Has anyone had there Autistic son get a vasectomy?

Mariann - posted on 06/20/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My son just turned 18 and I'm very worried about him getting a special need girl pregnant. He will never be able to take care of a family, baby or even himself. We would like him to have a vasectomy but I'm having a difficult time finding a doctor that will do this. Help...

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Kimberly - posted on 06/04/2014

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I am having the same problem. I see that your problem was back in 2012, Were you able to get one for him?

Bobbie - posted on 02/19/2013

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Maz I know exactly what your going through. I myself have an ad/hd child well teen now whom also has bipolar disorder and oppisitional defiance disorder. He is 14 and has been taught by his father whom has no contact with his son at the moment to be disrespectful to women(me included) and has caused him to have very distorted views on sex. I personally am terrorified at the factors he has been dealt. He also has aggression issues, built up rage which hinders him of even having a normal relationship with his younger sister whom he has already tried to pull a knife on I had to do what I thought was best for him and my daughter I put him in a facility for 6 months where he was taught to cope with his aggression but im terrified what is to come next when he hits puberty im also seeking to have a vasectomy done on my child due to underlying factors I want whats best for my child to have as normal productive life as he can have without worrying if he will pass this condition on to an innosent child which he cannot and I cannot afford to take care of . Keep your head up and do what your heart tells you

Cherish - posted on 08/19/2012

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So is it less embarrassing when something is obviously "wrong"??It IS like being embarrassed about a wheel chair or seizure...They CAN'T control there bodies,and when my son is freaking out,when he escalates "over the top",he loses control of his body
Do you think it is fun for them to be SO frustrated that the only thing they can think of to do if throw things,scream,bang their head etc?

Ya people stare when he is freaking out,but do I care?NO!Who are they?What is it to me if some ignorant douche bag stranger thinks my son is being naughty?They are nobody to me.
Who CARES what people think?I certainly don't.
If you really care what random stupid strangers think,then it must be hard for you to be in public

Maz Karma - posted on 08/18/2012

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...actually,it's not like being ashamed of a child in a wheelchair,nor someone having a seizure.the public can see there is something different in instances like that;my son just looks like he's being naughty/rude/violent & destructive.if you look at it from the point of people who have no experience of these kind of issues,they just think like that.until my son was 1st diagnosed,i knew there was something different,just not what.you tend to do a lot of research then,as all you want is the best for your child.you forget there are people out there who WOULD find your son embarrassing when they're knocking down walls of displays in shops,throwing tantrums and head-butting the pavement.

[deleted account]

Big-time controversial issue. I don't think it's even legal in the US. BUT, if you decide you want to do it, I think you can take him to Mexico. I heard Tijuana has good hospitals, good standard of medicine, cheap, and no questions asked.

I don't really know what the *right* thing to do is.... each case is so different. But if you do decide to move forward, there is an option for you. Good luck.

Sheila - posted on 08/17/2012

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I am not sure what anyone considers sexual behaviours in a seven year old....and I mean this honestly. I am not sure if what you consider to be sexual behaviours are typical...meaning, all little boys will touch themselves to some degree or another whether happy, nervous, needing to go pee....I teach primary grade children and the amount of times I ask little guys if they have to use the bathroom...well, if I had a dime.

As Anaquita stated though, behaviours that are severely out of the norm for the age can actually be a sign of learned behaviours. Where I live, we are required by law to report precocious sexualized behavious as they can be an indicator of possible abuse. Only you know what your meant by "sexual behaviours."

And, although this is off the initial letter, I think Maz is being very honest about her experience and her limitations. If you are at the end of your rope, and you know you are not coping, you need to get help for yourself and your child. If you have a family doctor, a pastor/rabbi/priest...someone who can support you...do so. You are not alone.

As for the vasectomy, I will wait and see what my son wants. He is eight, and I know he wants to get married some day and he wants to name his son Jason....and I get to live with him and his wife and make them food that he will like to eat.

In order to undergo a medical procedure, there must be informed consent. If an individual has been declared mentally incompetent, and there is a guardian in place...then for most medical procedures it is simply straight forward and away you go to the doctor. However, after a history of forced sterilization there has been a change in how people with differences are treated under the law. Medications are going to be available for men within the near future (similar to the pill/patches/needles....even "inserts") It will probably be made easier to have what are considered temporary medical blocks put in place than sterilization.

Anaquita - posted on 08/12/2012

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Oh man, I just realized as I was reading the responses... I thought Debra and the main poster, Mariann, were the same person. I should sleep more. Hah.

Maz, if your son is only six, with things like early interventions, etc, he may very well be self sufficient, and able to live a good, full, life. Don't just give up and think he can't. That would only end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy sort of thing. Not to mention no doctor would give a child that young a vasectomy. (Pretty sure in the US, the age limit is 18. And it's easier here than say the UK, to get one.)

If he's showing signs of sexual behaviors, he's learning them from somewhere. Whether he's watching one of his male family members, or what, I don't know. But kids THAT young don't just randomly have those sorts of behaviors on their own. Find out whom he's mimicking, or the like, and nip that in the bud, quickly, while he's still young enough to teach otherwise.

Cherish - posted on 08/10/2012

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@ Maz-WOW-I personally am NOT and have NEVER been embarrassed by my sons behavior,NEVER!!! That is like saying you would be embarrassed by a child in a wheelchair or by somebody having a seizure in public...wow lady....

Maz - posted on 08/10/2012

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My son is ADHD with autistic tendencies.This year,the professionals decided to medicate him.He's done really well,but then they insisted he have a 6 week break so he can put weight on.(he's on Concerta XL).In the last 3 weeks he has been having what i would call sexual/promiscuous behaviours.He'd also displayed these tendencies prior to medication.As his father,half-brother & quite a few other members of his dads family have similar conditions;started sexual behaviours at early ages;are NOT capable of looking after themselves,let alone any offspring;& considering the stress,depression & suicidal problems having a son like this has caused me,I have seriously been considering a vasectomy for him.Dont get me wrong...I love my boy & have spent years fighting for him to get the help he needs.However,I wouldnt wish this on anyone.Obviously I know there are parents out there with children like this who cope VERY well.I know quite a few of them.But they behave like its not a problem,or are not publicly embarrassed by their offspring.I HATE people telling me his behaviour is wrong & I should tell him...dont they think I do???Im sorry,as this post may anger a lot of people...but I WAS NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH A CHILD LIKE THIS!!!...&,I am of the belief that my son should not be given the chance to carry this condition on,AND...no-one else like me should have to deal with a child like this if they're not equipped to.I want my son to have a vasectomy.He's nearly seven...?

Maz - posted on 08/10/2012

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My son is ADHD with autistic tendencies.This year,the professionals decided to medicate him.He's done really well,but then they insisted he have a 6 week break so he can put weight on.(he's on Concerta XL).In the last 3 weeks he has been having what i would call sexual/promiscuous behaviours.He'd also displayed these tendencies prior to medication.As his father,half-brother & quite a few other members of his dads family have similar conditions;started sexual behaviours at early ages;are NOT capable of looking after themselves,let alone any offspring;& considering the stress,depression & suicidal problems having a son like this has caused me,I have seriously been considering a vasectomy for him.Dont get me wrong...I love my boy & have spent years fighting for him to get the help he needs.However,I wouldnt wish this on anyone.Obviously I know there are parents out there with children like this who cope VERY well.I know quite a few of them.But they behave like its not a problem,or are not publicly embarrassed by their offspring.I HATE people telling me his behaviour is wrong & I should tell him...dont they think I do???Im sorry,as this post may anger a lot of people...but I WAS NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH A CHILD LIKE THIS!!!...&,I am of the belief that my son should not be given the chance to carry this condition on,AND...no-one else like me should have to deal with a child like this if they're not equipped to.I want my son to have a vasectomy.He's nearly seven...?

Anaquita - posted on 07/11/2012

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Debra, are you sure he has Aspergers? Most people with Aspergers are high functioning enough to not masturbate in public, hold down a job, support a family, etc. Unless they have something like severe anxiety or sensory processing disorder on top of it to hinder their self sufficiency. Aspergers is characterized by a lack of academic and language delay, but they have social deficits, along with some physical clumsiness, etc. In fact you'll find a ton of people with Aspergers in IT fields. (Just look at Bill Gates) Or does he have other issues on top of Aspergers? But what you've been describing honestly sounds a bit less functioning.

If your son *wants* a vasectomy, all you have to do is have him fill out the paperwork, and sign it himself stating it's what HE wants.

Mom2 - posted on 07/10/2012

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I consulted some other parents of special needs teens and a couple of doctors. The truth is, my son could actually be having sex with any and every female at the facility he is living in right now. This is not far-fetched. Because men can impregnate multiple women in a short amount of time, my son could theorectically already be a father to 20+ babies. And if the mother is special needs and cannot take care of the baby either, what happens? If the family's don't believe in abortion, they will either put the baby up for adoption or the grandparents will have to raise a baby as they're entering their senior years - which might result in their needing a caregiver themselves. If both parties are special needs, the chromosones are doubled and you could have an even more severely disabled baby requiring 24/7 care and expensive treatment. Multiple that times 20 or more if you have a teenaged son. I know my husband would not want any child of his family put up for adoption, so that means I would be raising all of these (potential special needs babies myself as I enter my senior years. And might I just add, since I learned first hand in 2005 what happens if your support person dies and there are no arrangements made for that. What is going to happen to your child and if they reproduce, their children when you're not around to raise them all? Scary thought! If anyone has any resources for legal or medical assistance for an Asberger's teen who wants and needs a vasectomy, please post it. Thanks!

Mom2 - posted on 07/09/2012

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I feel your pain. My stepson is 18 and just graduated with a minimal diploma from high school where he was forced into a mainstream environment against his doctor's recommendations. After graduation, he wanted to move out on his own but has serious impulse control issues and must have 24/7 adult supervision. He does not manage his own medication or anything else. In the past, we've have numerous problems with masturbation in inappropriate places. He used to tell us he wanted to have a girlfriend, a dog, a house, a car (no, a transformer truck), to go to college like other students, and get a job, a big screen TV and an X-Box 360. He doesn't understand the natural progression of a relationship, he just wanted those things because everyone else gets them. A girl in his class who is 3 years older kissed him and layed in his lap AT AN AFTERSCHOOL DRAMA CLUB MEETING and he came home excited to tell us he had a girlfriend. At the dinner table that night, he said he wanted us to take them to a nice romantic Italian restaurant so they could eat spaghetti like on the "Lady and the Tramp" cartoon movie. We explained that it was too soon for that and he needed to take time to get to know her first. His next two questions were: (1) Are you and Dad going to buy me some, you know, condoms? and (2) Girls can't get pregnant when you have anal sex, right? :O OMG! For a stepmom who married and became a mother for the first time to what she thought was an AD/HD teenager, it was overwhelming. He has exhibited nothing but inappropriate behavior and judgement that a 9 year old would question. Right now, he is in his 37 day probationary stay at a MR/ID facility that seems to be exactly what he needs and wants. I thought I would feel relieved that he was safe, supervised, happy, that he could work and (maybe) go to the community college for a special needs program, But our first meeting after 7 days left me with chest pains and nausea. He is 18 and although we have Statutory, Medical and Educational Power of Attorney, the staff is stressing his adult rights to him. They told us they give out condoms - which I would applaud if it were someone else and not my son they were speaking of. He has made a friend and is obsessively following him around and wanting to hang out with him every spare moment of the day and night. He has broken several of the residential rules in the first 7 days and we've been told he's been in his new friend's room behind closed doors constantly. We stressed our dislike of this behavior and our desire to have him socialize and make multiple friends as he became familiar with his new home and routine. But the condom thing worried me still. I know for a typical teen it might be the smart thing to recommend, but to our very literal son, it's like telling him he needs to start having sex NOW. He knows he is not able to raise a child as he cannot take care of himself. The last time he was at home we watched a sitcom episode about a husband lying to his wife about getting a vasectomy. My son asked what that was. I explained as best I could - using a married couple with several children already as my example. He got very excited and said, "Mom!!?? You mean I can have all the pleasure and not get the girls pregnant?" I slowly nodded, "Yes, that's kind of the whole idea." He quickly asked how old he had to be and if he wasn't old enough, could I sign permission for him to get one. I said that we'd have to talk to his father first. Outwardly, I remained calm. Inside, I was screaming "thank you Lord!" My husband agreed logically, but had to process it emotionally for a few days. He is in agreement and now we don't know what the legal complications might be. In fact, I was just "googling" the topic earlier this evening when I saw this post. BTW, if you're in the US, which state are you in?
dsf

Anaquita - posted on 06/20/2012

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I don't know how to respond to this. I don't know your son. If he's high or low functioning, or the like. If he's honestly low functioning, and will never be able to be self-sufficient, I can see your point. But forced sterilization is a tricky thing, and a slippery slope. Many states now out-law it. And if it doesn't there's still tons of ethics to be considered.

I'm never going to force my kid to have one. In fact he plans on having 8 children. However he's got a diagnosis of Aspergers (Will likely be rolled under HFA with the DSM-V) and is very high functioning, and has the capability of being self-sufficient when he's older.

Talk to your son's doctor, to find out the laws, etc. And honestly? Talk to your son to find out what he wants.

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