Gangbanger Moms in Walmart?

Shontelle - posted on 02/07/2009

I would first like to say... I am so so so very sorry for what happened to you..I do hope you know that all of us (african-americans) don't act like that stupid one! She had no right to say anything to you! It is people like here that make me so made at the world today. I agree with Sharon.. next time you run into a stupid person like her.. take out your cell phone and record it and post it for the world to see her acting like a Jacka**.. may be then she will pick up a book and get educated...

Sharon - posted on 02/04/2009

Hi, I'm unfortunately not shocked by your post.... I do feel for you!! I'm sure that you must be a calm patient person as those of us with Autistic children have to be, so my advice is that if this ever happens again you should just kiss your child and walk away with the knowledge that your child almost definitely loves you more.... than any of her children could possibly love her.....
After giving this some thought i have decided that if this ever happens to me I will calmly take out my phone - take a video - and post it on YOUTUBE !!!!! Entitled " Now Showing at Walmart "Women Behaving Badly" I'm sure she would not be too thrilled to receive the kind of comments that im sure she would get !!!!!!!!!
Stay strong and don't let them get you down xxxxxxxx

Lauren - posted on 01/26/2009

I am so so sorry this happened!! What an ignorant rude, and cruel woman!!



I remember one day last summer when another mom was criticizing my parenting because my daughter wanted to touch her daughter's face....that incident took such an emotional toll on me. i cannot imagine what it must have been like to have a CROWD of people taunting you- ugh, makes me so mad that people actually behave this way!!



((BIG HUGS)) You are doing great!!



~Lauren

Ernestine - posted on 01/26/2009

You might want to speak to the manager of Wal Mart   my son actually does the same thing and  I get glares and people saying things under there breathe or if that was my kid............. and I usally reply You are right if that was your kid I probably would spank him too..... but he is not, he belongs to me. I know how that feels because we go to family gatherings and my family is wierd because they feel if you don't look disabled then you are not............ But my son is not the only child in my extended family who has a form oof Autism.........   So try your best to get some other mothers in your area together to inform your comunitee...... and also on autismspeaks.org they have shirts buttons and all kinds of stuff for your son to wear out . When we go places we wear our buttons as a family and my son wears his shirt that says I am not bad I have Autism and you know what most peaple ask about the buttons and shirt then about his actions...... Stay POSITIVE

Ernestine - posted on 01/26/2009

You might want to speak to the manager of Wal Mart   my son actually does the same thing and  I get glares and people saying things under there breathe or if that was my kid............. and I usally reply You are right if that was your kid I probably would spank him too..... but he is not, he belongs to me. I know how that feels because we go to family gatherings and my family is wierd because they feel if you don't look disabled then you are not............ But my son is not the only child in my extended family who has a form oof Autism.........   So try your best to get some other mothers in your area together to inform your comunitee...... and also on autismspeaks.org they have shirts buttons and all kinds of stuff for your son to wear out . When we go places we wear our buttons as a family and my son wears his shirt that says I am not bad I have Autism and you know what most peaple ask about the buttons and shirt then about his actions...... Stay POSITIVE

Ernestine - posted on 01/26/2009

You might want to speak to the manager of Wal Mart   my son actually does the same thing and  I get glares and people saying things under there breathe or if that was my kid............. and I usally reply You are right if that was your kid I probably would spank him too..... but he is not, he belongs to me. I know how that feels because we go to family gatherings and my family is wierd because they feel if you don't look disabled then you are not............ But my son is not the only child in my extended family who has a form oof Autism.........   So try your best to get some other mothers in your area together to inform your comunitee...... and also on autismspeaks.org they have shirts buttons and all kinds of stuff for your son to wear out . When we go places we wear our buttons as a family and my son wears his shirt that says I am not bad I have Autism and you know what most peaple ask about the buttons and shirt then about his actions...... Stay POSITIVE

Angela - posted on 01/26/2009

i am so sorry that this happened to you. there is simply no excuse for this woman's behavior, and the fact that others joined in just proves how far down the road of depravity this world has come. I found a teeshirt on line recently that said 'Autism is not a tragedy, Ignorance is the tragedy". I think that says it all.

Bethany - posted on 01/26/2009

OMG Alicia, your post reminds me of one time when my son was about 3 1/2 (Sam is 3, right?) and for no reason that I could tell (I'd thought we were having a "good" day) Aldous starting rolling around on the floor and actually BIT someone's ankle!

let me tell you, there were folks talking trash about us that day! -6 years later I can laugh about it now but then, in the moment, it was horrible!

I decided right then and there that NO ONE was going to make me feel defensive about my parenting because I know that I do the best job that I can and that pretty much everything I do for my son is motivated out of love and you just can't go wrong with that.

One thing that has helped me to firm this up in my own mind ("I am a GOOD parent- they are just ignorant and do not deserve my attention- my SON deserves all of my attention and I must remain calm to deal with him!") is when I have the luxury of shopping alone (rare!) or Aldous is having a truly good day and I see someone else struggling with their child (special needs or not) and no matter what they are doing (unless they're hitting the kid- then I consider calling the cops) I stop, make eye contact with the parent that is the most involved (yes, ladies, it's usually us!) and I say, very gently but loudly so everyone around us can hear

'You're doing a GREAT job- I know it's tough!"  a quick smile, and then I move on, looking at other who are staring like "do NOT start in on her!"

Standing up for another parent who's having a bad time with her kid (and we never truly know what's going on with them that day) helps me to feel strong in my own parenting.

I can better tell myself, in my own head "you're doing a great job- this is tough" and just BLOCK OUT those who would look down on me and judge without understanding.

You can't educate them- they have to do their own work (and that goes for all races, all income levels, and all heights LOL!)

(hug) to you- those are tough days and I hope 6 years from now you'll be able to sigh with relief and laugh about it with those of us who understand :)

Kerry - posted on 01/19/2009

Quoting Janet:

I'm doing an internship right now in a high school and the coaches who teach gym have NO tolerance for these special needs kids. They don't even look at their IEPS to see what the accomodations are supposed to be. It is so irritating to have to educated educators who should know what their role is when children enter their classroom.
Just had to get that off my chest.

Wow Janet, thanks you just solved one of my education difficulties for the year.  My daughter ASpergers 14, has had a terrible time at HPE lessons for the last 2 years, to the point of failing the subject. The description you gave is one that she tells me, the teacher hates me and wont let me skip out or not do the things that bother her! He or one year it was a SHE forces the kids to do things that set off their sensory issues.  All the school tells me is that she is making it up or being overly sensitive. 

AHA so i can now see how to take one problem lesson off my list (she is in mainstream with aide classtime and an IEP which basically says help her when necessary, she is minor on the scale), so to remove a battle from her day I should be able to lower the stresss that school puts her under. 

Thanks Janet and it is nice to see the guy speak up to help you, nominate him for a local award for good citizenship or a magazine, he deserves a lot of praise for approaching things in a helpful manner.

Janet - posted on 01/19/2009

This is unexcuasable. I remember one time I was Lowe's and my son was freaking out (it is a very sensory stimulating place, Lowes). The man behind me told him that he was too big to be acting like that. First of all, I'm the parent and it is just plain rude to address someone else's son. I turned and explained that my son had autism and this man went on to say that he still needs to behave. I then turned all the way around and gave him that withering look that only an angry mother can give and asked if he KNEW what autism was? He looked at me and shrugged and I proceeded to give him about a three minute overview of autism, its characteristics, the difficulites involved with raising a child with autism and then I launched into the ignorance of persons. He was so guilt-striken when we left there......but I've not had anyone screaming and taunting me in Walmart. I was at the pool one day and my ran over the golf course and I got yelled at by some man for letting him on the green. Before I could say anything a well known and highly respected man in our community came over and blasted the golfing manager out for speaking so disrespectfully to me and ignoring the fact that I may need help in that moment and not criticism. There are good people out there.

I will also add that I am the mother of an 8 year old son with high functioning autism (lower verbal skills) and that I am currently in the final year of my Master's Degree program in Speech Pathology. I'm doing an internship right now in a high school and the coaches who teach gym have NO tolerance for these special needs kids. They don't even look at their IEPS to see what the accomodations are supposed to be. It is so irritating to have to educated educators who should know what their role is when children enter their classroom.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Kerry - posted on 01/19/2009

WOW what a horrid thing, a loudmouth making your time in the torture store even worse.  Its bad enough having to go to a store with an autistic child, without having to listen to bigots.

I think i would very loudly use a line like " Ignorance is NO excuse for pure RUDENESS." and promptly leave your grocery or whatever else where it is and walk away, go to a store where you can have a more personal service from the staff.  I would be very cranky at the staff for NOT STOPPING this woman from spouting poison!

Aria - posted on 01/19/2009

Sure! Please feel free to write to me here anytime! Hope all is well with you and your family :)

Aria

Alicia - posted on 01/19/2009

Thanks Aria

You nailed it!

 This board has been a life saver to me , I come on every chance I get.

Aria - posted on 01/19/2009

You know, we have all been there... and I hate to say this, but husbands can be REALLY clueless in the way the deal (or do NOT deal) with our special needs kids. FYI: that's why the divorce rate is so high. Most of the time, it  was ME handling everything. And when he would step in, it either made it worse, or he would turn to me as if to day (and sometimes did say) "well, what do you think I should do?"

We have all had our share of people who are rude, mean, cruel, insensitive, bigots, judgemental etc... It's how you handle it , that will effect your child and your child.

Example: We had a situation years ago, when we were at a park and my son (who has a dual diagnosis of autism and a mental health disorder) threw sand at a baby. This HUGE marine looking guy (think Jesse Ventura in face and style, bald with HUGE muscles) started screaming at the top of his lungs at me. I apologized and told him we were there with our special needs playground group, and tried to explain to this guy that my son has special needs and he still proceeded to scream. One of our parents from our group tried to talk to this guy, and he then started insulting this guys' wife, because of her weight. OMG.  We had to leave. There was no choice. I was afraid if we did not, we would have to call the police. We were scared to go to that park for a long time after that, and I had the police number on my cell incase he ever showed up again. As I left, a mom with her baby in a stroller came up to me, and said she could hear him from the street and asked if we were okay.

I am thankful that I had my friends there with me, but there were times it was just me and my kids. What do you do? I have been aggressed towards by my son, while full grown men, stood by and WATCHED. They watched and DID NOTHING.

So, my point is, people I think are uncomfortable dealing with situations they do not understand and more often than not, their responses are EXTREMELY inappropriate.  I am sure they think of what they SHOULD have done later, when the incident has passed and it is too late. And that of course, does not help you or me, when we are the ones stuck dealing with it. How many folks stood there and wondered what they could have said or done differently later? I am sure those dads I saw, thought my son was a spoiled brat who was just being difficult. You know, only one person came by to help, and it was a mom. Somehow, I think mom's know more... sorry to sound sexist here, but it's been my experience, that they are a little more clued in. I have felt trapped in those situations, and not had anyone to turn to. And then, when my husband was there, his response was, to ask me for help! It's tough, because when you are the one who is the CALM in the middle of the storm all the time, who do you go to for comfort? I don't have an answer for that one, except to say, I had my best friend who has sat and listend while I cried. So... I would say friends and people here are good, because they will listen and care.

Hope that helps. I have to think though, that your husband is lost as to what to do... I wonder if you are both in therapy? It might help him get out his feelings (and give him permission to express his feelings in a neutral environment with no pressure) and give him some guidence so he CAN support you  and your son better.

Btw, we have been in therapy for four years and I can say it HAS made a difference. (of course you have to get a competant therapist! So, I would get a good referral from someone you trust).

Hope that helps.

Aria

Alicia - posted on 01/19/2009

Thank you all for the support.. At least once a month I think this is a peak and it can't get any worse, speaking of Sam's behavior.. Then it does.

The real kicker that I didn't mention in my first post? My wonderful husband kept walking away every time Sam started acting out! Pretending he wasn't even with us!!! What a fricken ass!! UHG. 

 We have been married 19 years and we love each other, some "Sam" days are just tougher than others.

Melissa - posted on 01/18/2009

hmmm...that one post sounds like some teachers I know!

Melissa - posted on 01/18/2009

I'm sorry that happened...My son can get kinda crazy in the store(actually anywhere!) and sometimes people looks..I usually don't say anything unless they get too vocal and then I tell them he's autistic ..I've had a few people say they're sorry. I know it's hard (and probably not the right thing) but I try not to take him with me to any store/mall too often because he can be so difficult..but we're at church 3 times a week and people there are so kind to him even though he gets really emotional and "stuck on things"

Amy - posted on 01/18/2009

I still can't spell. I type slower than I think!

Amy - posted on 01/18/2009

Melanie, She was responding to my post, but I found a spelling error and corrected it. It eneded up moving it below your post, sorry. You haven't said anything that wa out of order, just my post were!! :)

Melanie - posted on 01/18/2009

I'm confused by your post- as I was by no means insulting anyone with Autism/AS. What I was saying is that I know my child - who has Asperger's- would never disrespect anyone let alone anyone in public. And that this lady giving grief in Walmart was wrong. I'm confused as to if you think I was somehow insulting the original poster. Parents of children within the spectrum should consider the fact that they were chosen to be parents of an AS child a gift because the possibility of these children is endless- even with the challenges. I'm sorry if my attempt to lighten the situation was mistook. Life is too serious enough and if I have learned anything from my son the most important lesson is "stop listening to those that don't understand" It's not worth the energy it takes.

Amy - posted on 01/18/2009

She also refused to let him walk at the end of the line where he felt safer because..."I am the teacher and I get to tell him where he will walk! It is not up to him to decide." Can you guess how many of her days where so much more difficult due to this decision? How many meltdowns she could have avoided by listening to a person that has been there and done that?

Amy - posted on 01/18/2009

I teach. I walked into the teachers’ lounge one day and over heard my son's teacher tell all the other teachers that he was not autistic just spoiled and she would take care of that. Well, when he left her room he was still autistic and she is still an ass!

Aria - posted on 01/18/2009

I have to comment on this last post. This reminds me of a friend who told me that her case manager from Regional Center had to do their annual IPP (Individual Program Plan) and to check and make sure she still qualified. She told me her friends' child has DOWNS. So... uh, she had to make sure the child still was disabled. OMG! You know, some people are just too stupid to live. And it makes me think, these are the times, I think our "disabled" children actually are kinder more loving people than their NT peers.

Melanie - posted on 01/18/2009

sounds to me like this lady was infected with diarrhea mouth- Wow I'm sure glad my son has AS and will never suffer from this horrible affliction. Cause even though their may be moments that our children act up I know that kind of disrespect will never come from my child. Remember - stupid people in this world won't be the parent of the next Bill Gates!! That joy is reserved for us!

LINDY - posted on 01/18/2009

big hugs from us too hi alicia im so sorry that happen some people really dont care it might sound horrid but if that woman had a child with autism she would have just ignore the poor little baby because i have seen it happen here some people just have no idea and will never will care i feel sorry for them cos they will never know love like we do 

Aria - posted on 01/18/2009

Alicia,

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't say it will be the last though. The truth is the world at large does not accept our children, does not WANT to accept them and for the most part is indifferent, blaming the parent, or truthfully AFRAID. They are afraid of what they do not understand and are inwardly thanking their lucky stars it is NOT them. However, and I don't mean to be cruel here, but it is only a matter of time before they or someone they know, has a child with a disorder.

The thing is, there is obviously nothing you could have said to these idiots. They had already made up their small, narrow minds. I used to think with my son, that I wish we had a neon sign hung around his neck that said " I have autism, what's the matter with you?" but, would it have done any good? I had an autism shirt I would have him wear when we went the park, but we still had incidents, and I can tell you there were times, we had to leave parks due to other people's reactions, behavior or my son's behavior. There were parks we crossed off our list, and never went back to, because the memories of what happened there were too painful.

I think what you have to remember though, is that there will always been people like that. You CANNOT educate the world, and it is not your job to do that. Your job is to raise your child and advocate for him, because life is full of jerks like that. You also cannot shelter him from all of them either. Things are going to happen. What you can do, is keep your cool when you see it's a no win situation and remember that it's their problem not yours. It's ignornant, and cruel... It's the mob mentality and unfortunately, like a mob, they tend to all follow like sheep, with the crowd. It takes a stronger person, to stand against that.

So, be strong and realize, they are not your priority, your child is. Again, you cannot educate the world, but we can educate one person at a time.

Hope that helps. I wish, I could say it would all be better if you did A, B, or C, but you know in your heart that would not be true.

Take Care,

Aria

Venetia - posted on 01/18/2009

**huggles** I usually run into something similar when I walk through wal mart or another store here in Bismarck. People stare when Ian acts out. I just ignore them. At this point you just have to learn to ignore and walk away. People are always going to be ignorant. We can't all walk around with a card saying "my child has autism." Next time someone says something like that and it really bugs you and you have to say something, say this "he has a disability, what is your excuse" and walk away. Other than that try to do your best to ignore them. life is full of stupid people and can't you change that.

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2009

I"m so sorry.  ((hug))  I can't even imagine having an encounter like that.  Usually once I explain that he is on the autism scale, people immediately back down.  You definietly should not have to go through that, and neither should your son.