Does is make you sad?

Alicia - posted on 07/20/2009

I new before I recieved the official diagnosis that Liam was autistic. My sister is a school psychologist who noticed the signs when we were visiting her just after Liam's second birthday. My inlaws found it very difficult to accept. Trying to convince them made the waiting for the official diagnosis so much harder. I was defending the very last thing I wanted to be true. I found myself almost looking forward to finaly having the diagnosis so I wouldn't have to fight that battle anymore. I already new and once the diagnosis was in they would too and would be supportive instead of unknowingly destructive. I was prepared to hear those words until they were spoken. WOW I was so wrong about thinking I was ready for it. I don't think you can be. My husband says for him the worst part about that moment was the look on my face. It was crushing. Adam and I both felt our entire reality shift with those words mild to moderate autism. Everything changed for me. Then the most amazing thing happened, we got home. Liam came running into the room to say hi and he was smiling and asking for hugs because he isn't used to babysitters. he was the exact same little boy we had left that morning. My world shifted back alittle closer to were it had been. Liam is the same fantastic kid he always was. Now we just have the added bonus of getting to be more proud of every accomplishment than any parent of a typical child will ever understand. There are days when I am still sad, when I get a lump in my throat because a memory catches me off gaurd or I read something that hits to close to home. I just try go back to that realization and the relief that came with it. The pain doesn't ever go away completely but there are joys that go hand in hand with it.

You can do this. You're not alone. And you may want to point out to the sperm donar and his witch that autism is most likely a disorder which a child is geneticaly predisposed to. If that isn't the case why are there so many stories about parents with multiple autistic children who didn't vacanate their younger kiddos. Take into consideration also my sisters neighbor who is a health nut. Organic food, excersize for her and her son, no vacinations and guess what - he's autistic. I hope for your sake they are reacting this way because it's easier to blame than deal and eventually once the've come to terms with it themselves this will change. If not just remember they are wrong.



Keep strong and if you want to talk just contact me.



Alicia

Laura - posted on 07/18/2009

I havn't got the finnal diagnosis yet and I'm still sad. Just knowng that there is something wrong that your child is not write in a way is sad enough. I justwish life wouldn't have to be so hard on him. if you ever need to talk get a hold of me

Charlotte - posted on 07/16/2009

To tell you the truth, I had him evaluated because one, I knew he was autistic, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that and two, I needed the diagnoses to get him the help he needs. Even though I'm married, I feel like I'm doing it alone. My hubby has ADHD severely and when something involves planning and paperwork and such, he just can't concentrate. But he's very supportive though. I'm just the one who plans my son's therapy meetings and the paperwork for him to start preschool, things like that. I know some parents of autistic children don't like Jenny McCarthy, but I basically became a Mother Warrior for him when I go that diagnoses. I call everyone that mention something about services to special needs kids, and anything else that may get my son the help he needs.
No, it didn't make me sad when the doctor told me because I knew it was coming and it just gave me the key to open the door to all his possibilities. And because I was able to catch it early (he'll be three next month and he's had services for over a year) he doing great and is starting to talk and on a lot of days, seems like a "normal" kid.

Jessica - posted on 07/16/2009

My twins were recently diagnosed Autistic, and it was devastating. At first I blamed myself, they were born at 31 weeks and I blamed myself for that. But I have to get over it. And I have to take each day as a blessing. And even through they are autistic, they are mine and I wouldn't change that ever.

Michelle - posted on 07/15/2009

I have an only child..John..I never had anyone to compare with when it came to age apppropriate skills etc..When school came around, then it was evident that there is something more going on with him than just behavior..that is what kindergarten teacher said. 1st grade was also rough. 2nd grade his teacher voiced her concerns. John really has not idea about the world or life in general. He talks a lot about video games. In fact if it is not something he wants to hear or talk about he says "I don't want to talk!' He hates wearing blue jeans, his wardrobe is those running pants..He will not try new foods for he will gag and throw up. So many other things that I never really thought about, just said oh, that is just John. In Dec of 08 went to an auditory process eval, the school evaluated him and told me about Sensory Integration Disorder. Have bought 2 books on and read cover to cover. Appt with Ped. in August..still looking for answers.I want what is best for John and am now accepting that it is not something that I did wrong. We are quick to blame ourselves. It is so nice to see others on here with similar concerns. Any suggestions for what should do next?

Evie - posted on 07/15/2009

Hi Amber, i think it is normal the way you react. I feel the same and i'm on the same level as you are with my son. We also need to take a few more steps before we get the diagnoses. Sometimes i feel sad, but sometimes i feel just okay and I'm happy that I don't close my eyes (that's the easy way, but you don't help your child like that) So just be proud at yourself and don't worry to much at this moment. At this moment I try to realise that my child is special en very unique and that helps a little bit. Most important thing is whatever there is that you 2 love each other a lot. And that is what i feel right now, i love my little boy even more!!

Take care Evie

Angela - posted on 07/12/2009

Hi Amber,

First off tell the girlfriend to take a long walk off a short pier. it is NOTHING you did. I have 3 kids and with all three I ate the same things, drank the same things, slept about the same amount, vaccinated them on schedule.

The only thing that changed with them was my age at their birth. Did this contribute to my youngest son being diagnosed with adhd, anxiety and mild aspergers? Maybe ... but maybe not.



When my youngest got the additional diagnosis of aspergers from his specialist, the first day I was calm cool and collected and went into "ok, so what can I do to help my child cope and succeed in life" mode. The second day I cried like a baby all day long. I raged that it was SOOOOO unfair that my wonderfully witty and funny child had yet ANOTHER challenge to face and overcome. Why us? Why HIM? What did I do or not do?



And while I'm married .. my husband refuses to acknowledge that our son has aspergers. He claims I'm "labeling him" and "giving him excuses". So to a certain extent I'm doing this alone also.



After a few days (maybe a week or so) I started doing more research. Looking into EVERYTHING and what kinds of options I had. I read a TON of books on aspergers, some that his specialist recommended and some she didn't. I looked into medications and what their side effects were and were they the best option for my son? And I had a teacher of my sons remind me that any medication can be stopped and something else tried if it doesn't work or the side effects are too severe.



And that same teacher reminded me that while my son had some challenges to deal with he also had something a lot of "regular" kids didn't ... a mom who was willing to do WHATEVER it took to give her child the best future possible. I still cry sometimes thinking about all the work we still have ahead of us. But I also know I've been given something very special in this world, a child who isn't bound by the word "normal".

Rhionna - posted on 07/10/2009

Hi Amber,

I've just found out my son has ASD, and for the first couple of days I've felt numb! We did know that our son was, just from info we had read so we weren't shocked by the news- but until someone tells you that you were right, I think there's always a glimmer of hope in the back of your mind that your child is just delayed and will catch up.

I think the not knowing what the future holds for you and your child is what makes you feel sad, I lay in bed crying yesterday and then in came my son with a huge, cheeky smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. It just made me realise that I haven't lost my son, he's the same today as he was yesterday, and yes we'll have good and bad days, but then that's nothing new either.

I'm so glad that my son allows me into his world, and I appreciate him so much. He has shown me what true love is! x

Jamie - posted on 07/07/2009

Amber, check to see if there are any support groups for moms of kids with Autism. It helps to have moms who know what you are going through and you will get so much advice! When you get the diagnosis look at it as a starting point. Keep your focus on what you can do to help him get through life the best way you know how. Oh and you don't need anyone elses drama so get out of that circle! Good luck and remember God doesn't give you anything you can't handle!! You will get through this and if you need anything let me know I would be glad to help any way I can!

Helen - posted on 07/07/2009

I didn't believe it was possible to cry as much as I did when my son was first diagnosed, I sat in the car outside the hospital for half an hour before I was able to drive the pair of us home. I am now four years further down the track from that day and while sometimes I struggle with Nick's problems I wouldn't change him for all the world and his bright smile and unique way of looking at the world continues to make my world a better place to live in on a daily basis. It's okay to grieve for the dreams that you have had to let go of for your child, but look for new dreams and help them get there!

Marlene - posted on 07/01/2009

Quoting Amber:

Thank you everyone for the kind words and the encouraging thoughts! I've done a lot of reading and learning about autism. It's so hard because I don't have a huge support group here in CO. It's hard going at this alone. My sons father is blaming me for "making" him autistic and "mentally retarded". He obviously doesn't understand...his wife/fiancee whatever she is sends me nasty emails telling me it's my fault that CJ has Autism because I vaccinated him.

I don't listen to them but it's still hard. Thanks again for all of your kind words!

First of all, you are required by law to vaccinate your child, so that just shows her stupidity right there. IGNORE THAT!!!!  He is not mentally retarded either. Tell these people to stop saying these harsh, ignorant and stupid comments and start to do something productive like educate themselves. I am so sorry you are going through this but I am glad you have a tremendous amount of support here. There is so much information out there about what we are all going through with our children. We have to absorb all the knowledge we can. :)

Karen - posted on 07/01/2009

My son was late diagnosed, he was 10 years old. While we were going through the prosses, which only took 4 months from start to finish, i was really possitive and knew it was the best thing for him, but when his consultant acctually diagnosed him on our first and only visit, I was just shocked. I think I spent the rest of the day crying. we did make it a really possitive thing for him and took him out to dinner that evening to celebrate. But it was a huge shock. But I dont regret it at all, it was the best thing we could have done for him. If you have any questions at all I am happy to answer them. i also work with autistic children so I have quite a bit of experience as a parent and a proffecional. Sorry about the spelling. It will al be fine though!! xx

Rachael - posted on 06/30/2009

Yeah we live in a country town, for 6 yrs, so as we didn't grow up here not many people actually speak to us. Plus the fact that we have an aspy child who others see as naughty is very isolating. I was really sad about the diagnosis and still are a bit but at least we have an answer. The best advice I can give you is to read heaps and watch lots of dvd's, attend seminars etc. If you are not happy with something at school stand up for your son, you will piss others off but your son comes first. They rely on you, you will have many fights with schools and the public etc and you will come accross as a bitch sometimes and lose friends but it is worth it when your child is happy. Big items to remember is that your child is completely different to others and will need to be closely supervised, never yell or punish as he will hate you and push him away, always chat to them even if they don't feel like it always let them know that you are there for him to talk to no matter what time - even in the middle of the night and explain everything to him like he were a toddler as this will prevent confusion and tantrums. A small school is better as is an understanding teacher. If a really small school keep to yourself as the other parents will get their back up if your child does something wrong and you will lose the friends you have just made!! From experience!! Good luck and all will be fine I promise. You will have good days with him and bad days but you will both be ok. xxx

Jennifer - posted on 06/30/2009

My son has aspergers, everyday life can be tough sometimes but no mater how difficult the day has been Connor always makes me laugh, everyday, without fail.

I think the hardest thing is thinking about his future. He is 5 and the differences between him and his class mates isn't that obvious yet,I worry about how he will cope as he gets older and goes to secondry school.

Melany - posted on 06/29/2009

I have tried to focus not so much on the things to "fix" my son but on the ways I could change to help him! To me the cause was/is not so important as helping him stay in a mindset where he can learn and flourish!! Dr.Stanley Greenspan has EXCELLENT books and conferences some of which I've done online.A DAN!(defeat autism now protocol) doctor may also be helpful if there is one in your area.With the proper help a lot of these symptoms can disappear. Be blessed.

Tina - posted on 06/28/2009

I realized I had to become my sons advocate.dont worry about others ...ignorance is ignored ......Constant and never changing is key for a parent with an autistic child .....remember he is watching......listening.....learning....You may not see it but it is happening.....our son is 8 ....and I learn from him everyday ...to live and love

Christina - posted on 06/28/2009

Hi Amber,

My name is Christina, my husband and I have 5 children. Three of my five have some form of autism. Starting with my now almost 11 year old son Xavier. He is not my oldest, but was the first to be diagnosed. We noticed early that he didn't talk when he should, also there was no eye contact. He bearly made any sounds. He was diagnosed with autism when he was about 3 years old. Then there was our oldest, which is our daughter Cayla who is now 13 years old. She seemed fine at first, but then when she started school in pre k her teachers noticed that she seemed off. Very short attention span, no eye contact etc. She was finally diagnosed when she was about 9 years with asperger's syndrome. Then there was our now 8 year old daughter Cheyenne. We noticed the same type behavior in her as we did Xavier. So we had her evaluated, and she was diagnosed with PDD/NOS when she was about 4 years old. So I definitly understand your position, I was really sad too at first. But now I feel blessed to have them the way that they are. They are very special, and not everyone can say that they know anyone quite like these children, they are all unique in their own respect. I appreciate every moment that i have with them. so I want to say to you Amber, don't be sad. your son isn't sad, he is living with this everyday. If you embrace it, so will he.

Anna - posted on 06/28/2009

hi amber,

we have just had our 2 year old son diagnosed with autism this week,we like you went through an assesment process am even though i really already new what the outcome was going to be it's heartbreaking none the less! i am relieved in the sence that you can now let people know the nature of his problems and that hopefully a diagnosis should open doors to help and services we otherwize could'nt access which in turn should in the long run make things a bit more managable for everyone.i can't say i'm not constantly worried about the future and gutted that he will not be able to manage things like other kids can,all sorts go through my mined-will he manage mainstream,will he get bullied,as a teenager will he have friends or girlfriends,who would look after him if something happened to me,will he acheive independance as an adult,will he have wife,kids???? ....silly really seeing as he is so young and early intervention does achieve alot so i'm told,he hasn't got any language so there are lots of hurdles ahead but i love him so much that even though it will be really hard work i will always do my upmost to help him accheive his potential,i'm sure your the same with your son and although you do feel a little helpless and want to do more,it's all you really can do is to be there and always be supportive,comply with the hospitals surgestions and be consistant! At the mo i have had a few days feeling a bit miserable and moody but i'm sure in time i'l get thicker skinned! I have my dad that lives reasonably close but otherwise am much the same,think that the only people who truly understand are people in the same boat and thats difficult because i don't know any other than on here!, just remember your on the right track and as much as it may be upsetting it is the right thing for your son to get to the root cause of any problems because you can't help his life improve untill you know what your dealing with! it may seem easier said than done at times but stay strong,take friends and familys comments with a pinch of salt and listen to the proffesionals,follow there advice and take any help offered,you could speak to them about respite care my son goes to a local playgroup 2 afternoons for his respite but it just gives me that bit of space and some time to spend with my other son. i hope this is helpfull for you,take care,would love to know how you get on. anna x

Melissa - posted on 06/27/2009

Hello Amber. I too am a single mom with a 10 year old. His father and stepmom do the blame thing too. I am sorry you are going through this and it is okay to feel sad. Has anyone ever shown you the story about Holland? it's a great way to know that you are feeling the same as other parents of other children with disablilites. it's a unique feeling for everyone, but this just felt okay to me, so here it is:

A Trip to Holland


By Emily Perl Kingsley


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans... the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.


You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!" "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.


So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, " Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."


And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Beth Anne - posted on 06/26/2009

Hi, you definitely go through a grieving period. I have 3 sons with autism. I can't look into the future that upsets me. So I don't. I take everyday at a time. On the really tough days I take it an hour at a time.



It will help you immensely to look at every little thing your child does as a huge triumph. People take for granted the little things. When you have a child with autism and that child isn't speaking all of a sudden he says a swear word you are like screaming from the roof top.



You will also find amazing people that come into your life. If your child wasn't autistic you may never have met.



All my best

Beth Anne

Aydrea - posted on 06/25/2009

I had a mix of emotions. I have been dealing with therepies, early intervention, etc since Jon was 2 1/2. We got our official diagnosis when he was 8yrs. I always knew more was going on then speech/ developmental delay. I was relieved when we finally got our diagnosis. Finally a professional saw the same things I did. I feel blessed by my son's Asperger's. It makes him a very nice and caring person. Sure we occasionally deal with a melt down and my son's obsessions (dinosaurs), but he has empathy for others that many normal kids just don't have. Try to focus on the good things, because their are many.

Tamrra - posted on 06/14/2009

My son is 3, and we got his diagnosis last December. We don't live near family either, but have met lots of people at classes we have taken, or just talking with other parents, at his school/playgroup. You will meet people that you can connect with. It will help. It took me several months to not just cry at the drop of a hat, but things got better, especially when you see your son make great improvements. Its a great feeling to see!

Roshonda - posted on 06/14/2009

I cried for the life I envisioned for my son. Then I knew that I am his only advocate so sometimes I still cry, but I also seen progress he is going into a inclusion Kindergarten this year so I grateful for the small steps and being a single mom you just have to know if you could not handle it CJ would not be yours.

Charmaine - posted on 06/13/2009

Once you obtain a DX, be sure to hook up with your local Autism Society in CO, here is their website www.autismcolorado.org, they should be able to get you in contact with support groups that can locally give you support. You vaccinating your son has nothing to do with his autism. I have two kids on the spectrum, one with all her vaccines and the other with the "ones" that everyone claims were evil, our family has a genetic makeup for neurological disorders. Remind your ex that autism is a neurological disorder and maybe he should check his family for brain disorders before he blames you. Remember you are your son's rock and he needs you, you can do it and you can help him through this with early intervention and at lot of support you can do it. You didn't do anything wrong and if you every need support we're here, feel free to email me. I have tons of resources although I live in MI I'm sure I can help you find stuff in CO. Let me know how I can help. God Bless. Charmaine

LIZ - posted on 06/12/2009

HI WHAT IS High functioning autism

LIZ - posted on 06/12/2009

Quoting carrie:

Hi...
Yes , I was heartbroken when I heard my doctor tell me that my son had autism. I was even more heartbroken when he said there is not a pill for this there is not anything I did that caused this... and it's going to be a every day battle and some days are worse than others. My son started showing signs when he was 2 . By 5 he woul rather play by himself rather than in his own peer group. At first I thought I was losing my mind. Then as I watched with a heart that hurt how cruel the kids were and how they knew something was different about him but weren't sure what to do other than pick on him I had to find out what to do. As a mom it is our duty to be able to help our child .. or to fix the problem and then when we are told there is nothing we can do to fix it or make it better except love them and get given a book on how to handle different situations .... I was floored and angry. So I did what any mother would do. I went and got all the books , all the info, looked up any support group possible and tried every diet idea possible. What I learned is this.... our children are special . They want and desire any innneraction they can get. They are a specil gift we have been given and there is alot of info out there for us to learn about and use and work into our lives to better our child. After all the testing we went through I learned he has High functioning autism and no social skills at all... so this year as all his friends were going into kindergarten my little man went into EACAP. It is very much like preschool but focuses on socializing alot more. I thank the lord his school had this... it really helped him and now we are looking at kindergarten in the fall & have a 504 plan in place to adjust the classroom and his needs to him instead of being pin pointed and pulled out for special classes. Remember, the testing is a blessing and the people who do it are you biggest advocates. Keep your head up, it does get easier and know we are all here going through this together... and with freinds, with family and communites like this... you will, I will, & our kids will be just fine! Good luck ! and if you need anything e-mail me at valley_of_the_dooders@yahoo.com ... until then, take care of you and look into your little ones eyes tell them you love them and know they love you back.

Lynda - posted on 06/11/2009

Hi Amber,

It is heartbreaking darl when a doctor tells you your child is autistic...I grieved I suppose for the loss of what could have been..for what was ahead...I was scared of the unknown, scared for my son and for myself...could I cope with an autistic child? What I ended up learning, was ' what is normal '? My son was diagnosed when he was 4 1/2, he is now 10. I promise you Amber the joy your child will bring to you and those lucky enough to be in contact with him with overshadow any advertsities you and he may face. Our children are gifts and we are the lucky mothers who were chosen because someone up there knew we could handle it and would give these special children the love and nurturing they deserve...so see Amber you are the special one darl. So don't be afraid of your future, walk head first into it with a heart full of love and you will come out the otherside in glorious sunshine.

Peggy - posted on 06/11/2009

Amber, you are not alone! Not only are there plenty of parents out there that have felt the exact emotions that you are feeling but there are plenty of single moms, myself included, that are going through it too. I do feel sad that your childs father feels the need to play the blame game - there is no way of knowing what the exact cause is and hopefully one day he will realize this. It would be nice to be able to use him as a support but that doesn't seem to be a reality, so just surround yourself with understanding, helpful and loving people and you will be fine - if your friends aren't cutting it, find new ones :) and an autism support center in your area may have a parent support group that might help.



As for your sadness about being in the situation you are in, you will probably still have times that you just want to break down and cry so go for it - let it out. Then give your child the biggest hug and love CJ for who he is a beautiful little boy that is being the best CJ that he knows how to be; just like all the other kids in the world :) autistic or not!

Awdanis - posted on 06/11/2009

I believe my son chose me to be his mom. Yes, I was sad in the beginning, but I have seen so many changes in our son that the only thing to do is love him. Hang in there and don't be afraid to try out new therapies for your son. We did some research on several and went for it when people said we were crazy. Your son is your little man and your main concern right now. Good luck.

Emma - posted on 06/11/2009

thanks crystal its just hard trying to find people to talk to everytime i try to talk to my fella he ends up crying !!!

Kristine - posted on 06/11/2009

HI,

I have to tell you , you are one brave MaMa! We all are. Take one steo at a time. I know that may sound really hard to do, however, it is what we all have to do.

I am a writer and just wrote a new book. It is called Somewhere Between Here ... and Autism. Subtitle is Laughing WIth Angels, Dancing With Butterflies. You can purchase it on amazon or barnes and Nobles online.

I wrote the book to helo others who are going through the process. It is about finding hope! Most of all my message is , " You are not alone, you are never alone."

I also wrote th ebook becuase I felt so alone, and so helpless. I couldn't find any books on the emotional aspects of going through it. It was my little girl that taught me that I was chosen to be her mother for a reason. Yes, it was, and sometimes is very sad. However, once you get through the rain, you will find the rainbow again, I promise.

Jennifer - posted on 06/11/2009

I learned my son had autism on his third birthday, that was a great present, though I suspected something was wrong,it didn't make the news any easier to take, I cried, and now he is 4 and I still cry sometimes, just knowing the struggles he goes through every day that come easily to a child without autism, it makes me sad that he has to go through this, even though he is a very happy child, I still get sad sometimes.

Sandy - posted on 06/10/2009

I knew something wasn't right with my son and so when we finally got the diagnoses I cried a lot. I think most of it was relief though, I finally had a name for it and that helped define the path to help him. There is grief but don't grieve for the future. I was told my son may not go to "normal" school with "normal" kids, talk, and may never even get potty trained because of how deep in the spectrum he tested. That was two years ago and now he's 5, getting ready to start Kindergarten (a special needs class but still), talks and tries to complete sentences, and is completely potty trained. You are blessed, bask in that and your childs innocence. It's a diagnoses not a "life" sentence.

LeeAnn - posted on 06/10/2009

Hi Amber. My daughter was just diagnosed as Autistic in March 2009. She is 2 1/2 years old. I kind of knew in my heart, after long hours at the local library, and endless hours on the internet researching the disease, that this is what my little girl was dealing with. My husband and his family were very against even the thought that she could be autistic. We already knew that she was extremely delayed in all areas. We started noticing little by little that she was not performing tasks that all of the other children we were in contact with, who were much younger, were already mastering. I stayed at home, and didn't have any friends with young children, so I just kind of pushed my fears away, and didn't think much of it until her 1 year checkup. At her checkup, the doc said he was a little concerned that she wasn't able to sit up, or crawling yet, and had signifigant trouble eating babyfood. He scheduled a PT evaluation, and an evaluation with a speech pathologist, to see if there was a reason for her feeding troubles. This was only the beginning of a very long, and lonely road to a diagnosis. Once we got the eval results, and it was determined that she was in great need of services, I started the only ones that were available to her while she waited for an opening at the local Day Habilitation/ Daycare center. My husband and I fought horribly about this decision. He and his family kept saying that there was nothing wrong, and that the therapists were just trying to make a buck off of her....and so on. I was completly alone to fight this battle. We finally got her into a slot at the day hab place, and she began to recieve therapies there, so we wouldn't have to travel for them so much. My husband slowly came around once he noticed how much progress she was making. In January, I talked to her doc about referring me to Arkansas Children's Hospital, to have formal testing done, to determine why she was struggling so much. I went there expecting to be relieved when they told me that she was Autistic, because I already knew in my heart that she was. My husband said he thought that they would say she was just a little bit slow, and that I was over reacting. I was ok when they gave me the dignosis, until they said that she may/may not be able to live and work on her own as an adult. That gutted me, and I started sobbing. The wall I had built up to hide my feelings finally crumbled down, there was nothing more to do, I had already done it all, and now I just had to deal with the fact that she was Autistic. I am a Christian, and that has helped me immensly. I don't know if you have any beliefs like this, but I know that God is big enough to take care of my little angel, he already has. I now look at her Autism as a journey, not as a disease...I know that she will have many more struggles ahead, but I also know that God will give me the wisdom to guide her as she overcomes them all. I think that a support group will help you....you will probably get a packet when you get a diagnosis, and it will have lots of information, and contact info for you. If there isn't a support group around (there isn't one here) you might try starting one: You can put up flyers at your Dr office, school, work, church, etc, and find others who are in your shoes, or who have been there, and they can help you. I hope that you get all the help and support you need, and I hope that my response has helped you some. God Bless you and your son!!

Crystal - posted on 06/10/2009

No problem... It seems rough at first but it will be easier as you learn more and more about it. Our children are special.. And we need strong people around us. Im here if you need anything even if its to vent or share stories.. =)

Emma - posted on 06/10/2009

thanks crystal it means a lot trying to get jack to bed now!!!

Crystal - posted on 06/10/2009

When I first found out my son has autism it broke my heart. I had mixed feelings sad angry I blamed myself was it something I did or didnt do. I honeslty cried on and off for 3 days. With any news about our children especially in this case we need time to grief. Have u given yourself that time?? I am a single mother myself with two boys My oldest will be 8 in sept and my little man Evan who has been diagnosed is 6. You dont know how strong you are until u have been put in the positon to show yourself. Take time for you to grieve then as many like to say put on your big girl panties and take the problem head on. There are plenty of support groups for families and siblings of autistic children. Do your research and make sure your son gets the help he needs and you get the support you deserve.

Emma - posted on 06/10/2009

that i a really good saying i will remember that one x i took it the wrong way when my health visitor said wee needed to grieve, but i suppose they are right in a way, but we do take each day as it comes and look forward to the new things he learns,

Christy - posted on 06/10/2009

Wow I have not thought about this in so long. When I got the news I was very sad, I had moment to grieve. Yes grieve. All of the thoughts and dreams I had for Chris were gone I thought. It just took me awhile to realize we just had new dreams and goals. Everyday is a challenge but I am up to it. It does get easier as they get older, we just hit the teenage years so we are dealing with a whole new set of challenges. I just heard a new saying and I really liked it. One family says they are not effected by autism but rather they "experience autism" I really like that. We will never take our children for granted or be disappointed because we have already had our biggest disappointment. Now we have moved beyond that and got down to the business of raising our kids and letting them be them.

Emma - posted on 06/10/2009

hi amber, my names emma, my son jack was born with conjenital cattaraacs so he has a visual imparement, all his milestones were late he went for the same assesment i think ,it turned out he has an autistic spectrum disorder we only found out in feb but like you said it is a mixture i think alot of it was relief as to what was wrong with my baby,the answer to your question is yes, everyday i get a lump in my throat and wonder what troubles he will have in later life, it gets me down he will only eat baby food and dont say a word, then he looks at me with his big brown eyees and comes over for a cuddle, it makes it all seem better for a while, it will always be in the back of your mind but we have had so much supportx if you ever need to chat let me know x

Misty - posted on 06/09/2009

Im right there with you. Im a single mom too, my son is almost three and he still cant look at me and say mama. Cant point out his nose, or even handle me touching his hand. And its heartbreaking. Maybe even more so because all of my friends have children my son's age and Ive watched them grow and develop and hit the milestones. And my son just stopped before a yr old with his progress and maybe even regressed a little. And they dont get it. If i take my son to the mall, since i havent figured out all of his triggers yet, he can flip within a second and be banging his head against the floor. They only have to grab a juicebox and some cheerios and be on their way. And they all have a miracle cure for my child which is usually their child.
I told my family and the fathers family, and they refuse to acknowledge anything is wrong, hes just a normal delayed stubborn two yr old, and wont support me on my decisions for his diet change, therapies, nothing. They say the doctors are wrong and stupid, but when even the audiologist says autism, developmental pedi, DAN! pedi, and ENT all say autism, I just feel sooooo alone sometimes. Most days I can handle it all and just run through our exercises and have hope that its getting us somewhere. But somedays I catch a glimpse of one of his baby pictures and remember back to all the dreams I had for him, and how excited i was for him to be this age

Im doing every therapy possible now though, ABA, speech, OT, biomedical, nutritional and Im taking a break from school (im also a college student) to take care of my son as he was about to get kicked out of school until he can enter the school districts special program.

The most important thing to remember is this doesnt change your child, and this doesnt define then. you can fight the autism, and dont lose hope.

Luanne - posted on 06/07/2009

We learned about our daughter's autism when she was only 1 year and 9 months old. She's 2y and 4 months now. We were devastated, but had to do something right away. I resigned from work 2 days after the evaluation. A week after, I enrolled her in a pre-school and started with her therapies. We also didn't know if we should tell our family and friends about it. we decided to tell our closest friends and relatives. It was a good decision, because help has been pouring in. They are all very supportive and we didn't expect that. It also made it easier for us. Family support is one of the best things that can happen to your child. Now, everybody understands. They're also flooding the heaven with prayers for my daughter's improvement. Our kids will be fine. I just know. Good luck.

Meg - posted on 06/07/2009

I was devastated, but looking back I realise now that it's perfectly logical to grieve the child you have 'lost' but at the same time without even realising it you are embracing and loving the child you now have ... hope that makes sense.

With regards to the ex and his girlfriend I'd say she seems treatened by your history with ex and is trying to diminish you in every way she can ... looks like he's got a real prize there - NOT !

Hugs.

Amanda - posted on 06/07/2009

Next time your ex's new partner gets involved just remind her it is not her child and is none of her business, but just know it isn't ur fault that he has autism because u had him vacinated, even if vacinations caused autism would she rather he had one of the many deadly diseases that the vacinations protect against? But I have to point out that I live in Australia, where all of our vacinations have been completly clean of the toxins which are rumoured to cause autism since 2000, yet my three yr old has autism!

Go to www.raisingchildren.com.au/ it is an australian site but if u click on special needs, autism and then causes of autism it talks about the differences between a 'typical' brain and the 'autistic' brain.

Donna - posted on 06/06/2009

I was in the same boat a few years ago. Now I have met and married a MAN (not a mouse like the "dad") who is better for Kobe than his natural father ever could be.



But while I was alone I tried to turn it around and embrace Kobe's autism. I felt proud that he chose me to care for him, although scared, uneducated and alone I kew I could do it and I felt like the best person for the job.



He makes me laugh so much and no one else could manage that, because his autistic ways are unique to him and quiet amusing for me. Although there will be many challenging times ahead, overall he is your child and try to access as many support structures as you can.



Autism Awareness site is a good start! Good luck to you and CJ I'm sure you make a great team....

Kristie - posted on 06/06/2009

Amber, just remember that your ex and his significant other don't understand and ignorance makes people say things that are mean. My ex-husband, father of my daughter, thinks there is nothing wrong with her but she has ADHD, anxiety, and Aspergers. She has pulled her eyebrows and eyelashes out completely, picks her fingers, and picks her skin on her arms. I understand being a single mom with a child that has a disability. I am now remarried to a wonderful supportive man, but it is still a challenge. I would encourage getting in touch with a support group there. I don't know if you have heard of Autism Speaks or if there is a Families Together office there in Colorado. If you need any advice or help or just to scream, email me or I can get you my cell number. I know how it feels to be alone with no support. Kristie

Amber - posted on 06/06/2009

Thank you everyone for the kind words and the encouraging thoughts! I've done a lot of reading and learning about autism. It's so hard because I don't have a huge support group here in CO. It's hard going at this alone. My sons father is blaming me for "making" him autistic and "mentally retarded". He obviously doesn't understand...his wife/fiancee whatever she is sends me nasty emails telling me it's my fault that CJ has Autism because I vaccinated him.

I don't listen to them but it's still hard. Thanks again for all of your kind words!

Marlene - posted on 06/06/2009

Amber,

I don't want to repeat what everyone else has said, suffice it to say that we've all felt the way you're feeling right now. The main point that I'd like to underscore is that there is definitely hope!

I went back to school after my daughter was diagnosed to learn all I possibly could to help her and other children with autism. I've read so many books, looked at the science behind various treatments, and even conducted several of my own research projects. After all this, the best thing I can suggest is that you read the book, Let Me Hear Your Voice, by Catherine Maurice. She had two children with autism, her story is amazing and very informative.

Good luck to you & please let me know if there is anything I can do to help!

Marlene

Amanda - posted on 06/06/2009

Hi Amber, you're not alone I know how you feel. I recently became single and my three and a half son Lukas was diagnosed 1 month ago with High Functioning Autism, every day is different. I often feel sad when I think about his future because it all seems so difficult now, I'm scared he will never get the oppourtunities that 'typical' kids get. The hardest part is learning that there is no one to blame, I went straight to the library and started reading books on autism at first it was hard to read other peoples stories but it helps in the long run. I'm not sure where u live but I found a great book called the Australian Guide to Autism and thought it was fantastic, it was written by two mothers of children with autism and it covered all the bases from dealing with emotions, family and every type of early intervention you could think of!

I really hope this helps, remember to take time out for yourself too, the less stressed you are the better, more focussed mum you can be. I included a poem a found on the internet, it might seem corny but it still makes some pretty good points. If you ever need anyone to chat to let me know.



Some Mothers Chosen By God

By Erma Bombeck



Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.



This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?



Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.



"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew.



"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia.



"Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint...give her Gerard, He's used to profanity."



Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."



The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."



"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."



"But has she patience?" asks the angel.



"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it.



"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world and that's not going to be easy."



"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."



God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."



The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"



God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who is less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word." She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.



"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see....ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."



"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.



God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Laura - posted on 06/05/2009

Hi Amber,

My daughter is 6 years old, but we got her final diagnosis when she was only three years old. I cried for three weeks and it took me a while to pick myself up. It's almost like you mourn, and then you get all this energy that moves you to do things for your baby. I went online and researched every technique and every diet. I bought books and got on with the District and Regional Center to find what kind of help they provide. You will encounter many obstacles especially because autism is hard to detect. Most people will say that CJ is fine, but you have to trust the experts. A psychologist knows more than your pediatrician or CJ's teacher. Family is another problem...for some.. my family insisted my daughter was fine. You don't want to believe that. The more you believe CJ is okay, the less help you will provide. He needs as much as he can get now that he is little. It's easier to change their ways now that when they're 9 or 10. They still learn but not as much as when they're little. I hope I'm not overwhelming you with all this information. Best of luck to you and CJ

PS. My daughter is mainstream and doing really well. Trust me, there is hope. Relax and enjoy motherhood.