HELP!! How do I explain to my 7year old AU son that he cannot show himself to others in public!

Laura - posted on 02/16/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 7 year old Asperger son does not understand and thought it would be funny to show his "ding ding" on the bus today. He does not understand socially it id dangerous or wrong. The Bus driver doesn't understand and I think they want to hear us say were going to spank him in to oblivion!!
He says he knows its not funny and he knows its bad but he wanted people to laugh at him.
We don't spank because he is also a sensory kid. I am beside my self.

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Dent - posted on 02/21/2011

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have you tried creating a social story about what behaviours are acceptable i have used them with a great deal of success i have details if you need them

Sheila - posted on 02/17/2011

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Hi Laura,

I teach kindergarten...children show their private parts. It's part of being little.

The rule is simple: If your bathing suit covers it, keep it covered at school. Just approach it with that simple statement.

An over-reaction will create more stress than it's worth!

Sheila

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Kim - posted on 02/23/2011

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This is common in some asd kids - some I know take off all their clothes - talk to your consultant - there are little slips you can hand out to those who do not understand or are too ignorant to try to understand. Good luck.

Lisa - posted on 02/22/2011

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We SO went through this issue. It started in preschool when my son stood on TOP of the table and just pulled his pants (& undies) down in front of everyone. He was proud that he was finally potty training (age 4) and I think he also thought he was being cute. In kindergarten, my son would just pull his pants down in front of the whole class when he had to go to the bathroom. That was easier for him than asking the teacher if he could go. (Imagine the embarrassment when I got that phone call from the school!!) Then, the issue (in 1st & 2nd grade) was that he had his pants to his ankles the whole time while in the bathroom (going down before even getting in the door good), apparently being "funny," like your son. It took work, but he's 9 now (in 3rd grade) and still is not allowed to use a urinal. He must use a stall & knows he cannot pull his pants down until the stall is closed (& locked!) and may not leave the stall until his pants are up and zipper is zipped.

We don't spank either. I think he would go ballistic. There are more affective ways to deal with an autistic child and I feel spanking would only make things worse. (Talk about a total meltdown!)

Best of luck with the situation. Things turned around for us when he ended up with a VERY understanding teacher (2nd grade) who handled the matter in a kind, gentle and understanding way. We kept the lines of communication open frequently & it helped a LOT.

Good luck with the bus driver. Unfortunately, in this case, I'm not sure how you could handle that or who you could go to for help in handling that. Don't give up and keep us posted! (Sounds like the bus driver needs a lesson on autism!!)

Jenna - posted on 02/22/2011

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My son is going to be turning 6 and he thinks its funny too specially around the house he will pull his pants down and spank his own butt to make people laugh at him. At home I let it slide but always tell him that it's a law that your not ever supposed to show privates to people. He's very into rules/laws as things always have to be the same for him so I guess it makes it somewhat easier to get him to understand when something is wrong but your not alone. Have u tried explaining privates to him yet? were really open with our son and once he hears something if u try and tell him differently later your wrong so ide rather let it out now so he hears it the correct way instead of picking things up at school that are not correct. He knows that boys have penis' and girl's vagina's and that butt's and boobs are also privates and that your not supposed to show strangers and strangers are never to touch your privates. the only people that should ever see privates are mommy, daddy or the doctor. Good luck

Fiona - posted on 02/17/2011

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my son is 5 1/2 with Autism, he to finds it funny to show people his. He is at school this year and i am trying to tell him he can't do that at school.. or out side.

Katherine - posted on 02/16/2011

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Well with an autistic child it's very impulsive behavior. I doubt he even thought about it.
If he already knows it's not funny and knows it's wrong, I would leave it at that.
What do they expect? Obviously you aren't going to spank. I would tell the bus driver that your son is A>U>T>I>S>T>I>C and that sometimes he can't control some of his behavior. Maybe he/she needs a pamphlet on autism, just sayin', because if it were me, I'd be going mama bear. I know that isn't the right thing to do that's why you need to chalk this up as one incident and move on.
If it happens again then you can deal with it a different way.
Does he have a therapist? Or anyone to give you some advice? Even if he wasn't autistic this isn't abnormal behavior for a 7yo. Maybe inappropriate-but not exactly abnormal.

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