Does anyone have adult children with Asperger's that still live at home? Ihave a 25 year old son with asperger's and social anxiety and I would love to have conversations with moms in the same boat!

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Marie - posted on 01/07/2014

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I found this page while searching the web for ways to help my 24 year old son. I believe he may have aspergers. I am trying to find a way to address this with him and also find out how he could go about finding out if this is what he is dealing with(aspergers). I don't know how else to help him...he is distant with me and blames me alot for the problems he is dealing with and has dealt with all his life. I have other children and noticed from the time he was a toddler that he was different in many ways. I feel helpless to help him and have felt this way since he was little. I didn't know what Aspergers was or had not heard of it until he was in high school. When I read up on it, I found the description fit him in many ways. I brought it up to him and he was very hurt and angry that I would suggest this might be something he has. I worry what will happen to him if some intervention isn't done. I want to support him and help him. His father and I are not together any longer and he has lived with his dad the past five years rather than me. His father will not speak with me and so asking for his involvement or his help/support for our son is out the question. I want to help him in any way I can as I worry what will become of him when I am gone.

Carol - posted on 01/05/2013

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This was such a relief to find this. I have a 19 year that was diagnosed when he was younger. The challenges can sometimes be overwhelming. I love him dearly and others can be so cruel. He spends so much time alone. It makes me very sad. His father is not in his life. It appears that he has more let downs in life then successes. I won't give up being there for him. I just need some words of encouragement because its hard to emotionally deal with.

[deleted account]

I am in the midwest and have a 31 year old son with Aspergers, depression, generalized anxiety and agoraphobia--from the age of about 5. He was only diagnosed with all this about age 24. He was begging for help, begging for answers, and together we finally figured it out, with very little help from the mental health community. He now takes quite a few meds, his depression is controlled, his anxiety is sometimes controlled, but sometimes spirals. We have most recently decided that he needs to be treated for agoraphobia and we are hopeful that this will help what we thought was just generalized anxiety. Now we think the reason he hates to go out is that he is afraid, not just anxious. He will go anywhere with me (they will go out with trusted people), but still refuses to go to groups (Aspergers adult groups). We learn a little more every week and I have come to the conclusion that he may never finish college or be able to work though he is really bright. Now I just want him to be happy and be able to live after I am gone (58).

He is very bright, great looking, never asks for anything, very pleasant, very loving, but filled with anxiety and reclusive. He is Never happy, but always lonesome. Loves music, video games, spelling, grammar...

The reason, I think, that he is so pleasant is that I do not question his illness or push him to be uncomfortable. He has given me his power of attorney so I can do all the paperwork he hates, trying to get him on SS. He has a girlfriend but she is losing patience with always staying in. No job for 6 years.

I am now working on my will, getting a special needs trust in place, and SS benefits to make it possible for him to live safely somewhere. His girlfriend may be a temporary thing. If she dumps him, the meds will keep him from getting too depressed.

I think that the best way to handle our kids is to act as their advocate. They won't see you as the enemy any longer, and you will be able to figure out more ways to both be happy. I must say that even though I dedicate every Thursday to him and his appointments and needs, he really does not ask for anything. He writes me beautiful poetry telling me of his gratitude because I don't make him feel WORSE about something he can't do anything about. Do you ever feel as though you are demanding that someone walk who has no legs? I won't do that to him.

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2013

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Most of what many of you are describing is not Aspergers. Aspergers is not Social Anxiety or OCD and although there may be comorbidity, Aspergers is a developmental disorder which means your kid- whether living at home at 30 or whatever else has always since Childhood had it- meaning if they made friends easily or were social children who later got odd or changed its not Aspergers. There is a lot of misinformation going around because the internet is full of people just adding their own thoughts and opinions of this disorder which for some reason people have been confusing with Social Anxiety because Aspergers is identified as a disorder involving social skills- but the Aspergers person has a deficit in the function of reading social skills so would not be hiding in the house "scared of social interaction." Social Phobia is not Aspergers- in the first case the person is too analytical and overly concerned with social cues and the reactions of others, what they will say and if they will soind stupid that they close off, exhibiting a lack of social interest although innately they Dont miss a thing- the opposite is true of Aspergers. They are often so in thrir own world and lack social cues that they dont realize most of the time how stupid they sound- or if they other person cares. The only anxiety they would have may be concerned with perservation but thats only because they have been told or learned from past experiences that they dont follow social cues- if you do this at all you dont have this and a ton of people with OCD and SA or SP have issues with jobs-

An Aspie would under 90% of the time typically not notice how socially different they were- they would not be concerned with being socially acceptable or fitting in the same way another person with say, OCD or SA would be. Aspergers people don't necessarily pick up on things the other 2 disorders would pick up on or be overlly concerned with.

And if you Adult son or daughter was once a happy socially content child- with friends and boyfriends and sleepovers and people calling the house and not coming home crying because they were odd to the point no one wanted to sit with them at lunch- or because someone had to say something to them for them to understand or reflect that it may have been insppropriate- then they don't have Asperger's- they have something else.

[deleted account]

My son is 31, acts like he is 15. He could read at age 3 and has always had a high IQ. He has absolutely no sense that he should be doing something to further his life. He asks why he just can't live with his dad or me like he always has... It is imperative that they be treated with dignity and not be pushed and prodded like disappointments. No one does that to adults with other mental illnesses. And don't get me wrong, I don't do everything for him. I don't even live with him. I just let him know that I know he is disappointed that he has problems with life.

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Bj - posted on 07/18/2014

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Hi Belkis,
I know what you mean. There are days when I can't lift myself up enough to deal with some of the behaviors I deal with, probably because of my own health issues. I always feel depressed when I lose composure and become reactive to his negative emotionally charged outbursts. But, we're only human. Sometimes I have to go sit in my car and meditate. Thank heavens there's a huge forest to walk in about 30 minutes drive from here! That's where I go to collect my thoughts and recharge whenever I can. My Mom used to say 'you get strong by being strong', it's not something you're born with. I think she was right!
I hope your daughter will find some type of support group that she can relate to. Don't give up...some times we find discover resources we never knew were there. I certainly never expected a perfect stranger who inspired my son to seek therapy during a single conversation when I'd never been able to convince him all those years before.
Hugs to you!

Jane - posted on 07/07/2014

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Hi, I have Aspergers myself and am a lone parent to my 21yr old daughter who is also diagnosed with Aspergers. My greatest worry is where will my daughter live when I die.I would be very grateful for any information anyone might have and would like to offer support to anyone struggling with asperger issues. I live in East Sussex and my email address is freedom.jk51@googlemail.com
Many thanks
Jane

Marcia - posted on 07/02/2014

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Hi Maria,
I just had my 22 year old son finally diagnosed this past week, it is no longer called Aspergers, now the term in High Functioning Autism. I went to STAR of California, he had educational testing for possible learning disabilities (which he did not have) and testing for possible autism which he was diagnosed. This diagnosis was not a surprise to myself or his father as we pretty much knew it. Since my son is older it was harder for him to understand and accept his diagnosis. I hope this helps you.

Marcia Cooper

Andree - posted on 07/01/2014

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have a 27 year old son with severe social anxiety and am in the UK. Here there seems to be very little support and we often feel ground down and lost with no idea how to help him. It's a hard road to be on. xx

Maria - posted on 06/22/2014

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I have a 19 year old son who I need to get a diagnose, I believe he has aspergers or is in the spectrum of autism, I live in Los Angeles can someone guide me to a center or someone who can do that diagnose, besides regional center, thanks!

Gina - posted on 06/22/2014

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My name is Gina. I have an Aspie he is 23 year old living at home and failure to launch and regressing the older he gets. His dad thinks I should leave him alone and let him do what he does because he just can't deal with life like everyone else does. His father lives 22 miles away and so do my parents that raised him due to a 3 year custody battle I didn't have the money to keep fighting. Computers, video games, and now the iphone gaming devices allowed him to stay isolated until they wanted something then they would yell and scream and call names and berate him so at age 21 my son decided that the verbal abuse was more than he could handle moved in with me. There are three and possibly four A.S.D. in this family. My son, my sister-in-law, my nephew, and possibly my step daughter. I have experience with male aspies but none with female apies. Help and good advice is needed with both.

Gina - posted on 06/22/2014

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I would like more information from those of you who have daughters with A. S. because my brother married a 24 year old girl with it and I can see major differences in boys with A.S. and her. I do not know how to deal with her when she has a "mad" melt down and cries because he wants some time to visit with his family. Also when I met my husbands daughter I saw some of the same characteristics in her as my son that is A.S. and I really want to know how to understand and help them achieve a level my son hasn't. I feel like an empty tea still trying to dispense tea to 15 empty cups. I can't give what hasn't been replenished. Ladies if you do not take care of your needs you will start feeling the same way. When a sponge dries out it needs water we need people and things to pour water on the sponge.

Gina - posted on 06/22/2014

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Vocational Rehabilitation Services can and will help as long as they are receiving positive results from the client.

Crystal - posted on 06/22/2014

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I have a 22 year old son woth social anxiety disorder living at home, I fee your pain. I would love to chat some time.
Crystal

Gina - posted on 06/22/2014

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I am thinking I will have to put my son in a transitional home and let them figure out what works and then stick to it when he gets back. It is either that or make him an apartment out of the mobile homes that were damaged in 2011 tornadoes. His father has ASD without the diagnoses. No help with our son. It is easy to tell you sugar pills and apartment. But I can't get my child to clean his room and pick up his mess in the kitchen.

Gina - posted on 06/22/2014

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I believe your son is higher functioning than mine son. My son is 23 he failed too many subject his 10th grade year to make up in summer school. The principal talked up the YSP "youth success program" in translation quit school get a GED that way your scores doesn't look bad on the school. He got his GED, and attended a community college he didn't do well with it because he isn't going to do what instructors want he want to do projects his way on his subject. My son doesn't drive, his only girl friend lived in NY, she attended college here for a very short time. My son stays in his room with electronics, his room is a disaster, he thinks I am unreasonable to ask him to do anything that takes him away from electronics. I do not get help from anyone with him and I don't want to live with him if he will not take care of himself and responsibilities. We got him into business but everyone else had to do the work and stay after him to just water the plants.
HELP!!!!

Gina - posted on 06/22/2014

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I have a 23 year old son at home. That doesn't not drive and doesn't like to be away from his electronics to do anything.

Amy - posted on 06/21/2014

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The only "True" way to find out if your son/daughter has Asperger's, is to have them professionally diagnosed by a doctor. My son saw a psychiatrist first, who then referred him to a psychologist. And within 15 minutes of the doctor asking him questions, he figured out he does have Asperger's. He didn't get diagnosed until he was 15 years old.
I just thought when he was younger, that he was shy. He has an older brother who is VERY talkative! He didn't start talking until 3 years old. He was always pretty high functioning, which is why we didn't know about Asperger's. When I remarried, my husband's father is a doctor. After meeting my son, he told us to have him checked out by the specialist. We had him in counseling for awhile, until insurance ran out. He had a VERY hard time opening up to the psychologist. It didn't go very well, and my son doesn't want to go back. I bought a Very helpful book on Asperger's, but he won't read it. It's VERY Frustrating!! He just turned 22 years old. He's actually had 1 girlfriend of 2 years, but are broke up now. He barely passed high school in 2007. He went to a community college the winter quarter after graduation, but he had to take remedial classes to get up to par. He seemed to really like college, too! He's been out of college for about 1.5 years. And he does plan to get back this fall. Since he got his FIRST job, at Taco John's, he has become more social and more confident!! He talks about his job ALL the time, and after awhile, I'll ask him to change the subject. He has Great eye contact now! I worked with him, and told him when he's talking to me, he Needs to look at me so I know he's talking to me, which I will do the same. He likes being a hermit. He really only has 1 good friend. And I'm 100% sure, that he also has Asperger's. But the parents won't get him tested. He lives at his dad's, since it's close to his work where he can walk. And comes to my house usually on weekends. He doesn't want to drive and his 17 year old sister will drive him places. He doesn't feel embarrassed about it either. He may be living with us for many years, UNLESS, he gets a better job and shares a house with roommates. I believe his Grandma had Asperger's. Back then, we didn't know what it was. She had alot of the classic signs. My ex, is ignorant to this disorder! I told him to get a book and read it! Some people don't believe in mental illness, which is Truly Sad :(

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Belkis - posted on 06/18/2014

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Bj,

I have good days and bad days. I feel bad because sometimes the only thing I can do is just ask her to leave me alone for a bit. She can be so intense and she always so negative. My daughter tried CBT but she said it did not work for her. She was not being honest with the therapist with her feelings, so nothing came of it. I go to therapy once a week to deal with the stress and take time out for myself whenever I can. Regarding SSI, it took me 4 months to get benefits. I submitted medical records from the age of 2 to 22. She was denied the first time and the second time she was approved.

Bj - posted on 06/11/2014

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My son was motivated by the caseworker at Human Services dept. who reviewed his application to extend foodstamps. He told my son to consider seeking SSI. As my son's only support and caregiver, well, I will not live forever and then who will provide for my son? So, in thinking about this, my son finally cooperated in starting cognitive behavioral therapy thru our county mental health dept. I think it is a good thing, not only because it may provide him with assistance in getting on 'Disability', but because he is learning to evaluate his own moods and internal mental environment. He's realizing that he IS different, not bad, just different. It's difficult for me to continue dealing with all of his behaviors that are stressful, but I'm glad he is gaining coping skills thru therapy. I hope he continues to go! I think that adult caregivers should seek therapy to find support for helping them to cope and that's what I'm going to do. We were told that folks with my son's type of issues often qualify for 'Disability" and that's my focus before I die...to see that he will at least have financial support when I'm gone.

Bj - posted on 06/11/2014

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My son was diagnosed as a teen with adhd and anxiety disorder. It wasn't until recently that he was diagnosed with aspergers at age 29. He is my adult dependent and I'm a widow. He is finally doing some cognitive behavioral therapy this year which is helping him to understand himself and I think it's improving his self esteem and impulse control issues. I feel like I'm experiencing 'burnout' that many caregivers talk about and it's hard to keep afloat in a sea of stress and the feeling of isolation. It helps to have somebody to talk to who knows what it's like. How are you doing and are you coping ok since your last post?

Belkis - posted on 06/10/2014

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Kate,

It does seem to get harder as they get older. She seems to cooperate less and less as she gets older. It is sad because they are smart yet they have the emotional intelligence of a child. At 24 my daughter is still slacks on hygiene. I have to smell her hair all the time because she does not wash it properly. I don't know if living at home is working. I think it may be making it worse, but we can't seem to find supported living arrangements in Miami, FL.

Belkis - posted on 06/10/2014

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Theresa,

I have a 24 year old daughter with PDD. She is on SSI and has no motivation to do anything with her life. She is not interested in relationships, takes her medication reluctantly (I told her she could not stay with us unless she takes it). Her anxiety is still difficult to manage and she is very moody. She was diagnosed late in life (at 22) and has ADD as as well. At present, she needs to up her medication because it is not helping with the obsessive thoughts and anxiety. We are considering supported living arrangements, but have no idea where to turn. If you are interested, I love to talk.

Sinew - posted on 06/05/2014

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I am a 34 year old man with Aspergers. I have two bachelors (NCSU and ECU respectively) degrees, worked in education for twelve years, own a home, cars and even a boat. I have been married for four years and had plenty of girlfriends throughout my twenties and late teens. To top that off I'm a published novelist. There are plenty of others like me, we're just not discussed as often. For some, Aspergers can be an intellectual gift. Luckily, many Aspies are now sought out for their unique abilities.

Theresa - posted on 06/01/2014

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My son is 24 years old and on the autism spectrum. He was originally diagnosed as having Asperger's but later with Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (how is that for a mouthful?); he has also been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and anxiety. My husband and I both feel that despite challenges his whole life, his situation became much worse after he graduated from high school. I think the highly structured routine of school, with the bell ringing every 48 minutes to tell him where to go and what to do was really helpful. After high school he tried a little bit of community college, but if I didn't stay on top of his assignments every single day, essentially doing the classes alongside with him, he would stop doing the work and fail the class. He is highly unmotivated and hasn't done much of anything for the last four years. It took a long time, but we got him on SSI and deemed eligible for Developmental Disability Services and Vocational Rehab. However, he kept cancelling appointments with his DD provider and finally rejected services. He also declined an interview with Target that was set up by Voc Rehab (because he wanted to see a girl that day that he had met online), so Voc Rehab closed his file. He loves me as his mom and sometimes listens to me--but increasingly less so if it requires that he make any effort at all. He lived in an apartment with a girlfriend for two years in absolute squalor. They just broke up, and he moved back home a few days ago. All he does is lie in bed literally all day and text people or tries to meet girls online. He gets out of bed to go to the bathroom and to eat two meals a day, and that's it! I'm don't want to tolerate this but am also not willing to let him be homeless. I'm taking the next week off to look for supported housing for him, but there aren't a lot of options. He used to take meds that seemed to help some but has since decided he doesn't need them. What are we supposed to do with or for him?

Kate - posted on 05/27/2014

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I don't know if it makes you feel better, sometimes knowing you're not alone helps. I have a son who will be 21 this Summer. He has known he has Asperger's since around 8th grade. It seemed to be a relief to him to know why he was so different than his twin(male). His twin was popular and always "took care" of Eric. Including him in all social activities and get together as well as making it clear no one picks on his bro. The problem? The twin is away at college. Eric commutes to the local community college. Although he has a very high IQ, without constant monitoring, he will fail a class. He refuses to get a job. He expects us (his parents) to supply his money, car, clothes, etc. He takes no responsibility for anything. We too see him living under a bridge in 10 years. My husband is so concerned he is restructuring our assets so that won't happen. And putting his twin with power of attorney. My son sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist.
The older he gets, the less willing he is to cooperate. We just don't know what to do.

Sharon - posted on 05/13/2014

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I feel like I landed on this site today by the grace of God....my google search was actually "Asperger's young adult failure to launch driving me crazy help me please."

He is 24 years old, and has just walked off of job number 4, or refused to go in, after one day on the job, because he didn't have lunch money. I try to give advice and he says "help with cash, not words," and cash handouts only exacerbate the problem. He talked again today of going on disability, but I don't see how he'd ever qualify...He had an IEP in school, but has a diploma, is smarter than average, is physically healthy, and I'm just so distressed right now. We've tried technical school, and he quit that, too....after blowing his pell grant on ridiculousness. He has a driver's license, can fix cars, can do a million and one things, but wants to live forever on my couch watching the Discovery Channel and making the occasional meal. I imagine him under a bridge somewhere in 10 years, with a sign, begging for money, and my heart is breaking :( I'm open to any advice, any suggestions, any butt-kicking that I need to move either him or me off this current place where we only worry and fight.

Mayela - posted on 05/12/2014

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Try to find out if there is a company with a program to help people with desabilities. Here in florida Publix Supermaket has such a program. Also tell him to go to job force i am syre they will help him get a job.

Jo Marie - posted on 04/25/2014

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Yes I. I do have a son with autism and lives at home no job but has his driver licenses
Iam concern about. Him not having a job and when Iam gone what will happen to him his father is not with us

Robin - posted on 04/25/2014

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My son is 22 years old. He has just completed his Associates degree, has always loved math since he was 6 years old. Would like to teach one day. We are attempting to find a program not to far from home for him to complete his Bachelors. We paid for his Associates program but cannot afford to foot the entire costs for his Bachelors. We're looking for grants and scholarships and keep hitting road blocks. I'm a bit frustrated because there need to be more programs for young adults with ASD. We want our children to be independent but sometimes there seems to be no where to turn.

Robin - Frustrated Mom

Jo Marie - posted on 04/24/2014

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My son has asperger . He is now tweny years old no job . He does have his driver license. An a car . he has apply every where but no luck. we try to get disability for him but he been refuse 3x can any one please tell me how is he going to servy if no one will give him a job. What do I do now? My email is mamajojous@yahoo.com

Francine - posted on 04/16/2014

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I support those who are feeling lonely or are having difficulty. But I don't think it needs to be.

My son is just about to turn 27. I agree with the moms who have found that direct advice is a turn-off for adults with Asperger's syndrome. (Adults should be treated as adults.) A joke, or finding a way to encourage the right direction without them recognizing it right away is the most effective. Of course, I've been found out more than once, but he's forgiving. I just tell him it's a "mom thing." His school life (jr. high/high school) was so miserable with bullying that he took a few community college classes right out of high school because his sister (same age) was going to college, but he failed miserably because he was angry and bitter still. He began working as server in a restaurant, which all the "experts" said he could not do, and learned to cope even though the first week as a host at the door, he hid in the bathroom most of the time and called me begging me to come get him. He was proud of the way he handled that job as he went along (8 years now) and wanted to get into management, but a new owner of the restaurant doesn't recognize his talents as the former one did, but does see all too well his challenges. Once that dream went away, he decided to go back to community college full time. He was at that time taking a American Sign Language class so he could communicate with customers who had challenges. He is graduating in a month and moving a thousand miles away to complete his bachelors and plans to go on to get his masters (in communication sciences and disorders). (At one time, he wanted to be a CNA and went to school, but the "experts" were correct. He simply could not juggle everything at once in that demanding, fast-paced environment.)

I hope you can see by my son's story, that there is hope. He is not the same as my other children (2 girls) who some would say are more "mature," but I'm not sure I would explain it that way. I don't think the word is accurate, although I see what they mean. He is who he is, and he's wonderful, kind, gentle, funny ... Asperger's does not have to be a "sentence" of misery.

He doesn't have close friends. He hangs out with no one but his sister (who lives in town) and his parents. When he moves, he'll be close to his grandparents and will hang out with them. No one should feel sorry for him though. He does not view the world the same as they and does not define himself the same as they would. He is happy.

One more thing. I asked him if he would like to meet more people with Asperger's, and maybe even start dating. He told me no. He gets on his own nerves and they would get on his nerves too. You can take that anyway you wish, but it gives you an insight I would think. He's just fine as he is.

Treat them as individuals with responsibility. They are no different than any other individual with responsibilities.

Lisa - posted on 03/04/2014

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I do not anyone to be my friend out of pity. If she does not like my company, I would want her to leave.

Terrie-Lynn - posted on 03/03/2014

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I guess I`m wondering am I wrong placing a worker with him to gain him more exposure to society and to gain some work experience...I worry about expecting too much but then theres another part of me who feels I am failing him for not setting expectations and I worry about the time when I am no longer here to look out for him

[deleted account]

Hello. I'm sad to say that I don't have children but I don't know where to turn as my best friend has Aspergers syndrome. I'm having a terrible time as I reside in British Columbia, she resides in Florida and although we're both totally blind, we have almost nothing in common. But the worst thing for me is Kristine's lack of expressing empathy, her literal thinking, her fear of consequences, locked in stubborn, rigid thinking, I can't say anything or she argues rather than seeing my side of anything. I've got to get some help or go mad.

[deleted account]

Hello. Although I do not have children, Aspergers has touched my life in a profound way as my best friend has it. I need support desperately as her behaviors, especially of stubbornly locking onto ideas, lack of empathetic expression, not being able to met people where they are, just about drive me mad. I want to end the friendship so badly but know she needs help but nor do I want to enable her. She is a literal thickener, lacks a sense of humor, doesn't understand me at all, doesn't care that we're total opposites and is very serif absorbed. Honestly, if I don't get some gel with her, I'll go mad.

J - posted on 03/02/2014

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Ruskin Mill College in Gloucestershire is one of three independent specialist further education colleges operated by Ruskin Mill Trust, providing Practical Skills Therapeutic Education for young people aged 16 to 25 years who have a range of learning difficulties, including autistic spectrum disorders and behaviours that challenge.
Situated in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire, with over 100 acres of beautiful wooded valley, fishery and farmland, Ruskin Mill College has a biodynamic/organic farm, two market gardens, an organically run trout farm, and a large area of sustainable woodland, which provide opportunities for learning activities in a wide range of practical skills, land-based and traditional crafts.

Ruskin Mill College is also a centre for cultural development; the Ruskin Mill Arts and Craft Centre hosts exhibitions and public workshops as well as having its own organic coffee shop, which is open to the public.

Through engagement with a rich and varied curriculum involving practical land-based and traditional craft activities such as felting, leatherwork, basket weaving, pottery, green woodwork, iron age forging, animal husbandry, fish farming, woodland management, gardening, catering, hospitality, and art and drama - students have the opportunity to increase their self esteem and to develop skills in communication, numeracy, literacy, ICT, team-building, work competence, employability, and independent living.

Ruskin Mill College also operates a new provision, Plas Dwbl, a 100 acre farm in Pembrokeshire, Wales. Plas Dwbl will offer a pioneering experience, both for existing Ruskin Mill College students and new students from Wales, and a curriculum rich in land work, animal husbandry, gardening and forestry, as well as the ancillary crafts that support the operation of the farm.













The Rocking Horse by Matthew, 2nd-year at Ruskin Mill College


Cliff does Work Experience in the New Smokery



Fundraising for new Woodland Kitchen and Classroom.

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© 2011 RMET |h i hope this helps i work at the class house collage site in birmingham as a slp were we learn young adults how to live a normal life as possible eg cooking, cleaning, money management, hygiene,dealing with shopping for them self ,and many many more so they can live a more independent life thanks john

Renea - posted on 02/23/2014

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I am a Mother of 2 adult sons with autism, Ages 33 and 31. I would love to chat with other parents with intellectually disable children that live at home

Joan - posted on 02/22/2014

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I'm thankful to everyone here for sharing their situations; and find, it's hard to open up to others due to their ignorance of this syndrome. My daughter is a beautiful, intelligent, artistically talented, 21 year young woman. She has been reclusive and exhibited anti-social tendencies since about 4 years of age. I can recall having her in daycare, even while I worked there, she would literally shut down and become almost ill with worry, and separation anxiety. Life, in general, seems to overwhelm her to the point of fatigue. Her academics have always been above average, to include the one year she attended college. She made her decision to withdraw and has not returned since. She claims she wants to work and her ideal life is to live alone (by choice). I find these passed two years very exhausting myself, as I work at home and she is constantly with me. I promote her to find work, yet there always seems to be something "wrong" with each opportunity - she seems to be holding out for the perfect position in the perfect (calm, organized, low-key, behind-the-scenes) job that will not cause her stress or anxiety. I understand this, but for two years, she hasn't done anything that was without me. She is being treated for depression, anxiety, and dermatillamania (which is much improved), yet the social phobias are still at large. I feel selfish at times, which breeds guilt, but this is also getting to me in a way: because, I tend to heal and repair best when I have free, alone time; yet, I can't get this because she is constantly at the house unless she's out with me. Emotional sensitivities run so high, if I bring up things, it will cause a breakdown (more guilt), and she refuses to speak so an outside party. I feel trapped into the possibility that my own mental health is suffering. What does a parent do, when simply talking makes emotions overflow? What to do when they refuse seeking counseling/psychiatric help?
*Uninvolved father, who disowned her when she decided to quit college -
*Three younger siblings who are achieving fine, and all socially active -

Sue - posted on 02/20/2014

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Hi
Yes I'm in the same boat! We live in England. My son is 23 and since childhood has had severe social anxiety. In 2012 he was finally diagnosed with aspergers, ocd and add as well as severe social anxiety. He will not go anywhere without me or other close family. He has had countless CBT sessions to no avail. He is currently seeing an autism specialist psychologist who is also on the spectrum herself. He enjoys talking to her but virtually no progress has been made. He is basically a recluse and spends much of his time in bed. My main worries are his physical health, that he is missing out on life and what happens when I'm gone. His father has some limited input but is 250 miles away. My younger son shows some of the traits of autism but thankfully is at college and has a circle of friends.
Louis asked me the other day why people have long conversations. He just doesn't get the need to connect with others and has actually said he is not interested in meeting other people and wants to be alone.
What can I do ? Sometimes I feel desperate, not knowing what on earth I can do. Anyone any ideas?

Sue

Terrie-Lynn - posted on 02/19/2014

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My 18 year old son has Autism and lives with me while on disability income. The thought of leaving home and experiencing a work placement terrifies him. I do not feel I should push him but I do worry about what the future holds. He also will not get his hair cut and his personal care is a challenge. He will take his grade 12 credits by an online learning center however he struggles because he has a hard time handling the work. Its nice to find this group because I find as a single parent in this situation lonely at times.

Barbara - posted on 02/12/2014

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I seem to have lost my place I wanted to respond to one of the moms. I can relate to so many of the stories here. it is a comfort to know that my thoughts and emotions are normal given the situation. My son is a great guy , I feel really fortunate that he's never had any of the anger problems that some people have had to deal with. I think the main issue that frustrates me is the inability to have flexibility in his thinking - I totally understand this is not his fault but the way is brain works. He is now almost 27 and it still trying to find his way. he went through jobcore and was in a job placement in the forestry service right after that for 6 months. he wasn't really interested in staying in that field. so then he came home for over a year and is now in Community College about 3 hours away. I am almost 70 which I find hard to believe :-) and I'm going to be retiring in a couple months. His other mom ( we adopted him together when you was 7) is marginally involved in his life and has no has taken no financial responsibility for over 13 years. what I noticed that I don't have the patience that I have had for so many years. He is finding Community College challenging although it's incredible what is accomplished so far. He is now talking about coming home and going to our local community college and taking less credits. Honestly I was just at the point were I was so looking forward to having some time to explore life, art, and just be responsible for myself. I'm a mental health therapist and I've spent the last upteen years helping others. I guess I had a fantasy that my son was going to be okay and would get out on his own. but now I realize or another step in this journey. All I want for him is to know that he has found a niche and he can be happy with his life. I could go on and on but anyway it's good to talk with you all and good luck! Soon science will.be able to help us I just wish it would happen sooner!

Michelle - posted on 02/04/2014

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Marie, I have 2 children with aspergers and one with ADHD. My 18yr old is my oldest with aspergers. My suggestion to you is since he is 24 and there are the circumstances that you have, all you can do is learn to function with him in a way that doesn't seem "teaching" and then maybe occasionally, he will listen sometimes or appreciate your advise. I have found little ways of dealing with my son (which isn't always easy) that work for us. He doesn't always know that I am like the Wizard behind the curtain making this happen to keep him functioning. Sometimes when he is especially unhappy because of a change I have had to make in a routine or something, I just try to remind him of why change is good sometimes for everybody else and we must think of others etc...my son doesn't want to drive, doesn't want to get a job etc and is totally functioning in his own little world, I am fitting in advise a little here and there and wait long periods of time to see a good outcome. Most of the time with my perseverance, there is a little bit of a good outcome here and there. Exhaustive work work but it is our job as mothers :)

Belkis - posted on 12/26/2013

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Linda,

Exactly like my daughter. She says friendship are too difficult and would rather hang out with me and her step dad. I think that living at home makes the situation worst. I think that they are comfortable so they don't seek friendship. I worry what will happen when we are gone.

Belkis - posted on 12/26/2013

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Sonja,

Your son sounds a lot like my daughter, she was diagnosed with PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) about 6 months ago. She walks on her toes as well (not always) she also runs around (but I don't think that she flap her hands). She has no friends (and does not want any). I tried for a while to get her to participate in an adult autism group, but it was like pulling teeth and we have since stopped. I am now thinking of converting a rental property I have into a home for adults with autism. It is a three bedroom house, so I would have room for one adult plus my daughter and a facilitator (I am thinking of hiring a psychology graduate student and offering them cheap rent). I am looking into applying for government assistance to run the house as an adult facility for adults on the spectrum. I feel this is the only way for her to really make a friend and to prepare her for adult life when I am gone (she is not getting any better at home with us). She is 23 years old.

Jen - posted on 12/15/2013

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my son is 18 has highs and lows .when he doesnt get his way or if he has something going on at school thats makes him anxious he gets really grumpy depressed. he will make unreasonable demands of gold medallions and three fingrr gold rings ., qucci backpac or BMWs. we are not rich and when we say we cant get it he spits at us and inside the house breaks things.we call the police they take him to the hospital and say that he is spoiled and sometimes some say that he has Aspergers.They send him home with us and he starts right back up with the name calling and threats. when we call the police hes soooo mad. we remind him that u can't tell people that you will smash teeth, slit throat or burn the house down with us inside. we know hes sick and its sad/ scary.

Karen - posted on 12/10/2013

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I know how difficult it is for all of you. My son is 20 & had a very difficult time finishing the past 2 yrs of high school. Over a yr ago he began attending an alternative school to finish getting some subjects like english ,math ect and
he slowly,with encouragment figured out the workbook for math including trigonometry and received his Adult Diploma which we are very proud of. I think he has asperger's tho even tho i never received a formal diagnosis. He's been on computor since age 12,has extreme anxiety to go outside,but slowly over pastr 2 yrs has been getting out more for appts,school ect. He is now beginning to open up to me and i count that as a blessing that i can be
the listening ear, He doesn't do any drugs or have a desire to drink and he
does talk with girls that he's met online thru gaming. He did begin a project of building an outside rock patio for us and sometimes goes for a jog around a nearby park. He says he wants 2 find a part time job and take more courses but hasn't put forth the effort yet most likely because of anxiety. His father has general and social anxiety also but has forced himself to keep a full time job for a long time. I don't think as mothers we should neglect our own needs and goals tho,we have to not blame ourselves for what they are going thru.

DeAnn - posted on 12/08/2013

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Hello Mary, my 20 year old son hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet, I have only noticed problems with him in the last couple of years. What caught my attention was his roboussin abuse! My son has been addicted to DXM (the ingredient in robo, mucinex) for 3 long years! He has been in the ER 3 times due to overdosing. Please keep a close eye on this, it can destroy his liver and kidneys!

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