HELP PLEASE? DESPERATE!! Loosing my mind! Need advice for 3 year old son who is PDD-NOS ATYPICAL Autistic

Becky - posted on 07/18/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 3 1/2 year old son has been diagnosed PDD-NOS Atypical Autistic. After a year and a half of intensive therapy my son finally was diagnosed and was starting to make progress until he aged out of the state funded program. He was then sent to preschool by our school district. He is suppossed to be in a class that helps him with his specific needs, instead there are only 3 children out of 14 in his class that have special "attributes". He started regressing immediately even though we have been doing therapy at home. His speech is the only thing that is still continuing to develop. It is now summer and he is home with relatives during the day until I get home from work. Everyone works with him on specific therapies and even keeps him on a pretty good schedule. What's my desperate plea for help you may ask? When he is at home with me or my husband he is out of control. He hits, slaps, kicks, spits, screams, and whatever else you can think of, almost the entire time until bed time. He does play some with his cars and trains but as soon as something rolls a way he doesn't like or comes out of order he starts back into the fits and temper tantrums. He does not act this way when my mother watches him, he sort of acts out when my aunt watches him, but as soon as I walk in the door he turns into the most strong willed and difficult child you have ever seen. His issues over come him and I guess he finally feels like he can let loose and be himself. I am consistent with his discipline and with routines. He fights me on everything. He tortures the poor dog (thank god he is tolerant) and when I correct him he hits me or spits at me. I will put him in time out and he will scream. When he comes out he then hits me again, I repeat and so does he. I talked with several therapists and no one has been able to help. I have even resulted to spanking (yes I know I shouldn't because it reinforces the hitting thing) but nothing else had worked so I thought I would try it. That didn't work either. He simply laughed at me turned his bottom toward me and said again momma - like he enjoyed it. He doesn't really feel the pain the same as you and I so he doesn't understand that hitting and kicking hurts. I have tried ABA and not much help their either. Since he is now talking more (which I wouldn't trade for the world) he tells me don't tell me no or don't tell me to do________(fill in the blank). If I tell him not to do something or redirect him he looks at me and says I will do it and then DOES IT! We spend a lot of time together and he gets my undivided attention. He goes into bouts of screaming and temper tantrums for almost no reason at all. I know most of his triggers and things had really started to look up with his behavior when he was in the state funded therapy program. Since that has stopped the behavioral issues has greatly increased and I don't know what else to do to stop them. I have extreme patience with him, but lately I am becoming just completely overwhelmed. I have been in tears many days and just don'y know where to turn. Please any suggestions would be appreciative.

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Katherine - posted on 07/20/2011

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Oh and ask for speech pathologists and psychology majors.

Adrienne - posted on 07/20/2011

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Becky
This sounds like it's very difficult for you. I don't know anything about services in your state (I'm in Australia actually) and so I haven't got anything to offer but sympathy and encouragement. But it does sound like you are being a terrific advocate for your son. I have my fingers crossed that you will find a special school and some other good services for your son.

Katherine - posted on 07/20/2011

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I started ABA through my college. My professor had found a posting and asked it anyone was interested. Maybe you could try that? It was really cheap.

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Becky - posted on 07/21/2011

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Thanks so much guys and Katherine that is a great idea I am going to call today!!! The support is great to have. I really appreciate and need it right now.

Becky - posted on 07/20/2011

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Thanks so much everyone! I live in Kentucky and they have a state funded early interventioon program that stops at age 3. After 3 the state says it is basically up to the school board for additional services. Our state recenly lost a major grant and major funding. Because of this they are granting fewer and fewer services such as medicaid, and therapy programs. My husband and I make just over the poverty level income allowance for any type of SSI or state paid benefits. Crazy i know. Since we have insurance they want our insurance to pay for any type of therapies. Our deductible is $40 per therapy. With what my son actually needs it will cost around $160 a week just for therapy and then an additional $175 per week for a special school that caters to children who learn differently. I can't stay with the public school much longer and watch the teachers constantly struggle with him. He is only in preschool 3 hours a day during the school year and he sits in time out at least 3 times during that short period. They can't understand how to deal with his behavior issues either. He gets time out for not doing what he is suppoosed to do or for hitting, pushing, etc. then while the teacher sits him down and sternly talks to him he repeatedly tries to hit her or spit in her face. Our preschool is in a regular school and he even ended up in the prinicples office for a majority of his day because he just couldn't calm himself down and quit screaming. The teachers and aides are just not adequately staffed or trained to deal with kids on ethan's level. He needs consistent one on one to help him for a while until he can adjust to a schedule. So i am working on getting him into a special school, but most of them are already full. Aparently this is a major epidemic lately in our community in Louisville KY. The schools can generally only offer 2 days a week or sometimes only 1 day a week of school (intense therapy). Ethan still has speech issues, but since he isn't the non verbal worst case of ASD he gets kinda pushed to the side every where, ecspecially after they see his behavior. They just don't see the great need we have for them!

Katherine - posted on 07/19/2011

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I am thinking the same thing, Adrienne. That's why I'm wondering why the state funded program stopped if it was helping so much. Maybe you can get someone to do ABA with him Becky?

Adrienne - posted on 07/19/2011

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I don't have any advice for you. I'm so sorry. But my heart goes out to you. My son is the same age and has ASD. I know how difficult it can be. Hang in there. You are obviously a wonderful mother but it sounds like you need professional help and fast.

Bec - posted on 07/19/2011

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Oh and my child knew the alphabet count to 20 primary colours and started secondary colours eg red blue yellow to mixing green purple orange etc... went to kinder and lost it in one term could hardly write he also knew how to writwe the alphabete and his name.I spoke to a very good DR and he said it's common that they go up and down.I t will come back one day maybe he has it but confidence has taken a bashing.I could read novels in year one but by grade 6 had to have special support it was not that I did ot know I got bullied and lost my confidence,went introverted for awhile.

Bec - posted on 07/19/2011

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hey I have a asd odd and adhd.it's hard but don't hit as exactly like you said they hit you back aggression breeds aggression gets worse with age my son is 11 yrs or if must in a controlled manner and calm and say why.they have litteral thinking so what you do is what they learn to do in that situation or thats how I feel I couold be wrong but I sometimes now have guilt as my son hits now and then and I wonder if it's cause I taught him unintentionally.Yes harder that said I m not a saint. I do lots of role play like this is you (and I will be him) and this is child(you be him) then ask what do you think is the better way to do things? and if gets it wrong prob him so if you were say eg watching T.V and I turnned it off would you go and turn it off or ask can I turn it off or change the channel?They lack social skills and facial along with body language skills eg reading it/ when your angrey they laugh yet you want them to show remorse it's not that they aren't it that they can't read it so they smirk or laugh thinking that this will quikly change you and your feelings. eye contact is to intense and confrontational. I am aspiy and I was told to look people in the eye so I stared them in the eye this to is uncomfortable, so now I have learnt to glance I learn from other peoples reactions over time being undiagnosed.now having a child and reading all about aspiy I undrestand myself and my world a bit more.I still don't always get humour and if I pull a joke it comes out wrong I embarrase myself.I never had melt downs though or not oftern i was bit of a person who was in my own world and dreammed a lot and danced about in my own imaginary world as a kid I had no concept of time but was a wiz with anamals(training) and had an extreme amount of patience even thougfh I had lots of froends usually die to my free spirit and warped hummor.I often felt alone.I had many friends from all different back grounds to be imspired and to have an understanding of the world. I have also always had an older friend eg senior to my age fo ra sence of direction. not that my parents are not smart or knowlegable.I justr never trust my own judgement as I know I am different in a way.But aren't we all and as I learnt some seniors hven't got a clue either? Just love him sty sane and don't beat your self up if you spank just admit fault and say why.so they understand their faults.I love my child and at times we have our moments like the boys home is on the way,yet is never close remotly close.If you have a partner cherish it and find balance thats my next straw dating being a single mum and hey guess what we are both crazy!! my son and I.Take care

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