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Help....My almost 9 year old cannot stop lying.

Rachele - posted on 11/18/2008 ( 1 mom has responded )

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She lies about everything and anything. And I'm not talking little white lies....she made up a huge story about a kid bring a gun to school to shoot people and it turned out while the kid did bring a pellet gun to school it was broken and he never intended on shooting anyone and she just saw it by chance....she's been lying about people making fun of her, actually she lies about everything she can possibly lie about and I don't know how we can get trust instilled back with her. Her bio dad was a habitual liar to the point where he believed his lies to be truth. We have been divorced since 2001 and he has no contact with her. Don't know what to do...we've tried getting her into creative writing, giving her attention but it's never enough she has to have undivided attention 100% of the time and she does have another sibling so I cannot just focus on her. Neither my husband nor myself knows what to do anymore...we are at our wits end.

To add to that, she also lies about getting in minor trouble at school, comes home and tells us she was a perfect angel, we have since found out otherwise.

We have a parent teacher conference tomorrow where we are going to find out exactly what her conduct has been. She has a child study nearer to Thanksgiving.....to see if there are any special needs we need to address...

She was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 4 years old.....Any advice would be great.

The usual advice I get is that she is trying to get attention but she eats lunch with the principal once a week, we give her as much attention we can between her and her brother.....we do special things for her.....

I just...don't know what to do anymore....like I said her lies have been so extensive that she's compromised our trust in her.

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Kate - posted on 11/18/2008

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I don't have an answer but I do have a lot of sympathy. I have a 10yo Aspy boy and a daughter 12 who suffers from depression and mild ADD. They are both very bright, TAG students. But when our daughter was 9 we went through over a year of constant lying about everything from homework to school relationships to who ate the halloween candy. Her grades slipped to Cs and Ds and she stopped participating in school, scouts, you name it. You are on the right track with the school evaluation and it sounds like the school is working with her already (eg the lunches). We also found help in antidepressant medication and individual cognitive therapy, (with all awareness of the warnings attached to antidepressants in young people). Once she started to relate better to her peers a lot of the behaviours improved and although she still lies, she now shows remorse and apologizes spontaneously, even to her friends. So hang in there, there's hope!

I read your other email and I would also like to say that although literal-mindedness is one of the Aspy hallmarks, lying and humor are not altogether ruled out. Although my son does not get sarcasm and often takes things seriously that are meant as jokes, he also has a delightful sense of irony and loves word play. I started early on with him explaining the meaning of figures of speech, making mental pictures of them to help him remember what they mean, suchthat when he's reading, etc he still comes and asks me to explain when the words don't make literal sense.

Good luck!

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