it. It doesn't matter how your ex feels frankly, he is not the one raising and taking care of your son.
He can file for SS, disability (in the states) I'm not sure how it works elsewhere.
But if you can sue your husband for more support I would do it.

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