Does anyone have adult children with Asperger's that still live at home? Ihave a 25 year old son with asperger's and social anxiety and I would love to have conversations with moms in the same boat!

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Marie - posted on 01/07/2014

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I found this page while searching the web for ways to help my 24 year old son. I believe he may have aspergers. I am trying to find a way to address this with him and also find out how he could go about finding out if this is what he is dealing with(aspergers). I don't know how else to help him...he is distant with me and blames me alot for the problems he is dealing with and has dealt with all his life. I have other children and noticed from the time he was a toddler that he was different in many ways. I feel helpless to help him and have felt this way since he was little. I didn't know what Aspergers was or had not heard of it until he was in high school. When I read up on it, I found the description fit him in many ways. I brought it up to him and he was very hurt and angry that I would suggest this might be something he has. I worry what will happen to him if some intervention isn't done. I want to support him and help him. His father and I are not together any longer and he has lived with his dad the past five years rather than me. His father will not speak with me and so asking for his involvement or his help/support for our son is out the question. I want to help him in any way I can as I worry what will become of him when I am gone.

Carol - posted on 01/05/2013

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This was such a relief to find this. I have a 19 year that was diagnosed when he was younger. The challenges can sometimes be overwhelming. I love him dearly and others can be so cruel. He spends so much time alone. It makes me very sad. His father is not in his life. It appears that he has more let downs in life then successes. I won't give up being there for him. I just need some words of encouragement because its hard to emotionally deal with.

[deleted account]

I am in the midwest and have a 31 year old son with Aspergers, depression, generalized anxiety and agoraphobia--from the age of about 5. He was only diagnosed with all this about age 24. He was begging for help, begging for answers, and together we finally figured it out, with very little help from the mental health community. He now takes quite a few meds, his depression is controlled, his anxiety is sometimes controlled, but sometimes spirals. We have most recently decided that he needs to be treated for agoraphobia and we are hopeful that this will help what we thought was just generalized anxiety. Now we think the reason he hates to go out is that he is afraid, not just anxious. He will go anywhere with me (they will go out with trusted people), but still refuses to go to groups (Aspergers adult groups). We learn a little more every week and I have come to the conclusion that he may never finish college or be able to work though he is really bright. Now I just want him to be happy and be able to live after I am gone (58).

He is very bright, great looking, never asks for anything, very pleasant, very loving, but filled with anxiety and reclusive. He is Never happy, but always lonesome. Loves music, video games, spelling, grammar...

The reason, I think, that he is so pleasant is that I do not question his illness or push him to be uncomfortable. He has given me his power of attorney so I can do all the paperwork he hates, trying to get him on SS. He has a girlfriend but she is losing patience with always staying in. No job for 6 years.

I am now working on my will, getting a special needs trust in place, and SS benefits to make it possible for him to live safely somewhere. His girlfriend may be a temporary thing. If she dumps him, the meds will keep him from getting too depressed.

I think that the best way to handle our kids is to act as their advocate. They won't see you as the enemy any longer, and you will be able to figure out more ways to both be happy. I must say that even though I dedicate every Thursday to him and his appointments and needs, he really does not ask for anything. He writes me beautiful poetry telling me of his gratitude because I don't make him feel WORSE about something he can't do anything about. Do you ever feel as though you are demanding that someone walk who has no legs? I won't do that to him.

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2013

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Most of what many of you are describing is not Aspergers. Aspergers is not Social Anxiety or OCD and although there may be comorbidity, Aspergers is a developmental disorder which means your kid- whether living at home at 30 or whatever else has always since Childhood had it- meaning if they made friends easily or were social children who later got odd or changed its not Aspergers. There is a lot of misinformation going around because the internet is full of people just adding their own thoughts and opinions of this disorder which for some reason people have been confusing with Social Anxiety because Aspergers is identified as a disorder involving social skills- but the Aspergers person has a deficit in the function of reading social skills so would not be hiding in the house "scared of social interaction." Social Phobia is not Aspergers- in the first case the person is too analytical and overly concerned with social cues and the reactions of others, what they will say and if they will soind stupid that they close off, exhibiting a lack of social interest although innately they Dont miss a thing- the opposite is true of Aspergers. They are often so in thrir own world and lack social cues that they dont realize most of the time how stupid they sound- or if they other person cares. The only anxiety they would have may be concerned with perservation but thats only because they have been told or learned from past experiences that they dont follow social cues- if you do this at all you dont have this and a ton of people with OCD and SA or SP have issues with jobs-

An Aspie would under 90% of the time typically not notice how socially different they were- they would not be concerned with being socially acceptable or fitting in the same way another person with say, OCD or SA would be. Aspergers people don't necessarily pick up on things the other 2 disorders would pick up on or be overlly concerned with.

And if you Adult son or daughter was once a happy socially content child- with friends and boyfriends and sleepovers and people calling the house and not coming home crying because they were odd to the point no one wanted to sit with them at lunch- or because someone had to say something to them for them to understand or reflect that it may have been insppropriate- then they don't have Asperger's- they have something else.

[deleted account]

My son is 31, acts like he is 15. He could read at age 3 and has always had a high IQ. He has absolutely no sense that he should be doing something to further his life. He asks why he just can't live with his dad or me like he always has... It is imperative that they be treated with dignity and not be pushed and prodded like disappointments. No one does that to adults with other mental illnesses. And don't get me wrong, I don't do everything for him. I don't even live with him. I just let him know that I know he is disappointed that he has problems with life.

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Torreschar - posted on 11/20/2014

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I will send you link from Torreschar@aol.com . One of mine wouldn't do his either. May want to 're enrolled him in school. So you can acquire a teacher through school system. It can be one on one teacher after regular school. That will finish where you left off. Call autism society and ECAC. Bribe him to do his work. Terrible, but it sometimes work. Or find out why he won't do it. Sometimes they think it's too late or its just a piece of paper (Diploma). Could be afraid of failure.
Sometimes they think they are cheating because your helping. Mine had to have a reason to do the work. That they understood. Not you. Never about you. Oh yeah, one more. He may think he is a protector against the system. Checking out against society rules. Someone on internet may be feeding him craps. Trust me. I know.

Michelle - posted on 11/19/2014

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My email is Seychelle8@yahoo.com. I would appreciate any ASD blog. Today was pretty good for Will. He actually worked with me outside in the garage for 3 hours cleaning in exchange for a video game he ordered on Steam. I asked him if I could have 2 hours of his time and he said he thought I was being too easy on him and gave me 3. He still is unwilling to do any schoolwork and becomes extremely anxious at the mention of it, so we arent pushing it. He said he felt better today, but he is usually in bed now by 8pm and its almost 10.. so hopefully , he is not going to slip into the late late hours once again. Thank you for being a friend.. and being there for us all when we need to talk. Talk soon- Michelle

[deleted account]

My email is postmaster@rireland7.plus.com
Malcolm was asking me today what's happening next.Ithink he is enjoing the help or it might be he is feeling better for talking.He says his best freind does not know whats wrong with him,he says he is good at hiding it.Ithink it would be great for him to talk to others like himself.Ihave not done very much for him today .It is so lovely to have someone out there to communicate with,thanks again

Torreschar - posted on 11/19/2014

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They do have some disability help in College. They may help him with this. While he get educated. Bring your proof of disability. Been there done that.

Torreschar - posted on 11/19/2014

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Give me your email. There is a blog made By ASD young adults. Explaining how to get through to them. And why the stuff everyone is doing isn't working. Someone gave it to me yesterday. Your son may have to 're enroll in school. Occupational Course of study. They will pass him. Or regular classes with supports. They can set it up . Where he can somewhat avoid the students. If the blog doesn't work. It's probably too late for OCS but not too late for one on one after school teacher program. Call ECAC and Autism Society.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2014

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I am sure of one thing... I need to get organized around here. In the emotional turmoil of everything, it is like my house is falling apart. The disorganization is like my state of mind right now. I have got to stop worrying about my son so much that everything else falls apart! Today was just a little better... but just like a tired toddler gets.... he got angry at the end of hi day.If he doesnt get bak on schoolwork soon, we are going to have another year down the tube... U am starting to wonder if he can just test out of high school.... I know he;d be smart enough to pass.
Yours sounds so much like mine, Angie. I would like to continue talking long term, because if he gets outs of HS.. one day ... I will be asking you all kinds of questions about helping them with career coaching and finding their niche.
This is such a helpful site. Hats off to sharing!

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2014

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I am so happy for you. Sometimes the little baby steps mean a lot when there are so many "rainy days."- Michelle

[deleted account]

Malcolm has agreed to have the diagnosis done.I am so happy for him and hope that he gets the help he needs.Ispoke to an Autism Adviser today she was so good for me.Ispoke to the GP as I needed to be refered back to mental health .Spoke to Malcolm a lot today says that he used to miss lunch to avoid social contact at college and stand for an hour on the train rather than sit down and have to face someone.It was lovely to hear him talk.Ihave come a long way with him since you have been thereI can't thank you enough.

Torreschar - posted on 11/18/2014

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Every ASD is different. I have an aggressive one. He always right. Nothing is ever his fought. He has low empathy, tunnel vision. He doesn't pull from past to make decisions now. (Tunnel vision) You can get bruised if you are in the way. During a melt down.

I am still working on his drive to participate in the outside world. He is capabled, handsome, verbal. But, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression OCD and low self-esteem is getting in the way. But, we are getting there slowly.
First: Calm your house down.
Second: Let him pick the program

Kufu class if they like it calms them down.

My sons meltdowns are far between and less destructive. And he decided to go to therapy.

First you have to get them to understand that therapy is something everybody does. They're just as good as everyone else.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2014

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Angie--- thank you so much. You are so awesome! Went back to the doctor. My Husband is ex military and the base wasnt going to give him any rx because of his aspergers... we had to push for it, but i didnt know about mood stabilzers... and i so appreciate it.. because we got to talk about all of that because of you.....
They gave him Prozac.. low dose.. and i am watching him carefully... he seems a little more agreeable today... even though it takes a while to take effect... i think he so wants help, and doesnt know what that it... ill keep you posted .. oxox michelle

Torreschar - posted on 11/15/2014

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Extra diagnosis happened in hospital. He sounds like he needs a mood stabilizer and a mild antipsychotic. Be careful what medicines they give him. Some medicines can make them worse so keep an eye on behaviors. I have been bruised because I tried to treat him like an nonasperger kid. When their having a meltdown. Step back. If he doesn't want to talk don't. Once he calms down. Find out what happened. What caused it. Tell him you love him . Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?. I'm sorry if I did anything. What happened to you? Maybe, we can fix it. Tell me all about it. Talk in calm voice. Even if he just destroyed your home. You are a great kid. Their nothing you can do that would make me not love you. You must be in a lot of pain. Tell me about it. Make it about him. Afterwards, you start cleaning up. A great kid like you would help me clean this up. Because, I can really use your help.

Now if you need an ambulance. Call them. Depends on situation. They can get upset because of bullying or social frustrations. Or because Thier video game or show was cancelled. Or they want you to treat them with respect. Like an adult. No matter how they act. It's baby steps.

Your home environment is it calm. Or loud. ASD kids emulate what happens around them. Most can't pull from within for drive or behavior. Do what I say not what I do don't work on any kid these days. Model the behavior. You want from him. This can take a year to change yourself for your kids. It's hard. I know. Hard to calm down. When your kid just pulled a door off hinges. And said, something disrespectful. But, it works. Mother of 3 ASD.

I'm working on life skills and careers right now. Through organizations through grants. Believe me I get it. Sometimes you just want to shake sense in them. I'm saving to set up trust for them.

I'm disabled. I use to have a great career. But, I work out of my house. For extra money.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2014

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Angie--- thank you for telling me that. I hope that his doctor will recognize that there is more going on than he saw yesterday. I think I am going to have to insist on extra testing/ is that how your twin got the extra diagnosis? Last time we got a diagnosis was through a referred dr. through insurance... we have times where he is acting so out of control, that he seems dangerous and this is getting frequent. He has hurt me a few times and doesn't understand that he has bruised me... will laugh and say .. "you are so weak".. like a bully would say... if he has a back ache and you try and rub it, he will cry saying you are hurting him... his touch senses seem abnormal to me...testing- i need that asap since he is struggling in doing school and turns 18 in december.. thanks so much for your wisdom... I like the idea of you break it you fix it... but i dont think i can even talk to Will until some of the behaviors calm down. He is like a tornado- it seems the more you talk to him the worse he gets---i think he is going to need an antidepressant and something for attention as well... do yours sleep 12 hrs a day? mine does.... considering he only walks around the block for 45 minutes -- he is exhausted and we cant figure out why.. maybe stress?The only place i can find that i might even consider for residential trtment is called Heartlight ministries.. i just hope it wont come to that.... :< Michelle

Torreschar - posted on 11/14/2014

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My oldest not twin use to have violent meltdowns. Against the house. Repair and spackle is my name. With work and knowledge. No more big meltdowns. Small meltdowns and anxiety. I put boxing and work out equipment in my house. I tell them to punch the boxing bags. Workout that anger and stress. It helps a little. Less destruction.

Also, if you break it you fix it . Your allowance or shores will pay for it.

Torreschar - posted on 11/14/2014

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One of my twins had a breakdown at 18. I thought it was pubity. Violent, cussing, wouldn't do schoolwork, talking fast and mean. Completely out of character. Then ended up with some weird OCD, bi polar, Depression. He's better now. OCD is problem. But, everything else is gone. He's on medicine. I got a Grant and psychiatrist and nurse come check on him at my home. For free.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2014

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You are so inspiring! Getting your niece to achieve her best and keeping everything on track..... I cant motivate my son for anything... it is almost like bleeding to death very slowly... our son was admitted to the hospital again yesterday for a complete mental breakdown.. he has lost a lot of weight, has gut issues, doesnt get enjoyment in life and has no energy... but really he has no drive...he wont do his high school online.. he wont finish anything... this happened last year too... but if anything it just worse now.. my hubby wants to put him in a 24 hr clinic because he is getting bigger more violent and hard to control.. we are spiraling out of orbit!!!!!I often dream im on a roller coaster with Will and i cant get off of it.... i dont know what to do , but it feels so hopeless sometimes.....Next monday, we are going in to see if we can get meds... but pray for us that the dr will prescribe... they wouldnt yesterday... any one else have these issues????--- Thanks Michelle

Torreschar - posted on 11/14/2014

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I hope it's just anxiety. I don't wish ASD on anyone. The world is to hard and cruel for them.

Michelle - posted on 11/13/2014

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Angie-- you are an awesome lady!!! keep on doing what you're doing with your kids.. I know you are raising them in a secure environment and making a difference in their lives.. Hugs- Michelle

[deleted account]

Ihave made an appointment for the GP to move things on.Malcolm says he wants to move on and go for help .He wants a job he wants a life .I think he needs alot of support but I bileive we can do this.I went to speak to a mental health organisation today and she explained he might not have aspergers and that the anxiety thing comes under a big umbrella.I spoke to my daughter last night and she said it has to be him that wants to leave ,I agree but he needs a lot of support just like collage and uni .Ifeel we all have it hard doing new things and is stressful changing our situations.Ishould probablly move on in my job but am in a comfort zone.Idont know where I am going with Malcolm but Iam going to try again to help.He talked about how hard it was on his relationship with the girl he ran away with that he could not answer the phone or buy things at the shop .Is good to hear him talk as if he is accepting something.The psychologist said time is a great healer so maybe the time has come 12 years later.Thanks for all the feed back ,love you all

Torreschar - posted on 11/13/2014

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As they get older and comfortable in their own world this is my problem too. 20, 20, 21 ASD. Wouldn't you like to check out of this stressful world sometimes. We don't get that choice. They feel they do. The way we set up our households for their protection. Wouldn't you. Why leave. It's comfortable. What I do is get them out with fun. I try to talk about taking a class or skill. When their at the best stress level. I bring up reasons why taking this class will enhance their lives. Make it about what they will get out of it. Make it about them. Nobody else. Life is all about them anyway. Right. Pick things that they like and can do. One thing I had to realize. This is who they are. Stop trying to fix or change them.

I know. No matter what they do or accomplishment.. Someone is going to have to manage the life challenges game for comfort or survival. Sad, but true. Start saving for a trust and tag someone in the family to take over. ASD or not, there are a subset of people who just can't get it together. Maybe undiagnosed. Get an advocate from autism society.

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2014

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in a way-- we are in the same boat raisa because I think that program i found would help my son, but because he is advanced in age-- he thinks he knows best for himself-- and life doesnt have to be this painful.. really...i am so sorry you have insensitive family members--- i have some too... my dad wont help my son at all, but dotes on my daughter==== i think my son is critical with what hes going thorough and my dad doesnt see and is only looking at potential... i am an only child- so i dont have any siblings- my hubby and i often disagree in what will help our son, so we are often at odds. it is a lot of stress.. but just try be positive- there is always someone out there that has it harder ,, we have to try to give them life skills that will either get them through the years by themselves, or provide some alternate transitional living program. Either way, I feel I have not dealt with this quick enough personally--- we were so swamped with behaviors--- have missed a lot of life skills. there are alot of things that we need to address for my son- there are a lot of sites on the web for these places.. i bet they are expensive. but if they would " grow them up emotionally" they would be worth it. I told our son today-- that he was going to have to make changes in his life or he would live with us until he dies. He doesnt want to live with us forever, so at least for tonight he is very motivated to do his work.. now tomorrow, Im sure i will have to reinforce it again... hugs ; michelle

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2014

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Elizabeth---- wow you live in the most beautiful place in the world--- traveled there once..beautiful hearted people too.... according to the brain balance i just got for my son.. it sounds like yours is more right brained like mine. I think maybe the photo shoot was less stressful for him because of the single task related.. it may have been a quieter environment for him with one single focus... while the waiter job was all over the place with multi- stimuli... this can cause extreme anxiety for the AS child/adult /.... i just found out that there is an infant reflex called Moro-- of course this is nt the only one-...some professionals are now saying that if a child is developmentally delayed he doesnt have this moro instinct:. where when the parents release the child to put them to sleep they raise their arms as if startled to catch themselves... any developmental delay that hasnt been experienced is experienced in another way later in adolescence /adulthood...poss in high anxiety or some other way--- that is probably what happens
with a lot of these kids.. If he ever wants to get some occupation, sounds like he would like something quieter, with less stimulus.. less people to deal with. Does he like the arts?--- like maybe he could focus in on Photography or graphic arts.. something with a small office, if not his own business. He might just find his niche!!!

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2014

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Risa,,, what state do you live in ? .. I know exactly what you mean about now being able to get a word in. Our son just rejected the brain balance program because he read on the internet that it was like "snake oil". It would have worked with the left side of his brain to help it to mature to equal his right. I live in texas and there are people driving 3 x a week into san antonio from the valley to do this program. I feel like a found something that even addresses his leaky gut issue and all the behavior problems that and actually explains each part of it for me... but he won't do it . I think I found it too late.. what a shame. I hope to use the information in the book .. disconnected kids though some of the things in the book on our own.. maybe he will buy into that i hope???

Raisa - posted on 11/12/2014

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afraid I wasn't so lucky. Tried so hard to talk to my son today and couldn't get one word, not one -- so hard....Mu husband and I are really sinking -- he's very stressed, I'm way down -- our son is not experiencing life ... as we all know, it goes fast....we want him to live, not hide in the house.....therapy never helped...plus he fights going again....

[deleted account]

I am in Scotland ,we had a big talk tonight about how he feels and got him to open up about himself.He said he is not happy and wants to be normal and get ajob and live away from home.He went over afew things that made him stressed like having to meet new people.He had been for a photo shoot a few months ago and did not find that stressful,his father was surprised at that and wanted to know why that was he could not answer.His father feels if he does not get a diagnosis or move on and get a job .The only job he has had is one as a waiter when he was 18 and he said he felt phisicaly sick with stress but my other children said they thouhgt he was enjoying himself.Its been good to talk ,I am a believer in getting it out in the open.My mum was in today and she could not believe how relaxed he was at speaking to me about it.Thanks so much for you talk.Ithink we will follow what you say.

Torreschar - posted on 11/12/2014

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I had that same problem. But, I had him think it was his idea. When I became his legal guardian when he was 17. Education with no common sense (life skills) is just a piece of paper. Explain to your son. This diagnosis will not get you bullied like school. Actually they need to hire disabled people. Also, you can sue them if the company tell your co workers about disability. Also, education Grants, paying bills grants, insurance dental and medical free. People will know your different. You can't hide it. People who think out of the box is what companies want. But, I suggest you have a therapist explain in his abstract thinking way. My niece who is 30 now at 20 i had her diagnosed. She didn't like it. But, she was living with me. She had no choice. Sometimes you have to have something they want. To get compliance.

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2014

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Its so difficult, because with Asperger's, all they want to do is fit in and not look weird.
If you are going to try to get any kind on disability services, social services, or even set up a special trust-- you will need the diagnosis... I ran into a lady one day in Toys are us when I was buying a toy for my grandchild. She lamented about how she didnt think her son would required social security disability.. but now he was 18 and she saw that he was not going to be able to provide for himself... Elizabeth, i went to the brain balance center-- im in texas--- and I think they will be able to help my son- but the problem is-- hes 17-- if he doesnt buy into it-- what am i to do--- take him kicking and screaming???-its expensive... but it looks promising... one side of his brain cognitively is almost college level, while one side is between age 5-10... so when you think aboit it -- that explains a lot!- Michelle

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2014

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omg.. he sounds smart! ..If there was just some way to figure out how to channel that into something that would help him!

[deleted account]

I spoke to my son today about having aspergers,he totally agreed and for the first time in his lfe spoke about what happened to to him at school.He says he does not want to be classified as being disabeled ,he says there are no advantges from being diagnosed.Iwant to help him in any way I can,Ifeel there will be advantages but do not know enough to speak to him about.

[deleted account]

Thank you for reading my story.It was so lovely to get some advice from you.Some things have got better for us here but nothing has come easy and I feel if I become too relaxed things will slip.I did all the pushing to get him educated which paid off in the long run but I feel a bit out of my depth.He will say 'Is that what you want me to do ,go back to uni?' when it had been his idea .At the age of 18 he ran away with a girl and set up home in the other side of the city.He knows how hard it is to survive out there.He won 4.5k on an animation advertisment competition for a French cosmetic company when he was 19.My oldest son loves him dearly but does not get that he deserves off the youngest ,saying he will never end up in a job like him.My daughter has always stood by him,she was the only one I had to work with when I was trying to get him back to school.I will never forget the day that one of the head teachers asked her why she was coming to the meetings and she replied ,that she he deserved better.Looking back on it I think it was a learning prosess for her and helped her so much for her future development in her education .

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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Sometimes family is best loved from afar. I was raised in a dysfunctional family.

Raisa - posted on 11/10/2014

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will try the Chinese balls and gums. he 's gotten into snapping his knuckles and putting his fingers in weird positions. a sad thing for me is I have a brother (my only sibling) who has no understanding or sensitivity toward mental issues -- he dismisses them, I.m bi polar and then there's my son.he knows nothing about either because I know he will dismiss them. he used to make fun of a asd cousin of ours, also a depressed one -- and one he made fun of our son when he was about 24.. he finds these thing ridiculous. it hurts so much that I can;t confide -- he is my only sibling. he's of the "Just pull yourself up by the bootstraps school of psychology, after so many years of his insensitivity, I'm ready to call it quits with him, I'm in a fragile state and think it best, at least for a while, to avoid emails and calls.-the rest of my family might think I'm awful but my immediate family, my sons, husband and myself have ti come first fir a while.
..

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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Call Autism Society. They will find you an advocate to direct you. I know a lady from Charlotte chapter. Who has a genius with ASD. But, Anxiety and life skills always blocks them from their full potential.

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2014

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I agree.. except I have a bit of a loophole.. and i have to work quickly to change it before he turns 18 .. i think. ..When our son was in the 5th grade, he was coming home crying every single day. The school said that he ws running in the street.... and they were just letting him.. and the street his school was on was fairly busy... I decided at that point to homeschool him .. and i found an online school that was certified. He is very smart.. but he cant handle anxiety,and this seems worse as he has gotten older. The online school was out of houston, so they told me that i would have to sign off on the special ed part. At the time, it seemed like the only thing i could do although i argued with the school district on it.- now he is not under the special ed covering-- but last week i called the special ed dept and im going to try to get the paperwork renewed. I do not see how he can continue like this--- this is some advanced stuff... quantitative business algebra, physics, macbeth, the great gatsby...wow- i am amazed at my sons aptitude to do some of this---- but sometimes i question the cost...he needs to get the degree-- but without going nuts... hurting himself, or us, ... and yet.. when he is bored.. that is difficult too put to task also... what can we do?

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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She went to a tech College. I think a year or less. The school actually help students find a job. I don't know what the demand is on coding.

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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One of the twins had and emotional breakdown and hospitalizations in 12 grade. Wouldn't do his work a total personality change. Was a good student. They can write in iep about the 31 assignments. With doctors notes. They can assign him a tutor at their cost. If he writes his name. He past. After a while. Just get the diploma. Now don't tell them what I said, about just write his name for grade. You need an advocate.

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2014

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Angie, How did your niece get into medical coding? Is that difficult to get into? I heard that usually they have a lot of work and not enough people to do this line of work, but i dont know if that is true or not. Thanks

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2014

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Angie... I love it! There is so much pressure right now. We are trying to get out of High School this year and he is 31 assignments behind.... There is so much anxiety. I just have to figure out how to help him to buy into doing the work. Its really difficult- Last yr he had an emotional breakdown and he is taking extra classes to catch up. ... The whole motivation we are using is " you can move on to doing something you like after this." This is what we hope anyway..... Somehow.. I hope we find what that is ,,,, thanks for your note!
Michelle

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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Did we all have the same kid? It gets better with the right doctors.

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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Call Autism Society. There is a guy that set trusts. They manage money for your child and put them on allowance. Maybe, have someone take over from your family in trust. Lets face it. The world is a manipulative place. They will eat our kids alive. Someone will always need to be there.

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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It's never too late. Start something new with him. Until you find what works for him. Let him lead. Observe and direct him.

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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Girl, I cut all the hair off. Good to have boys. The grooming thing. I have that problem to. They cycle from too clean to not clean enough. The vampire thing me too. Brushing teeth with one is hard. This the thing. What you can live with. Let it go. Let them be quirky. Hygiene is always needed. One of my son's goals was being a sword maker an astronaut, finding undiscovered land to live his own life . This is when you bring in that village of friends. Since he is obsessed with computers like a pacifier. My friend said, everything was a good idea. Let's look it up. Once he realized what it intelled. He gave up the ideas. Fear of failure. Keep building his self esteem. Use what their hyper focused on. Find real life skills that match. Keep telling him your great, smart. Make him believe he thought of it. Just direct him. The teeth thing. Show online what happens to poor hygiene and cavities. Just step back. Stop pushing.Direct. The more you push. The more resistance. You will be the nag. If you need shores done. It's hard. But, I find when they think I need them because your so wonderful to help. I get help. When they do. Praise them. For the wonderful job. No-one does it like you. We spend so much time teaching things we take for granted. They miss somethings. They need self esteem classes and failure is ok. Try again. ASD young adults are very immature. But, ignorance is blissfull. But, they recognize their short comings. Which is the problems. Especially if their still in school. When their out it withdrawal.

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2014

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Elizabeth,
Will (18 in December) has the same aspirations. He has always told me he wants to be a video game designer. He has this idea that it is going to make him a lot of money. Has he ever let you look at his game? These kids we have are special. It is possible he really has something amazing. I have always said though, if we have no way to market something--- then you have nothing! If he let you in and you think what he has really has potential--- then you may want to look into getting it marketed. That would be Will's dream. Of course, then he could just sit in his room and stay a Vampire adult all his life and not have to socialize with people. So, again.... it would be both good and bad. I do understand you saying you are afraid of pushing him away/or that he may want to leave if you try to suggest getting a job--- our son already wants to leave, but is ill-prepared to do so--- Risa and I had a thread where we talked about a possible family business. Maybe a family biz would work for your situation also. I think my son would be excellent at computer repair-- he may think it even boring because it is so simple to him- but I bet it would make him a decent living... All of our kids, unfortunately will some day have to fly by themselves--- my hubby and i had Will late in life. He is 63 and I am 52. I want to prepare my son for when I am no longer here.... I am trying to work on life skills that should have been done years ago, but got neglected because of behavior issues.... I love this site. It is helpful just to talk with others who truly understand-
michelle

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2014

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Risa,
Thanks again for the note! I guess they all have some oddities of their own, Mine will hardly ever brush his hair, I have to suggest all the time that "maybe a shower" will wake him up when what I really mean is -please shower, you are starting to ripen! He doesnt seem aware at all of his need to groom himself more. --- I do draw a parallel on him being slow.... and I also call him my Vampire child, because he goes to bed right before the sun comes up. So I take it that your son looks nice, and that he takes pride in this?... That is definitely a plus.. even though he seems consumed with it. Is he fidgety? I got my son some asian metal balls at the dollar store. They seem to help him when he has the need to stim. Sometimes gum helps with anxiety. When he is going off on tangents, have you ever asked him if he would like some chewing gum? I'm still trying to figure out if he is stimming.-
Michelle

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2014

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Angie,
That is so encouraging! So maybe some of them are late bloomers? It sounds like you had great educational experiences, and also that you figured out a way to socialize them! Way to go on that! I tried and tried to get our son involved in activities, and the anxiety of it was massive! I feel I should have just told him--- you will do it---- but it broke my heart to see him cry!- We finally did homeschooling, and while in some ways it spoke to his visual mode of learning- I do not recommend it for AS kids because of the social aspect. I guess it is a bit different if you have other kids at home- that an work as a social network as well, but he is our last child.- Thanks for Writing-
Michelle

Torreschar - posted on 11/10/2014

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They all graduated at 18. The transition to adulthood is the problem. Also, the ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Depression make it harder. But, they're average to above average in somethings. College was hard for two. But, one twin may have a chance with College. Regular courses. The twins didn't talk well til 5th grade. The oldest couldn't write. But, if I can direct them on what they are hyper focused on. This is where I am now. A fork in the road. When they were young. I put them in sports, boy scouts, basketball, football l, trips, etc. For social skills . At least mimic social skills. But, the public school system and the bullying for one of my son's. Is hurting him now. Working on it.
Here is some hope. I have a 30 year old niece that is middle to high on spectrum. I helped raise her. She makes 3500. a month doing medical coding. She 18 in her head. But, it took to 30. to be 18. Also, she gave me a niece , she 3. I'm still their for her and my mom too is there. For some independence is possible.

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