Does he look autistic??? NO Is he Autistic??? YES!!

Emma - posted on 10/11/2008 ( 58 moms have responded )

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This is my son, Bailey, we are certain he has aspergers, he looks like any other child his age, and it annoys me when i get told "but he doesnt look autistic" Autism is not diagnosed but physical features, i just wish people would take the time to research and understand that there is more than one type of autism

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I know what you mean, my sun has an autism spectrum but has a more than average intelligence. He goes to a normal school where he gets a lot of help. When he was 3 years old he had the greatest teacher of all, she called us for a talk, because he wasn't acting 'normal' in class. She was right, and because of her he got a lot of help from a special teacher once a week, logopedist because he had problems to talk, the principal of the school and all the teachers look out for him. He could stay in his old school, together with his sister, and now he is very happy. But you can't tell what's wrong with him just by looking at him, and sometimes people look awkward when I tell them what's wrong. Sometimes, at school, when something happened he can't understand, he stays strong untill he comes home. When I tell the teacher afterwards what happened, she goes: but everything was ok, we talked about it. It's a pose from his side, and with his family, he doesn't have to act, he can be himself (which is: absolutely adorable)

Emily - posted on 11/22/2008

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I get the same thing all the time about my son. They all think he doesn't look autistic. But
he definately has a form of it..

Kerry - posted on 11/20/2008

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yes Lindsey you are spot on, And even bigger it takes a lot of time spent to correctly diagnose! I have 2 autistics one on the hig functioning end and one who is aspergers. People laugh at me when i say something about my daughters disability, they say there is nothin wrong with her. I say she just looks the same but if you spend enough time and listen to what she is saying you will see where it does not quite fit!
it took one aquaintance of mine around 5 years to finally see, she came to me and said, your daughter is saying some really strange stuff, you are right she is different!
Ah as long as we can arm them and let them know what their difference is and why, they can keep themselves out of the spotlight.

Crystal - posted on 11/20/2008

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he looks like any other beautiful, healthy little boy! i have two boys, 32 months and 15 months old, both are on the spectrum, and i hate it when people say they don't look autistic, or act autistic....spend a day in my shoes and then tell me they don't act autistic. even their grandma is in denial . i know how you feel emma, but who cares what anyone else thinks, our children are special, in more ways than one.

Corrine - posted on 11/20/2008

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Emma, this annoys me as well. You cannnot look at a child and see that they are autistic, it is not a physical disorder. Not very many people even know what autism is let alone how those with the disorder should look. Absolutely, if an individual with autism and say cerebral palsey or down's syndrome, they are goinng to look somewhat different, but not because they are autistic, it is because of other disorders.

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Dawn - posted on 07/19/2012

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my son at 3y11m was diagnosised w/ ADHD ODD mild SPD and PDD-NOS. I keep getting "he is fine just a little hyper, he is just a boy, if only you were more firm, he just needs spanked ect... Ironically It was his teachers who were the first to agree and the pedi who denied, the neuro said maybe and the mental health depart. (only works w/those over 5 btw) who said most likely. When we got the diagnosis from a developmental pedi then the neuro said yes, my parents finally said ok (still in some denial) and we are getting a new pedi. Our friends ask if we are sure he wont grow out of it cause they see miss behaving kids all the time at the store. We just comment "do you want to read the write ups from school or wath him at the playground? Sofar they decline :). Not "looking" "wrong" seems bad and frustrating now, but later in life I believe it will help them fit in, get jobs, all that stuff. Hang in there its only for 18-20yrs :) :) :)

Lucy - posted on 07/16/2012

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My son is nearly 4 and is in the mist of getting diagnosed with autism, its so fustrating that people don't understand autistic children, we get funny looks where ever we go and people just think he is 'naughty' just because a child doesn't look like they have something wrong doesn't mean they don't...as the old saying goes never judge a book by its cover!!

Danielle - posted on 07/16/2012

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My son who is 3 yrs. old has just been diganosed with Autism and the first thing I hear is "He doesn't look like his has Autism." Well I agree people who do not have a child with this disorder or is very uneducated wouldn't know the difference. Yes that is why its call Autism Spectrum Disorder because its a huge range!

Yvonne - posted on 07/16/2012

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Emma, I am autistic and Ford Modeling agency wanted me at 15 in NYC my parents were correct I was too young .. it would have been dangerous.. You cannot tell I am autistic.. 100% cannot by my appearance..
no there are co moribid disorders which Neurotypical people have that could affect appearance. not autism.

ANGEL - posted on 05/23/2012

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I agree my son was recently diagnosed with Autism. He is 13 years old. I have been telling everyone I knew he was different. They said how he is bioplor. I said no do not think so. Than finally I got the correct diagnose. The sad thing is they had my child over medicated since he was five years old. They have him in this special program at school with 6 other children with biopolar. So sadly he has picked up these childrens bad habits. He has only been around these kind of kids. SO he thinks thats the way your suppose to be. I have a long road head of me. My son gets upset or frastrated he runs. Does anyone know how to help me keep him from running. He has even jumped out moving car.

Heather - posted on 05/21/2012

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My 7 yo is learning why her autistic brother acts the way he does. When she sees kids at the store having meltdowns she asks their parents "Oh, is he autistic, too?" I would consider it rude if she wasn't so sincere. Also, he dosn't like his hair washed or brushed, will only let his sister wash it and gets it cut twice a year when grandpa visits and takes him to the barbershop.

Yvonne - posted on 05/16/2012

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I remember telling a lady I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome . She asked "Is that where you hear voices?" I looked deep into her eyes and with a soft whispery voice replied "YESS, (pause) Yours"

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2012

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this is one of the biggest problems I have faced with other people in relation to my son, some seem to think Aspergers is another form of downs syndrome, some when you explain its a form of autism, but high functioning, they expect autism, servere autism, others still just think he seems normal to me, and think you are just making excuses for some of their more antisocial behavoirs. the only people I have met who seem to know what it is at all are teachers and even then I sometimes have to explain it to them, because they expect all the most severe symptoms and will even say "I have noticed he dosn't do.... are you sure he really has aspergers?"

Shea - posted on 12/05/2011

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Amen to that Emma!! I call autism the "faceless disorder" because like you said, by looking at a child, you cannot tell, while with other special needs, it is quite obvious. With you being a autism mommy, you have been given a unique opportunity to educate and advocate for autism in itself. My not be a job you always like, but it will give you new perspective as well, to the "outside view" of things. When people are staring and making comments about my daughters loud vocals, "strange behaviors" etc, I wave, and ask them how their doing, engage them in conversation etc, which usually leads to my daughter, etc. I was amazed to find out how many people were open to talking about it...not only that, but most have been touched by autism, by family & friends, but have no idea how to interact with the family/friend or child diagnosed with autism in their life. I know it gets frustrating...but you have a gift, an insight into a world a lot of people know nothing about...and I think you would be surprised how forthcoming with questions others would be if given the chance. One more thing. I carry these autism cards with me, everywhere I go. Its the size of a business card, and at the top it states "are you puzzled by my child's behavior?" and it goes on to explain some of the autism traits, etc.. It has gotten me in touch with SO many people, that didnt know anything about autism until they started observing what my daughter was doing. If you'd like some of these cards, I would be more than happy to send some to you :) Keep your chin up :)

LaNee' - posted on 12/02/2011

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@ Rachael Carberry....THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Your posting put a smile on my face after struggling with getting a diagnosis for my 3yr old. I have been around little kids all my life due to my aunt having a daycare.. When I started noticing a backslide or better yet a complete stop in my sons language development and attention span, I knew something was off. I had everyone from his own pediatrcian, father, my mother in-law and and close family friends all say "Nothing wa swrong with him, He does not look Autistic"....He was put on a wating list to be diagnosed by his pediatrician and other specialist( which he is still on 8mos later).. I took matters in my own hand went through the Valley Mountain Regional Center in my state. I love them, they sent is a speech therapist, infant/toddler teacher and a child psycholigist all come to the home and test my son....After a few visits, about a month later , he was getting intense speaach and behavioral therapy 15hrs a wk. He is mush better using more words and attending a preschool for austic children with only 8 kids in the class. Now that my son is getting all the help he needs to better manage the autism, everyone who said nothing was wrong now sees the difference in his speech,social and behavior. #iamgoingtouseyourquickcomebacks
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Sarah - posted on 06/11/2011

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I agree! Even my husband, when we started the diagnostic process, kept saying "He doesn't look retarded to me!" UGH. I know he was not intending to be insensitive or offensive; he simply was uneducated about the condition. It took him a long time to understand that Autism does not equal mental retardation, and that there is no way to tell if someone has either condition just by looking at them!!!

Lori - posted on 06/07/2011

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There is no look. Period. It's not down syndrome, where there are physical characteristics that may suggest a disability. Some severely autistic children may never make eye contact- but some severely mentally retarded children without an autism diagnosis may not either. I get this all the time. I have one son with Asperger's and one with moderate autism. Both of them look like normal little boys.

Lori

Kimberlee - posted on 03/19/2011

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I am with you, Autism isn't a 'look'... my son too has aspergers. People just aren't as supportive as they used to be.

Kerry - posted on 09/21/2009

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YAY beth, keep praising her for the good things she does, maybe try to meld the buttering up thing out a bit as she gets older, perhaps wehn she can understand you can explain some of the 'normal' peoples behaviour to her because she probaly is going to have a hard time understanding why they do what they do.
My mis teen and i have weekly discussions where we discuss her friends behaviours and i have to tell her the truth like it is so she can understand why some of her friends behave like they do. She then makes up her mind wether to forgive the person or continue on without them. In some of the things her frfiends do she realizes she is being slightly judgemental but tells me that she just doesnt like that ( one friend is a little 'loose' with her moral behaviour and seeks boys out to 'worship' her all the time. ) My dear daughter cannot understand why this girl thinks it is necessary to be admired and have to be the top at everything and continually have boyfriends, sometimes 2 at a time.
i have to tell her the truth and how this is a result of the poor girls mother telling her all the time that she is the best looking the brainiest and the most fabulous girl at the whole school, to the point of curling hair daily from prep and dying it blonde from a very young age (weekly dye jobs, we all thought she was a natural blonde because we never saw roots), as a result this girl thinks that all must worship her. Over mothering love gone wrong. This was also the kid that could read at the start of her school years (her mum spent hours and hours of toddler time teaching her, so she now has to spend the rest of her life trying to be ahead of everyone, and now is crashing because she has to work very very hard to do that.
So perhaps remind your dear daughter as she gets older that she also needs kid time doing something that is totally a waste of time or a fun learning activity like piano lessons (lots of counting and remembering and notes to learn) tiem out to be a kid and slow down to look at how pretty the flowers are instead of disecting them all the time. Budding einsteins can get on other people's nerves,even if they are natural genius.
But these guys also like, if they are socially inclined, to be the 'expert" they will love to show what they know to others and think they are 'teaching' some one something. My autistic sons early teachers knew something was up before we had a diagnosis so when there were questions to her from the other kids about something that was in my sons range of knowlege, she would pass the question to him by saying " Im really not sure lets ask Thaao he knows a lot about dinosaurs.
So there can be good and also bad from the brainiac side of things, I suggest trying to keep it real with her though, tell her the truth (it is much easier for her to understand). Perhaps sometimes you could say to her that its great she knows so much but sometimes its not good to burst in over others in the class (usually they will get frustrated becasue its such an easy thing and those dum dums dont know nuthing) so part of your explanation coudl be about how people all learn differently and at different speeds so a little patience is needed through life with others she may consider to be "idiots" . Just because they dont know it at the moment doesnt mean that you are superior you just learn differently so little susie will catch up, jsut give her time. If people are nice people and not cruel to others, then its ok to be freinds with them even if they are not as clever. ** LOL good luck i have had many of those sort of chats and mostly have had wins so my auty kids are reasonably well balanced because i also gave them the real side of life,. the way that schools teach them with all the politically correct ness is not a good thing unless we the parents can manage to balance it out with real life theory at home, I found it necessary . Even necessary for things like the laws, policeman are not necessarily bad, they are there to make sure the rules are followed, the rules are there to make sure you dont have car accidents. If we tell them the circle of life of how social rulings are made and why, then she can understand and will be less frustrated. good luck to you. kerry

Beth - posted on 09/20/2009

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Oh, forgot to add, another comment that i've heard for kids on the spectrum who others thought not was, "he/she's too smart to be autistic". I have a 3 year old who is learning to read. She was using my digital camera starting at 18 months of age (review mode only at that point) and was taking pictures by age 2 1/2. She's taking pictures better than I can at this point. She's doing 60 to 80 piece puzzles that kids 2 years older than her struggle to do. And at the YMCA last fall when she had recently turned 3, she was pointing to explain how a computer game worked to a 6 year old girl whose grandmother did not believe my daughter was only 3. At that point she could only say one word, maybe two word combinations and she had just learned to point so I was ecstatic that she was pointing all over the computer screen for that girl. At that point she could read words like start, continue, begin, etc... those computer game words.

Beth - posted on 09/20/2009

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My daughter was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (very mildly on "the spectrum" though aside from her sensory issues and OCD-like behavior, she is very social with people she knows and has developed peer friendships now with friends she has been around a lot). I do not tell anyone aside from her preschool teacher and of course the public school system who provides ST and OT that she has any delay at all... you can call it occasionally shyness or quirkiness and let it go at that. But last year when my daughter was barely talking and not really socializing at all, I had told a couple people and they told me, "she can't be on the autistic spectrum, she is too well behaved." So, well, obviously your child can't have autism, aspergers, or PDD unless they are little imps who misbehave and cry and throw fits the whole day. Oh and never listen to what you say. And anyways, the social thing... she can learn to socialize by memorizing what to say and she um unfortunately has learned to be a butt kisser but it makes a lot of little kids like her. I am not sure if that was a good thing for me to teach her to butter people up. Ha ha ha... but it sure endears her to her teachers as well.

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i have just found a website that says and i quote.....'it is a fact that autistic children are in general, exceptionally good looking'....xxx

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the only look austitic children tend to have is that they are all good looking! seriously i read it on the web somewhere! my son was is 4 and was diagnosed a few months ago, and he is georgeous as are all the children on here xxx

Gwen - posted on 02/03/2009

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I haven't had any comments.  People are just plain ignorant.  I did't know autistic kids had a certain "look".   On the contrary, I say they are the ones with a certain "look".   Just look at their faces when they say something. They don't look pretty smart now, do they.

Lynne - posted on 01/21/2009

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My oldest son, Greg as looked normal as a toddler and he was very smart. You are right, people just don't stop and think what they are saying sometimes. But they are so many programs for children with autism now, I wish they were around when Greg was younger. They are different forms of autism and the younger they are diagnosed the better chance you have in getting the right help.

Lynne - posted on 01/21/2009

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My oldest son, Greg as looked normal as a toddler and he was very smart. You are right, people just don't stop and think what they are saying sometimes. But they are so many programs for children with autism now, I wish they were around when Greg was younger. They are different forms of autism and the younger they are diagnosed the better chance you have in getting the right help.

Donna - posted on 01/19/2009

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thank you so much for replying to me. its nice to know i am not going crazy and that he is doing these things for a reason, thank you xxxxxx

Rachel - posted on 01/19/2009

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hiya hun sounds so like my son hes autistic and hes 4 an half and has the mind of a 18 month old all wot u have said is most of wot son has or still does he is very routine based and if that changes he dont like it at all i was told to keep saying the same words over and over again to my son so he hears it all the time but ya son like mine is prob more visual so we have cards and things for him to let us know wot he wants or hes found he can point to wot he wants wot u need to do with your son is take his hand and say his name at the same time and guide him to wot you want him for me and my husband learnd makaton to help commuicate with our son and its helped but its early days yet tho once you know for sure he is then you can get all these in place but for know just try a few see if the work gud luck. xxx Rachel

Donna - posted on 01/19/2009

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I think its silly that some people have the notion that all autistic children look the same. autistic children are unique and there are different, no two autistic children are the same. its like us,we dont look the same. we are our own person and that is the same with autistic children. if autistic children looked the same like downs children do. then autism would be detected early, but as a result that austic children dont look the same. autism doesnt get noticed till the child is around two or three or even later then that, so to all the people that say "oh he / she doesnt look autistic!"obvousley doesnt know anything about autism. i have a two year boy and doctors suspected he has autism. i wont know till they have done all the test and etc, so as a result i have researched autism. and i have found there is a lot of narrow minded people out there that dont know anything about this disability. i would be very gratefull to talk to someone whos child is autistic, because at the moment my mind is swimming with all the information. i would like to know if my son has simular behaviour and speech and play issues. like lining all his thomas the tank trains up and if one moves out of line he kicks off until the train is put back in its place. its the same with bricks, or even a biscuit thats broken. his speech development hasnt progressed. the speech therapist says he is about 1 years for talking and he is two, he doesnt play with anyone only by hiself, sometimes plays along side his brother and sister. he doesnt know how to pretend play or doesnt know how to play with toys. he just breaks them, spins wheels on pram around and around. he repeative copies, but doesnt understand what he is saying.he doesnt like crowds and kicks off. he doesnt answer to his name. appears to be deaf even though hearing test have come back fine. i would appreciate any advice thank you

Kerry - posted on 01/18/2009

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from melissa S, ""My good friend tells me DAILY that he thinks the diagnosis is wrong.  Zech doesn't "look" Autistic to me?!?  I get it all the time, so then I get advice about parenting.  Because it must be a parenting issue........How do you handle that??""



hiya Mel. a couple of suggestions come to mind here.  The kicker is time. people need to sepdn a lot of time with your child, in a household situation, to see what we have been trained or are learning to see, that the things our children do, are relativly normal but the extent they take each thing to is beyond normal.



** get your friend to come and stay with you at the house for at least a week (watch the realization on their face)



**show your friend the Mr bean movie (oh the autism in that) and point out autism when you see it .  My austistic son now 21 laughs his head off at that movie, and always asks me about a new trait he spots each time, and says to me i dont do that do i mum? other helpful movies that point out autism traits are  6th sense, rainman, As good as it gets.



good luck. and if freind still wont listen/compute, they wont be any help for venting or releif as your child grows, so it would be someone to not waste your precious time with.  A friend ,who isnt going to be there to help in your long struggle to understand your child, isnt worth having. suggest finding a new friend.  In my 21 years of working with my autistic children, there have been a few that i have not bothered with because of their, :"Its a parenting issue" attitude. We dont need negative issues in our lives, we have plenty of real issues to deal with.




Kerry - posted on 01/18/2009

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Each of my 3 kids on the Autism spectrum are completely different and each one reacts to different social cues differently.  My children are different from friends children who are also autistic.  Thats why the puzzle is used to depict autism.  Each one has to be individually looked at and their issues dealt with in different ways.



Autism is indeed the difference of a thousand faces, even harder than schitzophrenia because the next time a particular issue appears it will be different to the last time you saw that issue!



It certainly keeps the carers brain active, decoding and confronting the issues that need to be dealt with because of long term issues that may stem from behaviours.  And yes i have found that my girl is 'easier' to get through " to, BUT the issues she 'hides' are the ones that will cause long term issues (anxiety mostly ).  She hides a lot of things because she knows that people will think there is something wrong with her, and then be cruel to her.  She wont go get help from the special ed teachers- because they are there to help retarded people, and "I'm NOT retarded" !

Rachel - posted on 01/18/2009

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my son is autistic and he dont look it but just because he dont look it dont mean he isnt

Melanie - posted on 01/17/2009

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Quoting Rachael:

It's funny but the more I begin to understand about autism it really makes me think that maybe we all in one way or another are autistic...........


im glad im not alone on this one !!! the more i also learn the more i see traits in my husband,and myslef, i wonder if we were born today if we would also have been diagnosed autistic???? makes you stop and think doesnt it mel x xxx

Melanie - posted on 01/17/2009

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also 1 mum said about our kids having wider heads with further set apart eyes this is also true in kierans case, he has a very large head,and as he wears glasses although he is only 7 he has to have the teenage range as the kiddies section dont fit his head,this is very intriguing to me,as our youngest son elliott is also 'being looked into' as they think he is the same as his brother and he also has the prominent forehead and large head-im finding this page very helpfull indeed(im in england) and there doesnt seem to be a website like this here for us 'special' mums so thanks everyone xxxmel

Melanie - posted on 01/17/2009

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since reading several of the replies to this post i have been looking at my sons pictures-and i have to agree-although his head is angled at the camera his eyes arnt-and he is always the 1 in family pics that has to pull faces or poke his brother and sister,but he is very cute with chubby cheeks and a great-bit wonky-smile



even though you cant label a child by looking at them i am seeing a similarity in all your pics,but that similarity makes us all the same- very lucky parents of extra special babies xxx

Cindi - posted on 01/14/2009

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Amen, same as my son whos 10. his school still just relizeing that he has pdd. he was dianosed 6yrs ago. we have a iep today to get behavior issues put on it took 6yrs to do. some people AGRH!!!!!!

Cathy - posted on 01/14/2009

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Quoting Emma:

Does he look autistic??? NO Is he Autistic??? YES!!

This is my son, Bailey, we are certain he has aspergers, he looks like any other child his age, and it annoys me when i get told "but he doesnt look autistic" Autism is not diagnosed but physical features, i just wish people would take the time to research and understand that there is more than one type of autism



you can not tell by a childs look if he is autistic my son is the living image of is dad but is dad is not autistic but my son jay is xx

Rachael - posted on 01/14/2009

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It's funny but the more I begin to understand about autism it really makes me think that maybe we all in one way or another are autistic...........

Kim - posted on 01/14/2009

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ha i get this one all of the time people say to me "i know lots of autistic children and none of them are like your josh " then i say well arent we all different in life thats the point with autism they are so different no any two children with autism are the same

joshua also has weeks when he is more autistic than others i find he reacts to things about two weeks later i have no idea why but he does when he is having a meltdown i have to try and work backwards and think what happned two weeks ago to work out what is troubling him sometimes it is the here and now but very rarely

we have had weeks he like tottally chilled and no meltdwons at all and seems to save it all up at once and then lets rip and its a case of everyone duck under the table
i dont fully understand autism myself but people expect you to be a doctor on this is it me or do other people find this too

Beth - posted on 01/14/2009

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Another thing is that kids with autism/aspergers/PDD all have different ... not sure what the word to use is... traits? Behaviors? Nobody thinks my daughter is anywhere on the autistic spectrum. She was diagnosed with PDD just before she turned 3. Then she was also classified with PDD by the school system with PDD/autism when she turned 3. She is social and plays well with other kids. But she doesn't understand social cueing. And her language ability is very delayed. And she has a ton of sensory issues and also a ton of rituatlistic behaviors and doesn't transition well between activities. But with a structured environment and with kids she knows well, nobody would guess she has some sort of autism spectrum disorder. I also take her shopping with me to small stores during non-crowded times (middle of the morning) so she doesn't have meltdowns. But since nobody sees her having a meltdown, they think she can't have autism because kids with autism have meltdowns all the time, right? That stereotype bothers me too. Not to say my daughter doesn't have meltdowns, but we've learned to minimize them between sensory integration therapy and also avoiding situations that would cause them. I am not sure if girls with autism/PDD/aspergers behave differently than boys do. Maybe it is not as noticeable? Not sure. I think people think that if they know one kid who has autism than every other kid must act the same way.

Bonnie - posted on 01/14/2009

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i understand completely, my own mother has to introduce my 7 year old daughter as her autistic granddaughter. she is very competitive, even to the point where her granddaughter has to have the worst disability. When emily was diagnosed my mother made sure to tell me and the rest of the family that its the worst thing anyone in our family has ever had.



when she was 6 she had her school pictures taken and like most children at some time, she had a funny look on her face and because of her eye contact issues she wasnt looking at the camera. my mother told me that she really looks AUTISTIC in that photo. i dont think my mother meant to be mean, its just ignorance.



i try not to let it bother me any more

Kerry - posted on 01/13/2009

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I still get with my miss 14 , tiesha, bah there is nothing wrong with her.  They didnt see the weekly trip to the hair dressers salon because she wouldnt let me wash her hair so i tried everything, doing it in the kitcfhen the bath, the yard, nope she would scream blue murder.  A friend suggested tryin the hair salon so she could sit at the basin and have it washed, yes she would stand that one, so each week i had to pay the hairdresser to do it for me (maybe the pressure and the constraint of the chair/basin helped?



This stopped only when she could do it herself in the shower. Many people do not see the drama and battles we have in daily tasks for many years. They dont see the tantrums when the packet of biscuits has a broken one in it, ow what happens when the bread isnt square.!



we just need to remind ourselves that ignorance is no excuse for refusing to understand or try to be aware of what goes on in some peoples lives.



Certainly they look normal, sometimes especially cute i think, something to do with the cheeky smile :))

Stacy - posted on 01/13/2009

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From pictures, no, you cant tell kids are autistic most of the time.  But, post a video of them moving about, stimming, barking, flapping... all of a sudden peoples perception changes. My son is angelic looking... watch a video of him and you can tell he's stimming all day long.  Breaks my heart sometimes.

Rachael - posted on 01/13/2009

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My son is 6, starting school this year (mainstream) and was only Dx at age 4. I have had to deal with all these same issues as well. What surprises me more are those strangers that feel the need to comment when he is having a meltdown because the shopping centre is to full that he becomes overwhelmed...

I had one lady say "in my day we would have punished for that behaviour", so my reply was "well in your day a child with autism would have been locked in a room and forgotten so mind you business".

Not my best behaviour but at that stage I was struggling to deal with the situation and all this woman could do was critisise.



These days when i have someone says "isn't he naughty" my answer is no, he doesn't have good social skills but then neither does the rest of society.

Or "he doesn't look autistic" my answer is no he doesn't but just watch his eyes.



The only thing that has kept me sane is knowing that for all the little quirks he may have that is his personality and he is truely an independant person to the rest of the world. I was also told by a friends mother the first time that I met her "IT TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON TO RAISE A SPECIAL CHILD" and obviously we were all picked for these children because we have the strength to do so...

Kimberly - posted on 01/13/2009

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My name is Kim. My son Liam is 11. He was finally diagnosed with PDD-Nos last year. For years we were told he had ADHD. Argh! I'm sure there are so many kids out there that have been misdiagnosed because people are often not aware. For me it is actually a relief to have a lable. Liam is a very handsome child and no, he doesn't look autistic! We have delt with much criticism and been austrisized by many people, including family, over the years. Now, for me, having answers makes it so much easier. We know. We go with that and take it day by day.

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2009

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I have the exat same issue!!  My good friend tells me DAILY that he thinks the diagnosis is wrong.  Zech doesn't "look" Autistic to me?!?  I get it all the time, so then I get advice about parenting.  Because it must be a parenting issue........How do you handle that??  I really would like some input.  My son has been diagnosed for 3 years now.  He IS an Autistic child.



 

LINDY - posted on 01/13/2009

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Quoting Yvette:

He's adorable... I wanna pinch his cheeks!!! BTW... does he like getting haircuts? My son has a fit... so I have to cut it when he's asleep...


to emma my name is lindy my son ethan is 3 and as autism i agree with you i get it all the time i would love a dollar for every time someone said but he looks normal like you really want to hear that its hard but i try to ignore those comments cos i think they just dont know what to say if you need a chat to vent then im here and to one of your mothers yvette that wrote about her son and his hair cuts made me laugh thanks i have to hold my son down and shear him like a sheep while he is kickin and screamin but i do have always two dollar presents wrapped up so at leats i can get a little bit done LOL

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2008

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I have the same emotional feelings that you are all filled with regarding others and there inability to accept things that they can not physically see. My son is 8 and after years of not understanding him he was diagnosed with High Functioning Aspergers. Others have a hard time with it since he is of high intelligence and can play sports. If they only hew of the internal struggle that he has and the hidden feelings of knowing the kids at school dont want to play with him because he is different. Kids are so aware of this where as adults are so closed minded. He loves rules and schedules and hates almost all clothing material and never comes out of his comfort zone. he is not very social but we make him try and understand that he has to be friendly. It is sad when your kid is the one that no one wants to play with on the playground or the parent says don't play with him since he cries over every thing. I would not trade him for the world he is awesome to be around i just wish others weren't so shallow and could see him the way i do.

Erin - posted on 11/26/2008

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My son has Aspergers and does not look different that any other boy his age. We constantly get that "he doesn't look autsitic" it's SO annoying! He also is very outgoing and friendly, which makes people assume he's not as well. If you have not had him evaluated do so right away. We had to go through our school system because we waited too long. He's now getting help, but it took longer than it should have. He has a little sister that is showing signs of delay so we are planning on getting her evaluated as soon as possible. Anyway, what it comes down to is to not worry about anything other people have to say. There is a reason it is called a spectrum disorder, there are so many forms of autism (as well as levels of aspegers) that it would be impossible to tell. I even had a girl (who is dissabled and has several friends who are autistic) who said "there's no way he could be because he's too hyper" WHAT? just because they are not like another person who has it does not mean they don't. Anyway, I hope that helps. Good luck with your son and I hope someday people will learn enough to know not to say anything to Mom's who are just trying to help their child.

Jessica - posted on 11/25/2008

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I've gotten both sides of the coin....plenty of people telling me he doesn't look or "seem" autistic and others who can "see it". Some days I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse...often times because my son looks so "normal" people take forgranted or push aside how serious his health and behavioral issues are (he's on the spectrum, epileptic, ADHD with slight developmental delay). I think a lot of times it comes down to the fact that the general public doesn't know a lot about autism. I know I really and truly didn't until I was faced with it.



And I think Bailey (which is a great name btw) is a very handsome little man :)

Odessa - posted on 11/23/2008

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Autistic kids don't have a look like Downs syndrome or dwarfism. But look closely at all the kids. These are the common physical traits. Big ears, big heads, wide set eyes and the distant look as well. Also, I was told to look for "skin Spots" These can be found anywhere on the body. My son has a large one on his abdomen. But look at the generic look of the kids(even though aspergers) and you will see some common theme....all cute as a button!!

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