Does anyone have a child and a spouse with Asperger's?

April - posted on 08/19/2009 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I find it very rewarding and challenging to raise a son with Aspergers as well as be married to a man with Aspergers. I would just like to know if there are other women out there going throught the same obstacles in life as I am. Thanks:)

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April - posted on 08/30/2009

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Quoting Julie:



Quoting April:




Quoting Julie:

I am in the same situation. So far two of my children have Autism and my husband has Asperger's. I am glad to see there are other families out there that have similar situations. The problem in my family is that we have absolutely no support from anyone else in our families and it is very hard for me to do everything alone. Each one of them require a lot of different therapies and it also puts a huge strain on your marriage.







Julie~I started a group for this topic called Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. I am fortunate enough to have parents that support me 100% with my son and hubby. Although others are not so supportive. I can totally understand. It is difficult going it alone. I hope you can find some support here on Circle of Moms. Thanks~April









Could you tell me how to get to this group as I seem to be having some difficulty in finding it?





Go to the top of your circle of moms page and you will see Home/ Me & My Family/ My Circle/ Communities. Scroll over Communities and click on Join Communities. You can lookup communities by the title or type in Aspergers and it will bring up my community along with others related to Aspergers. Let me know if you are still unable to find it.

Tamara - posted on 08/24/2009

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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O, sorry... lol Yes, I have an almost 20 year old son and his almost 50 year old father who both have AS. Both dx'd late in life. Life is rarely boring in our house! :o)

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Cheryl - posted on 09/09/2009

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I must say that it is a HARD life. Although I am glad to find out my son has Aspergers > relieved to know it is an actual disorder, I have a totally different set of feelings about my husband and the rest of his grown family members who I now know have it. This is probably going to sound terrible but it is a sense of dread that this is the hand I've been dealt. Inlaws have traits if not the disorder as well, my husband and both his siblings I believe have traits or full blown. Husbands daughter (1) by first marriage has it. Nephew has traits etc.... It seems to be very prevalent in husbands family.I always had just thought they were RUDE and they never lived near us so it didn't really matter. Now I know its AS. Funny thing is the Inlaws/family members won't even recognize it as an actual diagnosis much less that they could have it. Only the family on my side admit it is a disorder because they have seen my son's meltdowns first hand but there isn't really a lot of support there either. The husband is more about proving its me that has it than in understanding it. Life is so stressful for me in dealing with my son's meltdowns followed by my husbands lack of ability to address them properly which causes more meltdowns. My whole family wants to know why I am the disciplinarian when my husband is 6 ft 2 and highly capable> it's cause he isn't capable or doesn't want to) of moving fast enough to get the behavior under control. I have tried again and again to tell my husband he has got to move faster -he wont. He will sit there playing his PSP (stim)(he is doing this right now in fact) and then finally when I've had it I will ask him to help me and he will get around to turning off his game to do something. Our marriage is basically just a shelter for my son-not a marriage. My husband works and I don't-that is his contribution. I stay in the marriage because I seen what happened in my husbands previous divorce with a kid with AS and she did not turn out well-also my husband did not handle it well-he threatened to kill his ex-at one point I really thought he might. He has aggressive tendencies but since has started taking prozac thanks to me - it helps some but none with personality or repetition (constant gaming) which is an improvement over his previous (stim) constant masturbation with internet porn. My husband likes to say things for shock value > he likes to bicker with his own family via e-mail about things they totally disagree on such as religion and politics. They constantly send each other propaganda on topics of which the other 100% disagrees-this is how they show love apparently because they are completely void of talk of feelings or emotions. My father-in-law only knows how to give advice if it is quoted from the bible-every b-day, Christmas, anniversary, card has these type scrawlings on them. The in-laws are very wealthy due to sale of real estate in FL but share none of it with their AS grandson whom can't get treatment because ins. wont pay and we cant afford. My parents both died over 5 years ago-my Mom left a small trust of which I did get to use for my son but was not enough to pay for ABA or anything-it was more than the living breathing grandparents have contributed in all seven years of his life. They also proclaim at every breath to be Christian but deny a granddaughter their other son fathered out of wedlock and preach to us constantly about how we are not living right. I am a Christian but I believe God helps us through people & resources - they believe we should just pray for God to help our son - period, and that's all that he needs. Anyways it is hard to keep my head up some days- the only respite i find is in talking/venting to other parents who seem to "get it". Honestly I really don't even talk to my friends without kids on the spectrum anymore. It's just like another world they can't possibly comprehend. Anyways thanks for the venting session> I am not always like this -only 1/2 the time. lol

Cmquist - posted on 09/05/2009

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I have a son with Aspergers a sister , brother and my father. When my son was diagnosed and we went to the first IBI session I thought all the kids seemed normal. I guess that is from being with Aspergers my whole life.

Karen - posted on 09/04/2009

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My 18 year old son was diagnosed with Aspergers three years ago. We knew that there was something different with him......had trouble with social skills, trouble with controlling his temper and getting fixated on one subject at a time. Smart as can be and sweet and caring. He has worked with a therapist that has helped him learn to control his temper and given him some tools to use in dealing with other people. He has done so much better. We have to remind him sometimes to use the tools he was given, but we just take one day at a time. That's it, one day at a time.

Brenda - posted on 09/03/2009

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Both my sons and their father exhibit differing degrees of Aspergers. My sons are both in their twenties. I haven't noticed much improvement with age.

Rachel - posted on 09/02/2009

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Quoting Colleen:

I have 2 sons. 4 year old Server Autism and 2 year old mild Autism and a husband with Aspergers.

All 3 have different problems.

I kind of feel like the odd one out LOL



and you are a saint.... seriously.  I am not sure where you get your strength but just dealing with my husband alone makes me tired.

Rachel - posted on 09/02/2009

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My son was diagnosed last year with Asperger's and my husband was soon after diagnosed with Asperger's. My husband went through years of therapy and different medications but all misdiagnosed issues. They would say he has adult ADD, or he is bi-polar, or whatever. It wasn't till last year that he was able to face all his problems with a true diagnosis that he could agree with. He is no longer on any medications and is learning to cope, but being married to a man with Asperger's is definately a challenge in itself, especially if it is undiagnosed. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and the first 8 years of our marriage were a terrible struggle to try and make a normal home for us and our children. I love my husband and I love my children all the same, but it is definately rewarding in the end as long as you just keep loving them.

Eliana - posted on 09/02/2009

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Yes. When I used to question my son's behaviour my husband would brush it off and say he acted just like him and it was fine. At first I believed him and thought I was only being an overprotective mother. As my son grew and his symptoms became more pronounced. I did notice that in fact my husband did act alot like my son, however as an adult he had been able to control his meltdowns, and does not agonize over things, such as not having any friends, further conversations with my in-laws determined that very significant aspergers and autistic symptoms occurred while he was young. Although there are some asperger's like tendencies with my husband, he has become a high functioning and stable adult able to have a "normal" life. This brings me comfort that there is some close to my son who is able to help him through these issues so he can become an happy adult

Julie - posted on 08/30/2009

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Quoting April:



Quoting Julie:

I am in the same situation. So far two of my children have Autism and my husband has Asperger's. I am glad to see there are other families out there that have similar situations. The problem in my family is that we have absolutely no support from anyone else in our families and it is very hard for me to do everything alone. Each one of them require a lot of different therapies and it also puts a huge strain on your marriage.





Julie~I started a group for this topic called Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. I am fortunate enough to have parents that support me 100% with my son and hubby. Although others are not so supportive. I can totally understand. It is difficult going it alone. I hope you can find some support here on Circle of Moms. Thanks~April





Could you tell me how to get to this group as I seem to be having some difficulty in finding it?

April - posted on 08/30/2009

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Quoting Julie:

I am in the same situation. So far two of my children have Autism and my husband has Asperger's. I am glad to see there are other families out there that have similar situations. The problem in my family is that we have absolutely no support from anyone else in our families and it is very hard for me to do everything alone. Each one of them require a lot of different therapies and it also puts a huge strain on your marriage.


Julie~I started a group for this topic called Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. I am fortunate enough to have parents that support me 100% with my son and hubby. Although others are not so supportive. I can totally understand. It is difficult going it alone. I hope you can find some support here on Circle of Moms. Thanks~April

Julie - posted on 08/30/2009

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I am in the same situation. So far two of my children have Autism and my husband has Asperger's. I am glad to see there are other families out there that have similar situations. The problem in my family is that we have absolutely no support from anyone else in our families and it is very hard for me to do everything alone. Each one of them require a lot of different therapies and it also puts a huge strain on your marriage.

Colleen - posted on 08/27/2009

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I have 2 sons. 4 year old Server Autism and 2 year old mild Autism and a husband with Aspergers.

All 3 have different problems.

I kind of feel like the odd one out LOL

Jennifer - posted on 08/26/2009

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My son is 6 and an Aspie - and I swear my husband is as well. He says he isn't but let me tell you - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They are both wonderful yet challenging in their own ways... you are not alone - I think there are many of us out there...

April - posted on 08/26/2009

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Oy, I understand. My husband was wrongly diagnosed with ADHD as well and after further study was diagnosed with Asperger. I actually am in the midst of evaluations for my son and he is only 3. I know there are so many outlets out there. Definetly a good place to check is your local Children's Hospital Child Developmental Center. My son is being tested here and they give us the extra info we need. Good luck to you. Sorry I don't have more info but I am pretty new at this myself. God bless.

Tarnisher - posted on 08/26/2009

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Good morning all. My oldest son is 13 and has severe adhd and after testing by the school who told me his problems stemmed from his adhd I persisted and saught the help of our local MHMR and they comfirmed just last Thursday that he does have Aspergerger's. Where do I go from here?

April - posted on 08/25/2009

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Quoting Heather:

My daughter is 12 and has Aspergers and my husband 32 has it as well. In my case it is getting a bit difficult because their sensory issues are opposite. My husband seeks tactile stimulation and my daughter avoids it. He seeks auditory stimulation and she avoids it, ect. Add to it not understanding the others points of view and they argue like siblings=)



Thanks for sharing. I definetly can see my husband doing that when our son grows up. He already does not understand why our son acts the way he does with some things. My hubs is 30 and our son is 3:) I have started a community about this topic called Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. Hope to see you in there:)

Heather - posted on 08/24/2009

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My daughter is 12 and has Aspergers and my husband 32 has it as well. In my case it is getting a bit difficult because their sensory issues are opposite. My husband seeks tactile stimulation and my daughter avoids it. He seeks auditory stimulation and she avoids it, ect. Add to it not understanding the others points of view and they argue like siblings=)

April - posted on 08/23/2009

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Quoting Cheryl:

Hi I'm Cheryl (38) I have a son (7) with Aspergers - he was diagnosed last year. Soon after It hit me! My husband of 9 yrs. acts the exact same way > meltdown if dinner isn't on the table at 5:30 etc...then I started looking a little further> husbands daughter by first marriage was diagnosed with ADHD but IMHO it was a misdiagnosis = Asperger's! Halleluiah you mean there is someone else besides me? I think I am nuero-typical although since these revelations my husband questions me on this > "well maybe YOU have Asperger's" he says...well, maybe but how can I tell when something is rude and he can't? How come I can put myself in others shoes and he can't? Just wondering...Glad to meet you April.


Thanks for sharing! It is so nice to know I am not the only one on this path in life. My hubs was not diagnosed until adulthood either. After we got married. It is so hard to talk to him sometimes, just like you wrote. They just don't get it and we don't either. I am learning step by step how I can be a better communicator to him. Going through the evaluation process with my 3 year old boy is helping out to. I am learning new things every day it seems like. I have started a community on this topic. Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. I hope you join and we can talk more. Thanks:)

April - posted on 08/23/2009

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Quoting Amy:

Both my kids and my husband have it.It is a daily struggle. Just take it one day at a time. My son was diagnosed this yr. He's 5. My daughter is 3 and going in for an eval in Nov. But I don't need someone to tell me what I already know. My husband was diagnosed with ADD 20-30 some yrs ago. Him and my son act just alike though. Some days are good, some are scary. Like I said one day at a time.



My hubby was diagnosed with ADHD years ago and took meds for it. We now know it was a misdiagnosis and he has Aspergers. My son is 3 and we are in the midst of evaluation process. It's the same for me...they will be just reinforcing what I already know. I have started a community about this topic. I hope you join. Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers:)

April - posted on 08/23/2009

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Quoting Roxanne:

My son has aspergers. It is very tough. I have four children total and only one of them has asperger's. However, my partner I am sure has it. Same symptoms, same actions. Very smart but has a hard time functioning in society. But an absolutely caring man....he's just a little lost when it comes to social skills. Type of guy that gets walked on by ruthless people because he has no clue how to defend against it or even see it sometimes. Very logical and mathmatical. Seeing my partner as an adult makes me wonder how my son is going to fare when he gets out there as an adult. :sigh: There is no way to make them understand how to connect with other people.

I worry sometimes that when he gets older he will get taken advantage of by some self-centered woman because he doesn't know how to recognize things like that. It's what happened to my partner numerous times.

On the plus side of having a partner and a child with asperger's...they seem to understand one another in a way that I can't share. He can get through to him when I can't. It's wonderful to see.


WOW...our hubbys sound like twins! Rick is the same way, so loving and caring and extremely smart in certain areas. But get him in a crowded situation with people and he has a hard time relating to them. He is a social butterfly and loves to approach strangers even to talk to them. He can come off as a little pushy sometimes. But I guess that is what I saw in him when I feel in love with him. We did not discover his Aspergers until a year after we married. A good friend of mine studies and dianoses developmental disabilites. We stayed at her house for a vacation and that is when we learned about it. It has been a rewarding road. I can now understand some of his actions. Although, Aspergers is NOT an excuse for most actions. I wish people would have taken the time to discover this when he was a child. I am just so thankful and fortunate we have learned about our son at such an early age. Now he can grow up associated to his Aspergers. He can learn from it and grow from it. There are so many programs and therapies for them now that can benefit them as adults. I just hope that I can be patient and understanding enough for him as he gets older. I know it will be a tough road but I am ready to travel on it with him. Thanks for sharing with me. I am so thankful to know I am not the only one:) I have started a community on this topic called Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. I hope you will join:)

April - posted on 08/23/2009

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Quoting Deb:

Just my son and agree, rewarding...challenging...and frankly, my son helps me laugh, alot. Have you read Look Into My Eyes? Even my son (13) read it and loved it. Maybe you and your husband will too. God Bless!



Our library has it and I checked it out once but with too many other books and never got around to it. I will check it out again and read it. My husband HATES to read books...he get lost in them he says. Thanks for the tip:)

April - posted on 08/23/2009

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Quoting Katie:

We reciently forund out that our step son has Aspergers, since his dad is exactly like his son we determined (and he was tested) that he has Aspergers as well. They are both high finctioning and have found that Speach and Debate as well as drama can be helpfull. Also animals seem to help.



My son is fascinated with animals. He is only 3 and can tell you just about every name of every animal. He even knows the difference between whales like an orca, humpback, narwhal, etc.

April - posted on 08/23/2009

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I have opened up a community for this topic so that we can all keep in touch. I called it Women of Husbands and Kids with Aspergers. Look it up:) Hope to see you all in there and we can chat!

Katie - posted on 08/23/2009

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We reciently forund out that our step son has Aspergers, since his dad is exactly like his son we determined (and he was tested) that he has Aspergers as well. They are both high finctioning and have found that Speach and Debate as well as drama can be helpfull. Also animals seem to help.

Deb - posted on 08/22/2009

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Just my son and agree, rewarding...challenging...and frankly, my son helps me laugh, alot. Have you read Look Into My Eyes? Even my son (13) read it and loved it. Maybe you and your husband will too. God Bless!

Scarlett - posted on 08/21/2009

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i do. my husband, wwe discovered after we knew about our children, is believed to have asperger's. i have two girls with autism.

[deleted account]

My son has aspergers. It is very tough. I have four children total and only one of them has asperger's. However, my partner I am sure has it. Same symptoms, same actions. Very smart but has a hard time functioning in society. But an absolutely caring man....he's just a little lost when it comes to social skills. Type of guy that gets walked on by ruthless people because he has no clue how to defend against it or even see it sometimes. Very logical and mathmatical. Seeing my partner as an adult makes me wonder how my son is going to fare when he gets out there as an adult. :sigh: There is no way to make them understand how to connect with other people.



I worry sometimes that when he gets older he will get taken advantage of by some self-centered woman because he doesn't know how to recognize things like that. It's what happened to my partner numerous times.



On the plus side of having a partner and a child with asperger's...they seem to understand one another in a way that I can't share. He can get through to him when I can't. It's wonderful to see.

[deleted account]

Both my kids and my husband have it.It is a daily struggle. Just take it one day at a time. My son was diagnosed this yr. He's 5. My daughter is 3 and going in for an eval in Nov. But I don't need someone to tell me what I already know. My husband was diagnosed with ADD 20-30 some yrs ago. Him and my son act just alike though. Some days are good, some are scary. Like I said one day at a time.

Cheryl - posted on 08/20/2009

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Hi I'm Cheryl (38) I have a son (7) with Aspergers - he was diagnosed last year. Soon after It hit me! My husband of 9 yrs. acts the exact same way > meltdown if dinner isn't on the table at 5:30 etc...then I started looking a little further> husbands daughter by first marriage was diagnosed with ADHD but IMHO it was a misdiagnosis = Asperger's! Halleluiah you mean there is someone else besides me? I think I am nuero-typical although since these revelations my husband questions me on this > "well maybe YOU have Asperger's" he says...well, maybe but how can I tell when something is rude and he can't? How come I can put myself in others shoes and he can't? Just wondering...Glad to meet you April.

Lisa - posted on 08/19/2009

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My son has Asperger's. He just turned 8 last month. He didn't get diagonosed till he was starting kindergarten. Its very tough & so sad to see him suffer with certain everyday things. Its so hard to find him help too. I try my best but I know its not enough.

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